Archive for the ‘Little Girl’ tag
First Real Test
Hello All,
I am home this evening somewhere around day 70 something. I am home with our little girl as mama is out of town on a trip for work. I was a little nervous about tonight as this is the first time I have been left alone for any length of time since I have been sober. I had wondered if I would try to get a way with something as I am here on my own for the most part. I have to say it is OK I am laying down as the baby sleeps next to me. I must say the strongest part is what I have learned through AA to be honest with yourself, by doing that (all of the time) I would always know if I were to slip and have a relapse or try to hide any usage. So for that I am thankful and looking for a peaceful and well rested evening, well as long as the little one does too.
Just throwing that out here,
LOVE
JT
I am home this evening somewhere around day 70 something. I am home with our little girl as mama is out of town on a trip for work. I was a little nervous about tonight as this is the first time I have been left alone for any length of time since I have been sober. I had wondered if I would try to get a way with something as I am here on my own for the most part. I have to say it is OK I am laying down as the baby sleeps next to me. I must say the strongest part is what I have learned through AA to be honest with yourself, by doing that (all of the time) I would always know if I were to slip and have a relapse or try to hide any usage. So for that I am thankful and looking for a peaceful and well rested evening, well as long as the little one does too.
Just throwing that out here,
LOVE
JT
Fair to Family
Hello All,
I am still new to recovery that is for sure about 70 days now. This has been my first holiday season sober for a very long time. I do have some concerns about fairness. My fiance and I spent News Years at home and were asleep before midnight. I am new to this and not sure of all boundaries as of yet. I am a little worried that this lifestyle I am adapting too is a large price for my non-alcoholic fiance to have to pay. In the past we had gone to parties and such and spent time with people. We have discussed that those activities were seldom fun for her then as I was drunk all the time. We also have a one year old little girl in our lives, whom is wonderful. All of these changes are good ones I believe. I felt our NYE was wonderful, we were together as a family and woke up early this AM felt good and just went about our day. Maybe these types of concerns lessen over time as my sobriety time increases and my recovery grows. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way, but I would love some feedback.
Happy 2009
Love,
JT
I am still new to recovery that is for sure about 70 days now. This has been my first holiday season sober for a very long time. I do have some concerns about fairness. My fiance and I spent News Years at home and were asleep before midnight. I am new to this and not sure of all boundaries as of yet. I am a little worried that this lifestyle I am adapting too is a large price for my non-alcoholic fiance to have to pay. In the past we had gone to parties and such and spent time with people. We have discussed that those activities were seldom fun for her then as I was drunk all the time. We also have a one year old little girl in our lives, whom is wonderful. All of these changes are good ones I believe. I felt our NYE was wonderful, we were together as a family and woke up early this AM felt good and just went about our day. Maybe these types of concerns lessen over time as my sobriety time increases and my recovery grows. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way, but I would love some feedback.
Happy 2009
Love,
JT
Sister in Law
Well I received a box in the mail today addressed to me by my ab's sister and it was a few outfits for my little girl and 2 little toys for her. He told me she would be sending us a box for xmas and that they are really excited about me getting it. I had just spoken with her before she sent it and explained how much I missed him and hoped he would get help and get things back on track. She said she knew what I was going through and felt so bad her bro had put me through so much this year. She knew I turned down plane tx to see them because I couldn't leave my mom's house where I am leaving to go spend x,as when he still isn't in recovery. She must have been mad at me or something because she didn't send me a card a bottle of lotion-nothing. The only thing with my name was the box it was delivered in. That HURT...last year when I was pregnant she got me a robe, lotion, purse, book and a gift card. This year after all the hell I have been through and not even a xmas card saying she missed us and wanted us there? I am so hurt because she is our age and the only one I really respected in his family and now I realize she is being fake with me and is loyal to her family and my little girl and that is it. She wouldn't care if I suffered through missing xmas with my family to be there for a day and then for me to come back to pissed off parents who are the only ones supporting us right now. Not even a card? What is her problem is this her way of punishing me for not going out to see him and them?According to him they all want us there-by action it seems all they want is my baby? I am so sad...I feel taken for granted and not cared for at all. Am I sad for no reason? Help me understand...this is my first xmas with y lil girl and I don't know how to deal with this please help?:Xmasoa
Feelings Realized
Yes actual feelings realized, it happens all the time I am sure to normal people. I have been sober about 50 some days now. I have real feelings of all kinds every single day now and actually choose to act upon them. Today when we were at the doctor with our little one year old girl she had to get her 1 year shots. This was the first time I have been present for this activity as I was drunk the previous 10 months of her life (the first 10 of her life) therefore I was not around as we all know how that goes. Sorry got off track a little here, what happened was I found it very hurtful and shocking seeing my little girl have these shots and have so much pain, she was of course crying as one would expect, but the part that got me was I saw here little hand shaking like trembling in a way that I knew this was really hurting her. This process was completed rather quickly and I scooped her up and held her until she stopped crying.
