Archive for the ‘Lifetime’ tag
Next Tuesday seems like a lifetime away!
Well, I finally found out when I'm gonna be placed on Suboxone. Next Tuesday at 7:30 in the morning. They don't want me to take any opiods/opiates for two days straight which isn't a problem for me because I run out of Vicodin on Friday night. So really I have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to get through with the damn withdrawals.
I have Gabapintin/Neurotin which I was told on here that the drug helps with the withdrawals and the Clonodine patch. Yet, I'm still unsure and I guess I need to grow a pair of balls and tough it out. At least I don't have to worry anymore WHEN I'll be put on the drug.
It's just strange that the clinic I'm going to seems absolutely clueless on a number of things that you guys already know about and have informed me by reading your posts and topics. It seems like I had to push for a great deal of things since my wacko doctor decided to take me off of Vicodin that the clinic should have done in the first place. Like, for example, me finding out who my clinician was. If I didn't ask around that day I believe she still wouldn't have gotten in touch with me and I'd be still waiting.
I have a group to go to on Friday and on Monday. I don't know if I can make the Monday group because I'll feel like crap...but she says its important because they need to take my vitals. I'm also guessing that they'll give me a drug test to see if I'm really off Vicodin or taking something else that I haven't told them about.
This is gonna be one hell of a weekend. ;)
I have Gabapintin/Neurotin which I was told on here that the drug helps with the withdrawals and the Clonodine patch. Yet, I'm still unsure and I guess I need to grow a pair of balls and tough it out. At least I don't have to worry anymore WHEN I'll be put on the drug.
It's just strange that the clinic I'm going to seems absolutely clueless on a number of things that you guys already know about and have informed me by reading your posts and topics. It seems like I had to push for a great deal of things since my wacko doctor decided to take me off of Vicodin that the clinic should have done in the first place. Like, for example, me finding out who my clinician was. If I didn't ask around that day I believe she still wouldn't have gotten in touch with me and I'd be still waiting.
I have a group to go to on Friday and on Monday. I don't know if I can make the Monday group because I'll feel like crap...but she says its important because they need to take my vitals. I'm also guessing that they'll give me a drug test to see if I'm really off Vicodin or taking something else that I haven't told them about.
This is gonna be one hell of a weekend. ;)
He is Small Enough and Big Enough
Brent Crowe
:Xmas7
Quote:
|
He was small enough to be born into the world. He was big enough to have spoken that world and everything in it into existence. He was small enough to be born into the ?City of Bread.? He was big enough to be the ?Bread of Life.? He was small enough to cry when he was hungry and wanted to be held. He was big enough to hear the heart cry of every human being. He was small enough to be obsolete. He was big enough to be absolute. He was small enough to be born in to a young family. He was big enough to welcome all who would come into His family. He was small enough to reveal Himself to shepherds close by. He was big enough to draw Magi from afar. He was small enough for an old man after a lifetime of waiting. He was big enough for all who are waiting. He was small enough to wash feet. He was big enough to lead. He was small enough for our sake to become poor. He was big enough that through His poverty we might become rich. He was small enough to live a life free from sin and captivity. He was big enough to bear all the sins of everyone and set His people free. He was small enough to need swaddling cloths. He was big enough to one day leave them behind. He was small enough to become one of us. He was big enough to rescue all of us. This Christmas, whatever you need and wherever you are, He is still both small enough and big enough. |
Dealing with hurt and betrayal: Need Advice
I've got so much to write about and have been putting it off. I'll give you a forewarning: this may come across as long and whiney, but I'm not going to edit it because I just need to get it off my mind.
