Archive for the ‘Legal Trouble’ tag
Just introducing myself.
I'm a 29 year old single mom with an amazing 2 year old daughter. I'm in the middle of divorcing my high school sweetheart. It's probably the most amicable divorce in history... we both made a lot of mistakes (mine related to alcoholism, his related to repeated infidelity, and who knows if it was alcoholism or infidelity that was the chicken or the egg) but we're on good terms now and we co-parent well. We've been separated and living apart since February. He has our daughter 2 or 3 nights a week and it got to the point that I was basically just holed up in my house drinking until the point where I passed out every one of those nights.
I guess I'd qualify as a "high bottom drunk": I still have a good job, I never drank when I was alone with my daughter (because I knew if I had one drink, I'd need at least 10 more), I never ended up in legal trouble, etc. But I also know that beyond a doubt, I'm an alcoholic. I can't have just one or two drinks -- once I have one, I want ALL of them. Or if I am in a situation (work function, etc) where I can only have one drink, I spend the whole time thinking about when I can have more, more, more, more... can I sneak away and get some? Drink when I get home? It's all encompassing.
I've been sober for just over three weeks now -- since 11/20. I've been to 2 AA meetings. It's tricky because I can't bring a two year old with me and I'm shy anyway, but I'm trying not to make excuses. I liked the group that met on Mondays better than the one on Tuesdays, so I'm going to go back to the Monday meeting this week. And I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about AA, The Steps, etc.
I don't think I have a physical addiction because it's been physically easy to do this so far. But I know that there is definitely a psychological addition though. Even just typing out sneaking away to drink "awakens the beast" and makes me think about it. And it's only 11:00 AM! And I don't want to do that anymore! It just defies reason though.
So anyway... that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for having me. happyface:
I guess I'd qualify as a "high bottom drunk": I still have a good job, I never drank when I was alone with my daughter (because I knew if I had one drink, I'd need at least 10 more), I never ended up in legal trouble, etc. But I also know that beyond a doubt, I'm an alcoholic. I can't have just one or two drinks -- once I have one, I want ALL of them. Or if I am in a situation (work function, etc) where I can only have one drink, I spend the whole time thinking about when I can have more, more, more, more... can I sneak away and get some? Drink when I get home? It's all encompassing.
I've been sober for just over three weeks now -- since 11/20. I've been to 2 AA meetings. It's tricky because I can't bring a two year old with me and I'm shy anyway, but I'm trying not to make excuses. I liked the group that met on Mondays better than the one on Tuesdays, so I'm going to go back to the Monday meeting this week. And I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about AA, The Steps, etc.
I don't think I have a physical addiction because it's been physically easy to do this so far. But I know that there is definitely a psychological addition though. Even just typing out sneaking away to drink "awakens the beast" and makes me think about it. And it's only 11:00 AM! And I don't want to do that anymore! It just defies reason though.
So anyway... that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for having me. happyface:
*UPDATE* on “I THINK my boyfriend…”
...is using drugs.
In the "Relationships and Parenting" forum, I posted my belief that my ex-boyfriend, and father of my child, was on drugs. I received a few responses - many of which pretty much told me to focus my time and attention on myself, and figure out why I've put up with such a situation for so long. It's hard letting go of something that I've come to love and hold dear to my heart. Especially now that we've made the choice to start a family together.
As for the update, I'm not quite sure why, but he talked to me last night. And when I say "talked", I mean opened up about more than usual. What I didn't say in my other post, was this...
Because of his "street business", unsurprisingly he's created a number of legal issues with himself. The most recent and past time, he was released on the probational agreement that 1)he would obtain employment or present valid proof that he's been looking for a job 2) stay out of legal trouble 3) complete 90 days of an 'Outpatient Treatment Program'. I've done my research on this, and yes, you can be admitted into such a program for smoking marijuana. My only issue is, he was never caught with marijuana, so...
