Drug Rehab Options Blog

I am on day 7 and now the emotions are going wild. I've cried more than I've cried in a year. I am listening to the jeff buckley song "lover you should've come over" over and over and the lyrics:

my body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come

it's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
it's never over, all my riches for her smile when i slept so soft against her
it's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
it's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

well maybe i'm just too young
to keep good love from going wrong

oh lover you should've come over

well i feel too young to hold on
and i'm much too old to break free and run
too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
sweet lover, you should've come over


That honestly is how I feel about an inanimate object...I miss it so much despite the hell I'm going through right now, just like any break up with someone you were in love with. I've only been in love once but heroin's a close second... so sad so sad. I miss it so much I can't live with it and I don't know if I can live without it. I know I'm not thinking straight right now because my brain chemistry is so effed up, but I just don't know if I can do this. Life is so beautiful I just don't see it anymore. I feel like heroin has stolen my passion for everything I used to love, like music, singing, guitar, nature, PEOPLE. I don't know real love anymore.

I woke up this morning and realized that the Christmas Tree my little one and I decorated will have nothing under it come christmas..... the money isn't there and yet I was able to save recycle to turn in for a gift for my little one ( she wanted a baby doll and a bike ) . But that was all I could do without asking for help. I asked if I could get into a program to make sure my little one gets something for the holidays ,but was told we were not poor enough and my H. made too much money. But all the money he makes only pays the bills to keep the house over our heads and keeps the utilities on and that is important . We do have is each other and our faith to hold this house together....and that also keeps our hearts warm.

Thanksgiving was the same and yet friends helped with some food we needed and my hubby felt we didn't need the food..... I told him to be thankful for the help we do get and to thank our friends around us..... He continues to drink on days off and that is a bothersome thing that I hide myself from...... I just find other things to do or just go someplace to stay away.....

I pray that I can hang in there and keep the faith with my own program ...... I have come too far to give up all the almost 23 years I have being sober.... January 1 2009 will be 23 years for me and I look forward to each new year....

My Hubby knows this is the highlight of my life besides being married 10 years with him..... and my 8 year old daughter....

For this Christmas I pray for one special gift and that is to have a sober house back......... to see my other half get to meetings again and find himself rather than the bottle he hides in the garage and the meds he takes with that bottle..... I want my family back so we can have the fun of doing things together without disruptions.....:a043:

Please Mr. Jesus, bring peace back in my house this Christmas.... let my family have the laughter of a sober house and not a drunk house..... let us love each other in a normal way and be thankful for the friends we have today........Amen..

Little Penguin :ghug

last night at work i had a bad headache so i took tylenol and drank pepperment tea and chamomile tea and lots of water but still had the headache two hours later. (perhaps because i'm only a week into detox)

one of my co-workers who is into holistic healing said my headache would go away if she tied rubberbands to the end of my fingers and left them there for five minutes.

it was so ridiculous that i had a good laugh and my headache went away!

it's hard to find humor in some of the situations that we are facing with alcohol and getting sober, but if you can find that one person to make you laugh, it is truly a blessing.

Hi Im Sharon an Im An Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.


For so long I thought I wasnt allowed
to have fun. I wasnt allowed to enjoy
life and all that it offers. If I laughed
or tried to relax and have fun, I was
scolded. The joy and excitement was
quickly snatched away from me.

So all my life I figured it was wrong
to have fun.

Boy was I wrong.....We r entitled ...I
am entitled to enjoy life and have fun
in life and more so in recovery.


How dare anyone tell me or you
otherwise. Right?

My family use to look at me with
a concerned look when i would
burst out in laughter. Or act
in a child like manner.....just
being a kid in an adult body.

Recapturing my childhood that
was snatch from me at an early age.

The would say, Mom behave urself.
Act ur age....etc. ....Well I was.
Just having fun, and why shouldnt I.
Right?

We all have been through so much
in our lives and only u know for
urself what it is.....For me, enough
holding me down....enough for taking
away my joy....I deserve it TODAY.
No matter how old you are, I am,
we all deserve to be happy and
enjoy all the benifits that life offers
us. And more so now that we r in
recovery. Right?

So.....Don't let anyone take away
your happiness. They dont have
a right to. Keep smiling and keep
having fun no matter what age
u r.

Thanks for letting me share.

I attend a small group therapy session each week.
The women in my group all face different trials (not all addiction related), and we are each there for different reasons.

Every week we go around the room to see how everyone is doing - what's changing and how circumstances are shaping up.

One woman always says the same thing. "You know. I'm just doing the same old same old. Someday I'm going to get where I want to be, but in the meantime......" She shrugs as her voice trails off.

As she repeated this line at our meeting yesterday, it occurred to me:
there is no meantime.

The meantime is your life.

Everyday spent wishing for life to hand you a different set of circumstances, hoping that the future will hold more promise, praying that the people you love will start treating you the way you deserve to be treated - those are days that could have been spent in fullness and gratitude. In joy and giving.

They are days that can hold laughter and wonder at the sheer abundance of goodness that life has to offer those who are willing to seek it.

But we must seek it.

We can't simply show up, say our line, and hope that the world will change for us.
Biding my time is wasting my time.

Take care.
-TC

Please join me in wishing my friend Nuno a very Happy Birthday.

Thinking of you Nuno :hug:.

Love ya!

One of the wonderful gifts of recovery here at SR are the friendships we form that can last a short time or a lifetime but are significant to our lives and recovery.

