Drug Rehab Options Blog

December led me straight into the bottle after almost having 30 days. Actually my addiction did. I don't know what happened, it happened so fast and before I knew it I was on a downhill spiral that led to a near overdose... twice. I had letters written of when I'm gone and my body was giving out. I woke up though. Hated waking up. Had to drink and drink to not feel or think but the thoughts kept coming.

Don't know how all this happened. Was working a ligit job, my massage business was taking off, presents were bought, Christmas was in the air and then I picked up and it was all over. Was able to maintain for a Christmas celebration on the 23rd and worked the next two days, then I was off and running, shutting my phones off, quitting my job and getting beligerent to the point of babbling. My heart feels an emptiness, no not really. It is filled with that tremendous feeling of failure, pain and horrific despair. This is my first day with no alcohol and the pills have been emptied.

I need help and don't know where to reach out except here for now. Please lend some support and understanding cuz I know most of you have been there.

Thank you!
Nickishine:a108:

I drink occasionally so I have not thought that I have a problem. Over the last 4 years or so my drinking has led to cocaine use and eventually led to crack. I had a stroke last year due to crack use. It wasn't heavy use either. I maybe did it once a month or so. It doesn't matter how much or often you use. It is deadly. So why after getting so far away from the stroke have I begun to use again. I thought that I could fix this myself, but I can't. I am only 35 years old and have 3 daughters. I need to be here for them but feel absolutely lost. I don't know why. I have a good life. If you could see me you would never ever think that I have used such a thing. It is disgusting. I feel disgusted with myself.:praying

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Near the Top

I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever.

It won't. You are almost through.

You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what you have learned.

Your beliefs and your faith have been tried in fire. You have believed, then doubted, then worked at believing some more. You have had to have faith even when you could not see or imagine what you were asked to believe. Others around you may have tried to convince you not to believe in what you were hoping you could believe.

You have had opposition. You have not gotten to this place with total support and joy. You have had to work hard, in spite of what was happening around you. Sometimes, what motivated you was anger; sometimes fear.

Things went wrong - more problems occurred than you anticipated. There were obstacles, frustrations, and annoyances en route. You did not plan on this being the way it would evolve. Much of this has been a surprise; some of it has not been at all what you desired.

Yet, it has been good. Part of you, the deepest part that knows truth, has sensed this all along, even when your head told you that things were out of whack and crazy; that there was no plan or purpose, that God had forgotten you.

So much has happened, and each incident - the most painful, the most troubling, and the most surprising - has a connection. You are beginning to see and sense that.

You never dreamt things would happen this way, did you? But they did. Now you are learning the secret - they were meant to happen this way, and this way is good, better than what you expected.

You didn't believe it would take this long, either - did you? But it did. You have learned patience.

You never thought you could have it, but now you know you do.

You have been led. Many were the moments when you thought you were forgotten, when you were convinced you had been abandoned. Now you know you have been guided.

Now things are coming into place. You are almost at the end of this phase, this difficult portion of the journey. The lesson is almost complete. You know - the lesson you fought, resisted, and insisted you could not learn. Yes, that one. You have almost mastered it.

You have been changed from the inside out. You have been moved to a different level, a higher level, a better level.

You have been climbing a mountain. It has not been easy, but mountain climbing is never easy. Now, you are near the top. A moment longer, and the victory shall be yours.

Steady your shoulders. Breathe deeply. Move forward in confidence and peace. The time is coming to relish and enjoy all, which you have fought for. That time is drawing near, finally.

I know you have thought before that the time was drawing near, only to learn that it wasn't. But now, the reward is coming. You know that too. You can feel it.

Your struggle has not been in vain. For every struggle on this journey, there is a climax, a resolution.

Peace, joy, abundant blessings, and reward are yours here on earth. Enjoy.

There will be more mountains, but now you know how to climb them. And you have learned the secret of what is at the top.

Today, I will accept where I am and continue pushing forward. If I am in the midst of a learning experience, I will allow myself to continue on with the faith that the day of mastery and reward will come. Help me, God; understand that despite my best efforts to live in peaceful serenity, there are times of mountain climbing. Help me stop creating chaos and crisis, and help me meet the challenges that will move me upward and forward.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Hi everyone. I don't know what led me to this site, but I'm glad to be here. I'm a middle age woman who is a former model and still attractive....but drinking is taking it's toll with my personality, weight, finances, etc...
I keep it all together...by the skin of my teeth and know that NOW is the time to do something positive. I'm SO SCARED to quit drinking cause it's all I've known in my social life and I'm so afraid I won't be "loose" enough to have fun if I don't drink. My husband and I entertain alot and I feel that I'm a boring person without alcohol in me.
Can anyone give me some first baby steps to help me?

