Drug Rehab Options Blog

Just venting here, probably not much of a big deal but I can't seem to let it go.

I'm heading into wk 3 sober and it's been pretty smooth this time around.
I know I can never drink again, at least like a normal person; just one drink and I'm done for and I'm OK with that, never drinking again. Alcohol has no place in my life. Attending AA on a regular basis, reaching out when needed, etc.

So, yesterday, at a Christmas party, the mother of the husband of my wifes friend hugs me and says, "hang in there, you have a beautiful family".
Weird comment from a stranger, right?
Then I start to notice little things, like no one offered me a glass of wine with dinner (way out of normal). I would have have declined but it would have been natural for someone to offer. I've never been a fall down drunk in front of any of these people - to them I was just a social drinker.
Other things, like people setting down their drinks or turning away with their drink when I entered the room.

Now, my wife had gone over ahead of me to help set up and prepare dinner and I came about an hour later with the gifts, etc.
So it seems, my wife, decided to inform her friend that I wasn't drinking anymore, attending AA, etc. Who then opened her mouth to just about everyone.

I ended up feeling like a total leper. It was miserable and I left early.

I don't mind people knowing that I don't drink anymore. They would have fiqured it out eventually.
I have no problem telling people that I gave it up, if asked. I've even told people that I attend AA if they really ask.

But GD - it's my F^&#* choice to disclose what I want to disclose. I don't need someone doing it for me and I sure don't like being treated with kid gloves, like I'm on life support or something!

I ended up in a major arguement at my wife about it last night when she got home and she apologized for airing the family laundry; but I still don't think she understands my position.

Am I being irrational in my anger here? I'm still so pissed off about the whole thing.

In the thread I started about verbally abusivive AH's, I realized in one of my responses that I said I wasn't responsible for him.

Hmmmm, I don't think I should have to be responsible for a grown adult of any age.

I used to be responsible for his clothes, his lunches, his soap, making sure he got out of bed on time(regardless of whether I was actually home or not).

I would be responsible for planning the birthday parties, Christmas's, Easter's, and any get together while he was busy drinking.

I was responsble for making sure he got home, got to work, got out of bed, got to the toilet(yeah, nasty).

I was responsible for dinner on the table, dogs being fed, kids going to the doctor, son going to the specialist, surgery appointments.

I was responsible for making sure myself got to work and taking care of me as well in there somewhere.

HE was responsible for going to work. While that is an important task there's so much more. I was told that he worked tons of overtime and was always tired, but there was always time for his fishing, hunting, going out.

It's no wonder he has always stuck to me. No wonder he never minded me coming back after I'd leave.

Now I no longer get him up, do his lunches or iron his clothes. Yes I do the laundry because he's only capable of washing them and piling them up on the couch.

It's also no wonder why we're having issues again now. He's being forced to take SOME responsibility, in addition to his drinking.

He told me a couple of weeks ago that he was doing things that I was supposed to be doing! blah, blah, blah

I think that might be some quacking?

or maybe a bit of both?

So here it is. I flew of the freakin handle yesterday.

Backstory, (I'll try to make it brief)
Since Katrina and the federal flood, I can count on 1 hand the number of weeks my husband and I have lived alone in our home. relatives, friends, contractors, etc... Most recently we have had an employee and his daughter and her bf living with us. Employee moved, so daughter and bf moved upstairs, finally relinqueshing "My den" ( tv room, computer room, favorite couch, etc... My sanctuary).

We have in the last 2 weeks had to let an employee go ( strictly financial reasons, damn economy, we love her) so I have been working her shifts at the restaurant, on top of my usual duties, which begin around 7 am. Her shift ends at 9:30 -10:00 pm. I have time in the middle of the day to come home and take a break, which I did yesterday around one.

All I wanted was to come home, sit on the couch, watch some mindless tv and maybe nap for a lil bit. just some peace and quiet, y'know?

