Drug Rehab Options Blog

Well, I fell of the wagon, hard, last nite, and hit the ground like a ton of bricks. I had a great time, until it was 8 am this morning, I was still drinking, my boyfriend was sick and went to bed, I stayed up, then around 4 am his brother got up, and started to drink with me. 7 months ago we were drinking together, my boyfriend went to bed, his brother got wasted and hit on me. (He lives with us, great idea.) I told my boyfriend, he said he would let it slide that time because he was wasted and lonely. Well, he started hitting on me again this morning. So I went to bed. My boyfriend woke up, screaming, calling me names, angry I stayed up til 8am (understandably) then my boyfriends brother started blasting some song on the stereo. My boyfriend said "why is he doing that. What's going on. Did he hit on you again?" I told him yes. Sooooooo stupid. He got up, kicked his brothers door in, told him he was going to kick him out if he ever even looked at him wrong again. And my boyfriend went to sleep in another room. So now its like midnite, no one has left their perspective rooms, and I don't know how to fix this. I'm terrified. Someone, please tell me what to do. ( Other than quit drinking, I will be doing that for REAL now). Please help. I feel awful. I'm scared, embarassed, exhausted, and soooooooooo sad. I just keep crying. I feel like this nitemare will never be fixable now. I'm so sad.

Hi all and Happy Thanksgiving to all my SR family and friends.
In my last post I was angry at myself and at AH.
Today, I'm sad. Crying again and I don't even know what about, if that makes any sense. Maybe it's because it's holiday time and I didn't plan on going it alone again this year. With no family or close friends near by it makes this time of year very lonely and sad for me. I am going to dinner with a coworker who didn't have anyone to spend the day with and then I'm supposed to work 7pm to 7am. But, I got a call tonight that the census was low on my floor and I will most likely be put on call. UGH!! Work brings me peace of mind. I'm able to help others who are sick and stuck in the hospital and that makes me feel good and helps me to appreciate the good things in my life. I miss my family and friends back home but not the snow they've gotten lol!! This is my DANGER ZONE. I've been doing good with the no contact rule but when I get to feeling abandoned and alone is when I start to want to hear his voice. But, it's weird because I have FINALLY accepted him for who his is and not who I want him to be and I know if I do talk to him it's just lies and more lies. It's like it's a bad habit. I cleaned my little heart out today then took a nap. It was supposed to be a nap but ended up a 5hr nap. So now I'll be up all night. I've tried to sit down and write a letter to him (not meant to be sent) but the words just won't come out. :e088:

I don’t like doing this but I felt like I had to put my whininess out here. I would have put it in Whiners Anonymous, but it’s a little too long (besides, I like using WA for more humorous complaints).


It’s not exactly a bad day, but not good, either. I'm starting to get that pseudo-panicky feeling (I’m not quite sure how to describe it)...like I just need to get far away from everyone (myself included). I drank a fair amount last night and want more tonight, but I'm not leaving the house to get any.

I'm not where I need to be in life. I do not know how to get to where I want to go. Organizational skills would help but I seem to be lacking in that department. I'm getting too old for this crap. I'm supposed to be a self-sufficient person. I hate depending upon people. I'm not even living on my own right now. When I was on my own, I was living in a crappy apartment making it paycheck to paycheck and wasting my "disposable income" on tons of booze.

I've never had a good job my entire working career. I have a degree and I flip burgers for a living. I am stuck working a low wage job with no hopes for better employment. As much as I told myself that I was not going to let it bother me this time around, I don’t know how to do that. All I’m doing right now is dreading tomorrow in that negative workplace. I deserve so much better than what I do now. I just need someone in this crappy town to give me a freakin’ chance. I am a great worker plus I can think for myself. I do not need to be micromanaged and I am dependable.

I am lonely. I am starved for face to face adult conversation. I do not know how to take charge of my “happiness level”. I cannot “think it and be it”. I cannot “fake it until I make it”. With each day that passes I feel like I know less and that means confusion galore. Nothing makes any sense to me--add that onto the fact that I’ve always felt out of place. I’m so tired of not knowing what I should do, of not knowing what will work for me.

This makes me so mad. I was creating art work again. I was getting excited about it. I haven’t done anything with it today because the motivation is simply not there. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just produce? The desire is there, but I don’t know how to get back what it is that I lost. I feel like there’s a part of me that’s a little dead inside.

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum although I've been reading posts for a little while now. I've been sober for about 21 months but feel like I'm not doing so well. I'm not so afraid of falling off the wagon - I remember the bad times too vividly for that - but I feel miserable and lonely.

