Archive for the ‘Legal Troubles’ tag
Tremendous guilt and anxiety..long
Okay, so ABF is locked up, and has been since Saturday for possession. Hasn't been charged with the VOP yet, but am sure that one is coming. I told him I cannot afford to bail him out because I am already almost destitute because he had lost yet another job right after Thanksgiving. That job took eight months to get! I am feeling horrible guilt and sadness mixed with unbelievable anger at the position I am in right now. On the one hand, I want to yell, scream, point fingers and say This is all your fault!! and then on the other hand, I want to kick myself for being sooo stupid, yet again.
I did finally find the strength to kick him out in the beginning of December, but he begged and pleaded for another chance, started going to meetings almost daily, and then spent most of his time here, at my house. He was offering assistance with housekeeping, chores, and just general maintenance, and I let him keep coming over even though I really didn't want to. I was starting to see what it was like with a little more peace in the house again, and I didn't have to listen to him constantly berate and badger my 7yr old daughter. (who he blames for the demise of OUR relationship because I don't discipline her properly according to him) , of course it has nothing to do with all the financial troubles, legal troubles and everything else having to do with his addiction.
He went to meetings constantly and I was starting to have hope. When all of a sudden, BAM...had that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right, he seemed off. Come to find out he was buying pills from some guy at AA. He told me,"He understands what its like to live in chronic pain...blah, blah, blah..., and I've talked to plenty of people, and it doesn't jeopordize my sobriety if I need them...blah, blah," My daughter came out in the middle of the argument to hand me a narcotic painkiller that she found on the floor. Again, told him get out, right now! he took off on the bike like a maniac! The bike was screaming through my neighborhood, full of kids...he had to be doing at least 80mph! when twenty minutes before that, he could barely hold up his head and could barely be understood when he spoke to me, he was slurring so badly. I panicked, and called the police, I was so terrified of what he might do to himself or someone else...I don't know if I will ever feel good about that decision, because it was just a few short moments later that they pulled him over and arrested him. Now I find out that each and every pill he had on him will probably be a seperate charge, and he had several, plus the VOP, and he wasn't supposed to be driving anyway because he has a hardship license for work purposes only....I feel SO GUILTY. Has anyone ever called the police and then felt horrible about it? Part of me knows I did the right thing, the other part of me feels like I should have just left it alone, and not interfered.
Yes, he had a pretty bad bike wreck two and a half years ago, spent the last two years in pain management, until I said that's it, can't take it anymore, either get off the meds or get out! He was taking his full months prescription in a week and a half or less. constantly passed out, stealing from us, lying, borrowing money from everybody and anybody he could. I found out that on Thanksgiving Day, while I was at work he had a dealer come to my house! then he had the nerve to show up at my family's home all messed up. That did it for me, that is when I finally asked him to leave.
I do love him, the guy that I know is somewhere in there. He was the most romantic, sweet and thoughtful men I had ever met. He is so intelligent, and that is really appealing to me. Exactly what happened to my intelligence? Not sure. I kept believing his lies, was shocked each and every time I caught him in another one, and really wanted to believe that he loved me as much as he said he did.
What I guess I'm really having trouble with is the fact that I know, and HATE all the things he has done to me and my daughter, but for some weird reason, still feel sorry for him, don't want to see him suffer etc. I feel like a freak sometimes because I don't know which end is up. Don't know what I really feel...or am I really feeling all of it?
Don't know if it gets better or will I always feel like this? I do know that I have read lots of posts here, and I see many people that are going through the same or very similar circumstances, and that is comforting. I have spent the last two years of my life being obsessed with my bf and his using, it sucked all my energy from me. Now, I am still feeling like the life is being sucked out of me by MY feelings. Feel exhausted and drained. Guess that's it for now. Sure is nice to have a place to be able to just get this stuff out instead of having to hold it to myself because others don't understand.
I did finally find the strength to kick him out in the beginning of December, but he begged and pleaded for another chance, started going to meetings almost daily, and then spent most of his time here, at my house. He was offering assistance with housekeeping, chores, and just general maintenance, and I let him keep coming over even though I really didn't want to. I was starting to see what it was like with a little more peace in the house again, and I didn't have to listen to him constantly berate and badger my 7yr old daughter. (who he blames for the demise of OUR relationship because I don't discipline her properly according to him) , of course it has nothing to do with all the financial troubles, legal troubles and everything else having to do with his addiction.