But No, it wasn't going to happen. Daughter and bf were in the den eating and watching a movie ( just starting a movie), and no amount of subtle hinting would get through. So... I emptied and loaded the dishwasher, moved laundry along, and went back to the restaurant, simply livid and with a very painful back.

Oh... and I can't nap in my room, I'm currently having major back spasms and the only way I can sleep or nap or get relief is to sit w/ my feet up.

This ain't the first time. I know it won't be the last.

I don't feel that I can ask them to vacate " my room" I lost that right when they covered my butt for untold months while I was residing at the bottom of a vodka bottle, when I was breaking her fathers heart, while I was breaking their hearts and setting fires to any bridge that I had worked so long to build with her and them. I have a lot to make up for and I have even more to prove. I filled them w/ disgust and rightly so.

So I guess I was feeling incredibly resentful... first at them for not reading my mind and getting up and going upstairs where, they have their own tv, then even more so at myself for feeling that way, and for acting like a petty, juvenile brat. ( not in front of them, I waited till I left the house and got to the restaurant and locked myself in the ladies room and stomped and slammed and kicked ... gawd, I put a hole in the wall w/ my foot).

I was filled with pain, resentment, self pity, regret, guilt and an immense amount of frustration.

Normally, I would have had a drink or 20.... But yesterday, I didn't. I again proved to myself that I can go through emotions, actually feel them and not have to drink.

But, I still reacted to this poorly and I am ashamed.

That said, I'm pulling another shift tonight, tonights is longer, and I will be coming home for a break. I'll try to handle it better today. Maybe even like an adult. LOL.


Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Y'all rock.

.. Now I gotta hit the shower, a meeting then go make soup for the masses and wash their dishes.

Hi everyone. This is my first post.

I just want to start off by saying that I am not the one with an addiction. It is my boyfriend of 3 years. I didn't even know he had a drug problem until late 2006, when he confided in me that what I though was just his "habit" was actually an addiction. Naively, I thought that we could fight it on our own. Sure, he would stumble every now and then, but I thought we were making progress.

This past July we found out that we were pregnant. Then less than a month later, he was arrested for a probation violation. He spent 6 weeks in county jail and then was sentenced to court-ordered rehab, where he's been since mid-September.

While he has been gone I have been finding things and hearing things about how his problem has been worse than it had ever been. For example, after doing some laundry the week after he was arrested, I found a credit card, a cellophane bag, and a cut off piece of straw in the washer. Also, last night his best friend confided in me that he saw him take enough pills in one sitting that could easily kill him (the friend - who is quite a bit smaller than my boyfriend).

He's finally coming home next month, and I'm sooo happy to finally have him home, but at the same time I'm scared out of my mind that he's gonna relapse and be sent to prison (and leave me with a newborn and my older son, which he has been helping me raise since he was 3 years old (he's now almost 7)).

He has good intentions and I know in his heart he really wants this, but I'm terrified of this addiction. He says the past 5 months that he has gone without anything more than a cigarette and a black coffee is the longest he's gone since he has been 14 years old.

I'm just looking for support and some ways to help him through this journey. I am completely dumb when it comes to this type of thing (he successfully hid the fact that he was doing drugs from me for almost 2 years). I am too trusting, and with a baby on the way, I know the stress factor is going to be higher. He says our expanding family is reason enough to finally beat this thing, and I believe that he honestly WANTS to, but I'm still so scared of his addiction taking over again.

Wow, this is a long one. Thanks for reading, and I look forward to getting to know everyone.

Well, nothing changes if nothing changes. And Trevor keeps on doing the same thing. But, *I* don't! :>)

My nephew came home from Japan and Germany recently. Trevor and I were to see him today for the first time in two years. He was supposed to come to my house on Saturday, but, chose not to. Last night, he called and said he would meet me here today, with his g/f and her kids.

