Archive for the ‘Loneliness’ tag
New Surprise for New Year
Hello. I haven't been on this board in a year. I guess this would signify my feelings of loneliness that I am posting today. My husband is an addict/alcoholic. Today he told me that he was arrested more than a month ago for possession of marijuana, obstructing justice and that is all he claims. He told me because it was printed in a local paper and I guess he knew someone would say something to me. His court date was tomorrow, but he has already rescheduled. All these years, and he hasn't been caught. All the bad drugs. Now he is caught. He said he did not have much. Any advice of what might happen?
Troubled Marine
Hey all unfortunately where im at its been difficult finding AA/NA meetings to attend so i happened to stumble across this site and well here I am...after 2 trips to iraq a diagnosis of PTSD and traumatic brain injury i fell into alcoholism and managed to lose 3 ranks in 1 year with alcohol related incidents Ive attended an in-patient program which didnt help along with numerous counselors/doctors/therapist etc..the only thing that has helped me so far is helping others in my situtation. I've only been sober 2 weeks but i feel the best ive felt in a long time, i honestly dont know why im writing this? maybe an affirmation of my sobriety? or loneliness? up on a soap box?even though we all arent here together physically reading everyones postings is comforting to me, im looking forward to becoming an active member of this group and contributing my thoughts and experiences to others. One day at a time!
Sinking in
Being away from my addicted ex and ending the relationship was difficult, but necessary. I fell in love with someone who took advantage of me in so many ways. Financially, Emotionally, Spiritually, etc. So if the part away is good for me, why am I still sad? I feel that living at home with my parents, starting over from scratch, barely making ends meet let alone able to save money to get my own place is really affecting me. I am sad because I don't have the time with work and raising my daughter to do anything for myself and though I am lonely, now is not the time to jump into a new love. I have so many good qualities, but all I see is loneliness and despair. His family has helped him set his life up again and he has a job and friends and still uses but I am stuck in a hole where I can't even afford a cup of coffee with a friend. Why did this happen, am I ever going to see the light again. I know this is minor compared to other posts, but I am so sad and need some advice. Has anyone been in my shoes? I really could use some words of encouragement. Thank you for reading...if anything comes to your mind, no matter how little...please post...Thanks
H.A.L.T. Sobriety Recovery And Relapse Prevention Video
HALT video covers those frequently discussed relapse triggers of hunger, anger, loneliness and being tired...
how long is a piece of string?
okay so here i am...
did the rehab thing, doing meetings once a day & at a minimun 5times a week.
heres the situation..
evry day used to be taken up with the finding of drugs, the getting of drugs, the using of drugs an the coming down off of drugs, now i have this really big hole in my life that needs to be filled.
I am aware of many ways i can do this an none of m are healthy.
any suggestions outside of what im already doin would be appreciated cos i cant see myself being able to do this for much longer unless i can get some time fillers into my days.
considering please that
1. i have no car
2. i have an expenditure for me of maybe 30bux a week & no more
3. i alreday doin meetings
4. i dont have a friendship network in a physical sense yet as it takes time to rebuild support networks in the rooms & i am aware friendships will develop there in time
(im in a NOW moment though)
5. my last kid starts school in 3weeks which will see me with loads more time to kill
6. i dont have the faintest clue really what i like or even what i'd like to do for fun anymore
&. im getting quite depressed over this an want to rectify it as depression is not a place i choose to be anymore
9. i dont know how to go about meeting new people to make friends
10. I AM FEELING REALLY DESPERATE an already once this weekend placed myself into an old people situation out of loneliness, i was lucky it made me so physically ill an spiritual disgusted that i chose to leave, this is what loneliness does to me though, i start looking to what i know, all ive known.
please help me to understand how long the empty feeling remains an how i can help myself here
i dont want to go backwards
i cant keep going like this though.
love nikky
xxoo
did the rehab thing, doing meetings once a day & at a minimun 5times a week.
heres the situation..
evry day used to be taken up with the finding of drugs, the getting of drugs, the using of drugs an the coming down off of drugs, now i have this really big hole in my life that needs to be filled.