Now here is the tricky part once we got back into the car and began to head our of the doctors building, I found myself yelling and cursing at my fiancé about something as simple as one style of sippy cups leaking. I was stating ?why in the ?F? don?t we just throw all these away they leak on her or on everything else around her?. What was further unique about this is the fact that I identified and admitted it in the same moment. I was feeling hurt and afraid for my little girl and was very emotional, thus I took it out in anger at someone else. I apologized and explained how and what I was really feeling.
Of course this kept me thinking for some time today as I was forced to wonder how often I have done this with so many things and the past and would just suppress them at the time and completely bury them later with drugs and alcohol. I spent the rest of the day with our little girl as she has a cold and should not be spreading that wealth at daycare, and to be honest I wanted to be next to her the rest of the day.
JT
Now here is the tricky part once we got back into the car and began to head our of the doctors building, I found myself yelling and cursing at my fiancé about something as simple as one style of sippy cups leaking. I was stating ?why in the ?F? don?t we just throw all these away they leak on her or on everything else around her?. What was further unique about this is the fact that I identified and admitted it in the same moment. I was feeling hurt and afraid for my little girl and was very emotional, thus I took it out in anger at someone else. I apologized and explained how and what I was really feeling.
Of course this kept me thinking for some time today as I was forced to wonder how often I have done this with so many things and the past and would just suppress them at the time and completely bury them later with drugs and alcohol. I spent the rest of the day with our little girl as she has a cold and should not be spreading that wealth at daycare, and to be honest I wanted to be next to her the rest of the day.
JT
Buy a black suit
Whether you're male or female, a good dark suit of clothes is essential, I was told, if I was going to spend any time at all with those recovering or wishing to recover.
Because we don't all "get it" in time.
I was leaving my home for the city this morning to finish my last week of the semester when my husband informed me that "we lost another one." This young woman, Lindsay, was 21. She played with my sons when she was a little girl. She came to one meeting and introduced herself as a heroin addict. She never returned.
And now she can't.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Because we don't all "get it" in time.
I was leaving my home for the city this morning to finish my last week of the semester when my husband informed me that "we lost another one." This young woman, Lindsay, was 21. She played with my sons when she was a little girl. She came to one meeting and introduced herself as a heroin addict. She never returned.
And now she can't.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Just getting started here….
Hey there, I tried to join a social....thang....it said I cannot until I have so many "posts" under my belt....okay, here's the first one.
I don't fit the box....never have never will. I'm rather comfortable with my lack of box fitting....just being about my business.
Posted a recent photo of me and the little girl....she's starting to get big now. She'll be 16 mos old in another week or so. Her food consumption shows it.
Okay....that's my first one. More as it happens.
Blessed be,
L:Dance7:
I don't fit the box....never have never will. I'm rather comfortable with my lack of box fitting....just being about my business.
Posted a recent photo of me and the little girl....she's starting to get big now. She'll be 16 mos old in another week or so. Her food consumption shows it.
Okay....that's my first one. More as it happens.
Blessed be,
L:Dance7:
This is probably really trivial, but…I need to vent…
...it makes me want to run screaming out the door!! I have had much, much worse things to deal with in the last several years, and I feel like maybe I am just being selfish. Please feel free to call it as you see it.
My mother is 86 years old, almost 87. She has been a victim all her life. She is scared of her shadow. She worries about how hard the wind blows, how much it will rain, if it is too cold or too hot. The clearest memory I have of her is watching her drink beer out of a tupperware glass (because, after all, what would the neighbors think), chain smoke, and mutter over and over "what am I ever going to do?".
From the time I was a very little girl, I was taught not to upset her. She just worries, you know. Humor her. Don't hurt her feelings. Poor, poor mama...She never did any of the things that I have since learned that mothers are supposed to do for daughters. I took care of her, period.
