Archive for the ‘Leaves’ tag
finding something to worry about…
The ABF is in jail, and needless to say clean for a few months now. His attitude is remarkable. He attends meetings EVERYDAY, goes to church, works out, and is trying to get into a rhythm so he can keep his sober habits a float when he leaves... Now what to I worry about now? Well in the times we are in today, I am CONSTANTLY worrying about loosing my job. As you all codies know, we are known at times to be workaholics, and this is all I do. I work late hours, weekends, I even work from home on holidays... Christmas I found myself working from home... They are on a firing spree at my job, and I am just so terrified of having to start someplace new. I feel like I am always getting the short end of the stick... This worry of my ABF has transposed to my work, and I really need to stop. I am very humble and have no ego about where I work. I try to tell myself if I loose my job, then so what, I will find another. But I am staring to think this habit I have to "worry-ism" is driving me CRAZY - advice?:Xmasestar
From alcoholism to, what, crack?
Well....the AS of my BF, who nearly died over the summer from his drinking, seems to have moved on to a new drug of choice....maybe crack? His mood swings have been quite spectacular. My BF told him that if he did hard work, he would be paid by the hour. The AS raked a few leaves and asked to be paid, and then practically ran out the door yesterday afternoon....not to be seen again while we all went to mass, and exchanged gifts.
I was sobbing during mass because it was so beautiful and peaceful, and all I could think about was the contrast of that scene to what the A was probably experiencing at that same time. I just broke down. :bigcry
The family is now even more on guard and is going to ignore the quacking at Christmas dinner tonight. Well, assuming he even shows. At least we are now (mostly) all on the same page about how to handle the A's tantrums. I'm just worried for my BF and his daughter because the A is becoming more aggressive and hateful. Thankfully, his daughter knows now to allow her brother to come by if her husband is not home.....how sad!
Well, sorry for the rant. The next few days will be, er, interesting?
Thank you for all the support, encouragement, and advice you give!!!
:Xmasmcb :han
Best,
HG
I was sobbing during mass because it was so beautiful and peaceful, and all I could think about was the contrast of that scene to what the A was probably experiencing at that same time. I just broke down. :bigcry
The family is now even more on guard and is going to ignore the quacking at Christmas dinner tonight. Well, assuming he even shows. At least we are now (mostly) all on the same page about how to handle the A's tantrums. I'm just worried for my BF and his daughter because the A is becoming more aggressive and hateful. Thankfully, his daughter knows now to allow her brother to come by if her husband is not home.....how sad!
Well, sorry for the rant. The next few days will be, er, interesting?
Thank you for all the support, encouragement, and advice you give!!!
:Xmasmcb :han
Best,
HG
great song
i love this song by alterbridge, they use it for the celebrity rehab but i think it fits most addicts when someone finally gives up on them
"Watch Over You"
Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love
I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go
[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?
You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?
[Chorus]
And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?
I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain
[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?
Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone
"Watch Over You"
Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love
I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go
[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?
You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?
[Chorus]
And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?
I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain
[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?
Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone
I need suggestions for Thanksgiving for my daughter
I am at a loss here and would just like some suggestions about how you would deal with the situation if it were you......
First a bit of background - my STBXAH and I raised 7 kids together for 14 years. The way we had the holidays set up were that we got the kids for the major holidays during the even numbered years.
Now that I am sperated from STBXAH, we agreed to keep it as is, with me having the kids on the even numbered years and alternating.
This year all fell apart in that regard. Getting my job last month meant I was of course picked to work all of the major holidays this year. Can not get out of it. I work 7a-3:30p on Thanksgiving Day.
Out of the seven siblings, three are going to their mother's in another city for the holidays and three are going with their father to another state to visit all of our family, it was a last minute thing sprung upon me.
So, that leaves my 11yo daughter.
The plan was, before my STBXAH pulled his drunkenness crap this past weekend and upset her, that she would spend the day here at our house with STBXAH while I was at work. He would play games with her, watch movies with her and they would cook.
When I got home, we would eat, he would leave shortly thereafter.
This isnt an ideal situation, but the best I could figure out. STBXAH can be civil and friendly when we need to be.