I am aware of many ways i can do this an none of m are healthy.
any suggestions outside of what im already doin would be appreciated cos i cant see myself being able to do this for much longer unless i can get some time fillers into my days.
considering please that
1. i have no car
2. i have an expenditure for me of maybe 30bux a week & no more
3. i alreday doin meetings
4. i dont have a friendship network in a physical sense yet as it takes time to rebuild support networks in the rooms & i am aware friendships will develop there in time
(im in a NOW moment though)
5. my last kid starts school in 3weeks which will see me with loads more time to kill
6. i dont have the faintest clue really what i like or even what i'd like to do for fun anymore
&. im getting quite depressed over this an want to rectify it as depression is not a place i choose to be anymore
9. i dont know how to go about meeting new people to make friends
10. I AM FEELING REALLY DESPERATE an already once this weekend placed myself into an old people situation out of loneliness, i was lucky it made me so physically ill an spiritual disgusted that i chose to leave, this is what loneliness does to me though, i start looking to what i know, all ive known.
please help me to understand how long the empty feeling remains an how i can help myself here
i dont want to go backwards
i cant keep going like this though.
love nikky
xxoo
want.
If ever there was a day I wanted a drink it is today. I am just shy of 90 days sober and due to unforseen circumstances I want very much the release that alcohol has to offer. It seems pointless to go on. Sobriety exacerbates the loneliness and the trouble. The things that can't be fixed. The wrongs I've endured and the things I'll never have because of the lies and deceit of others towards me. I want a drink. I want many drinks. Because what I desire cannot be had due to the greed of another, and it is irrepairable- this is no exagerration. The escape and escalation that euphoric elements have to offer are within reach, unlike my previously mentioned desires.
Immanuel ? Christ in You
READ John 14:16-20
When Jesus Christ was born, God in human flesh dwelt among mankind. The long-awaited Messiah had come into the world. Immanuel was here.
The news was given first to the shepherds, who hurried to see this God-man for themselves. From there, they spread the word that a Savior has been born (Luke 2:20). What a momentous day! God had sent His Son into the world to live among the people.
For 30 years, Jesus lived in obscurity?till the Father?s appointed time for Him to begin His work. Then for three years, He ministered among Jews and Gentiles, teaching and preaching to whoever would listen. In the end, His message and His person were rejected; He was crucified on a cross and buried in a tomb. It appeared that Immanuel was gone.
However, the resurrection proved that was wrong. And then on Pentecost, the Holy Spirit was given to all believers (Acts 2:1, 4) just as Jesus had promised. The Lord?s Spirit would now live within them forever, guiding them into all truth and leading them in the way they were to go. The promise was not just for the disciples but for every person who chooses to trust in Jesus.
If you?ve acknowledged that you are a sinner and accepted Christ?s payment for the penalty you owe, the Spirit now lives in you. Through Him, you have an intimate connection with God. Take time to dwell on the divine mystery of Christ in you. Let the knowledge of His constant presence transform loneliness into comfort, fear into faith, and weakness into strength.
Dr. Charles Stanley
When Jesus Christ was born, God in human flesh dwelt among mankind. The long-awaited Messiah had come into the world. Immanuel was here.
The news was given first to the shepherds, who hurried to see this God-man for themselves. From there, they spread the word that a Savior has been born (Luke 2:20). What a momentous day! God had sent His Son into the world to live among the people.
For 30 years, Jesus lived in obscurity?till the Father?s appointed time for Him to begin His work. Then for three years, He ministered among Jews and Gentiles, teaching and preaching to whoever would listen. In the end, His message and His person were rejected; He was crucified on a cross and buried in a tomb. It appeared that Immanuel was gone.
However, the resurrection proved that was wrong. And then on Pentecost, the Holy Spirit was given to all believers (Acts 2:1, 4) just as Jesus had promised. The Lord?s Spirit would now live within them forever, guiding them into all truth and leading them in the way they were to go. The promise was not just for the disciples but for every person who chooses to trust in Jesus.
