Archive for the ‘Light Bulb’ tag
Christmas is finally over!
I'm sorry if this sounds scrooge-like, but I have been dreading this day since my son went to jail 7 weeks ago. He has one more week and that's what we are all hanging on to. I think it has done him some good. He seems more level-headed and optimistic than I've seen him in a long time. I know that it could all fall apart as soon as he gets out. But that's been pretty much the case all along...whatever he chooses will be up to him.
I had a meltdown yesterday, but then got busy cleaning and baking. I made so much dessert for our family meal today that we barely scraped the surface of it. I think I'll freeze the cookies and pull them out on New Year's day. It's amazing what nervous energy will create.
I've been working the steps, actually I've been stuck on Step 1 and the whole issue of control. I can't believe how much of a control freak I am. I want to control what my sons' father gave them for Xmas. I want to control how my boyfriend drives and what route he takes. I want to control my mother and how demanding she is. It's just become so evident to me all the sudden, like a light bulb just came on to this problem in me. I mean, I always knew that I like to control things such as my kids. But I had no idea it is so pervasive in me! It feels like I must admit to the fact that I'm powerless to control about 30 times a day. I have been trying to catch myself from blurting my "controllisms", and just chanting quietly to myself, "it's not your to do, or worry about, or make better." Yeah, I know. People may start looking at me in a funny way, partially because they're so use to me trying to control them or maybe it's because I'm talking to myself! Whatever, it takes a lot of control of myself not to control others!
Anyway, Christmas is over, we made it through this one, and life will go on. (unless I can find a way to control it!) Merry Christmas friends!
krhea
I had a meltdown yesterday, but then got busy cleaning and baking. I made so much dessert for our family meal today that we barely scraped the surface of it. I think I'll freeze the cookies and pull them out on New Year's day. It's amazing what nervous energy will create.
I've been working the steps, actually I've been stuck on Step 1 and the whole issue of control. I can't believe how much of a control freak I am. I want to control what my sons' father gave them for Xmas. I want to control how my boyfriend drives and what route he takes. I want to control my mother and how demanding she is. It's just become so evident to me all the sudden, like a light bulb just came on to this problem in me. I mean, I always knew that I like to control things such as my kids. But I had no idea it is so pervasive in me! It feels like I must admit to the fact that I'm powerless to control about 30 times a day. I have been trying to catch myself from blurting my "controllisms", and just chanting quietly to myself, "it's not your to do, or worry about, or make better." Yeah, I know. People may start looking at me in a funny way, partially because they're so use to me trying to control them or maybe it's because I'm talking to myself! Whatever, it takes a lot of control of myself not to control others!
Anyway, Christmas is over, we made it through this one, and life will go on. (unless I can find a way to control it!) Merry Christmas friends!
krhea
Humm, my codie roots must have pre-dated Richard
I came home from work tonight to find my answering machine blinking. I hit the button and heard a voice from my past--way back to the days before I met Richard. It was a man I met on my first professional job out of high school. We dated briefly and not much came of it because I met Richard shortly thereafter and, well, you all know that story.
Anyway, since I'm a single gal now I thought I'd ring him back and see what's been happening in his life. He didn't leave his phone number, so I looked it up online, found several men with his name in the state where he last lived, so I chose one and dialed the number.
A woman answered so I told her I had the wrong number, apologized, and hung up. I had heard through the grapevine that he was still unmarried, so I tried a different number, then another. Finally, I had a light bulb moment and I hit *69, got a completely different number and rang his phone.
He answered and sounded pleased to hear from me. I told him about my difficulties with reaching him and he told me the first number I dialed was correct and his wife had answered the phone. I asked him if she was aware that he had called me. He said no, but she was home right now. I asked him where he was calling me from, he said the bedroom.
He immediately began to monopolize the conversation, asking only a few questions about me, then repeatedly interrupted me before I could answer his questions. He told me he had a fall the other day, broke his foot, and was laid up in bed with his foot in a cast. He'd heard that Richard had passed away, and thought he'd give me a call. I asked him what his Thanksgiving plans were and he said they were eating Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant because, since he was home recooperating, it was his job to cook the turkey and get started on some of the side dishes. But he went on to say that he'd ruined several of the dishes because he'd poured himself several glasses of brandy, fell asleep, and they burned. I asked him how much he had to drink. He said, oh, you know, the usual 3-4 drinks. It was 4:00 pm when I called him.
I asked him where he was living. He said he was living in an apartment with his wife of 5 years. Back when we were dating, he was 20 years my senior. That would make him 68 today. So in a 10-minute phone conversation with him I learned that he was calling me without his wife's knowledge (but she was in the other room), he's a daily drinker and his drinking is problematic enough that he passed out and ruined his Thanksgiving dinner, that he likely fell and broke his foot also as a result of his drinking, that he's never owned a home of his own, and of all the people in his life he just happened to be thinking about me.
The good news is that today I'm able to see the red flags waving, so I wished him well, told him to enjoy his Thanksgiving dinner, and blocked his number.
And here I thought I became a codie as a result of Richard's drinking. Guess I was attractive to problem drinkers long before that, I just didn't recognize it then.
Anyway, since I'm a single gal now I thought I'd ring him back and see what's been happening in his life. He didn't leave his phone number, so I looked it up online, found several men with his name in the state where he last lived, so I chose one and dialed the number.
A woman answered so I told her I had the wrong number, apologized, and hung up. I had heard through the grapevine that he was still unmarried, so I tried a different number, then another. Finally, I had a light bulb moment and I hit *69, got a completely different number and rang his phone.
