Archive for the ‘Loans’ tag
Day 6…Now I really want a beer…Help!
Hi there everyone,
It has been since New Year's Eve that I have had my last drink of alcohol and it marked New Year's Day as my 1 day of sobriety. I have been doing fine since then, until today. My hubby just got home from the lawyer's office, as we are forced to file Chapter 7, due to losing our jobs a little over 2 month's ago. We are expected to lose a few items....in which I've learned to come to terms with and that's ok, they can be replaced down the road.
Well, on the way home, I came so close to pulling into the parking lot of the corner market to buy some beer. I'm in between sadness, stress and some relief that soon this will all come to an end and the creditors will finally quit harrassing us. I know that it's not our fault that we lost our jobs, but in a way I feel very guilty that I can no longer afford to pay back the loans. It's like I want to say I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do about it. So we are turning the items over to the creditors once we go to court...I only want to save my house and our other car.
Anyway, let me tell you what was going through my mind, because if I don't get to the point I will just keep on rambling about my problems....lol! Sorry, I'm bad at doing that.
Well, I kept thinking...Pull over and get some beer, my hubby even offered to give me the money that he had on hand in order for to buy some. Then the other part of me kept thinking...maybe it's not a good idea, think about how bad you will feel tomorrow and the guilt you will carry. Is it really worth it?
Then I thought about everyone on here...what would the people on SB do? Before I knew it, I was in my driveway...went into the house, turned on the computer and started writing this post to you and taking a drink of pepsi with wild cherry flavor. Not exactly what I wanted, because I really like diet pop...but I guess this will have to do. As I write this I'm really trying to calm my craving for a beer or 2, 3, 4....etc. Instead of stopping at the corner market, I thought of SB and decided I needed to hurry up and get home and share what is on my mind. I hope that I just don't say...oh well, go get it...you deserve it. I need to be strong. Trying so hard...I feel like I'm in a battle....even though I know that I'm in the right place.
Right here with you.
I hope this makes sense and if there are any typo's I apologize...I just need to hurry up and post this before I change my mind. By the way, I'm not proof reading this...just type and send.
Thank you all so much for listening and being here with me.
XOXO
:Val004:
It has been since New Year's Eve that I have had my last drink of alcohol and it marked New Year's Day as my 1 day of sobriety. I have been doing fine since then, until today. My hubby just got home from the lawyer's office, as we are forced to file Chapter 7, due to losing our jobs a little over 2 month's ago. We are expected to lose a few items....in which I've learned to come to terms with and that's ok, they can be replaced down the road.
Well, on the way home, I came so close to pulling into the parking lot of the corner market to buy some beer. I'm in between sadness, stress and some relief that soon this will all come to an end and the creditors will finally quit harrassing us. I know that it's not our fault that we lost our jobs, but in a way I feel very guilty that I can no longer afford to pay back the loans. It's like I want to say I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do about it. So we are turning the items over to the creditors once we go to court...I only want to save my house and our other car.
Anyway, let me tell you what was going through my mind, because if I don't get to the point I will just keep on rambling about my problems....lol! Sorry, I'm bad at doing that.
Well, I kept thinking...Pull over and get some beer, my hubby even offered to give me the money that he had on hand in order for to buy some. Then the other part of me kept thinking...maybe it's not a good idea, think about how bad you will feel tomorrow and the guilt you will carry. Is it really worth it?
Then I thought about everyone on here...what would the people on SB do? Before I knew it, I was in my driveway...went into the house, turned on the computer and started writing this post to you and taking a drink of pepsi with wild cherry flavor. Not exactly what I wanted, because I really like diet pop...but I guess this will have to do. As I write this I'm really trying to calm my craving for a beer or 2, 3, 4....etc. Instead of stopping at the corner market, I thought of SB and decided I needed to hurry up and get home and share what is on my mind. I hope that I just don't say...oh well, go get it...you deserve it. I need to be strong. Trying so hard...I feel like I'm in a battle....even though I know that I'm in the right place.