If you?ve acknowledged that you are a sinner and accepted Christ?s payment for the penalty you owe, the Spirit now lives in you. Through Him, you have an intimate connection with God. Take time to dwell on the divine mystery of Christ in you. Let the knowledge of His constant presence transform loneliness into comfort, fear into faith, and weakness into strength.
Dr. Charles Stanley
My story.
Hi Everyone,
I am new to this forum. I would like to share my story on how I quit drinking, with all of you. I truly hope it helps someone else.
I started drinking 13 years back. Yeah, the number 13 is lucky for me. I began my drinking career :) drinking only beer every weekend. It was to socialize at that time. Initially I never drank the hard stuff but thats how most people begin I guess. Those days I could go a weekend or 2 without drinking. but never used to touch alcohol on the weekdays. Then, in 2003 I moved to a new country and started living by myself. Loneliness and work pressure was getting to me. I gave up on beer since I felt I was putting on weight from beer(alcohol is any form makes you put on the extra pounds which I learnt only later), so I started drinking white rum to overcome depression and kill my time. It started with a couple of drinks on a friday which invariably spilled over to saturday as well. I smoke too so my smoking increased 5 fold everytime I drank.Then, since 2004 I started drinking on Sundays as well and then a Monday, tuesday, etc etc etc. My drinking became full fledged. I drank everyday. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, lonely, angry, anything and everything. I used to start with a drink or 2 but due to years of drinking, 2 started feeling insufficient. I wasnt getting the buzz so I drank 3 maybe even 4 sometimes. And on weekends I would finish 3/4ths of a 750 ml bacardi white in one sitting. If I didnt drink, I didnt know what else to do. I was bored, no one to motivate me to quit. I was fighting with loved ones over the phone. I was becoming a pain for everyone. I was hurting people I loved.
It all changed 3 months back when I got married. Both me and my wife wanted to have a kid right away. I tried to get her pregnant but couldnt. Was my sperm count screwed up? Can I never become a father? These were the questions I was asking myself. My dreams were fading away right before my eyes. I was scared. But like a true alcoholic, I went right back to drinking thinking bacardi would save my life and increase my sperm count in some miraculous way.It didnt. Time was running out. Then one fine day, I went through my bank transactions. Believe it or not, I was buying a bottle of alcohol every 3 days since the last 5 years. This got me crapped out.The money spent didnt worry me as much as did the amount being consumed. I quit cold turkey. Its now been 2 weeks/2 weekends. I have never gone a single weekend without a drink in the last 13 years even in my beer drinking days.
How did I do it?
I am not going to talk about determination and big words along those lines. I simply want to have a kid at whatever cost. This is my goal. I have read many articles on the net which say that the sperm count increases after 3 months of alcohol abstainance. So you need to have a goal.
How did I go about achieving it? Well, I found an substitute. It may sound silly to many of you. I drink a cup or 2 of coffee with lots of milk every evening I get the craving. In my case, I cant drink after I eat food or drink milk in any form coz I throw up. Once I drink the coffee, the craving goes away right way which makes me think its all in the mind. So, find a substitute. Find something to eat or drink which you feel will interfere with your drinks. I am sure every alcoholic avoids at least one food item before every drink. Try it.
Pros:
I feel so much happier and energetic.
I have gotten back to playing cricket over the weekend of which I was a member since 2003 but never went even once. Now I am a regular.
I wake up earlier on weekends and do things around the house. I wake up looking forward to the day.
I catch up on movies I missed out over the last several years.
I am back to weight training which was my passion at some stage in my life and I see some positive results showing on my body.
No more monday morning blues.
No more arguments with people I love.
And the best part, I'll be able to become a father soon. I cant wait.
My family and friends are proud of me.
Cons:
The only con as far I am concerned is that I smoke more on the weekends now. But I plan to quit this as well. One nasty habit at a time :).
Know when I felt totally proud of myself? Last weekend a friend called me over for a couple of beers. But I said "Sorry, I quit drinking". I felt like on top of this world.