Now, she is so mad at him, she will still not talk to him, nor answer his emails.
She came to me and told me that she would rather spend the whole holiday alone while I was at work. I asked her again last night about it all and she said she'd still rather spend the whole day alone.
I can't leave my child alone on Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I technically could, but sheesh, that's just horrible.
Neither STBXAH or myself has family in the state. I have one friend and she is travelling out of state with her family. I literally have no one else to have her spend the day with.
STBXAH is of course all remourseful and apologetic now. As of last night she still wouldnt talk to him on the phone or email him.
Do I try and talk her into spending the day with him? Knowing he will be on his best behavior and they wont leave the house? They both really really like to cook, so most of the day could be spent doing that.
Or do I respect her wishes and leave her all alone on Thanksgiving? God that's horrible just typing it out!
Remember, there is no one else for her to be with.
What would you do?
First a bit of background - my STBXAH and I raised 7 kids together for 14 years. The way we had the holidays set up were that we got the kids for the major holidays during the even numbered years.
Now that I am sperated from STBXAH, we agreed to keep it as is, with me having the kids on the even numbered years and alternating.
This year all fell apart in that regard. Getting my job last month meant I was of course picked to work all of the major holidays this year. Can not get out of it. I work 7a-3:30p on Thanksgiving Day.
Out of the seven siblings, three are going to their mother's in another city for the holidays and three are going with their father to another state to visit all of our family, it was a last minute thing sprung upon me.
So, that leaves my 11yo daughter.
The plan was, before my STBXAH pulled his drunkenness crap this past weekend and upset her, that she would spend the day here at our house with STBXAH while I was at work. He would play games with her, watch movies with her and they would cook.
When I got home, we would eat, he would leave shortly thereafter.
This isnt an ideal situation, but the best I could figure out. STBXAH can be civil and friendly when we need to be.
Now, she is so mad at him, she will still not talk to him, nor answer his emails.
She came to me and told me that she would rather spend the whole holiday alone while I was at work. I asked her again last night about it all and she said she'd still rather spend the whole day alone.
I can't leave my child alone on Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I technically could, but sheesh, that's just horrible.
Neither STBXAH or myself has family in the state. I have one friend and she is travelling out of state with her family. I literally have no one else to have her spend the day with.
STBXAH is of course all remourseful and apologetic now. As of last night she still wouldnt talk to him on the phone or email him.
Do I try and talk her into spending the day with him? Knowing he will be on his best behavior and they wont leave the house? They both really really like to cook, so most of the day could be spent doing that.
Or do I respect her wishes and leave her all alone on Thanksgiving? God that's horrible just typing it out!
Remember, there is no one else for her to be with.
What would you do?
This is probably really trivial, but…I need to vent…
...it makes me want to run screaming out the door!! I have had much, much worse things to deal with in the last several years, and I feel like maybe I am just being selfish. Please feel free to call it as you see it.
My mother is 86 years old, almost 87. She has been a victim all her life. She is scared of her shadow. She worries about how hard the wind blows, how much it will rain, if it is too cold or too hot. The clearest memory I have of her is watching her drink beer out of a tupperware glass (because, after all, what would the neighbors think), chain smoke, and mutter over and over "what am I ever going to do?".
From the time I was a very little girl, I was taught not to upset her. She just worries, you know. Humor her. Don't hurt her feelings. Poor, poor mama...She never did any of the things that I have since learned that mothers are supposed to do for daughters. I took care of her, period.
My dad died a little over two years ago, and she ultimately went to live with my widowed older sister (who is a whole other story...). I was left with taking care of her bills, and taking care of the condo that nobody lives in and she won't let me rent or sell. So when it's cold she worries that her water will freeze. She worries that there are leaves in the yard. She worries that it won't be warm enough for the cleaning lady...
And she has called me every single night since August of 2006!!
She always calls at 9:30 or later, even though I have asked her to call in the afternoon because evenings are very hectic for me. You see, she and my sister sleep in until 11 or later every morning and don't go to bed before 1am. I, on the other hand, get up at 6 every morning and have a son to get into bed at night.
If I don't answer, she always leaves a voicemail, even though I have told her that she doesn't need to-I will see the missed call.