My dad died a little over two years ago, and she ultimately went to live with my widowed older sister (who is a whole other story...). I was left with taking care of her bills, and taking care of the condo that nobody lives in and she won't let me rent or sell. So when it's cold she worries that her water will freeze. She worries that there are leaves in the yard. She worries that it won't be warm enough for the cleaning lady...
And she has called me every single night since August of 2006!!
She always calls at 9:30 or later, even though I have asked her to call in the afternoon because evenings are very hectic for me. You see, she and my sister sleep in until 11 or later every morning and don't go to bed before 1am. I, on the other hand, get up at 6 every morning and have a son to get into bed at night.
If I don't answer, she always leaves a voicemail, even though I have told her that she doesn't need to-I will see the missed call.
And she calls back again and again. If I don't answer after two or three calls, she starts calling my sons because she is 'worried' about me. It is utterly ridiculous!
Besides the fact that it is just downright annoying, there isn't anything to say! The conversation repeats itself night after night.
I can't really share my life with her, because I have never shared my life with her. She hasn't the first clue about my life. And I am BUSY and I am TIRED by the time she calls. I don't WANT to hear about where they went to lunch or my sister's chronic diarrhea!
After asking that she not call so late, I have started not answering. I have actually skipped a night of talking to her here and there. I know I need to set a boundary here, and I have tried to. She just doesn't hear me at all.
So anyway, I just needed to vent to some folks who wouldn't accuse me of being a horrible, ungrateful daughter and who might even just understand why I feel like throwing my cell phone across the room every night when she calls.
Suggestions, anyone?
My mother is 86 years old, almost 87. She has been a victim all her life. She is scared of her shadow. She worries about how hard the wind blows, how much it will rain, if it is too cold or too hot. The clearest memory I have of her is watching her drink beer out of a tupperware glass (because, after all, what would the neighbors think), chain smoke, and mutter over and over "what am I ever going to do?".
From the time I was a very little girl, I was taught not to upset her. She just worries, you know. Humor her. Don't hurt her feelings. Poor, poor mama...She never did any of the things that I have since learned that mothers are supposed to do for daughters. I took care of her, period.
My dad died a little over two years ago, and she ultimately went to live with my widowed older sister (who is a whole other story...). I was left with taking care of her bills, and taking care of the condo that nobody lives in and she won't let me rent or sell. So when it's cold she worries that her water will freeze. She worries that there are leaves in the yard. She worries that it won't be warm enough for the cleaning lady...
And she has called me every single night since August of 2006!!
She always calls at 9:30 or later, even though I have asked her to call in the afternoon because evenings are very hectic for me. You see, she and my sister sleep in until 11 or later every morning and don't go to bed before 1am. I, on the other hand, get up at 6 every morning and have a son to get into bed at night.
If I don't answer, she always leaves a voicemail, even though I have told her that she doesn't need to-I will see the missed call.
And she calls back again and again. If I don't answer after two or three calls, she starts calling my sons because she is 'worried' about me. It is utterly ridiculous!
Besides the fact that it is just downright annoying, there isn't anything to say! The conversation repeats itself night after night.
I can't really share my life with her, because I have never shared my life with her. She hasn't the first clue about my life. And I am BUSY and I am TIRED by the time she calls. I don't WANT to hear about where they went to lunch or my sister's chronic diarrhea!
After asking that she not call so late, I have started not answering. I have actually skipped a night of talking to her here and there. I know I need to set a boundary here, and I have tried to. She just doesn't hear me at all.
So anyway, I just needed to vent to some folks who wouldn't accuse me of being a horrible, ungrateful daughter and who might even just understand why I feel like throwing my cell phone across the room every night when she calls.
Suggestions, anyone?
I am in need of understanding and am willing to listen
Hello all,
I have been married for almost 8 years to a buetiful wife and have one 5 year old little girl. About a week ago my wife got very drunk and angry with me. When I wouldnt do what she was asking she ended up kicking me in the head and trying to flail at me. At this point I kicked her out of the house and locked it up. Once she was gone I called the cops and made a report. The next morning she returned still drunk and I informed her in front of my child that she was not welcome in my house.
So with all this going on one of her girlfriends put her in the car and drove her to an AA meeting. She didnt make her go inside but did inform her that if you want to save your family here is a good step. So for the last week I have been living else were and am letting her reside at our house. Oh yea because I didnt want my daughter around my inlaws flew in from florida and took her back with them. So for the last week she has been to 2-3 meetings a day and trying to get herself in order.