And for the first time ever, this new year's eve I wont be drinking. I have never missed a new year drinking celebration since I turned to alcohol all those years back.
If this post helps someone else out there, I'll be the happiest. Thanks for reading.
Good luck. You can do it!!!!!!
Cheers,
Raj
I am new to this forum. I would like to share my story on how I quit drinking, with all of you. I truly hope it helps someone else.
I started drinking 13 years back. Yeah, the number 13 is lucky for me. I began my drinking career :) drinking only beer every weekend. It was to socialize at that time. Initially I never drank the hard stuff but thats how most people begin I guess. Those days I could go a weekend or 2 without drinking. but never used to touch alcohol on the weekdays. Then, in 2003 I moved to a new country and started living by myself. Loneliness and work pressure was getting to me. I gave up on beer since I felt I was putting on weight from beer(alcohol is any form makes you put on the extra pounds which I learnt only later), so I started drinking white rum to overcome depression and kill my time. It started with a couple of drinks on a friday which invariably spilled over to saturday as well. I smoke too so my smoking increased 5 fold everytime I drank.Then, since 2004 I started drinking on Sundays as well and then a Monday, tuesday, etc etc etc. My drinking became full fledged. I drank everyday. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, lonely, angry, anything and everything. I used to start with a drink or 2 but due to years of drinking, 2 started feeling insufficient. I wasnt getting the buzz so I drank 3 maybe even 4 sometimes. And on weekends I would finish 3/4ths of a 750 ml bacardi white in one sitting. If I didnt drink, I didnt know what else to do. I was bored, no one to motivate me to quit. I was fighting with loved ones over the phone. I was becoming a pain for everyone. I was hurting people I loved.
It all changed 3 months back when I got married. Both me and my wife wanted to have a kid right away. I tried to get her pregnant but couldnt. Was my sperm count screwed up? Can I never become a father? These were the questions I was asking myself. My dreams were fading away right before my eyes. I was scared. But like a true alcoholic, I went right back to drinking thinking bacardi would save my life and increase my sperm count in some miraculous way.It didnt. Time was running out. Then one fine day, I went through my bank transactions. Believe it or not, I was buying a bottle of alcohol every 3 days since the last 5 years. This got me crapped out.The money spent didnt worry me as much as did the amount being consumed. I quit cold turkey. Its now been 2 weeks/2 weekends. I have never gone a single weekend without a drink in the last 13 years even in my beer drinking days.
How did I do it?
I am not going to talk about determination and big words along those lines. I simply want to have a kid at whatever cost. This is my goal. I have read many articles on the net which say that the sperm count increases after 3 months of alcohol abstainance. So you need to have a goal.
How did I go about achieving it? Well, I found an substitute. It may sound silly to many of you. I drink a cup or 2 of coffee with lots of milk every evening I get the craving. In my case, I cant drink after I eat food or drink milk in any form coz I throw up. Once I drink the coffee, the craving goes away right way which makes me think its all in the mind. So, find a substitute. Find something to eat or drink which you feel will interfere with your drinks. I am sure every alcoholic avoids at least one food item before every drink. Try it.
Pros:
I feel so much happier and energetic.
I have gotten back to playing cricket over the weekend of which I was a member since 2003 but never went even once. Now I am a regular.
I wake up earlier on weekends and do things around the house. I wake up looking forward to the day.
I catch up on movies I missed out over the last several years.
I am back to weight training which was my passion at some stage in my life and I see some positive results showing on my body.
No more monday morning blues.
No more arguments with people I love.
And the best part, I'll be able to become a father soon. I cant wait.
My family and friends are proud of me.
Cons:
The only con as far I am concerned is that I smoke more on the weekends now. But I plan to quit this as well. One nasty habit at a time :).
Know when I felt totally proud of myself? Last weekend a friend called me over for a couple of beers. But I said "Sorry, I quit drinking". I felt like on top of this world.
And for the first time ever, this new year's eve I wont be drinking. I have never missed a new year drinking celebration since I turned to alcohol all those years back.