Right here with you.
I hope this makes sense and if there are any typo's I apologize...I just need to hurry up and post this before I change my mind. By the way, I'm not proof reading this...just type and send.
Thank you all so much for listening and being here with me.
XOXO
:Val004:
Always testing….
So I guess this is a kind of a vent.. since the ABF's nice period has worn off.
Why are they always "testing" us? The only nights he comes home early are the nights he wants to start a fight. I try not to engage.. but when you just can't get away from the situation it seems impossible. However I'm very proud of myself for standing my ground.
So, last night be comes home around 7:45 this is a good 2 hours or so earlier than usual. He comes in the room and I can see the puffy, droopy eyes and slight swagar. He changes clothes and I figure he's just headed back out. Instead he starts the saying how he's sorry things have been so messed up but it's just something he's go to figure out on his own. I thought he was talking about the drinking, but he will NEVER actaully explain anything so I naturally wonder just What he is talking about. After proding he tells me he needs THREE GRAND!! Yes, as in $3,000! What for? Of course he can't tell me but continues that if I really care I would give it to him. I say emphatically NO. I don't have it on and on. He want's me to sign loans take advances on credit cards anything. I simply said... look, No is a complete sentence. His reply.. I have two words for you and they start with F & U.
After this we get into a more discussion where he's just "quacking" :chatter and I told him that I've learned. I don't wait on him, I don't worry about him and etc. He seems to actually be contemplating this for a minute and then starts in will all they usual tactics.. Turning the whole conversation around into things we aren't even talking about! I never do anything for him, my friends are POS's, the baby's probably not his, who comes over when he has parties, my family members are POS's, I've never given him any money.. he wants all the money he ever gave me.. on and on and on..
So once this is over he says that asking for the $3,000 is just a test!! :wtf2Of course it is! (Actually he's pulled this type of thing before) So then he keeps asking for it anyway saying it doesn't matter what it's for and that I'll get it back in 1 week. NO. The answer is still NO. I didn't put myself in this mess I have no reason to be apart of it. To which he replies if I don't give it to him we're over. Well I guess we're over then.
Of course he finally left and went where ever it is he goes. I have no idea if he's really in some debt for $3k and I don't care. I'm so sick of this crap it's not even funny. I took some time to read some extra pages of my Emotional Abuse book and remind me why I'm planning my escape.
At this point I'm seriously thinking about having my planned C-section in about 5 1/2 weeks and not even telling him. Escpecially after he told me if I didn't name the baby after him he won't even sign the birth certificate. :c004:After that I'll have 6 weeks to heal and PACK!
Why are they always "testing" us? The only nights he comes home early are the nights he wants to start a fight. I try not to engage.. but when you just can't get away from the situation it seems impossible. However I'm very proud of myself for standing my ground.
So, last night be comes home around 7:45 this is a good 2 hours or so earlier than usual. He comes in the room and I can see the puffy, droopy eyes and slight swagar. He changes clothes and I figure he's just headed back out. Instead he starts the saying how he's sorry things have been so messed up but it's just something he's go to figure out on his own. I thought he was talking about the drinking, but he will NEVER actaully explain anything so I naturally wonder just What he is talking about. After proding he tells me he needs THREE GRAND!! Yes, as in $3,000! What for? Of course he can't tell me but continues that if I really care I would give it to him. I say emphatically NO. I don't have it on and on. He want's me to sign loans take advances on credit cards anything. I simply said... look, No is a complete sentence. His reply.. I have two words for you and they start with F & U.
After this we get into a more discussion where he's just "quacking" :chatter and I told him that I've learned. I don't wait on him, I don't worry about him and etc. He seems to actually be contemplating this for a minute and then starts in will all they usual tactics.. Turning the whole conversation around into things we aren't even talking about! I never do anything for him, my friends are POS's, the baby's probably not his, who comes over when he has parties, my family members are POS's, I've never given him any money.. he wants all the money he ever gave me.. on and on and on..
