Drug Rehab Options Blog

I went, I pretty much just observed, but everyone was very nice....go the welcome pack of pamphlets and one gentleman gave me a copy of the Serenity Prayer on a wallet card

It was different than expected, but in a good way.

One question....I see a lot of the literature that is available - what do you all think os the best starting point? I an unemployed and pretty much broke, so I need to spend my few spare pennies very wisely. Thoughts?

The other night someone created a disturbance in a meeting and after the third time of being asked not to cross talk that person left the meeting. This left me with a question of spirituality. I understand that this is a difficult situation, I know that there is a pamphlet that outlines a general procedure for such events. I also know that our literature says (to paraphrase) that we should not let people walk on us due to our spirituality and that we should not enable a person by allowing them to act in such a manner. That's like the catch 22. One of the big things that always bothered me about some of the people involved in Christianity is the "hypo-Christian" only applying spirituality when it's convenient, the "Tho shalt not kill" unless of course someone really pisses you off or you don't care for their religious beliefs or the color of their skin. I'm not saying that anyone acted in an nonspiritual manner, I'm just wondering, if spirituality is the path to recovery and the ultimate goal for us is to walk that path, how can we reach that spiritual plane and still deal with life on life's terms? I don't know that anyone truly has the answer to this one I guess I am just looking for a starting point. I did in fact share during the meeting, questioning if spiritual principles would come into play in a situation like this. I think I might have offended my sponsor with what I shared. He shared after I did, almost in explanation, saying that he showed "unconditional love" it was just tough love. This is weighing on me heavily I honestly meant no offense. I guess in truth I said what I said to make people ponder the question as well. I don't know how spiritual that was either.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I went to my second group conscience yesterday. There were so many things that we needed to address. The craziest was that the secretary had taken it upon herself to shorten and rephrase drastically some parts of the spoken literature. I couldn't get with that. I'm so glad that I spoke out.

It turned out that everyone agreed with me and couldn't wait to vote that she read stuff as written. In fact, they voted that we change positions, and that she not be secretary any more. So thank goodness, this fruitcake is not affecting the home group as much after this month. I am so relieved. I was starting to think I was the crazy one. Turns out everyone was fed up and just waiting for someone to start talking about it. Why did it have to be me, with the least clean time in the group?

KJ

an 18 year old who grew up with an addict mom in and out of her life.

Books, etc.

I know about Alateen and Al-Anon but I'm hoping there is some literature.

Thank you.:a194:

My daughter (can't remember the acronym - Addicted daughter - AD?) is in recovery and has slipped up once in the 60 days shes been in NA. But, she can't seem to stay away from the drug-providing boyfriend, and even though she's got the sickest lungs ever (asthma, bad, since she was a little kid), she's decided to take up smoking. She sucks on her inhaler, takes Singulair, and also has to occasionally take a nebulizer treatment. She is self destructive, compulsive and apparently has alot of addictive tendencies.

Here's the 2 worst parts. She lives with me so I have to watch her problems and drama. Actually, I don't just watch, I get wrapped up in it almost daily. And she has a 2 year old baby. My daughter and the baby live here with me. I take care of the baby for her while she goes to her almost nightly meetings.

I guess, even though I know she's on her path, whatever it's going to be - I know this in my head - I cannot seem to let it go and just let her follow her path. I see her and I worry about her, and I worry about the baby, and I can't just let it be.

I have been very good lately because I haven't been telling her how to be and what to do. I tell her to call her sponsor if she's troubled, and I encourage her to follow her path. I don't say a word about the smoking anymore, and I haven't said anything about the hateful boyfriend.

So I just don't say anything, but I stew in it. I'm miserable. I think it might be easier for me to let go if she didn't live with me but more importantly, if she didn't have a baby to take care of. I worry about the baby all the time. I worry that my daughter won't be able to take care of her, and then I worry that I won't be able to either if need be. I just worry about everything.

I try to read some 12 step literature, but it doesn't seem to do any good. I have read some of the information on this site, too, hoping it will give me some kind of relief from my constant worry.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts for a few minutes.

Having been around since mid 1987 and attended both fellowships and Ive noticed that the literature in AA happens to be centered in God and the awareness of my shortcomings and complete need for Him and the NA literaure is more on "me" centered where I would end up saying how great I am and things of sort. What have you experienced?

Ok, so here I go again with my co-dependency issues.

I know the 3 C's and I totally agree with them. However, I also have read books like " No More Letting Go" and "Getting your Loved One Sober".

I struggle with shouldnt I do everything in my power, like trying to get though to my AH's family to see if we can plan an intervention of some sort....AND the fact that that gets in the way of concentrating on myself.

I have reached out to his family before only in the end to be told that "they dont want to be involved unless they have to...and we need to go to counseling, and also, "its starting to affect our lives now"...