If this post helps someone else out there, I'll be the happiest. Thanks for reading.
Good luck. You can do it!!!!!!
Cheers,
Raj
Need some ES&P today!
My non-AW has a nightly drink just before bed. I've posted about this, mostly in Friends and Family. Apologies to anyone whose getting sick of hearing about it. Yesterday was our office christmas party. My wife and I work together. It went as well as it could. Was looking forward to time alone afterward. But it was tense...I have a call out to my sponsor.
I'm still trying to get my head around it, I'm making some progress, but each new wall I break through, another gets built up again. Damn...
We have tried to talk about it several times.
OK... I know that she is non A. She is an adult and should be able to have a drink in her own home. I am the one with the disease, I should, in her words, "Suck it up" and I was the one who "F$#ked up". She has settled down a little and her posture has softened... But she resents being made to feel defensive about it.
I have been able to sit with her in the same room some nights. I'll sip on herbal tea for sleep while she enjoys her white wine spritzer. Some nights, well, most nights, I'll just read (or come here to SR) in another room until bed and then we turn in together...
I was able on Sunday to tell her I feel.... Shame that my disease makes it so I can't join her, Guilt. I feel like the bad boy who has to stand in the corner and can't do what the grown ups can... Lonely, damn lonely. And of course, the, "I'll have to do this forever???" It helped to talk it over. But it doesn't change the fact that she has a drink before bed, and I need to get over it...
I know I need to give her space, and probably should just go to bed. But that increases the loneliness and, part of my pill addiction was insomnia and sleeping pills, and I can't sleep because I am thinking too much about it. It's made worse sometimes because she almost comes out and tells me to go to bed. I know she feels this way because I make her feel self conscious if I'm still up and if I go to bed, she doesn't have to think about me and how I'll feel if she drinks in front of me. But it sucks, because I am sleeping so much better now without all the alcohol and even the sleeping pills. And I love to go to sleep with her next to me, something we have missed the last 2-3 years, because before rehab and my recovery, I'd just have a few drinks, take a pill and leave her alone downstairs with her Newsweek, or People, whatever, and I'd pass out in bed.
But now I have FEAR... I don't want to go through life with me in bed and her downstairs at what is probably the only time of the day we get to have quiet time together. FEAR about what happens on christmas eve, when we have always had time together and a couple of drinks by the fire with the christmas music. AND more FEAR, because, hmmm, maybe I should start taking some type of sleeping pill and just knock myself out, like I used to do.... Let her have her space...Really, I started to think like that a little bit today. That's why I am posting. I got to share it...
How can I let go ????
This is so hard. We love each other so much. I don't want to make her feel smothered and not free to do the things she enjoys. But, damn, as speaker in rehab said, and now I really know it's true, "last I heard, early recovery still sucks..."
I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'll be stronger tomorrow.
Thanx for letting me share.
Mark
I'm still trying to get my head around it, I'm making some progress, but each new wall I break through, another gets built up again. Damn...
We have tried to talk about it several times.
OK... I know that she is non A. She is an adult and should be able to have a drink in her own home. I am the one with the disease, I should, in her words, "Suck it up" and I was the one who "F$#ked up". She has settled down a little and her posture has softened... But she resents being made to feel defensive about it.
I have been able to sit with her in the same room some nights. I'll sip on herbal tea for sleep while she enjoys her white wine spritzer. Some nights, well, most nights, I'll just read (or come here to SR) in another room until bed and then we turn in together...
I was able on Sunday to tell her I feel.... Shame that my disease makes it so I can't join her, Guilt. I feel like the bad boy who has to stand in the corner and can't do what the grown ups can... Lonely, damn lonely. And of course, the, "I'll have to do this forever???" It helped to talk it over. But it doesn't change the fact that she has a drink before bed, and I need to get over it...