Yesterday he was sick, claiming that his stomach was really bothering him. Because he was feeling vulnerable and sickly, I suppose it gave him the opportunity to be still and talk. He told me that he had to find a new program. Before going into details he told me that he wanted and needed to stop smoking. The conversation went on, and he told me that when he went, he was tested. What for, I'm not too sure. If someone needs and wants help, its given to them - I didn't know individuals were tested for their drug of choice first. :wtf2 Anyway, in addition to weed, he told me that the test came back positive for coke. He immediately went on to say that it got into his system by holding it, and then made a point to say that he hadn't even really 'put anything together' as of late. I sat on the phone a bit bewildered. Is this even possible?
I honestly feel as though I'm unraveling here. There are so many other things to think about, but this is a hard pill to swallow. I'm so frightened of what I may or may not have to one day tell my son.
In the "Relationships and Parenting" forum, I posted my belief that my ex-boyfriend, and father of my child, was on drugs. I received a few responses - many of which pretty much told me to focus my time and attention on myself, and figure out why I've put up with such a situation for so long. It's hard letting go of something that I've come to love and hold dear to my heart. Especially now that we've made the choice to start a family together.
As for the update, I'm not quite sure why, but he talked to me last night. And when I say "talked", I mean opened up about more than usual. What I didn't say in my other post, was this...
Because of his "street business", unsurprisingly he's created a number of legal issues with himself. The most recent and past time, he was released on the probational agreement that 1)he would obtain employment or present valid proof that he's been looking for a job 2) stay out of legal trouble 3) complete 90 days of an 'Outpatient Treatment Program'. I've done my research on this, and yes, you can be admitted into such a program for smoking marijuana. My only issue is, he was never caught with marijuana, so...
Yesterday he was sick, claiming that his stomach was really bothering him. Because he was feeling vulnerable and sickly, I suppose it gave him the opportunity to be still and talk. He told me that he had to find a new program. Before going into details he told me that he wanted and needed to stop smoking. The conversation went on, and he told me that when he went, he was tested. What for, I'm not too sure. If someone needs and wants help, its given to them - I didn't know individuals were tested for their drug of choice first. :wtf2 Anyway, in addition to weed, he told me that the test came back positive for coke. He immediately went on to say that it got into his system by holding it, and then made a point to say that he hadn't even really 'put anything together' as of late. I sat on the phone a bit bewildered. Is this even possible?
I honestly feel as though I'm unraveling here. There are so many other things to think about, but this is a hard pill to swallow. I'm so frightened of what I may or may not have to one day tell my son.
“Expectations” after rehab???
Hi Ladies (and perhaps a Gentleman or two!). Hope all is well, as always.
Short story... had an ex who was an addict... if you're really interested, you can probably find some pretty pathetic posts pre-February 2007 from me regarding the same! Broke it off when the legal trouble started on his part... one thing I know I can't handle. Began dating another guy... he was completely "socially acceptable", shall I say, but our relationship had the passion of a footrest... eventually ended up seeing ex-ABF after breaking it off with Mr. Socially Acceptable... which led to dancing with ex-ABF (we are at a concert, so that wasn't as strange as it sounds)...which of course led to admitting undying-and-perpetual-love for ex-ABF... conveniently about a year and a half after I broke it off and a month before he went to court-ordered rehab for said legal troubles for 90-plus days.
Court-ordered rehab is more than halfway through... I believe... and now of course my brain is starting to ramble. Say what you will (really, it's fine :0) but I think this is it for him and the drugs. I really do. But as a result of the drugs... of course life issues arise. I've been living on my own since I was 15... and I suppose his plan is to move in with his parents when he gets back (at almost 28 years old)... no job to speak of... parents and family have plenty of financial support and always have (don't get me started on that!) so I doubt he's ever sat down and paid bills in his life, at least for all of his own expenses... so here's what I'm faced with.