I will no longer allow the g/f and kids at my house. On three occassions, she, Trevor and the children have trashed my house, and left it a mess for me to clean up, while I was at my mom's house. Food, dishes, laundry, toys; a total pigsty! And she went into my clothes drawers and wore my things! And she dropped Trevor off here the last time he OD'd too; drove him to my house from the city, only to call the neighbors, to call the ambulance, to bring him -- yes -- to the city to the hospital! :a043:
I told her then never to come back to my house. I've had enough of the nonsense.

Well, I got a call today at my mom's, where we were to meet my nephew. Trevor was stopped by the police in Mass. He was driving. He has no liscense. He has outstanding warrents in Mass. He wanted me to drop everything and come and rescue the g/f's kids. Said they would go to DCYF (child services) if I didn't. I said "no."

I'm very sorry for him, her and her kids. I had nothing to do with any of it. The two of them made very bad decisions, and have to live with the consequences of them. I was here to see my nephew, and that's what I did.

We had a nice visit. Had lunch; went for a walk on the beach; talked up a storm and look forward to see each other on Thanksgiving. He hopes Trevor will be with us on Thansgiving as well; was sorry to miss him; and sent his best to him. The kid's got class. :a194:

In the past, I would have been running around on my day off. I would have missed my visit with my nephew. I would have been stuck with two young children, and heaven only knows what I would have done with them tomorrow when I had to go to work! (Trevor said to drop them at their house; well, what if no one was home??? No thanks! I cannot take that responsibility, and I do not want it. And besides, something else was fishy; since *he* was the one who was caught driving without a liscense, there was no reason *she* couldn't have taken her kids away...nope! Something's wrong here, and I want *no* part of it!) Anyway, I digress...in the past, I would have fully resented missing out on my plans; and I would have been tired and cranky. Instead, I let the chips fall where they may.

I followed through with my own plans, and had a wonderful day.
It's good taking care of me. :Dance7:

Shalom!

As there is no al-anon in the northern community where I live (there was but they don't meet anymore and the other closest one is half an hour away on Wednesday's at 7:00 which doesnt leave me time to get there after work) I have been reading posts as my own personal al-anon.

I have gained strength and insight into myself and my relationship since I started(wow am I co-dependant..working on that..) and don't feel so alone. Thanks for the help.

I was married for 19 years to an alcoholic husband who drank heavy everyday and every three to five months would go on a bender that was out of this world. And during that bender, his self hatred would come out as hatred for me. He would say horrible things to me like I was a waste of space, ugly, a bad mother, and so on. Then, the next day when he woke up and couldn't remember, I would bring up what he said and his reply..."OMG, I am sooooooooooo sorry, I was drunk, didn't mean it and you should forget about it." Then he played nice guy for a while, then he'd drink more and more, then three to five months later, play the whole scene out again and leave me to pick up the pieces which I became really good at doing so the kids didn't really have to see it and the neighbours didn't really know.

On August the 18th this year, I somehow grew a backbone and told him not for one single second of one more day will I deal with it. Enough. Finished. I was done. We were done. Well, that seemed to be his bottom. He got help. He has been going to AA for two months now and celebrated 2 months sober on October the 24th. I know he is sober because even though we separated, he still lives in the house, he just has his own room and space. He is trying really hard to change, he helps around the house and even makes dinner if I come home from work and I am just wiped out. Does his own laundry and is cleaning up his messy areas like his work shop.

He says he wants to put us back together, but I don't know. I have been through this honeymoon before. I know it is too soon to even think about it and I am trying really hard to keep my boundaries in place, look after myself and my two kids who are still at home(we have 4) and try and help them through this at the same time.

He went to his meeting tonight and asked someone to be his sponsor which shows me he is serious about staying sober and working his program to get healthy, something he hasn't been since he was about 16 years old. I take this as a good sign.

What I am wondering is if there is anyone who stayed with their AH through the recovery and had it work out?? I would love to believe that it is possible, but I am wondering if I am using my rose-coloured glasses again and I need a reality check.

So here I am, watching a movie, drinking some coffee, and posting to you guys.