I have read some the other posts on here and am just looking for some advice or opinions. I see a counsler twice a week for my own isues and her advice was to let her have all the time she needs to get things on a path that she will understand. She also recomended to me that since we have been married for almost 8 years and would like to continue being married I should still try and stay intimate with her. for example ask her out once a week for a date so that she knows I love her and think she is buetiful.
I am confused because some people are telling me to leave her others are saying that once she is completely involved in AA she wont want to keep our family going because of the rules AA has established. And yet still others are telling me to be that support system she needs and every now and then help forget for a couple of hours a week the emotional stress.
I dont understand and am a little helpless right now. Any input would help.
I have been married for almost 8 years to a buetiful wife and have one 5 year old little girl. About a week ago my wife got very drunk and angry with me. When I wouldnt do what she was asking she ended up kicking me in the head and trying to flail at me. At this point I kicked her out of the house and locked it up. Once she was gone I called the cops and made a report. The next morning she returned still drunk and I informed her in front of my child that she was not welcome in my house.
So with all this going on one of her girlfriends put her in the car and drove her to an AA meeting. She didnt make her go inside but did inform her that if you want to save your family here is a good step. So for the last week I have been living else were and am letting her reside at our house. Oh yea because I didnt want my daughter around my inlaws flew in from florida and took her back with them. So for the last week she has been to 2-3 meetings a day and trying to get herself in order.
I have read some the other posts on here and am just looking for some advice or opinions. I see a counsler twice a week for my own isues and her advice was to let her have all the time she needs to get things on a path that she will understand. She also recomended to me that since we have been married for almost 8 years and would like to continue being married I should still try and stay intimate with her. for example ask her out once a week for a date so that she knows I love her and think she is buetiful.
I am confused because some people are telling me to leave her others are saying that once she is completely involved in AA she wont want to keep our family going because of the rules AA has established. And yet still others are telling me to be that support system she needs and every now and then help forget for a couple of hours a week the emotional stress.
I dont understand and am a little helpless right now. Any input would help.
Help me please !!
Oh my gosh..I just am in shock over what has been happening with my 10 year old son...
First I found out he ordered PORN off cable T.V .
Then today my oldest daughter who lives in Washington called and said she read his my space and that he was saying HORRIBLE NASTY things to little girls online!! THings that imply rape and other disgusting stuff!! I am so scared for him and can't believe he would talk to his friends like that...i am going to call the little girl when she gets home and tell her NEVER to let anyone talk to her like that!!!
I am freakin out here..
I called a therapist..I don't know WHAT to do!!! He was in foster care for one year when he was 4-5 and something happened to him sexually but we never knew exactly what..You could just tell from his behavior that he knew things 5 year olds have NO way of knowing. My sorry ass was in jail cause of drinking..I feel like this is all MY FAULT..
I swear to god I have done ALOT of dirt in my life but I have NEVER understood who would do shyt to kids or why....
I feel so alone right now....My family is just APPAULED and this gives them one more reason to point their finger at me..like they needed a reason.....
I am sick to my stomach...
Any support here appreciated...
love nroth
First I found out he ordered PORN off cable T.V .
Then today my oldest daughter who lives in Washington called and said she read his my space and that he was saying HORRIBLE NASTY things to little girls online!! THings that imply rape and other disgusting stuff!! I am so scared for him and can't believe he would talk to his friends like that...i am going to call the little girl when she gets home and tell her NEVER to let anyone talk to her like that!!!
I am freakin out here..
I called a therapist..I don't know WHAT to do!!! He was in foster care for one year when he was 4-5 and something happened to him sexually but we never knew exactly what..You could just tell from his behavior that he knew things 5 year olds have NO way of knowing. My sorry ass was in jail cause of drinking..I feel like this is all MY FAULT..
I swear to god I have done ALOT of dirt in my life but I have NEVER understood who would do shyt to kids or why....
I feel so alone right now....My family is just APPAULED and this gives them one more reason to point their finger at me..like they needed a reason.....
I am sick to my stomach...
Any support here appreciated...
love nroth
Horrible Week, even worse tonight.
My youngest daughter, age 26 going on 10, just stormed out of the house and left her 6 month old here saying she didn't want her anymore. Of course, first she had to tell me how heartless I was and it was no wonder my middle daughter is an addict the way I treat them. (I know she didn't mean the daughter part.)
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
