Drug Rehab Options Blog

Oh boy guys, my computer battery is on it's last leg, and I finally did it.

Just when I'm going to hear / need support from my SR friends....

I told the abf to not come home tonight. Guess I act quickly-

He gave me an easy out. He stopped 'out' again tonight. I called and called his cell. Finally when he answered, he started with the "hi baby" thing.....

I called him back and asked that he go outside to hear me. (not optimal to do over the phone, but it was an opportune time)

I told him NOT to come home tonight..... he started quacking again, along with the come on baby thing. I told him that I know he is useing more than ever, drinking, and disrespecting me.

I told him that the doors would be locked, so as to find a bar room buddy to stay with tonight, and that I would leave his suitcases packed on the porch after I leave for work in the a.m.

I of course got alot of rebuttal, but stuck to my ground, saying that I am through with this life. I told him that he could kill himself with this lifestyle all by himself, and that I was not willing to sit by and watch him do it.

I also told him that he was showing me the ultimate in disrespect, and that I don't blame him for it at this point because up till now, IVE ALLOWED IT.

I said NO MORE. Not one minute more.

He finallhy said o.k. and hung up on me.

I cried like a baby, after we hung up. The pictures hanging on the wall... our beautiful night on new years, everything came rushing in.... I felt the fear - of looseing a man I love dearly, with every ounce of my being.

I have to keep telling myself, It's never going to change if I don't do SOMETHING.

I have to keep telling myself, I can't save him..... I have to save me.

I'm so very very devestated.

I hope and pray I have the strength to NOT give in to him like I have in the past.

I am praying that I stick to this.

Thank you all for listening.
Love,
Cessy

Hello All,

I am still new to recovery that is for sure about 70 days now. This has been my first holiday season sober for a very long time. I do have some concerns about fairness. My fiance and I spent News Years at home and were asleep before midnight. I am new to this and not sure of all boundaries as of yet. I am a little worried that this lifestyle I am adapting too is a large price for my non-alcoholic fiance to have to pay. In the past we had gone to parties and such and spent time with people. We have discussed that those activities were seldom fun for her then as I was drunk all the time. We also have a one year old little girl in our lives, whom is wonderful. All of these changes are good ones I believe. I felt our NYE was wonderful, we were together as a family and woke up early this AM felt good and just went about our day. Maybe these types of concerns lessen over time as my sobriety time increases and my recovery grows. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way, but I would love some feedback.

Happy 2009
Love,
JT

There are so many sayings in AA and NA, I have to admit I like them and find much wisdom in them. What are your favorites?

Ones I learned are:

It's a lot easier to stay sober then get sober

missing 7 meetings makes one weak

we are all here cuz we ain't all there (not sure if I like that one?) lol

self-pity is an alcohilics worst enemy..poor me, pour me another one

If the drugs don't get you the lifestyle will

they will get you drunk before you get them sober (very true)

one is too many and a million is never enough

Is addiction genetic? Does emotional trauma cause addiction? Is addiction really a disease or is it a way to deal with the problems of today brought on by over-population and a technologically advanced lifestyle.

If addiction is something fostered by trauma and overstimulation in our world, it would seem we could take steps to decrease the problems associated with addiction. Personally, I think certain trauma in our lives is at least a big factor in why addiction exists.

Is addiction caused by something else entirely?

Hello All,

I posted last week explaining that my alcoholic partner had left me after a hard 5 years, we have a baby together and since his alcoholic Father has come into a lot of money (7 weeks ago now) he has stopped contacting me about mine and her wellbeing, left the family home, us, his car, his job and not turned up for several meetings with her (though I wanted to see him too) arranged through his Sister, when we have spoken he's told me several times that it's over, accept it and that he doesn't love me anymore, though this I am finding so very very difficult to accept because before his fathers Money he did really appear to love me and her and I really know that he did despite all the difficulties his lifestyle gave us.

You all gave me tremendous words of support and I had a great weekend with my family and friends really feling one step closer to finding normal again.

Anyhow, felt the need to write becasue today I feel dreadful. My best friend was out in our local pub and then on to a nightclub last night and he was out seemingly having the time of his life, she is very honest with me and simply said that he was drunk (obviously) but quite content and full of fun and didn't even ask her how either of us were (she was always a good family friend so I find this just plain odd).

I now feel a mix of things, 1. All the sadness and missing him has resurfaced and I just want to call his sisters phone to even be able to talk to him though I know he will just want me off the phone and I'll feel even worse at the end. 2.Jealousy I guess that others are still able to spend happy times with him but we are not as he finds it too problematic. 3. Anger, whilst he hasn't contributed a penny to her in 7 weeks - all my household bills are the same and I'm struggling and cold he is able to go to expensive nightclubs without even a thought.