And she calls back again and again. If I don't answer after two or three calls, she starts calling my sons because she is 'worried' about me. It is utterly ridiculous!
Besides the fact that it is just downright annoying, there isn't anything to say! The conversation repeats itself night after night.
I can't really share my life with her, because I have never shared my life with her. She hasn't the first clue about my life. And I am BUSY and I am TIRED by the time she calls. I don't WANT to hear about where they went to lunch or my sister's chronic diarrhea!
After asking that she not call so late, I have started not answering. I have actually skipped a night of talking to her here and there. I know I need to set a boundary here, and I have tried to. She just doesn't hear me at all.
So anyway, I just needed to vent to some folks who wouldn't accuse me of being a horrible, ungrateful daughter and who might even just understand why I feel like throwing my cell phone across the room every night when she calls.
Suggestions, anyone?
My mother is 86 years old, almost 87. She has been a victim all her life. She is scared of her shadow. She worries about how hard the wind blows, how much it will rain, if it is too cold or too hot. The clearest memory I have of her is watching her drink beer out of a tupperware glass (because, after all, what would the neighbors think), chain smoke, and mutter over and over "what am I ever going to do?".
From the time I was a very little girl, I was taught not to upset her. She just worries, you know. Humor her. Don't hurt her feelings. Poor, poor mama...She never did any of the things that I have since learned that mothers are supposed to do for daughters. I took care of her, period.
My dad died a little over two years ago, and she ultimately went to live with my widowed older sister (who is a whole other story...). I was left with taking care of her bills, and taking care of the condo that nobody lives in and she won't let me rent or sell. So when it's cold she worries that her water will freeze. She worries that there are leaves in the yard. She worries that it won't be warm enough for the cleaning lady...
And she has called me every single night since August of 2006!!
She always calls at 9:30 or later, even though I have asked her to call in the afternoon because evenings are very hectic for me. You see, she and my sister sleep in until 11 or later every morning and don't go to bed before 1am. I, on the other hand, get up at 6 every morning and have a son to get into bed at night.
If I don't answer, she always leaves a voicemail, even though I have told her that she doesn't need to-I will see the missed call.
And she calls back again and again. If I don't answer after two or three calls, she starts calling my sons because she is 'worried' about me. It is utterly ridiculous!
Besides the fact that it is just downright annoying, there isn't anything to say! The conversation repeats itself night after night.
I can't really share my life with her, because I have never shared my life with her. She hasn't the first clue about my life. And I am BUSY and I am TIRED by the time she calls. I don't WANT to hear about where they went to lunch or my sister's chronic diarrhea!
After asking that she not call so late, I have started not answering. I have actually skipped a night of talking to her here and there. I know I need to set a boundary here, and I have tried to. She just doesn't hear me at all.
So anyway, I just needed to vent to some folks who wouldn't accuse me of being a horrible, ungrateful daughter and who might even just understand why I feel like throwing my cell phone across the room every night when she calls.
Suggestions, anyone?