I don't know what it is about me, or what is going on in my life, but I just feel like I am constantly being tested. I am a rather civil person, I am college educated, I keep my cool, I am kind to others, communicate well, and believe I have good morals and a good charisma. What has happened to me recently is beyond my comprehension and I need to share. The first and foremost thing is that my girlfriend (who I still own and live in a house with) broke up with me. (This happenned exactly 4 days before I lost my job- and I have not been able to find one since). We had been on the rocks for some time to be fair. Well one day we were all hanging out at a bar and my friend and I decided to go home- she didn't come home and ended hooking up with a supposed friend of mine. She has been dating him since (this happenned in July). I didn't find out til almost a month later and she didn't break up with me until a couple weeks later (after I brought her home flowers, champagne, and a hand written love note). Now we have to sell the house in the worst economy in my lifetime. We share it with a roommate- her best friend from high school. This guy used to be in love with her, and I've always considered him to be a snake in the grass. He has actually tried to hit on her in the last couple of years. He's never been on my side, and I've never trusted or felt comfortable with him. Before he lived with us we had a family live with us (Sean, his wife Tik and his son). They lived with us for 14 months and were awful, we basically had to kick them out. Most or all of these people, including my neighbors have turned on me. I was contemplating living with a group of friends for a few months that Sean is now living with, and he turned on me and said this was the worst living situation of his life (which is hard to believe considering he has lived with thiefs and drug dealers). I simply made him follow rules that were not customary to him- such as not letting the cats out, not letting his kid eat in the living room, etc. I was pretty much over this, and dealing with the break up, then I got dealt another blow. My neighbors, who are huge fans of my music invited me over for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Their son, Brett, plays and we have played several times together and I have urged him to do open mics with me, etc. Well I was drunk on my birthday, but no more drunk than anyone else. Brett called me an "ass hole" for not letting me play with him. It took me by surprise as I'm not much of a spot light person to begin with, and have only played when asked. Like I said, I was very taken back by this but he told me nevermind and I thought it would blow over. I brought it up a few days later in kind of a snide way, "remember when you called me an ******* the other night?". Well it escalated because he denied it, and it made me very angry. Then my roommate Jeff (my exes friend from high school) jumped in and ganged up on me and said that he didn't call me that he called me something else. This was during my last night of drinking, a date that I had already set. I told them to bring out the video camera and record this so that there wouldn't be any more confusion. I kind of gave him a hard time, and it was video recorded (it was a bit tongue in cheek), but I was upset. A week later my neighbor Brett calls me and wants to hang out, but I've got a date. She ended up sleeping downstairs, and they partied all night at my house and were wrestling on the floor, playing loud music. I went upstairs and asked them to turn the volume down, and my roommate got very belligerent, I told him this is my house and I make the rules in a very angry tone. I had not been drinking this night, but they were very drunk. They also played the video tape of me that night, I could hear it from below (I thought this was all in fun games). To be honest at this point, I was mostly upset with my roommate, who I don't trust and seems to be out to get me. I told my ex that I think he should live somewhere else and that he's been taking advantage of her and us for years (he still owes almost $3000 in back rent).
The next thing that happened took me by total surprise. My neighbor's mom, Sandy, knocked on our door and asked for a beer. I and my roommate answered the door at the same time, this women used to love me and every time I saw her she would give me a big hug and tell me as much. She's been to several of my gigs and is very enthusiastic about my music. When we got upstairs, I noticed that she wasn't really talking to me. She was just talking to my roommate, she then invited him and only him to come over this last Thursday and then she left. I was in shock. I was very hurt, and was tempted to send her a text letting her know how rude I thought that was. But I refrained, I remember my mom would always tell me to take the high road as a child in these manners, that is what I did. I didn't react. On Thursday I came home (I kind of expected them to come and invite me over)- they never did. They had the party without me. I spent Thursday on this board, and googling anger managment tips and how to deal with these situations. I worked very hard at being forgiving and patience, I wasn't going to react. I felt a lot better Friday and Saturday, I drove by them and she looked very upset. Then the snow hit on Sunday, and I have been stranded here. They have been hanging out and partying next door since, and haven't said a word to me. I've been deeply upset and hurt, and at this moment I can hear them all laughing and having a good time. I was downstairs working on my music today, trying to deal with this the best I could, I decided to take a walk in the snow to cool the nerves. I noticed they had made a crude object out of snow and put it on my car. When I got home I decided on the advice I got on the internet, that I was going to write Sandy a letter, and not send it. It basically said that I wanted them to know how hurt and upset I was and that I felt ganged up on at a time when I need people most, and I didn't know why they were doing this to me. I said she had a lot of nerve to come over to my house and invite my roommate over while ignoring me. That I have always been supportive of Brett and his music, about him calling me an *******, I also said if I gave them the wrong impression and that I was drunk, I apologize and my door is still open for friendship. I felt so emotional when I wrote it, that I decided to just give it to them. I walked next door with an envelope in my hand and Angel (the husband) were walking outside with Brett and I told Angel to give it to Sandy (I addressed the letter to both Sandy and Brett).