Where's AH? Sitting outside in the cold smoking and drinking and talking politics and philosophy with his friend (I will not let them smoke in the house)... having a grand old time. I want to beat them with sticks.

I work all day! I clean and do the laundry! He's just a BUM! Why am I stuck with all the work and he's the one that gets to have fun? I'm SO outta here.

:skillet

For the last few days I've been doing a lot of reading on codependency, etc. I am going to an Al-Anon meeting tonight (only my second one ever, the first one had just one person there, the person running the meeting). I'm trying to get back on track with my recovery, and focus less on the abf. I am working on a list of boundaries. I am really going to focus on Al-Anon. The meeting couldn't come soon enough for me right now.

Last night I had to take my son to counseling and also sign up for hunter's safety. ABF didn't want to go, of course. Hunter's safety sign ups ended up running over a little, so the counseling had to be rescheduled. So I got home to find an empty house. I assumed he was at his mom's. My initial reaction was to call there, find out what he's doing, ask if he's drinking, etc. He hangs out here a lot when he has no money for beer, because his 60 year old uncle is an alcoholic and always has a constant supply of beer. Well I talked myself right out of that behavior, and turned the radio on, did some dishes and laundry, actually enjoyed the peace and quiet.

When his mom dropped him off, my whole attitude changed. I immediately felt myself becoming anxious/angry. He was drinking, of course. He said he had to help his mom pack (because she is moving). So I said "you're drinking", and he said "I had a couple". So I remained calm, but I told him I wasn't happy, at all, and haven't been. I told him I wanted him out, that we are just going in different directions.

He said "whatever Wendy, I'm so tired of you kicking me out every day, all because I had a few beers". He says "fine, I'll pack my stuff tomorrow and be gone" (which wouldn't have happened anyway). And then we have a few more words, and stupid me tried "talking" to him about stuff......everyone knows you can't talk to an alcholic especially when drinking. That got me nowhere, only him yelling over me, and talking about how he feels, and how it's all my fault.

When Chris was in jail, I started confiding in another man, a friend. I guess you could even go so far as to say I had an emotional affair. I met the guy once, in public. But Chris found out about this. It was in May/June. I have apologized, tried convincing him that nothing physical happened, even though I was wrong for the emotional part of it. But he doesn't believe me, and still throws this in my face, daily. Every time we argue about anything, it's because of what I did. I have apologized countless times and I know that I was wrong, I shouldn't have done it. And I was e-mailing a man for a couple of weeks here recently. I have recognized internally that this is a problem that I need to deal with. But for God sakes, I am so tired of him blaming everything on that. He won't ever let me live it down.

So last night he ends up bringing that up. I gave up on trying to talk to him, and tell him I want help, I want to change and asked if he would go to a meeting. He has no desire. He is in denial, his drinking is not the problem, it's my bitching.....same old stuff.

So then....what do I do? I give him a hug, tell him I love him, and that I'm sorry I told him to leave, that I didn't mean it, but I really want things to change. I am all over the place!!!!! It's like I still have that fear of losing him....I have such a hard time thinking of letting go and not having him in my life, it scares me right back into where I'm comfortable....apparently living in misery.

And then I am mad at myself for "making up", and for keeping the cycle going. I don't want my son to end up like me, or like Chris. I want him to have a childhood filled with laughter, peace, security, and love. Last night wasn't too bad, because we were able to put an end to it quickly, and were able to talk. But some nights it's a huge yelling match. So then I feel like a horrible mom.

This morning, he tells me that he has to go help his mom move some stuff to her new house tonight. So I immediately start in about how I know he will be drinking and stuff, and I am going to Al-Anon but he doesn't want to change. He's frustrated that I'm "nagging" first thing in the morning. On the way to work he turns up the radio loud and is sitting over there as happy as can be, dancing, singing, like he doesn't have a care in the world. Sometimes I think he is happier than I am. And I ask how can he go about like there are no problems, like everything is perfect...and he says "No, I should be more like you and dwell on it, and bitch about stuff".