I don't know where to begin so this post may seem a bit fragmented. Basically, I know I have a problem drinking and I am seeking advice to stop. Posting this is the first time I've really reached out for help, even though I've now been knowing I need to quit for 3 years - longer, actually.

I have dealt with legal and financial problems due to drinking. I do not drink every day, but what happens is I will remain sober for a week or two, then start out one night going to the bar and drinking a bit. Then I binge for the next several days - this behavior has been going on for years and I just turned 30 and the madness must now stop. At times it's led to drug use as well, though not so much lately as, say, a year ago. I drink because I am bored, basically - at least that's what it appears like on the surface, though I know there are deeper psychological reasons. I drink because I enjoy going out, but then I drink the next day to get rid of the hangover/withdrawl symptoms.

I am posting here because I feel I need to address this issue, but feel more comfortable doing so on a message board than face to face at actual meetings. I was ordered to go to AA meetings about 2 and a half years ago by a judge, but I did not feel comfortable and don't feel I got a lot out of them.

My drinking is exacerbated by what is likely bipolarism and a tendency to be kind of an extreme person - I really feel like trying to be a productive member of a an online community like this will help me straighten some of these things out and stop drinking. Perhaps I can also help others in the process.

I just wanted to post an update as to how things are going. The great news is that I got a job! I'm delighted about that. My ABF has been working on his recovery tools. He is still talking to his counselor. He has finished his "plan" for recovery and is using a checklist to keep himself on track. He had a very emotional morning yesterday--he was crying quite a bit. He admitted that those emotional mornings are one of the things that led him to a relapse. His counselor wants him to share with me and others, and not keep this stuff bottled up inside. He is missing his parents (his mother died 2 years ago) and his friends (we moved here about 8 months ago). He has been reading his materials including NA materials that he printed out.

I have been working on telling him what I need and making decisions based on what I need--not on what I think he needs. I don't know if he will do what he needs to do or not. I'm glad he's started back into recovery, but I am going to do what I need to do. That means that I am going to take this new job and not worry about how my working will effect him. I'm not going to rush home to check on him or to "protect" him from relapsing. I'm going to work on making friends and spending time with people--even if he doesn't want to join in. This is all a real struggle for me because my naturally tendency is to feel responsible for his actions and to think that he can't do it without me. My mom always made sure that I knew that her happiness depended on me. She has gone so far as to tell me that directly. It wasn't just implied.

I'm trying to read, journal, and work on taking care of myself. I'm making the phone calls that I need to make and paying bills on time. This is a struggle for me, but I know how important this is. This is my life, and I don't want to live the 2nd half of it how I have lived the first half. I'm glad I have this site to help me keep on track.

Led my first alanon meeting tonight!

What I realized as I sat listening to others share about the topic I picked, was that I am making progress!!! Now, people have told me I was, and I kind of knew it, but tonight I really could see it.

Not sure how, but the extreme anger I felt for a long time is not there. It feels good to not be mad or resentful so much.

I am getting better at letting go -- which feels great -- you know, not trying to do everything and fix everything -- that controlling I am so adept at.

AND, most importantly, I am beginning to really forgive myself and accept me for who I am.

All this is not to say I don't still have things to work on, but sharing something positive for a change feels good. I also heard so much of "me" when other people shared....further proof we are not alone in this thing.

None of it would have happened without SR (it started here) -- Thank you all so much!

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 8/23

I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from the alcoholic—and eventually from myself. My self-esteem diminished because the slightest error felt huge and I couldn’t let it go. So I began to cover up and rationalize my mistakes, all the while desperately trying to maintain an appearance of perfect self-control.

In Al-Anon I learned to take down that rigid wall of seeming perfection, to honestly admit mistakes, and to open myself for growth. Step Ten, in which I continue taking my inventory and promptly admit when I am wrong, has been liberating because it challenges me daily to be honest. Sometimes it makes me squirm, but I know that when I tell the truth, I am free of the lies that held me back. As Mark Twain put it, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

TodayÂ’s Reminder

I will probably make a mistake of some sort every day of my life. If I view this as a personal failing or pretend that no mistakes have occurred, I make my life unmanageable. When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of guilt and shame. That is cause for rejoicing.

“Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start.”

Book of Common Prayer