He went to meetings constantly and I was starting to have hope. When all of a sudden, BAM...had that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right, he seemed off. Come to find out he was buying pills from some guy at AA. He told me,"He understands what its like to live in chronic pain...blah, blah, blah..., and I've talked to plenty of people, and it doesn't jeopordize my sobriety if I need them...blah, blah," My daughter came out in the middle of the argument to hand me a narcotic painkiller that she found on the floor. Again, told him get out, right now! he took off on the bike like a maniac! The bike was screaming through my neighborhood, full of kids...he had to be doing at least 80mph! when twenty minutes before that, he could barely hold up his head and could barely be understood when he spoke to me, he was slurring so badly. I panicked, and called the police, I was so terrified of what he might do to himself or someone else...I don't know if I will ever feel good about that decision, because it was just a few short moments later that they pulled him over and arrested him. Now I find out that each and every pill he had on him will probably be a seperate charge, and he had several, plus the VOP, and he wasn't supposed to be driving anyway because he has a hardship license for work purposes only....I feel SO GUILTY. Has anyone ever called the police and then felt horrible about it? Part of me knows I did the right thing, the other part of me feels like I should have just left it alone, and not interfered.
Yes, he had a pretty bad bike wreck two and a half years ago, spent the last two years in pain management, until I said that's it, can't take it anymore, either get off the meds or get out! He was taking his full months prescription in a week and a half or less. constantly passed out, stealing from us, lying, borrowing money from everybody and anybody he could. I found out that on Thanksgiving Day, while I was at work he had a dealer come to my house! then he had the nerve to show up at my family's home all messed up. That did it for me, that is when I finally asked him to leave.
I do love him, the guy that I know is somewhere in there. He was the most romantic, sweet and thoughtful men I had ever met. He is so intelligent, and that is really appealing to me. Exactly what happened to my intelligence? Not sure. I kept believing his lies, was shocked each and every time I caught him in another one, and really wanted to believe that he loved me as much as he said he did.
What I guess I'm really having trouble with is the fact that I know, and HATE all the things he has done to me and my daughter, but for some weird reason, still feel sorry for him, don't want to see him suffer etc. I feel like a freak sometimes because I don't know which end is up. Don't know what I really feel...or am I really feeling all of it?
Don't know if it gets better or will I always feel like this? I do know that I have read lots of posts here, and I see many people that are going through the same or very similar circumstances, and that is comforting. I have spent the last two years of my life being obsessed with my bf and his using, it sucked all my energy from me. Now, I am still feeling like the life is being sucked out of me by MY feelings. Feel exhausted and drained. Guess that's it for now. Sure is nice to have a place to be able to just get this stuff out instead of having to hold it to myself because others don't understand.
New here
Hi, I'm new to this site, not new to AA or recovery, but I still have not gotten it. My story, the short version of it, I started drinking in high school, nothing big. Since my 20's, actually right after my dad died in 92 the drinking has been out of control. I do believe that this disease is progressive, I started drinking just when I went out to bars, now I drink in the a.m. sometimes, at work sometimes, every day, I have to hide it from my husband. I am just a mess! About 5 years ago I was living alone, never went out or had many friends. I went to work, came home and just drank until I passed out. I spent the weekend at home completely drunk. That was my bottom. I believe in God and do believe that he has given me blessings since then, probably thought it would help me to get my life in order and stop drinking. I can honestly say I have everything I want today and have come soooo far since then. I married my soul mate, we have a beautiful 16 mo old son, and I have gotten back into my field of work, which for a long time I thought would be impossible because of my legal troubles. I cannot figure out what could be wrong, what is going on in my head that would allow me to continue to drink when I have everything to loose if I continue. What I really want is to be able to stop. I go to meetings and it doesn't help. I actually get anxiety about having to go. I have been in inpatient as well as outpatient treatment, I don't have the money to do that anymore. I can usually put together a few days or a week, but then give in to my cravings. I know others here may have felt the same as I do today, why can't I do this? I don't have any major psycological issues to deal with, I'm actually pretty normal, I bet there are people that know me that would be SHOCKED if they knew what kind of life I had before, shocked to know I drink like this. I could really use some advice. THANKS!!!
“Expectations” after rehab???
Hi Ladies (and perhaps a Gentleman or two!). Hope all is well, as always.