As I am writing this, I guess that is my answer...they have already told me they rather not be involved...although that did not come from his parents who were in denial when I talked to them about it last year. I just feel that I cannot help him in that he will not listen to me..the respect is not there...i have made too many threats that i havent followed through. but the respect is still there for his parents......(HIs family hardly sees him and so they have no idea the drug use is still going on....and even when they did know, they didnt realize how bad it was....and now, they probably think he has stopped).

And as I continue to write this post, I am thinking to myself that all this thinking about him is detrimental to MY health....I need to stop it, and start focusing only on ME and my recovery..because I am finally realizing how sick and obsessed I am becoming with this and how, oh god please....how much I just want peace in my life.......

Its hard for me to read things in naranon literature that says i need to separate the disease from the person....because then i start to feel bad for him, that it is not his fault, that he can't help himself, he cant control what he is doing or saying anymore, and that makes me concentrate less on me, become less angry at him, and then I wont do anything about my situation.
How can I stop thinking about him, and concentrate more on me???
I now know that my Monday morning naranon meetings may just be my saving grace to all of this....i love that meeting..it is where I feel support, I feel safe, and I feel that maybe I will be ok. It has to be my number one priiority that i make sure to get to those meetings every week....It is what will keep me sane.
I need to keep my Mondays free so that I can go...no other meetings have been the same for me..ive tried quite a few....and I still my go to others when I can..

I know I have to be strong and realize that by me letting him go to fall on his own, to experience the consequences of his addiction, i am only helping him..but it is so hard to do....tough love...ive never been good at it...I need to get a backbone...I need to be tougher.

thanks for letting me share my deepest thoughts with all of you who are so caring, kind and supportive.

I've been listening to Chris R (as suggested by someone) and he talks a lot about discussion meetings 'sucking ass' for want of a better expression.

In America are they quite common?

I've been sober 10 years and only ever been to 1 discussion meeting and that wasn't in my city/town but rather in Auckland which is at the other end of the country. I can't say I really liked it but can't say I really hated it either. I just found it a bit weird and could see how members could dominate a meeting etc...

If they are quite common what are they like over there?

All meetings here (in my city as far as I know) are formal ESH, with the chairperson asking others by name to share and then maybe opened for anyone who has not been asked or are literature based but still follow this kind of format.

Wouldn't discussion meetings have the tendency to become 'group therapy' like?

Well, I have been attending Al Anon, reading the literature, and beginning to move towards a more integral recovery.

I just wanted to share a quick experience of getting out the way...

As a rescuer/enabler, I have always been there to save my AH from unpleasantness...even now after he has moved out, I have listened to his problems, and still offering my all powerful (yeah right) advice and sympathy. Of course, this does nothing but drain me physically and emotionally. I was literally quacking up. :lmao

Now with some program tools under my belt...last night and today an incident happened that made me think more about this program and its benefits.

I went to school all day yesterday and didn't get home until 11:30pm. On the answering machine, the AH called...obviously toasted...and sounding really desperate: "I NEED someone to talk to! Please help me! Call me right away...I wish you were there!" Under normal circumstances, I would have immediately called, panicing...powercalling until I got him. But I did the first thing I learned in Al Anon: STOP....THINK...so I did. I sat down and thought about what to do. I said the SERENITY PRAYER. After I read some program material, reflected, prayed, and released him to God. If I called back at that hour, he would be passed out or it would have ended up an emotional exhaustion for me. I could only do the most sane, productive thing to do: STOP, THINK, LET GOD AND LET GOD...rinse, repeat.

This morning about 11am. He called me at work. My AH hit his bottom last night. Sold the last piece of jewerly that he has for some food. It hit him hard. Said he seriously thought about taking his own life, and no one was there to talk to him. He was utterly alone, penniless, and empty. I never asked if he drank or offer to get the necklace out of hock. I just LISTENED, another Al Anon tool.

He said he wanted to call me to tell me that he just left his first AA meeting. He got his chip. Since he had never been to an AA meeting before, I knew he wasn't quacking because he told me thing about the meetings that only one would know if you go (like format and such). I told him I was really glad to hear it. He deserved soberity. He said he knew that we weren't getting back together, but he is at the bottom and it was time to go up. He wanted to share the experience with me.

This doesn't change anything between us. The damage is done, but I am peaceful knowing that absolutely nothing I did made him hit bottom or rescued him. What he chooses to do with it is his decision. Will he continue on with it? I don't know. Will he go back and drink himself to death? I don't know. Will AA help? Only God and he know this. What I can say, is I GOT OUT OF THE WAY...I didn't do this in a way to manipulate, control, coerce, but got out of the way for my very life and for his too.

After we hung up, I again released him to God. My husband's name is Donald, have I ever told you that? Donald is an alcoholic, and for such a long time I never saw him as the person he was, but as a disease, an addict, a helpless child, an AH. Today, thanks to Al-Anon, I saw Donald today as he is...a man who is making is own decision, a capable man, a person who I can separate from the disease that has inflicted him and our family. And my sincerest hope is that his decision takes him towards his recovery....because truly, recovery is such a gift.

Silverberry.