So these are my questions if any of you can help again-

How do I get over all this again? And do you think he really, really doesn't love me so much he can't even bear to see me or speak to me and his baby daughter who he seemed to adore. Does any part of him miss me? and if it does would he even recognise it after 7 weeks of solid heavy drinking?

I know how I'm coming across and I know the answer, that I need to concentrate on me, which I was feeling I was doing but obviously that must have been false because I'm right back where I was 7 weeks ago today, I think the tablets for depression are working and it'd good not to have the angst of living with a drunk but the yearning and emptiness that his leaving has left behind today, feels worse than all of the disaster and chaos we had when he was there.

So sorry for bleating on again, but this has been a lifeline for me, you are all so wise and kind. x

I have been in a 5 year relationship with a man whom I believe to be an alcoholic, I will give you a little insight and hope that you can confirm this. When we met I had just left a 10 year relationship with my University Boyfriend and had lost my Mother after spending some years caring for her with Cancer. I fell instantly in love with him and was happy to indulge in his lifestyle of social drinking at that time. His family are quite dysfunctional, his Mother has always been Bi-Polar, His father a very heavy drinker and his sister has suffered with depression since a breakdown some years past and they all lived together. Over the first few years there were a number of drunken arguments between us but when he was sober he was so kind, conscientious and loving. I then bought a house and became pregnant. Since living in 'our' house and particularly through pregnancy and the subsequent birth of our daughter he went out more and more without me and commonly went on 2 and 3 days drinking binges. I recognise from what I have read that I was enabling this by either - locking the door don't come home or getting him a new job when he got sacked, either or. I also understand again from what i have read that I became very co-dependant (my family were entirely normal with no dependancies/ mental illness etc but my Mother though caring would never even use the word 'love' but I know she loved us dearly) recently after a binge he returned home to find I had put his things outside and came in and set fire to the kitchen whilst I was upstairs (there has been a number of such incidents) He was arrested and now faces the penalty this may bring, although I have said I did not wish to go to court. After a short while I asked him to come home again, desperate to have this normal family life and we did albeit short. It didn't take too long for him to disapear again as his Father has recently come into several thousand pounds all of which he will spend on drink and happily encourage my partner to join him. I 'snapped' overdosed on sleeping tablets and am now being treated for depression. He simply walked away, he left his things, his car, his job, us everything and made no effort to contact me or even enquire through friends about my well being. Since then I have been contacting him sporadically to try to arrange meetings to see our daughter (but in reality I want him to see me) also on the occasion I do drink I will get very upsaet and try to contact him then. I know to his family and friends he blames my arguing and trying to control his drinking on all the trouble that has been caused, I sometimes wonder if it was my fault, had I held the hurt and anger in when he went missing etc, he wouldn't have become angry and it would have settled down again? He has told me that he no longer loves me, we are over and he will need to 'straighten his head out' before he sees our baby. I can't accept this, He has been drinking solidly every single day now for the last 6 weeks- helped by his dad. Does he mean this? I can't believe he does because during the periods where he was sober or not drinking terribly heavily we were so close and happy. I hope you can answer this honestly becasue I need to hear it even if it is that there is no longer any 'us'. I know the relationship was awful and I would tell a friend to run away fast and not look back. I am 10 years younger than him, have a great family and friends and a good job and it does get a little easier some days but others are horrific it feels like he's dead and I can'[t accept it, I'm just pretending to those around me. So that's really the question, do you think he means it, when the money has gone will he come back to me? On dark days I would gladly have him back, problems as well. I know that sounds pathetic but I am being honest. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated, I'm so consumed by the upset I can't function.

Well, I posted awhile back when I decided to stop drinking and to begin recovery. I had gone on a 3 day bender, missed work, was about to make some irrational drastic changes in my life when I realized the only changed I need to to make was to STOP DRINKING. I'm not stupid. I know alcohol is and always has been the root of all of my problems.

So I stopped. I did everything right, except attend AA. I made it to day 44. It was a Tuesday, I was sitting at work...and suddenly just felt the urge. I gave in. I met my friend at our old hot spot. This was about three weeks ago. Since then, I APPEAR to be drinking responsibly. However, this is not the case. I've realized it's not as much my actions and how much I drink...it's about the internal struggle I face EVERY time I drink. I may appear to be out casually having a beer. Inside, I just want to drink myself into an oblivion! I've been drinking 'normal' in public and in front of others, and then going home and drinking more, or sneaking it. This is obviously very disturbing to me.

My mom knew about my recovery. She was (and IS) happy/proud. I never told her I relapsed, and don't plan on it. Most of my extended family knows as well. I'm going home for Thanksgiving and I don't want them to know otherwise. I'm ashamed, but more so disappointed in myself.