I know I need to give her space, and probably should just go to bed. But that increases the loneliness and, part of my pill addiction was insomnia and sleeping pills, and I can't sleep because I am thinking too much about it. It's made worse sometimes because she almost comes out and tells me to go to bed. I know she feels this way because I make her feel self conscious if I'm still up and if I go to bed, she doesn't have to think about me and how I'll feel if she drinks in front of me. But it sucks, because I am sleeping so much better now without all the alcohol and even the sleeping pills. And I love to go to sleep with her next to me, something we have missed the last 2-3 years, because before rehab and my recovery, I'd just have a few drinks, take a pill and leave her alone downstairs with her Newsweek, or People, whatever, and I'd pass out in bed.
But now I have FEAR... I don't want to go through life with me in bed and her downstairs at what is probably the only time of the day we get to have quiet time together. FEAR about what happens on christmas eve, when we have always had time together and a couple of drinks by the fire with the christmas music. AND more FEAR, because, hmmm, maybe I should start taking some type of sleeping pill and just knock myself out, like I used to do.... Let her have her space...Really, I started to think like that a little bit today. That's why I am posting. I got to share it...
How can I let go ????
This is so hard. We love each other so much. I don't want to make her feel smothered and not free to do the things she enjoys. But, damn, as speaker in rehab said, and now I really know it's true, "last I heard, early recovery still sucks..."
I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'll be stronger tomorrow.
Thanx for letting me share.
Mark
please, just let me vent…
I just moved back to the East Coast today from California and I'm staying in the house I grew up in with my parents and brother for a month before I go to school in NC full time. I've been feeling better on the subutex, emotions somewhat in check because I upped my dosage a bit, but the second I stepped in my house, there is just so much negative energy... within minutes, my parents and I ended up fighting and we all ended up in tears. We talked it out but those issues are so deep and so raw, it's just painful being here. For years, I "lived" here but never really stayed here, I mostly lived at friend's houses. Now things are so different, I'm 24, I'm supposed to be an adult and wake up at normal times and act like a normal person and as easy as that is for the majority of the population, I just got done shooting heroin between my toes about a week ago. I feel very strange and dissociated right now. I don't know how to deal with being here besides using; it's what I've done since I was 15. The majority of my old friends are dead or live elsewhere or don't speak to me anymore because I've become so weird and detached and in my own world, or simply because they're clean and I haven't been.
Also, philosophically, I don't think anybody "knows who they are," but I feel like I REALLY don't know who I am, just in basic ways... as if drugs have made me so detached from myself that I don't even know what my real personality is anymore, so in social situations I'm 500 different people and nobody can get close to me anymore. I used to have so many friends and gradually they've just all slipped away from me. I'm really feeling "the void" right now and the loneliness, feeling like you don't belong in your own family, like you're from another species. That's the worst of all of this and my heart literally aches from it. I feel like that at AA meetings too and around other addicts. A lot of people say they felt so strange around "normies," then came to AA and voila! they found people who can relate. I still feel so lonely and I gave AA such a chance, 10 months of actually "working a program," sponsor, steps, everything. At this point, the future just looks very bleak and very hopeless, I'm continually declining and it's very obvious. I don't know what responses I'm looking for, I guess just anyone that can relate.
Moving across the country right after kicking a huge dope habit is REALLY hard, and I guess I should cut myself some slack...
Also, philosophically, I don't think anybody "knows who they are," but I feel like I REALLY don't know who I am, just in basic ways... as if drugs have made me so detached from myself that I don't even know what my real personality is anymore, so in social situations I'm 500 different people and nobody can get close to me anymore. I used to have so many friends and gradually they've just all slipped away from me. I'm really feeling "the void" right now and the loneliness, feeling like you don't belong in your own family, like you're from another species. That's the worst of all of this and my heart literally aches from it. I feel like that at AA meetings too and around other addicts. A lot of people say they felt so strange around "normies," then came to AA and voila! they found people who can relate. I still feel so lonely and I gave AA such a chance, 10 months of actually "working a program," sponsor, steps, everything. At this point, the future just looks very bleak and very hopeless, I'm continually declining and it's very obvious. I don't know what responses I'm looking for, I guess just anyone that can relate.
Moving across the country right after kicking a huge dope habit is REALLY hard, and I guess I should cut myself some slack...