i feel trapped
i feel like everyone i know is hanging on to me underwater and im trying to fight my way to the surface, im so tired of having no control over my own life
ill try to make this short, got a letter from my MIL saying that my husband had called her and said he had no where to go can he come live with her for a while, well her and her new husband laid down the law to him, no drinking, he has to get a job, and he has to start sending me money for the baby or hes out, and they mean it, they really dont even want him in alabama with them
so i tried calling my husband to find out his plans, he didnt answer so i went to his apartment, we talked a little bit, i dont think nothing was accomplished as far as him but i felt better, he lost his job, cant make his rent, yada yada, im like this is the third time you've done this when are you going to learn this dont work, i asked him if he was ever going to give up this partying lifestyle, he said he was getting sober, which is easy to say when your drinking, i said what about me and the baby , every day hes born is another day you miss out on, it really dont faze him that much, i told him i loved him but i would never put up with drinking anymore, that if he ever got sober he could call me but there is no way hes gonna be around the baby drunk, i said there will be no fighting around my child, theres no point in it , he kept saying i dont know, i have to get my life straight before i can do anything, i said no you dont get more time to decide to be a father, this is not a game, this baby will be here very shortly and you've already missed out on so much
well hes leaving monday to go back , he wants me to come over saturday and talk to him, i dont trust that he will call and im not sure if im going or not, probably , i think alot needs to be said before he leaves, i dont want to leave things just hanging, i dont want a bad goodbye, im tired of living in anger all the time, i want to walk away knowing i left on good terms, its all about me, nothing to do with him, this is part of my recovery from him, im trying to be a better person, i dont want to be codependant anymore and ive been really proud of myself lately, i think ive come a very long way, im in a better state of mind now, im focusing on myself and my son
but my mom doesnt see it that way, shes just coming down on me about everything, says she knows im going back to him, ive tried explaining to her thats not why i went and talked to him, i said hes leaving im not trying to stop him, i think going to alabama is his best shot, if he is ever going to hit rock bottom then it would be in alabama and away from people enabling him cause his mama aint gonna help him , i dont have to worry about him showing up at the hospital, or bothering me down here, its the best thing for both of us, i cant help having hope he will get sober, but i honestly dont believe hes willing to get sober, probably what will happen is he finds another girl to enable him, i dont see us ever being together again, and im ok with that, i cant put up with drinking or cheating , thats just me now, but my mom just wont let up, i finally walked out the door cause i didnt want to hear it anymore, no one but yall on this board understands anything about being co-dependant or loving an alcoholic and i dont know how to make my parents understand where im at right now, how much more can i do to prove im not running back, im letting him go, im not interfering in his life, im not asking for him to move in with us
i felt so good about my progress and getting my life straight and now i feel like im sliding back because of my parents, ive stayed down here in florida for 7 years because of my parents, i was controlled by my husbands drinking down here for 7 years, i just dont feel like ive had any control over my own life ever, i appreciate their help but i dont need them making my choices, and i completely understand where they are coming from, they pick up the pieces of me everytime my husband runs off, but im not that person anymore, i feel like just giving up why even do anything anymore, i have no control over my own life, nobody lets me just be me, im held up to a higher standard than my sisters, god forbid i make mistakes , i never hear the end of them, i dont want to fight with anyone anymore, im working on controlling my temper, i dont see the point in fighting with my husband, it doesnt accomplish anything, i could go over and over what hes done to me and it wont change nothing , he will never see what hes done until he hits rock bottom, and i dont see him chaging then either, so why should i yell and scream at him and be cruel to him, all that does is hurt me
im even tired of hearing about my husband, no matter how hard im trying to break free my life is still controlled by him or what people say about him, god forbid i name the baby a name that my husband likes, then my family goes off, i say i dont want to change my name back to my madien name when i get a divorce and the world ends, well thats just holding on to him, i dont want the hassle of it, who cares what my last name is, if i tell him anything about the baby i get b*tched at, my thoughts and actions dont revolve around him anymore but its like everyone else cant let go of it
i just want to live my life, not my husbands or my parents or my sisters, i didnt realize the price of having them help me out, why cant they support me and not judge me, let me make my own mistakes and deal with them, no one understands what ive been through, all i hear is i wouldnt put up with it, well fine dont your not me, no one knows what they would do in this situation unless they are in it and none of my family has ever been in this situation, i think im doing ok now if everyone would leave me alone
i feel like i cant breathe anymore
ill try to make this short, got a letter from my MIL saying that my husband had called her and said he had no where to go can he come live with her for a while, well her and her new husband laid down the law to him, no drinking, he has to get a job, and he has to start sending me money for the baby or hes out, and they mean it, they really dont even want him in alabama with them