Tuesday I leave for a week in Florida to meet up with CatsPajamas, Hangin' In, Mooselips and Jody Hepler and I know that it is going to be filled with laughter, tears, walks on the beach, and some late night gabbing that may go into the early hours.

We are arriving at various times through the week, at a condo so nicely provide by Hangin' In, and Mooselips and I (who are flying in from two distant cities) will arrive almost the same time and she has suggested that if we can't find each other at the airport "Paging Mooselips....Mooselips please take the phone" should catch her attention....and everyone elses :lmao

There will be stories to tell and pictures to share. I am looking forward most of all to our "Before" and "After" pictures at the Fountain of Youth...that just happens to be near where we are staying. My avatar indicates my faith that this Youth stuff will work, ha ha.

So if you notice a few regulars here missing, please know that we are thinking of you all and just having a fabulous Codie Vacation.

Hugs

:bus

Hey guys....just thought this might be a good topic for those of us who use either the 12 steps or AA and 12 steps as non-god people.

So....I have found it very important that I be very upfront with the members of the meetings I attend that I am not a god person. I don't like get in anyones face about it...but i do mention it on a regular basis. It really has helped to make the help I get more effective cause it helps people know what things clearly won't be very helpful to me when i am in trouble or in pain.

I have also had to be very tolerant of thier beliefs as they are tollerent of mine. I try to share how i would do something very similar to what they do in a way that doesn't tie to a "god". So we end up with an understanding of how we are really so similar even though our belief systems seem so different.

I also know who NOT to call when I am in trouble :lmao

I also find humor helpful...my friends who are god people will laughinly talk about my "strange" program..but it is laughter of love and companionship not of thinking i'm stupid or something like that. And I laugh about their strange programs too.

I've been very fortunate in this support I've found, but to some degree I did have to make some very strong efforts to make this happen.

Anyways...just wanted to share it for any of you who are trying to do the 12 step meeting thing.

:bday8

Last night, my sister and I went out of town to a pro hockey game (exhibition). During the intermission, I ran into two attractive young ladies (I know one of them from my drinking past). They told me that they were going to be at the bar next to the arena after the game.

For the next hour or so, the desire to “party” was in my thoughts. Invited for drinks at what used to be one of my favorite bars, out of town, no work the next day. I could almost taste the cold beer; vividly imagining the atmosphere, the laughter, the buzz. I have not felt like this in quite some time. At the same time, I knew that I could not do this.

I would have gone out last night if I had not worked on the steps. At least three of the steps came into play yesterday:

-Morning prayer (step 11) - asking God to give me strength, to carry me when I can’t take care of myself. Maybe I take it a bit for granted, kind of a half-hearted prayer when "I think I have things under control" (sarcasm intended).
-Coffee before the game at a sidewalk café – a half-drunk street person asked me for a cigarette. He was about my age and looked okay I suppose, not too badly dressed, his drinking only starting to take its toll physically. He was quite upset about his active alcoholism and told me that he can’t stop drinking because he is an “Indian” (native Canadian). I was kind but firm with him and tried to give him some encouragement, to believe in himself (step 12). The shocked look on his face, that a stranger actually cares. I could see myself in this man, possibly the next stage of my alcoholism if I kept drinking. God puts people in my life for a reason.
- I immediately told my sister (step 5) what I was feeling, that this was one of those difficult situations where I had such a tough time quitting in the past. We talked about my wife & children, how insane my thinking can get.

I believe that this is a concrete example of my powerlessness over alcohol. In the past, I have had periods of sobriety, swearing I would never drink again and a situation like this would occur and my willpower would crumble in a heartbeat. This time I had God and the 12 steps - I did not drink.

I also know that despite my best laid plans, these tests are out there and sometimes I can’t see them coming. It truly is a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition. I can’t let up on my program.

While this may just be another learning experience, something that I will gain strength from, I am somewhat concerned that this could be that first glimmer of the obsession trying to take hold well before that first drink. I am concerned that since I did have these thoughts, my step 1 isn’t as strong as I thought it was. I also realize that there are character defects directly involved (sexual desires/conduct, don’t want to age/grow up, impact on my family).

I have about 9 months of sobriety and have gone through the steps (I am stalled on amends). I am thinking that perhaps I should formally go through the steps again. A related matter is that I do have an issue about talking to my sponsor regarding sexual matters as I think that he is avoiding his own difficulties in this area rather than facing them.

I would appreciate any experience (has anyone else gone through this?), advice & comments.

I judge myself. So, donÂ’t you dare!
Prejudge your own reproachful stare.
Think thrice. Then, thank theocracy,
Thick tongues throw forth hypocrisy.

Red noses don’t make one a clown –
IÂ’m not amused. You want renown.
Like hellÂ’s bells, your laughterÂ’s hollow.
Life and soul? Hard act to follow.

Arise and smell the stench of death,
Embalming fluid on your breath.
Its cunning ploy: you play the sucker.
Baffled now; you beg for succour.

You called yourself a human-ist.
Like fearful humans, you ran – pissed.
Will you find hope? Can you relate
To thine own massesÂ’ opiate?

WhoÂ’s a hypocrite? Dag nab it!
Casting stones is my old habit.
Applaud myself, fore IÂ’m humble.
Judging you – myself, I rumble.

Forgive all others. Let them be.
IÂ’m judginÂ’ you. YouÂ’re judginÂ’ me.
Still, my and thy will to-and-fro.
May be our nature. What do we know?

Yet, Mother Earth be ware not true;
So, you judge me. Then, I judge you.
Our Father Sun, on higher plain,
Said: “Judge not . . .” We hope: not in vain.

~~ dox