So once this is over he says that asking for the $3,000 is just a test!! :wtf2Of course it is! (Actually he's pulled this type of thing before) So then he keeps asking for it anyway saying it doesn't matter what it's for and that I'll get it back in 1 week. NO. The answer is still NO. I didn't put myself in this mess I have no reason to be apart of it. To which he replies if I don't give it to him we're over. Well I guess we're over then.
Of course he finally left and went where ever it is he goes. I have no idea if he's really in some debt for $3k and I don't care. I'm so sick of this crap it's not even funny. I took some time to read some extra pages of my Emotional Abuse book and remind me why I'm planning my escape.
At this point I'm seriously thinking about having my planned C-section in about 5 1/2 weeks and not even telling him. Escpecially after he told me if I didn't name the baby after him he won't even sign the birth certificate. :c004:After that I'll have 6 weeks to heal and PACK!
need help tonight
it has been so long since I've been on this board...for the first time in months I just feel so devastated and sick. My recovering heroin addict boyfriend has been clean for over 6 mos. and tonight he is out getting high.
About a month ago, after living together for 2 years out of state, we moved back to the city we are both from so that I could begin law school. He got a job in a restaurant and everything still seemed good. Then tonight I heard him on the phone in the bathroom and for some reason I just had the feeling that I needed to listen (a habit I thought I had broken myself of). Sure enough, I heard him making plans to use heroin with someone he works with. I felt like I was going to throw up. Of course he got upset and denied it, but by the end of the argument he just seemed defeated and said he loved me but he had to leave-would call me later. And he left. I feel so thrown off and I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to hop in my car and go trolling around the city to find him, but I know I can't do that. I'm not even going to call him. I am only in my 1st week of school and have work I need to to but I feel too upset to concentrate.
I feel so stupid...how could I let myself think that this wouldn't happen again? why did I think that 6 mos. was so great? Now I am living in apartment that I can't afford without his help that I counted on. it is a year lease. I really believed that he was going to work, and not get high, and contribute. It has been such a great 6 months that I let myself be duped into thinking this was just how it was going to be from now on. I can't pay for this place alone and my parents have given all the help they can give-I also can't bear the thought of telling them what is going on. we lived so far away that I have thus far been able to keep it from them. I have taken out so many loans to pay for law school that I cannot bear the thought of trying to take out more. I want to do well in school and so don't want to try and pick up a job that would take time away from my studying. I am so unbelievably angry at him and myself. I don't know what the hell to do now. I know this is long and I don't expect any answers-I just feel so alone right now. thanks for listening.
About a month ago, after living together for 2 years out of state, we moved back to the city we are both from so that I could begin law school. He got a job in a restaurant and everything still seemed good. Then tonight I heard him on the phone in the bathroom and for some reason I just had the feeling that I needed to listen (a habit I thought I had broken myself of). Sure enough, I heard him making plans to use heroin with someone he works with. I felt like I was going to throw up. Of course he got upset and denied it, but by the end of the argument he just seemed defeated and said he loved me but he had to leave-would call me later. And he left. I feel so thrown off and I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to hop in my car and go trolling around the city to find him, but I know I can't do that. I'm not even going to call him. I am only in my 1st week of school and have work I need to to but I feel too upset to concentrate.
I feel so stupid...how could I let myself think that this wouldn't happen again? why did I think that 6 mos. was so great? Now I am living in apartment that I can't afford without his help that I counted on. it is a year lease. I really believed that he was going to work, and not get high, and contribute. It has been such a great 6 months that I let myself be duped into thinking this was just how it was going to be from now on. I can't pay for this place alone and my parents have given all the help they can give-I also can't bear the thought of telling them what is going on. we lived so far away that I have thus far been able to keep it from them. I have taken out so many loans to pay for law school that I cannot bear the thought of trying to take out more. I want to do well in school and so don't want to try and pick up a job that would take time away from my studying. I am so unbelievably angry at him and myself. I don't know what the hell to do now. I know this is long and I don't expect any answers-I just feel so alone right now. thanks for listening.