I often get anxiety, have bad dreams in which I'm either drinking or trying to sort out some drinking-related mess that I've caused and feel guilty and ashamed because of the things I did. I have a lovely boyfriend but I don't feel able to talk to him about any of this - partly because he put up with so much crap from me whilst I was drinking I don't want to remind him of it and don't feel it's fair. And I know that he doesn't like talking about it.

I've put on weight since I stopped drinking and feel out of control with my eating. I put a happy face on it but I feel lost and feel like I've lost my confidence. I've read some other people's posts on this forum and 21 months in, I feel like I should be a lot more sorted. I don't think AA is for me as I don't share the beliefs behind it so don't think this is the answer. No offence intended to those that do - it's just not what I feel.

I still feel like drinking is always the elephant in the room. I don't see how I will stop feeling like this. Thanks for reading this - any advice and support you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you.

perhaps im sinking into a depression again but i feel i need more love than a person can provide. i turn to god but then any gesture of warmth or kindness froma human and i feel drawn to it. frustrated by expecting too little. too much. over sexed and bitter. jaded and self destructive. VERY VERY ANGRY.

too much for me. ive just lost my best friend of 5 years and can not handle another investment. i believe in nothing. i have no more faith in love. only that maybe god can heal this suffering ache in my chest that wains like agony.

ppl just irritate me more because theyre never going to be what my disease said they should be......i want more than i s fair to ask of a human. but i feel empty and lost. i feel desolate. i dont even know anymore. i go to meetings but after i go home and feel hollow. im so lost. i pray to god through enraged teeth that i can find a way out of my present hell and despair so that suicide stops seeming such a great idea. over it.

While AH is probably sleeping in the arms of another woman tonight, here I sit lonely. His substance abuse led him to other women too, of which hurts me deeply. You'd think I'd be over it, and some think I should be, gosh...it's been 2 yrs he's been gone. It's just the promises and the hopes that he would recover, but that hope was only a thread of hope. The times when he's in a time warp and calls me "honey" offends me and hurts me because I know I'm not his "honey." I think the woman he is with is in NA too, and maybe they relate to each other through drug use, I don't know. I heard shes very young 31 or 33. He's 57.

I sit here thinking, would anyone ever want me if I was divorced. I wouldn't dare mess around still being married, because of my belief in the commandments, thou shalt not commit adultery. I wouldn't want to defile myself. I have enough problems, I don't want to be dirty. I wonder if I could I ever bring another man into my life in the future with young son?

I feel so stuck and unloved, not a pity party, just the way I'm feeling tonight.

I'm just tired of the pain, and grief.

sober is easy but the bipolar and anorexia are out of control. It's going to be so quiet and lonely.

my best friend and i recently got help seperately from a heroin/oxy/meth/weed/whatever else we could get our hands on addiction. its been about a month and a half since i talked to him and i really miss him. he is in wisconsin and i'm in florida. i decided to get help after he got help because i knew our friendship would end if i continued to use. he knows i'm sober now but he still wont talk to me because he doesnt feel ready yet. do you think there is hope for us to be friends again? sometimes i wonder why im doing this if hes not even gonna talk to me when im sober. im just confused because if im sober too, why cant he talk to me? has anyone been through this? i really miss him.

It pains me to have to come back to this board after so long... my AH went through detox two years ago and rehab. Has not had a drink since he morning before he went to rehab.

So, here I am again... I just realized today that he is addicted to anti-depression medications. He has been abusing the medications that are prescribe by this doctor. He often can't get through 10 days of the 30 day prescription of anti-depressant medication. I also was on Anti-depressants and then he started taking mine. I have since stopped, but had many refills left, which he was refilling and taking those as well.

Now he has taken both mine and his in less than a month.

I don't know what to do... I feel like history is repeating itself, and now here we are again. If it's not Alcohol, illegal drugs, now it's prescription drugs. So potentially he will be out of his prescription and mine for 10+ days. I am so worried about the effects of sudden withdrawal... but what do we do?

I feel like the enabler again, on top of being miserable, lonely, and frustrated. I don't regret that I stayed with him, but I regret not catching my enabling earlier. I feel responsible for him, and if he gets sick due to withdrawals, I will beat myself up over it. I'm also very pregnant and this doesn't help the situation.

Some of us have said being lonely seems to be the toughest part. Some of our A's already hooked up with someone else, and we are left by ourselves. I was the one who kicked out mine, I had enough of the crap of being with an alcoholic. Most of us on SR are the ones that made the decision to get out of the addiction. We chose to be happy lonely, then live that life anymore. I was thinking it wasn't fair that the A has comfort, and I don't. I think that is what upset me the most. Then one of you wrote me a PM, that said, the A's are so shallow. My XAGF just couldn't last with out someone to leche (sp) from, or use for her addiction.