Short story... had an ex who was an addict... if you're really interested, you can probably find some pretty pathetic posts pre-February 2007 from me regarding the same! Broke it off when the legal trouble started on his part... one thing I know I can't handle. Began dating another guy... he was completely "socially acceptable", shall I say, but our relationship had the passion of a footrest... eventually ended up seeing ex-ABF after breaking it off with Mr. Socially Acceptable... which led to dancing with ex-ABF (we are at a concert, so that wasn't as strange as it sounds)...which of course led to admitting undying-and-perpetual-love for ex-ABF... conveniently about a year and a half after I broke it off and a month before he went to court-ordered rehab for said legal troubles for 90-plus days.
Court-ordered rehab is more than halfway through... I believe... and now of course my brain is starting to ramble. Say what you will (really, it's fine :0) but I think this is it for him and the drugs. I really do. But as a result of the drugs... of course life issues arise. I've been living on my own since I was 15... and I suppose his plan is to move in with his parents when he gets back (at almost 28 years old)... no job to speak of... parents and family have plenty of financial support and always have (don't get me started on that!) so I doubt he's ever sat down and paid bills in his life, at least for all of his own expenses... so here's what I'm faced with.
Despite the fact that I've been doing quite well with the "no expectations" thing in the present, I have a "list"... I know, bad sign. But I still do. It is a list of things he would have to do before I would want to start a life with him... most recently brought to a head by the idea of marriage, which he's presented ever since we "reconnected" (we were together for over three years, so it's not insane if not for the fact that he is currently semi-incarcerated!).
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO. :)
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, health insurance, generaly "Big Boy" stuff.
That's really all I've got. But I know it's not appropriate for me to demand these "expectations" from him.. trouble is, I'm not sure that changing the phrasing... i.e., "I won't accept a relationship with a person who lives with his 'rents" really changes the meaning of any of it. Should I just sit down with him and have one conversation about it? My mom's been sober for four years, and this is what she suggested. She said to get out my expectations, not hide them - but of course, she's an "interested party".
I wish I could talk to my old sponsor about this, but she's actually the one who hooked me up with Mr. Socially Acceptable, so it's all weird with us. I literally don't have the time to make the ONE Alanon meeting within 100 miles of us because of a work commitment that night I can't get out of, either.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Short story... had an ex who was an addict... if you're really interested, you can probably find some pretty pathetic posts pre-February 2007 from me regarding the same! Broke it off when the legal trouble started on his part... one thing I know I can't handle. Began dating another guy... he was completely "socially acceptable", shall I say, but our relationship had the passion of a footrest... eventually ended up seeing ex-ABF after breaking it off with Mr. Socially Acceptable... which led to dancing with ex-ABF (we are at a concert, so that wasn't as strange as it sounds)...which of course led to admitting undying-and-perpetual-love for ex-ABF... conveniently about a year and a half after I broke it off and a month before he went to court-ordered rehab for said legal troubles for 90-plus days.
Court-ordered rehab is more than halfway through... I believe... and now of course my brain is starting to ramble. Say what you will (really, it's fine :0) but I think this is it for him and the drugs. I really do. But as a result of the drugs... of course life issues arise. I've been living on my own since I was 15... and I suppose his plan is to move in with his parents when he gets back (at almost 28 years old)... no job to speak of... parents and family have plenty of financial support and always have (don't get me started on that!) so I doubt he's ever sat down and paid bills in his life, at least for all of his own expenses... so here's what I'm faced with.
Despite the fact that I've been doing quite well with the "no expectations" thing in the present, I have a "list"... I know, bad sign. But I still do. It is a list of things he would have to do before I would want to start a life with him... most recently brought to a head by the idea of marriage, which he's presented ever since we "reconnected" (we were together for over three years, so it's not insane if not for the fact that he is currently semi-incarcerated!).
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO. :)
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, health insurance, generaly "Big Boy" stuff.
That's really all I've got. But I know it's not appropriate for me to demand these "expectations" from him.. trouble is, I'm not sure that changing the phrasing... i.e., "I won't accept a relationship with a person who lives with his 'rents" really changes the meaning of any of it. Should I just sit down with him and have one conversation about it? My mom's been sober for four years, and this is what she suggested. She said to get out my expectations, not hide them - but of course, she's an "interested party".
I wish I could talk to my old sponsor about this, but she's actually the one who hooked me up with Mr. Socially Acceptable, so it's all weird with us. I literally don't have the time to make the ONE Alanon meeting within 100 miles of us because of a work commitment that night I can't get out of, either.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