so i tried calling my husband to find out his plans, he didnt answer so i went to his apartment, we talked a little bit, i dont think nothing was accomplished as far as him but i felt better, he lost his job, cant make his rent, yada yada, im like this is the third time you've done this when are you going to learn this dont work, i asked him if he was ever going to give up this partying lifestyle, he said he was getting sober, which is easy to say when your drinking, i said what about me and the baby , every day hes born is another day you miss out on, it really dont faze him that much, i told him i loved him but i would never put up with drinking anymore, that if he ever got sober he could call me but there is no way hes gonna be around the baby drunk, i said there will be no fighting around my child, theres no point in it , he kept saying i dont know, i have to get my life straight before i can do anything, i said no you dont get more time to decide to be a father, this is not a game, this baby will be here very shortly and you've already missed out on so much
well hes leaving monday to go back , he wants me to come over saturday and talk to him, i dont trust that he will call and im not sure if im going or not, probably , i think alot needs to be said before he leaves, i dont want to leave things just hanging, i dont want a bad goodbye, im tired of living in anger all the time, i want to walk away knowing i left on good terms, its all about me, nothing to do with him, this is part of my recovery from him, im trying to be a better person, i dont want to be codependant anymore and ive been really proud of myself lately, i think ive come a very long way, im in a better state of mind now, im focusing on myself and my son
but my mom doesnt see it that way, shes just coming down on me about everything, says she knows im going back to him, ive tried explaining to her thats not why i went and talked to him, i said hes leaving im not trying to stop him, i think going to alabama is his best shot, if he is ever going to hit rock bottom then it would be in alabama and away from people enabling him cause his mama aint gonna help him , i dont have to worry about him showing up at the hospital, or bothering me down here, its the best thing for both of us, i cant help having hope he will get sober, but i honestly dont believe hes willing to get sober, probably what will happen is he finds another girl to enable him, i dont see us ever being together again, and im ok with that, i cant put up with drinking or cheating , thats just me now, but my mom just wont let up, i finally walked out the door cause i didnt want to hear it anymore, no one but yall on this board understands anything about being co-dependant or loving an alcoholic and i dont know how to make my parents understand where im at right now, how much more can i do to prove im not running back, im letting him go, im not interfering in his life, im not asking for him to move in with us
i felt so good about my progress and getting my life straight and now i feel like im sliding back because of my parents, ive stayed down here in florida for 7 years because of my parents, i was controlled by my husbands drinking down here for 7 years, i just dont feel like ive had any control over my own life ever, i appreciate their help but i dont need them making my choices, and i completely understand where they are coming from, they pick up the pieces of me everytime my husband runs off, but im not that person anymore, i feel like just giving up why even do anything anymore, i have no control over my own life, nobody lets me just be me, im held up to a higher standard than my sisters, god forbid i make mistakes , i never hear the end of them, i dont want to fight with anyone anymore, im working on controlling my temper, i dont see the point in fighting with my husband, it doesnt accomplish anything, i could go over and over what hes done to me and it wont change nothing , he will never see what hes done until he hits rock bottom, and i dont see him chaging then either, so why should i yell and scream at him and be cruel to him, all that does is hurt me
im even tired of hearing about my husband, no matter how hard im trying to break free my life is still controlled by him or what people say about him, god forbid i name the baby a name that my husband likes, then my family goes off, i say i dont want to change my name back to my madien name when i get a divorce and the world ends, well thats just holding on to him, i dont want the hassle of it, who cares what my last name is, if i tell him anything about the baby i get b*tched at, my thoughts and actions dont revolve around him anymore but its like everyone else cant let go of it
i just want to live my life, not my husbands or my parents or my sisters, i didnt realize the price of having them help me out, why cant they support me and not judge me, let me make my own mistakes and deal with them, no one understands what ive been through, all i hear is i wouldnt put up with it, well fine dont your not me, no one knows what they would do in this situation unless they are in it and none of my family has ever been in this situation, i think im doing ok now if everyone would leave me alone
i feel like i cant breathe anymore
Pat on the back to SR!
I understand that this my life and they are my life choices.
As I have struggled with HIS issues for so long, I have forgotten about myself and the time I should be spending helping ME. I am taking to the time to now learn and TRY TRY TRY to exercise what I have learned on a daily basis in everyday life.
It is hard and there will be set-backs. The difference I can see right now between myself and my A is that: his recovery is not a priority in his life - in the sense that he has not taken any steps to get there, despite the constant complaining of the disease. Where as I am atleast researching, gaining knowledge and taking responsibilty for the issue that I am struggling with - Codependancy. I will commend myself for that, because I have seen growth within myself.
Yes I have obstacles and sure, I mess up sometimes, but in just the way that I think, and the way that I deal with him has come a long way since before I became a member here at SR.
I am no more the erratic emotional mess that I was before. When we have plans and he leaves me in the dust for drugs or alcohol, no more do I cry. But I am thankful that he does not come around me. I am peaceful in knowing that I am not the real reason he doesn't want to spend that time with me. That the issue is his.
I have learned to throw the ball in his court and know the difference between HIS problems and mine - and also which is the most important.
I want to thank everyone here who has dealt with me through the denial and defense process I went through I first joined. I thank you for still offering your advice even when it seemed I wasnt accepting it - maybe through this thread you can see what you all have helped me with so much! And please believe me when I tell you that it is ALL because of you this much progress has been made. I have not talked to anyone else. Only you wonderful people here at SR!
Thank you so much from me - and Im sure from many others on here....
If you would like to take the time to note the progress you have made since joining SR - it would be wonderful to hear :ghug
As I have struggled with HIS issues for so long, I have forgotten about myself and the time I should be spending helping ME. I am taking to the time to now learn and TRY TRY TRY to exercise what I have learned on a daily basis in everyday life.
It is hard and there will be set-backs. The difference I can see right now between myself and my A is that: his recovery is not a priority in his life - in the sense that he has not taken any steps to get there, despite the constant complaining of the disease. Where as I am atleast researching, gaining knowledge and taking responsibilty for the issue that I am struggling with - Codependancy. I will commend myself for that, because I have seen growth within myself.
Yes I have obstacles and sure, I mess up sometimes, but in just the way that I think, and the way that I deal with him has come a long way since before I became a member here at SR.
I am no more the erratic emotional mess that I was before. When we have plans and he leaves me in the dust for drugs or alcohol, no more do I cry. But I am thankful that he does not come around me. I am peaceful in knowing that I am not the real reason he doesn't want to spend that time with me. That the issue is his.
I have learned to throw the ball in his court and know the difference between HIS problems and mine - and also which is the most important.
I want to thank everyone here who has dealt with me through the denial and defense process I went through I first joined. I thank you for still offering your advice even when it seemed I wasnt accepting it - maybe through this thread you can see what you all have helped me with so much! And please believe me when I tell you that it is ALL because of you this much progress has been made. I have not talked to anyone else. Only you wonderful people here at SR!
Thank you so much from me - and Im sure from many others on here....
If you would like to take the time to note the progress you have made since joining SR - it would be wonderful to hear :ghug
Why do I let this happen over and over??
If you read my past threads you will find that I am struggling trying to let go of someone who pretty much just uses me to get what he wants. I have let this guy walk all over me. I don't understand why I do this??? He stole money from me 3 years ago and just did it again last weekend. He swears up and down that he didnt but I know that he did. After I accused him, he blew up and became verbally abusive and left. Now, a week later he is begging me for money to go and get something to pass a drug test with. After listening to all of his manipulations and rationalizations about why and everything, I DID!! How stupid? He grad college and for the past 3 months has been trying to find a job. Why do I give in to him all the time? I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He lies all the time. We have been seeing each other off and on for 4 years. It's so complicated. I know, I know, shame on me for allowing him to use me over and over. There is so much more to tell but you get the idea. I care about him so much but I know that this is unhealthy and needs to stop. Any suggestions on HOW TO LET GO and find peace?? I keep telling myself I can't do this anymore but keep doing. I wish things would end peacefully but everytime something happens one of us gets mad and leaves. I left saturday morning after getting upset that he didnt want to spend the day with me. I haven't tried calling or texting and haven't heard from him either. I am getting tired of all this and don't know how much more I can take. I worry about him all the time and feel that he is heading for a train wreck if he doesn't change his ways. Time and time again, he will say he is changing and has stopped smoking pot and is growing up but then he turns around and keeps doing the same things. He will be 24 years old in January but tells me that he is just a Kid!!! I am older. This is driving me CRAZY!!!!!!
Good morning everyone:)
The weekend is almost here, what fun things are planned for this weekend???
I am planning to take a walk on a trail with both of my goldens, I get such serenity going for walks in the woods and hearing the birds chirping and crackling of leaves underfoot.
I am way over due for a salon appointment, so that is second on my list.
With the time that I have left:Dance7: I am going to grocery shop, and help my daughter pack for her little adventure she is going on.