I can't even bring myself to be nice to him.......is it possible that he really is as happy as he portrays himself?

I'm just all over the place with my emotions, and I know my actions are just further enabling him....but it's so damn hard, how in the world do you detach with love? I mean is it really possible to just let them do what they want, without getting mad and letting it affect you? If so, HOW do you do this???

The I am sitting here at work, feeling guilty for being grouchy/mean to him, and frustrated that I can't bring myself to be nice and loving.

:a043: :wtf2

Hello I will try and make this short. My ex boyfriend (kicked him out last week) has been addicted to percocet and oxycotin for over a year now (back injury) he had a prior problem with crack. Looking back now the only reason he was able to get off the crack was because he started with the pills. Ok so today I want to present the signs and see if you all feel that he has another problem. A few months ago he began hanging out with this turd and at first he said that he wasnt gonna hang out with him because he was bad news. Then I find out from the ex's friend that he was hanging with this guy and was calling around trying to score herion for this turd(ya right). He has changed since being on the pills but these last few months he has gotten worse. He keeps saying he is gonna get help with the pills but he never does anything to move in that direction. I have noticed mood swings one day he is up then for like a week he is down. I found him on the toilet with a rolled up dollar bill in one hand and a mag in the other startled to see me there. He started hiding his pills in a man bag that never left his side. I did get a chance to look through it a couple of times and always was horrified at how many pills he had taken. But never found anything else. Somedays I would come home from work and he would sweating like he had run a marathon and ALL the laundry in the house was done. One day he was talking on his cell phone and he got off had just woke up and didnt brush his teeth change his clothes or nothing just up and went saying and he had to go he was going to his mothers house (ok he hates her doesnt visit her) knew that was a lie right away. Then I called him about an hour later and he didnt answer then he called back and said he was at that turds house "looking at a car". Well I found out later he went there to score because I saw a text message that said he bought something for 40 bucks a bag and spent 80 bucks. Later I found out that he took money from the rent to pay for it and thats what made me kick him out. Now he is telling EVERYONE including our children that he left because me and him couldnt get along. So I have been second guessing myself and wondering if he really is using something other then his pills or is it more. I talked with him the other night and he was saying that we are over he still loved me and would always care for me but that it was over he didnt want to try and fix it. I was heart broken because I told him that if he could get help that that would SOLVE our problems. This man used to be a family man and did everything for us and loved us very much. He has been gone for a week and he makes plans with the kids and then ends up breaking them saying he is gonna look at an apartment. Ok he has no job, I have the car, he has no money except the little bit that he is making from selling part of his scripts and now he acting like he is gonna be better without his family like he is gonna have a great pad, a great life blah blah. He even told me the other day (he is 5 months out of back surgery) he has never felt this great before and that he was doing GREAT!!! Ok while me and the kids are totally heart broken over this man he says he is not ok but GREAT!! I dont even know who this person is anymore. And I still am in shock that he stole money from the rent. I asked him where that money was and he said he bought groceries. Ok there was none. For the last few weeks it has seemed like he has had bronchotis but I see that that is a symptom of crack use. He had that regularly when he was abusing before. He just isnt right anymore. What happens now? Am I going out of my mind? Am I making this up? Does anyone here know or can answer these questions.

He spent all day trying to hook me. I was amazingly serene today (thanks HP). Tonight he followed me from room to room asking why I wasn't as angry as he was. I calmly replied that I wasn't going to put my energy into something I had no control over and went back to folding laundry. He paced some more.........upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside. Finally he came in, got his stuff and said he was going to find a place to stay, probably a motel, but he couldn't be here in this "hostile environment".

Too bad he is taking the "hostile environment" with him, cause it's peaceful as can be in my world.

I have to credit all I've learned here and through the books recommended and the stickies, because if this had happened 3 months ago there would have been MUCH more drama. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but as far as I'm concerned I'm ready to make this a more permanent arrangement.