I feel like I don't know how to start over. I know I WANT to be sober. I'm just having a hard time letting go of my old lifestyle. When I was sober for 44 days, I didn't do much. I worked out and read. I wasn't very social. (Besides my interaction w/my roommate and work.) When I started back drinking recently it was like I was happily re-introduced to a more "exciting" and "eventful" life. Nothing particularly bad has happened just yet as a result of my drinking...but I know it will.

I've also starting seeing someone. I've already showed signs of someone with a drinking problem in front of him. I DETEST THIS. He's not much of a drinker...he'll have a beer here and there. It's hard for me, because alcohol and going out seems to be a big part in getting to know someone...especially when you're 24, I guess. We have weekend plans and I know alcohol will be present. Having alcohol available in social situations you're NOT QUITE comfortable in yet is NOT GOOD for someone that's attempting recovery.

Essentially, I'm just so lost. I thought I had hit my rock bottom...I'm now thinking perhaps I have not. I also know that I don't want to experience another supposed one! I'm royally confused. And experience/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure where to start so I'll start at the begining

I met my fiance 4 years ago through a mutual friend. When we first met we both smoked pot and drank heavily. Eventually I grew tired of the partying and started living a much more moderate lifestyle. The transition has not been as easy for my fiance.

He has unsecessfully tried to quit smoking pot twice. Both times he had severe mood swings which lasted for weeks at a time and would drink excessively. After 3 or 4 months of not smoking up he would start smoking again. I have been supportive through these attempts and recognize that he doesn't want to live like this forever, he promised that he would give it up before the wedding. He has, however, made it clear that he really does like smoking pot as it helps him relax and he likes getting high.

We are now 5 months away from our wedding and I am getting more and more anxious as the weeks pass. I am no longer happy living like this and recognize that I can't control his use. The only thing I can control is whether I remain in this relationship and get married to an addict. Last weekend I told him that if he doesn't seek outside help for this that I will not marry him in April. I gave him one week to make up his mind and provided him with some contact information for different counsellors near our home.

He has made it clear that he doesn't intend on ever seeking professional help for his problems. He has set a quit date, which is December 11, but to be honest I just don't feel like this is good enough for me. I keep hoping that he will change his mind but at the same time I know he doesn't take me seriously when I say that I'll cancel the wedding. I don't blame him, there has been times where I have put my foot down only to change my mind later.

I feel like I am being cruel by threatening him. I don't know what else to do, I love him so much but refuse to cater to his disease for any longer. This morning while talking on the phone he said he is willing to come a compromise but I don't know what an acceptable compromise would look like. I don't want to feel like I'm cheating myself out of a good marraige by letting him get his way once again.

I just feel lost, lonely and scared... I don't know what to do or where to start.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

My daughter has been involved in drugs and a drug lifestyle on and off for the last 10 years. (Mostly On) She has gone to treatment twice, many meetings, counselling and still does not get it. My question is for the loved ones of addicts -- How do you handle questions from others - friends, business associates or family members who ask how your children are doing? They are not asking from a meanspirited stance, they are asking so that they can catch up on your life. Most do not have a clue about her lifestyle. I usually say she is fine and change the subject.
Just curious how others handle this..
Thanks,

I contacted the AXBF today. I felt horrible, terrible, cried about each text that came through and for each time I responded. He wrote about how he is crying all the time. He asked me to keep working with my counselor about my trust issues because it is my fault we are apart, and so on... In between text messages he wrote me an e-mail stating how much I have hurt him by my mistrust of him and that I needed to pay car insurance for the month of December. We alternate payments, but I am in no shape to pay this month, and I cover other joint bills with no help from him. When he wrote about me paying the bills he told me that I needed to make the payment because he is in no shape to work, and since he left home and took nothing but a bag of clothing, and I essentially have all of his belongings, that it is my duty because of what I did to him. (Didn't trust him because he lied and was evasive all the time!) He ended it with.. I love you.

I did respond back with: "Thank you for sharing your feelings. You will need to pay that bill as I have paid xyz bill for the last 4 months... I do love you. According to this e-mail you are more seeped with anger towards me then anything. For that I feel sorry for you. I wish you the best life has to offer. I hope you decide to find a job, one that will fit into your lifestyle without crimping your style (such as I did). Better yet, the Salvation Army provides health services for free, instead of you working that program on your own, how about give them a call? I care about you and wish for you to find your way out of this mess which will lead to your own demise if you choose to stay on the path that you have been on since you were a young man, which you aren't a young man any more and your body is going to start really feeling the effects. Do you want to die? I don't want you to die, before you realize what is 80% of the problem. "

I feel emotionally drained, and it is my own fault for carrying on a conversation with him via text messaging. I broke, I snapped, I caved. I never want him to go to his grave not knowing that I love him dearly. I just can't be part of the insanity.

Tomorrow is another day. I need to depend more on God's will, rather then my own will.