I am going to pick one thing in my house that has really been bugging me and I am going to make is sparkle:)
Think of something fun to do and treat yourselves we deserve it. I am going to spend my Friday thinking about happy thoughts and what I can do for me.
I am planning to take a walk on a trail with both of my goldens, I get such serenity going for walks in the woods and hearing the birds chirping and crackling of leaves underfoot.
I am way over due for a salon appointment, so that is second on my list.
With the time that I have left:Dance7: I am going to grocery shop, and help my daughter pack for her little adventure she is going on.
I am going to pick one thing in my house that has really been bugging me and I am going to make is sparkle:)
Think of something fun to do and treat yourselves we deserve it. I am going to spend my Friday thinking about happy thoughts and what I can do for me.
I’m back… and my sister is back tomorrow.
Some of you may have read my last thread, my sister attempted suicide in late July and then came to stay with me. She was supposed to stay for 2 weeks, but stayed for 7. Now she's back to work and staying with me Friday Saturday and Sunday nights and she is back tomorrow. She had a second attempt while with me after her AH called and talked about meeting a woman. Anyway, long story short I decided to make an appointment with a therapist just because I wasn't sure how I was handling this. I don't get upset or cry, I just go numb. My session ended half an hour ago and I'm posting. You won't believe the book she recommended... Co-Dependent No More. Funny how that book keeps coming up in my life. I told her I owed it but only read the first couple chapters. I had bought it because of the addict in my life, but thought I only had the one. Once I started I realized I had a couple more and it disturbed me, so I haven't picked it up since. (Ironically I don't give a s**t about my addict right now.... I've detached but not with love.) She also recommended that I write a letter I don't send. Cliche's are chiches for a reason, right? They work. So I'm going to see if I can do that.
As I started talking I thought my reasons were guilt. Guilt for handling it well. Guilt for not Form 1'ing her (for you south of the border, that's a 72 hour psyhciatric evaluation that isn't the patients idea). But the more I talked the more I realized I was angry. I feel manipulated. She knows how to kill herself if she wants to. And slitting your wrist width wise isn't it... she's told me herself of a better method (I won't post that cause you never know how sad someone is while reading). And the second attempt she took pills, but again, years ago she told me of a better method than the one she used. So that leaves me thinging, if she didn't want to kill herself, what was the motivation? Was she manipulating her AH, me... who? why? I'm mad but not in the way I am usually mad. This one just leaves me tired. I'm losing my train of thought, but my point is I am back, and those of you that PM'd me... THANK YOU! thank you for reading and caring if I was okay or not. I appreciate it more than you know.
Amy
P.S. She does seem better right now and I hope it lasts for a while at least. Also, my 17 year old cousin who has an alcohlic mother, and alcoholic and drug abusing step father called me crying and asked if he could come live with me. So he's moving in on Monday and I'm registering him in highschool here. His family is 5 hours away, so I'm it. Being responsible really sucks ass sometimes.
As I started talking I thought my reasons were guilt. Guilt for handling it well. Guilt for not Form 1'ing her (for you south of the border, that's a 72 hour psyhciatric evaluation that isn't the patients idea). But the more I talked the more I realized I was angry. I feel manipulated. She knows how to kill herself if she wants to. And slitting your wrist width wise isn't it... she's told me herself of a better method (I won't post that cause you never know how sad someone is while reading). And the second attempt she took pills, but again, years ago she told me of a better method than the one she used. So that leaves me thinging, if she didn't want to kill herself, what was the motivation? Was she manipulating her AH, me... who? why? I'm mad but not in the way I am usually mad. This one just leaves me tired. I'm losing my train of thought, but my point is I am back, and those of you that PM'd me... THANK YOU! thank you for reading and caring if I was okay or not. I appreciate it more than you know.
Amy
P.S. She does seem better right now and I hope it lasts for a while at least. Also, my 17 year old cousin who has an alcohlic mother, and alcoholic and drug abusing step father called me crying and asked if he could come live with me. So he's moving in on Monday and I'm registering him in highschool here. His family is 5 hours away, so I'm it. Being responsible really sucks ass sometimes.