Again, I kind of expected closure and for them to call me, say something???
Nothing, now my roommate is over there and they are partying, I can hear them right now. This isn't going to be handled by me without some sort of outlet, it's not going to go away. I am very angry and very hurt right now, and it's the accumulation of several things that have happened to me. I haven't felt this raw since I was 16 and a bunch of my friends turned on me and started bullying and harrassing me. I don't want my anger to get the best of me, I need some advice. I am stranded in this house because of the snow, so I can't really even get out, which sucks because that's exactly what I would do. I feel I am in a prison of rage, and I am besides myself. If any one has any advice on how to outlet my anger and deal with this in a dignified manner, please help. I've got no one close to turn to right now, the closest thing in my life has also abandoned me. That's the other thing, I came home Saturday and she was just leaving here with her new boyfriend. I feel like breaking things right now, I am not going to drink but I don't know how much more I can take to be honest. I can't believe of what's become of my life, this is just ridiculous. I don't how people can be so unconscientous and cold, I really am besides myself right now.
I don't know what it is about me, or what is going on in my life, but I just feel like I am constantly being tested. I am a rather civil person, I am college educated, I keep my cool, I am kind to others, communicate well, and believe I have good morals and a good charisma. What has happened to me recently is beyond my comprehension and I need to share. The first and foremost thing is that my girlfriend (who I still own and live in a house with) broke up with me. (This happenned exactly 4 days before I lost my job- and I have not been able to find one since). We had been on the rocks for some time to be fair. Well one day we were all hanging out at a bar and my friend and I decided to go home- she didn't come home and ended hooking up with a supposed friend of mine. She has been dating him since (this happenned in July). I didn't find out til almost a month later and she didn't break up with me until a couple weeks later (after I brought her home flowers, champagne, and a hand written love note). Now we have to sell the house in the worst economy in my lifetime. We share it with a roommate- her best friend from high school. This guy used to be in love with her, and I've always considered him to be a snake in the grass. He has actually tried to hit on her in the last couple of years. He's never been on my side, and I've never trusted or felt comfortable with him. Before he lived with us we had a family live with us (Sean, his wife Tik and his son). They lived with us for 14 months and were awful, we basically had to kick them out. Most or all of these people, including my neighbors have turned on me. I was contemplating living with a group of friends for a few months that Sean is now living with, and he turned on me and said this was the worst living situation of his life (which is hard to believe considering he has lived with thiefs and drug dealers). I simply made him follow rules that were not customary to him- such as not letting the cats out, not letting his kid eat in the living room, etc. I was pretty much over this, and dealing with the break up, then I got dealt another blow. My neighbors, who are huge fans of my music invited me over for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Their son, Brett, plays and we have played several times together and I have urged him to do open mics with me, etc. Well I was drunk on my birthday, but no more drunk than anyone else. Brett called me an "ass hole" for not letting me play with him. It took me by surprise as I'm not much of a spot light person to begin with, and have only played when asked. Like I said, I was very taken back by this but he told me nevermind and I thought it would blow over. I brought it up a few days later in kind of a snide way, "remember when you called me an ******* the other night?". Well it escalated because he denied it, and it made me very angry. Then my roommate Jeff (my exes friend from high school) jumped in and ganged up on me and said that he didn't call me that he called me something else. This was during my last night of drinking, a date that I had already set. I told them to bring out the video camera and record this so that there wouldn't be any more confusion. I kind of gave him a hard time, and it was video recorded (it was a bit tongue in cheek), but I was upset. A week later my neighbor Brett calls me and wants to hang out, but I've got a date. She ended up sleeping downstairs, and they partied all night at my house and were wrestling on the floor, playing loud music. I went upstairs and asked them to turn the volume down, and my roommate got very belligerent, I told him this is my house and I make the rules in a very angry tone. I had not been drinking this night, but they were very drunk. They also played the video tape of me that night, I could hear it from below (I thought this was all in fun games). To be honest at this point, I was mostly upset with my roommate, who I don't trust and seems to be out to get me. I told my ex that I think he should live somewhere else and that he's been taking advantage of her and us for years (he still owes almost $3000 in back rent).
The next thing that happened took me by total surprise. My neighbor's mom, Sandy, knocked on our door and asked for a beer. I and my roommate answered the door at the same time, this women used to love me and every time I saw her she would give me a big hug and tell me as much. She's been to several of my gigs and is very enthusiastic about my music. When we got upstairs, I noticed that she wasn't really talking to me. She was just talking to my roommate, she then invited him and only him to come over this last Thursday and then she left. I was in shock. I was very hurt, and was tempted to send her a text letting her know how rude I thought that was. But I refrained, I remember my mom would always tell me to take the high road as a child in these manners, that is what I did. I didn't react. On Thursday I came home (I kind of expected them to come and invite me over)- they never did. They had the party without me. I spent Thursday on this board, and googling anger managment tips and how to deal with these situations. I worked very hard at being forgiving and patience, I wasn't going to react. I felt a lot better Friday and Saturday, I drove by them and she looked very upset. Then the snow hit on Sunday, and I have been stranded here. They have been hanging out and partying next door since, and haven't said a word to me. I've been deeply upset and hurt, and at this moment I can hear them all laughing and having a good time. I was downstairs working on my music today, trying to deal with this the best I could, I decided to take a walk in the snow to cool the nerves. I noticed they had made a crude object out of snow and put it on my car. When I got home I decided on the advice I got on the internet, that I was going to write Sandy a letter, and not send it. It basically said that I wanted them to know how hurt and upset I was and that I felt ganged up on at a time when I need people most, and I didn't know why they were doing this to me. I said she had a lot of nerve to come over to my house and invite my roommate over while ignoring me. That I have always been supportive of Brett and his music, about him calling me an *******, I also said if I gave them the wrong impression and that I was drunk, I apologize and my door is still open for friendship. I felt so emotional when I wrote it, that I decided to just give it to them. I walked next door with an envelope in my hand and Angel (the husband) were walking outside with Brett and I told Angel to give it to Sandy (I addressed the letter to both Sandy and Brett).
Again, I kind of expected closure and for them to call me, say something???
Nothing, now my roommate is over there and they are partying, I can hear them right now. This isn't going to be handled by me without some sort of outlet, it's not going to go away. I am very angry and very hurt right now, and it's the accumulation of several things that have happened to me. I haven't felt this raw since I was 16 and a bunch of my friends turned on me and started bullying and harrassing me. I don't want my anger to get the best of me, I need some advice. I am stranded in this house because of the snow, so I can't really even get out, which sucks because that's exactly what I would do. I feel I am in a prison of rage, and I am besides myself. If any one has any advice on how to outlet my anger and deal with this in a dignified manner, please help. I've got no one close to turn to right now, the closest thing in my life has also abandoned me. That's the other thing, I came home Saturday and she was just leaving here with her new boyfriend. I feel like breaking things right now, I am not going to drink but I don't know how much more I can take to be honest. I can't believe of what's become of my life, this is just ridiculous. I don't how people can be so unconscientous and cold, I really am besides myself right now.
Overcoming defects of character
I recently celebrated 3 yrs sober, and it felt good, but I am still unhappy that I suffer from certain character defects. I easily get a negative outlook on life and just wish for the instant feeling of good I got from booze/drugs. I have had a lot of extremes in life, more than other people in recovery I know. I did a lot of narcotics, got a lot of money without working for it early in life, and sex was the same. I don't like journeys, I just like destinations. I have difficulty in life not seeing it in these terms (black and white, all or nothing, sex/booze/money/status), and I often live my life just wanting to escape or find a means to escape. This makes me more selfish than I would like. I notice most people in general are very selfish.... most people in aa are still selfish to some degree, and the people who I see as less selfish are only selfless IF they think it will benefit them. I am like that, but more extreme. I feel like it will take a lifetime to undue the damage I did to myself (if it is possible). Getting sober and getting a job is easy, overcoming this stuff feels almost impossible. All I can manage to do is pray about it, do my readings, and try not to commit the selfish acts that have ruined me and my attitude/approach to life (or at least ones that are obvious to me). I am only now starting to accept myself a little more for who I am, so I am only beginning to accept others a little more too and want to be a part of their lives.
JFT November 22
November 22
Foundation first
?As we begin to function in society, our creative freedom helps us sort our priorities and do the basic things first.?
Basic Text, p. 83
????=????
No sooner do we get clean than some of us begin putting other priorities ahead of our recovery. Careers, families, relationships?all these are part of the life we find once we?ve laid the foundation of our recovery. But we can?t build a stable life for ourselves before we do the hard, basic work of laying our recovery foundation. Like a house built on sand, such a life will be shaky, at best.
Before we begin putting all our attention to rebuilding the detailed framework of our lives, we need to lay our foundation. We acknowledge, first, that we don?t yet have a foundation, that our addiction has made our lives utterly unmanageable. Then, with the help of our sponsor and our home group, we find faith in a Power strong enough to help us prepare the ground of our new lives. We clear the wreckage from the site upon which we will build our future. Finally, we develop a deep, working familiarity with the principles we will practice in our continuing affairs: honest self-examination, reliance upon our Higher Power?s guidance and strength, and service to others.
Once our foundation is prepared, then we can go full steam ahead to put our new lives together. But first we must ask ourselves if our foundation is secure, for without our foundation, nothing we build can stand for long.
????=????
Just for today: I will take care to lay a secure foundation for my recovery. Upon such a foundation, I can build for a lifetime in recovery.
Foundation first
?As we begin to function in society, our creative freedom helps us sort our priorities and do the basic things first.?
Basic Text, p. 83
????=????
No sooner do we get clean than some of us begin putting other priorities ahead of our recovery. Careers, families, relationships?all these are part of the life we find once we?ve laid the foundation of our recovery. But we can?t build a stable life for ourselves before we do the hard, basic work of laying our recovery foundation. Like a house built on sand, such a life will be shaky, at best.
Before we begin putting all our attention to rebuilding the detailed framework of our lives, we need to lay our foundation. We acknowledge, first, that we don?t yet have a foundation, that our addiction has made our lives utterly unmanageable. Then, with the help of our sponsor and our home group, we find faith in a Power strong enough to help us prepare the ground of our new lives. We clear the wreckage from the site upon which we will build our future. Finally, we develop a deep, working familiarity with the principles we will practice in our continuing affairs: honest self-examination, reliance upon our Higher Power?s guidance and strength, and service to others.
Once our foundation is prepared, then we can go full steam ahead to put our new lives together. But first we must ask ourselves if our foundation is secure, for without our foundation, nothing we build can stand for long.
????=????
Just for today: I will take care to lay a secure foundation for my recovery. Upon such a foundation, I can build for a lifetime in recovery.
I Come from a Long Line of Addicts
Hey Everyone,
My names Tom and I come from a long line of addictive people. My father was an alcoholic all his life up till about ten years ago, then had a slip up a few years back, but now is sober through AA for over a year. My sister also struggles with Bulimia and had a month long inpatient treatment at the Renfrew Center.
I feel that at 17 years old I've seen more than most people have seen in a whole lifetime. I have images of my father being passed out on the floor, and images of skeleton like figures at the Renfrew Center. I've been to psychiatrists and whatnot but I don't feel like I'll ever get those images out of my head; yet I think I'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm lucky to have witnessed these things, to make me a stronger and more driven individual. I feel like I've been enlightened, and I know what this life is for and not to waste it. I want to do something to help recovering bulimics and/or alcoholics, and this board seems like a nice place to share stories and give support, so I am very happy to have joined!
Thanks alot, if anyone is from Connecticut and would like to talk on the phone or anything let me know, I would be more than willing.
Tom =]
My names Tom and I come from a long line of addictive people. My father was an alcoholic all his life up till about ten years ago, then had a slip up a few years back, but now is sober through AA for over a year. My sister also struggles with Bulimia and had a month long inpatient treatment at the Renfrew Center.
I feel that at 17 years old I've seen more than most people have seen in a whole lifetime. I have images of my father being passed out on the floor, and images of skeleton like figures at the Renfrew Center. I've been to psychiatrists and whatnot but I don't feel like I'll ever get those images out of my head; yet I think I'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm lucky to have witnessed these things, to make me a stronger and more driven individual. I feel like I've been enlightened, and I know what this life is for and not to waste it. I want to do something to help recovering bulimics and/or alcoholics, and this board seems like a nice place to share stories and give support, so I am very happy to have joined!
Thanks alot, if anyone is from Connecticut and would like to talk on the phone or anything let me know, I would be more than willing.
Tom =]
My 1001st Day One
I figure that during my lifetime, I have made the decision to quit drinking at least 1000 times.
about 900 times I made it past day one
about 500 times I made it past day two
about 200 times I made it past day three
about 10 times I made it past a week
6 times I made it past a month
3 times I made it past 6 months
1 time I made it past I year without drinking
I am currently at day one again :happysad:. I am a binge drinker. For years my pattern was one night of drinking, followed by a day and night 'recovering', then the next night I would drink again. In the last couple of years my binges extended to 3-4 days and included drinking in the day.
I probably would have drunk everyday if a) I could afford it
b) I could get away with it and
c) I wasn't suffering such severe health consequences as a result of my drinking that I am terrified every time I drink I am going to die.
My last stint in rehab was a few months ago - it was actually a day programme meaning we went home each night, so I am amazed that I made it through the whole 8 weeks without drinking.
Then a couple of months ago I got sick - after about a week and a half of being very sick, and not taking care of myself because I wasn't able to, I got worn down and I gave in to temptation and relapsed.
I was in full relapse for about 3 weeks, then I tried to pull myself back out of it.
For the past few weeks, my drinking has been a lot better than it was at it's worst, but I've still been giving in about once a week. Usually when I start I don't stop for at least two days. This last time it was 3 days.
So I'm at day one again.
Currently, I am feeling achey, sick, and anxious.
I am feeling tired but I know I probably won't be able to get to sleep tonight because of feeling anxious and panicky, so I will no doubt feel like poop tomorrow as well. And I will no doubt want to drink to make that poop feeling go away.
But I really hope I don't. I'm writing this here because I want to keep a track of how many days I make it to this time, and by doing that in a public forum, though I can still maintain anonimity (thankfully) I may be more inclined to stick to it.
Or maybe not - I don't know. but I am just going to try and observe and track my progress without judging it too much, and see what happens.
Thanks .
about 900 times I made it past day one
about 500 times I made it past day two
about 200 times I made it past day three
about 10 times I made it past a week
6 times I made it past a month
3 times I made it past 6 months
1 time I made it past I year without drinking
I am currently at day one again :happysad:. I am a binge drinker. For years my pattern was one night of drinking, followed by a day and night 'recovering', then the next night I would drink again. In the last couple of years my binges extended to 3-4 days and included drinking in the day.
I probably would have drunk everyday if a) I could afford it
b) I could get away with it and
c) I wasn't suffering such severe health consequences as a result of my drinking that I am terrified every time I drink I am going to die.
My last stint in rehab was a few months ago - it was actually a day programme meaning we went home each night, so I am amazed that I made it through the whole 8 weeks without drinking.
Then a couple of months ago I got sick - after about a week and a half of being very sick, and not taking care of myself because I wasn't able to, I got worn down and I gave in to temptation and relapsed.
I was in full relapse for about 3 weeks, then I tried to pull myself back out of it.
For the past few weeks, my drinking has been a lot better than it was at it's worst, but I've still been giving in about once a week. Usually when I start I don't stop for at least two days. This last time it was 3 days.
So I'm at day one again.
Currently, I am feeling achey, sick, and anxious.
I am feeling tired but I know I probably won't be able to get to sleep tonight because of feeling anxious and panicky, so I will no doubt feel like poop tomorrow as well. And I will no doubt want to drink to make that poop feeling go away.
But I really hope I don't. I'm writing this here because I want to keep a track of how many days I make it to this time, and by doing that in a public forum, though I can still maintain anonimity (thankfully) I may be more inclined to stick to it.
Or maybe not - I don't know. but I am just going to try and observe and track my progress without judging it too much, and see what happens.
Thanks .
A Codie Vacation…The Live Version
One of the wonderful gifts of recovery here at SR are the friendships we form that can last a short time or a lifetime but are significant to our lives and recovery.
Tuesday I leave for a week in Florida to meet up with CatsPajamas, Hangin' In, Mooselips and Jody Hepler and I know that it is going to be filled with laughter, tears, walks on the beach, and some late night gabbing that may go into the early hours.
We are arriving at various times through the week, at a condo so nicely provide by Hangin' In, and Mooselips and I (who are flying in from two distant cities) will arrive almost the same time and she has suggested that if we can't find each other at the airport "Paging Mooselips....Mooselips please take the phone" should catch her attention....and everyone elses :lmao
There will be stories to tell and pictures to share. I am looking forward most of all to our "Before" and "After" pictures at the Fountain of Youth...that just happens to be near where we are staying. My avatar indicates my faith that this Youth stuff will work, ha ha.
So if you notice a few regulars here missing, please know that we are thinking of you all and just having a fabulous Codie Vacation.
Hugs
:bus
Tuesday I leave for a week in Florida to meet up with CatsPajamas, Hangin' In, Mooselips and Jody Hepler and I know that it is going to be filled with laughter, tears, walks on the beach, and some late night gabbing that may go into the early hours.
We are arriving at various times through the week, at a condo so nicely provide by Hangin' In, and Mooselips and I (who are flying in from two distant cities) will arrive almost the same time and she has suggested that if we can't find each other at the airport "Paging Mooselips....Mooselips please take the phone" should catch her attention....and everyone elses :lmao
There will be stories to tell and pictures to share. I am looking forward most of all to our "Before" and "After" pictures at the Fountain of Youth...that just happens to be near where we are staying. My avatar indicates my faith that this Youth stuff will work, ha ha.
So if you notice a few regulars here missing, please know that we are thinking of you all and just having a fabulous Codie Vacation.
Hugs
:bus
I feel lost.
At the beginning of the week I thought maybe I was ready to date. Not so. Now I think it may be far away for me. My wanting to date, I now think, had to do with being rejected again. Its part of my "wound" as our couples therapist used to say.
I don't feel good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, ect. and I don't know where I lost myself. I love my ex still, but the truth is he has been rejecting me since the day we met. I was never enough for him. I don't think I ever would be. I feel incredibly sad that this is what I have to show for the past 4 years of my life... being with someone who never really cared about how I felt and being a women who is likely so easily replaced it makes my heart hurt to think about how worthless I was/am to him.
I would say I want my life back, but I don't even know what that means right now. I don't know how to pick myself up off the floor.
I keep thinking about all the lies and manipulation and false promises. I don't know what was real or fake. The night he told me about his drinking, I thought I was getting engaged because he said he was ready and my friend was helping him find a ring. Now I wonder if that was all an act too. Another hook. How could I mean so little to someone I love so much? How could I have been so wrong about the truth of my life?
I realize I wasn't with him a lifetime, but I really thought I found my person. There were times I would lay next to him and cuddle very close to him and think "there is no other place in the world I would rather be."
I just feel heartbroken and lost. I thought I was past this part of understanding this disease and if he's not sick, like he says he's not, then what does that say about me?
Crazy-making. I can't get past it and get back on track. Where have I been for all this time and where am I even at now?
Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading : )
I don't feel good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, ect. and I don't know where I lost myself. I love my ex still, but the truth is he has been rejecting me since the day we met. I was never enough for him. I don't think I ever would be. I feel incredibly sad that this is what I have to show for the past 4 years of my life... being with someone who never really cared about how I felt and being a women who is likely so easily replaced it makes my heart hurt to think about how worthless I was/am to him.
I would say I want my life back, but I don't even know what that means right now. I don't know how to pick myself up off the floor.
I keep thinking about all the lies and manipulation and false promises. I don't know what was real or fake. The night he told me about his drinking, I thought I was getting engaged because he said he was ready and my friend was helping him find a ring. Now I wonder if that was all an act too. Another hook. How could I mean so little to someone I love so much? How could I have been so wrong about the truth of my life?
I realize I wasn't with him a lifetime, but I really thought I found my person. There were times I would lay next to him and cuddle very close to him and think "there is no other place in the world I would rather be."
I just feel heartbroken and lost. I thought I was past this part of understanding this disease and if he's not sick, like he says he's not, then what does that say about me?
Crazy-making. I can't get past it and get back on track. Where have I been for all this time and where am I even at now?
Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading : )
New and 8 days sober
Hi, I am Jen and I have a serious drinking problem. I have been a hard drinker since I was about 20, only taking time off during pregnancies. I am 34 now, so you get the jist. The problem has only gotten worse and I am now to the point where I am just swigging hard alcohol out of the bottle and chasing it with beer after beer. I get so ridiculously hungover, that I can barely go to work. I am also a Mother of three and know that my drinking is affecting them.
I have tried to stop before on numerous occassions. I made it to about day 17 or so and caved. I have been to a few AA meeting over my lifetime as well, but don't currently attend. I work full time and am a Mother, so I have very little free time. All of which used to be spent drinking into the wee hours of the night.
I am hoping to quit alcohol for good. Yet, the sound of that terrifies me. I can't even imagine a life without alcohol, so I am trying not to think that far ahead. For now, I have been enjoying waking up without a hangover and being able to think again. I have also been enjoying having extra energy and the want to play with my kids.
I hope to talk with some others here who are going through what I am.
Thanks,
Jen
I have tried to stop before on numerous occassions. I made it to about day 17 or so and caved. I have been to a few AA meeting over my lifetime as well, but don't currently attend. I work full time and am a Mother, so I have very little free time. All of which used to be spent drinking into the wee hours of the night.
I am hoping to quit alcohol for good. Yet, the sound of that terrifies me. I can't even imagine a life without alcohol, so I am trying not to think that far ahead. For now, I have been enjoying waking up without a hangover and being able to think again. I have also been enjoying having extra energy and the want to play with my kids.
I hope to talk with some others here who are going through what I am.
Thanks,
Jen