He answered and sounded pleased to hear from me. I told him about my difficulties with reaching him and he told me the first number I dialed was correct and his wife had answered the phone. I asked him if she was aware that he had called me. He said no, but she was home right now. I asked him where he was calling me from, he said the bedroom.
He immediately began to monopolize the conversation, asking only a few questions about me, then repeatedly interrupted me before I could answer his questions. He told me he had a fall the other day, broke his foot, and was laid up in bed with his foot in a cast. He'd heard that Richard had passed away, and thought he'd give me a call. I asked him what his Thanksgiving plans were and he said they were eating Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant because, since he was home recooperating, it was his job to cook the turkey and get started on some of the side dishes. But he went on to say that he'd ruined several of the dishes because he'd poured himself several glasses of brandy, fell asleep, and they burned. I asked him how much he had to drink. He said, oh, you know, the usual 3-4 drinks. It was 4:00 pm when I called him.
I asked him where he was living. He said he was living in an apartment with his wife of 5 years. Back when we were dating, he was 20 years my senior. That would make him 68 today. So in a 10-minute phone conversation with him I learned that he was calling me without his wife's knowledge (but she was in the other room), he's a daily drinker and his drinking is problematic enough that he passed out and ruined his Thanksgiving dinner, that he likely fell and broke his foot also as a result of his drinking, that he's never owned a home of his own, and of all the people in his life he just happened to be thinking about me.
The good news is that today I'm able to see the red flags waving, so I wished him well, told him to enjoy his Thanksgiving dinner, and blocked his number.
And here I thought I became a codie as a result of Richard's drinking. Guess I was attractive to problem drinkers long before that, I just didn't recognize it then.
New here time for some help
Hello All,
I am new here, but not new to Alcoholism. My AH was sober for years and had a light bulb moment about 4 years ago. What I mean about a light bulb moment is he decided that maybe he was not an alcoholic after all and the stress of having kids caused him to drink too much back then. Now being niave to the disease 4 years ago, my response was, your an adult and if you think you can drink normally, then, be an adult and do that. HELLLLLLOOOO
Can we say BAD RESPONSE.
FAST FORWARD, this man has turned into someone I do not even know today and it truly blows my mind. My question is: For all of you that are/were married to an alcoholic, how did you get through the phase where you know you can not live like this anymore but still have a house, kids, dog with this person?
THANKS!!
I am new here, but not new to Alcoholism. My AH was sober for years and had a light bulb moment about 4 years ago. What I mean about a light bulb moment is he decided that maybe he was not an alcoholic after all and the stress of having kids caused him to drink too much back then. Now being niave to the disease 4 years ago, my response was, your an adult and if you think you can drink normally, then, be an adult and do that. HELLLLLLOOOO
Can we say BAD RESPONSE.
FAST FORWARD, this man has turned into someone I do not even know today and it truly blows my mind. My question is: For all of you that are/were married to an alcoholic, how did you get through the phase where you know you can not live like this anymore but still have a house, kids, dog with this person?
THANKS!!
Criticism.
In the early stages of my recovery I couldnÂ’t understand how criticism, positive or negative could help me grow in my healing from the disease of addiction. When I was criticizes automatically I went in to a defensive mode. Then came the game of war of words. Right after that came the anger and resentment towards whoever was giving out the criticism. When I felt attacked, I attack back. Sometimes the attack happens only in my mind as I indulge in resentments and fantasies of revenge. My reaction in the past to criticism was simple, Im from Brooklyn I donÂ’t get mad I get even. Today I know that healthy recovering people do not dwell in this type of thinking.
Working the steps, I had a light bulb moment. I started to understand why being criticize was such a big issue in my life. It came from my childhood. Unconsciously I acted out on life because of my childhood wounds. It is not only dysfunctional, it is ridiculous to maintain that what happened in my childhood did not affect my adult life. I had layers upon layers of denial, emotional dishonesty, buried trauma, unfulfilled needs, my heart was broken, my spirit was broken, my beliefs in a Higher Power wounded, I was shamefully criticized.
Some of the choices I made as adult were made in reaction to my childhood wounds. Working my program of recovery and uncovering the truth. I realize when I was being criticize I was reacting and acting out of anger from my childhood wounds. I was giving it the power to control my life. As I let go of my past personalities. I react to criticism with a complete different mindset and attitude.
I am leaning as I go through this journey, where the feelings of Restless, Irritable, and Discontent originated from. With the blessings I receive from working the steps of NA and the strength of my Higher Power. I can start forgiving myself and make amends to the ones I harm in the past. But most of all, I can forgive those who I trusted the most as a child.
In recovery, we say Principles before Personalities. Today I understand that statement with clarity.
Ivan
Working the steps, I had a light bulb moment. I started to understand why being criticize was such a big issue in my life. It came from my childhood. Unconsciously I acted out on life because of my childhood wounds. It is not only dysfunctional, it is ridiculous to maintain that what happened in my childhood did not affect my adult life. I had layers upon layers of denial, emotional dishonesty, buried trauma, unfulfilled needs, my heart was broken, my spirit was broken, my beliefs in a Higher Power wounded, I was shamefully criticized.
Some of the choices I made as adult were made in reaction to my childhood wounds. Working my program of recovery and uncovering the truth. I realize when I was being criticize I was reacting and acting out of anger from my childhood wounds. I was giving it the power to control my life. As I let go of my past personalities. I react to criticism with a complete different mindset and attitude.
I am leaning as I go through this journey, where the feelings of Restless, Irritable, and Discontent originated from. With the blessings I receive from working the steps of NA and the strength of my Higher Power. I can start forgiving myself and make amends to the ones I harm in the past. But most of all, I can forgive those who I trusted the most as a child.
In recovery, we say Principles before Personalities. Today I understand that statement with clarity.
Ivan
