Archive for the ‘Law School’ tag
need help tonight
it has been so long since I've been on this board...for the first time in months I just feel so devastated and sick. My recovering heroin addict boyfriend has been clean for over 6 mos. and tonight he is out getting high.
About a month ago, after living together for 2 years out of state, we moved back to the city we are both from so that I could begin law school. He got a job in a restaurant and everything still seemed good. Then tonight I heard him on the phone in the bathroom and for some reason I just had the feeling that I needed to listen (a habit I thought I had broken myself of). Sure enough, I heard him making plans to use heroin with someone he works with. I felt like I was going to throw up. Of course he got upset and denied it, but by the end of the argument he just seemed defeated and said he loved me but he had to leave-would call me later. And he left. I feel so thrown off and I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to hop in my car and go trolling around the city to find him, but I know I can't do that. I'm not even going to call him. I am only in my 1st week of school and have work I need to to but I feel too upset to concentrate.
I feel so stupid...how could I let myself think that this wouldn't happen again? why did I think that 6 mos. was so great? Now I am living in apartment that I can't afford without his help that I counted on. it is a year lease. I really believed that he was going to work, and not get high, and contribute. It has been such a great 6 months that I let myself be duped into thinking this was just how it was going to be from now on. I can't pay for this place alone and my parents have given all the help they can give-I also can't bear the thought of telling them what is going on. we lived so far away that I have thus far been able to keep it from them. I have taken out so many loans to pay for law school that I cannot bear the thought of trying to take out more. I want to do well in school and so don't want to try and pick up a job that would take time away from my studying. I am so unbelievably angry at him and myself. I don't know what the hell to do now. I know this is long and I don't expect any answers-I just feel so alone right now. thanks for listening.
About a month ago, after living together for 2 years out of state, we moved back to the city we are both from so that I could begin law school. He got a job in a restaurant and everything still seemed good. Then tonight I heard him on the phone in the bathroom and for some reason I just had the feeling that I needed to listen (a habit I thought I had broken myself of). Sure enough, I heard him making plans to use heroin with someone he works with. I felt like I was going to throw up. Of course he got upset and denied it, but by the end of the argument he just seemed defeated and said he loved me but he had to leave-would call me later. And he left. I feel so thrown off and I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to hop in my car and go trolling around the city to find him, but I know I can't do that. I'm not even going to call him. I am only in my 1st week of school and have work I need to to but I feel too upset to concentrate.
I feel so stupid...how could I let myself think that this wouldn't happen again? why did I think that 6 mos. was so great? Now I am living in apartment that I can't afford without his help that I counted on. it is a year lease. I really believed that he was going to work, and not get high, and contribute. It has been such a great 6 months that I let myself be duped into thinking this was just how it was going to be from now on. I can't pay for this place alone and my parents have given all the help they can give-I also can't bear the thought of telling them what is going on. we lived so far away that I have thus far been able to keep it from them. I have taken out so many loans to pay for law school that I cannot bear the thought of trying to take out more. I want to do well in school and so don't want to try and pick up a job that would take time away from my studying. I am so unbelievably angry at him and myself. I don't know what the hell to do now. I know this is long and I don't expect any answers-I just feel so alone right now. thanks for listening.