Despite the fact that I've been doing quite well with the "no expectations" thing in the present, I have a "list"... I know, bad sign. But I still do. It is a list of things he would have to do before I would want to start a life with him... most recently brought to a head by the idea of marriage, which he's presented ever since we "reconnected" (we were together for over three years, so it's not insane if not for the fact that he is currently semi-incarcerated!).
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO. :)
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, health insurance, generaly "Big Boy" stuff.
That's really all I've got. But I know it's not appropriate for me to demand these "expectations" from him.. trouble is, I'm not sure that changing the phrasing... i.e., "I won't accept a relationship with a person who lives with his 'rents" really changes the meaning of any of it. Should I just sit down with him and have one conversation about it? My mom's been sober for four years, and this is what she suggested. She said to get out my expectations, not hide them - but of course, she's an "interested party".
I wish I could talk to my old sponsor about this, but she's actually the one who hooked me up with Mr. Socially Acceptable, so it's all weird with us. I literally don't have the time to make the ONE Alanon meeting within 100 miles of us because of a work commitment that night I can't get out of, either.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Short story... had an ex who was an addict... if you're really interested, you can probably find some pretty pathetic posts pre-February 2007 from me regarding the same! Broke it off when the legal trouble started on his part... one thing I know I can't handle. Began dating another guy... he was completely "socially acceptable", shall I say, but our relationship had the passion of a footrest... eventually ended up seeing ex-ABF after breaking it off with Mr. Socially Acceptable... which led to dancing with ex-ABF (we are at a concert, so that wasn't as strange as it sounds)...which of course led to admitting undying-and-perpetual-love for ex-ABF... conveniently about a year and a half after I broke it off and a month before he went to court-ordered rehab for said legal troubles for 90-plus days.
Court-ordered rehab is more than halfway through... I believe... and now of course my brain is starting to ramble. Say what you will (really, it's fine :0) but I think this is it for him and the drugs. I really do. But as a result of the drugs... of course life issues arise. I've been living on my own since I was 15... and I suppose his plan is to move in with his parents when he gets back (at almost 28 years old)... no job to speak of... parents and family have plenty of financial support and always have (don't get me started on that!) so I doubt he's ever sat down and paid bills in his life, at least for all of his own expenses... so here's what I'm faced with.
Despite the fact that I've been doing quite well with the "no expectations" thing in the present, I have a "list"... I know, bad sign. But I still do. It is a list of things he would have to do before I would want to start a life with him... most recently brought to a head by the idea of marriage, which he's presented ever since we "reconnected" (we were together for over three years, so it's not insane if not for the fact that he is currently semi-incarcerated!).
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO. :)
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, health insurance, generaly "Big Boy" stuff.
That's really all I've got. But I know it's not appropriate for me to demand these "expectations" from him.. trouble is, I'm not sure that changing the phrasing... i.e., "I won't accept a relationship with a person who lives with his 'rents" really changes the meaning of any of it. Should I just sit down with him and have one conversation about it? My mom's been sober for four years, and this is what she suggested. She said to get out my expectations, not hide them - but of course, she's an "interested party".
I wish I could talk to my old sponsor about this, but she's actually the one who hooked me up with Mr. Socially Acceptable, so it's all weird with us. I literally don't have the time to make the ONE Alanon meeting within 100 miles of us because of a work commitment that night I can't get out of, either.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My 14yo has been smoking pot.
Well youd think that my girls would be smarter than this. After all the fighting Ive done to get thru my owm addiction and all the legal trouble Ive had to do, Im just speachless. She doesnt even know that I know yet. It came from one of her friends that she hangs out with and is concerned. She wants me to say nothing to see if she can straighten her out 1st. Not sure what to do or even how to proceed. I want to kill her. I cant even imagine what her dad will do to her when he finds out. I want to go buy a home drug test lit that you can ge from walgreens but they arent that accurate. Ive known them to fail and show negative for someone who just smoked pot the day b4. Im just boiling. My oldest will just deny it all until I force her to test. And to think how much trust I put in her and how proud I was of her.
Im just sick.:c004:
Im just sick.:c004:
