Archive for the ‘Longing’ tag
When Does The Pain Stop?
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: when you are ready .
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: when you are ready .
I did it again knowing nothing would change. I am so stupid
I did it again. He called needing money two days before Christmas. He begged and manipulated and made me feel guilty and so on. I wired him money to put a down payment on his own apartment. We are not together but I still love him and want to be with him. I live 5 hours away and still in school. He just graduated, found a job and now living on his own. If I didnt help him, he would still be living with his parents. A big part of me wants to see if he can make it own his own. He chooses to still smoke pot as often as he can. He states he used to do it to get away from his problems but now he does it bc he likes it? We had a good talk on the phone for 2o minutes that night and he wants me to come see him soon. 5 days later after not hearing from him I text messaged him asking how he was doing? I got no response. I text him New Years Ever and New Years Day. He finally text me back and said he would call me later and never did. Yesterday, I kept calling and texting him and he finally answered upset telling me that we aren't together and that I need to quit acting like we are in a relationship. He says he wants to see me and wants me to come down later. I asked when and he said he would call me. He rushed off the phone saying he was busy and was getting everything in his new apartment, thanks to me. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep longing for someone that obviously is just using me? Why can't I stop? When will I hit my rock bottom with him? I am broke. Did I enable him? A part of me thinks he will be needing and wanting money again? Do you think so? Will I be strong enough to say No? Why can't I let go. This has been going on for almost 5 years now. I hate myself for it sometimes and then other times I am happy for helping him. I am so confused. I can't function. I feel my heart aching and stay in my room all day. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Trouble closing the door…
Hi everyone,
It has been a while since I posted a thread. In fact, it has been a while since I have done anything other than remain in overdrive.
Friday, all the full force activity came to an end. I graduated with my Masters degree. Early mornings at work, Late evenings at class, Long nights writing, reading, and research came to a screeching halt in one day. I have been really frightened about this moment. As of yet, I have no idea if I have been accepted into a PhD program and won't know until March.
I have wrestled, twisted, and busied myself so I don't have to examine myself or my life or the demise of my marriage or the feelings that still remain for my husband or my deep sense of failure or all the darkest parts of myself. I crafted a house of cards to avoid this. I believe that I have done this my entire life.
As my final days were approaching, I saw that God, in His mysterious way, has arranged it for me to have some much needed time on my hands. No school assignments. No additional part time job. No acceptance or denial letters to give me an air of control over my life. No one living at my house. I am at the mercy of the higher power. So in these final days, I have indulged in bad habits and self destructive behavior, but either way, it is now here. The unavoidable has arrived.
...and I am sad, frightened, and feel intense emotions that I have long stuffed down behind the guise of "fine" and "okay". Today, I miss my husband. I missed him yesterday too. I have such feelings of incredible guilt, longing, fear, anger, and dislike for myself.
Circumstances arranged today that I saw my husband and we exchanged a hug. The feelings are so conflicting for me. The holidays are almost here. For the first time in 31 years, I hate them. I don't have my tree up. I can hardly listen to X-mas music. I have no spirit at all.
I know I should be looking forward to this time to embrace this period of self discovery, but I am not. I hate it. I don't want it. If you have ever seen the Matrix, then you will know what I mean when I say, I should have swallowed the blue pill.
I guess, I just needed to write and put it out there...
Missed you guys...
It has been a while since I posted a thread. In fact, it has been a while since I have done anything other than remain in overdrive.
Friday, all the full force activity came to an end. I graduated with my Masters degree. Early mornings at work, Late evenings at class, Long nights writing, reading, and research came to a screeching halt in one day. I have been really frightened about this moment. As of yet, I have no idea if I have been accepted into a PhD program and won't know until March.
I have wrestled, twisted, and busied myself so I don't have to examine myself or my life or the demise of my marriage or the feelings that still remain for my husband or my deep sense of failure or all the darkest parts of myself. I crafted a house of cards to avoid this. I believe that I have done this my entire life.
As my final days were approaching, I saw that God, in His mysterious way, has arranged it for me to have some much needed time on my hands. No school assignments. No additional part time job. No acceptance or denial letters to give me an air of control over my life. No one living at my house. I am at the mercy of the higher power. So in these final days, I have indulged in bad habits and self destructive behavior, but either way, it is now here. The unavoidable has arrived.
...and I am sad, frightened, and feel intense emotions that I have long stuffed down behind the guise of "fine" and "okay". Today, I miss my husband. I missed him yesterday too. I have such feelings of incredible guilt, longing, fear, anger, and dislike for myself.
Circumstances arranged today that I saw my husband and we exchanged a hug. The feelings are so conflicting for me. The holidays are almost here. For the first time in 31 years, I hate them. I don't have my tree up. I can hardly listen to X-mas music. I have no spirit at all.
I know I should be looking forward to this time to embrace this period of self discovery, but I am not. I hate it. I don't want it. If you have ever seen the Matrix, then you will know what I mean when I say, I should have swallowed the blue pill.
I guess, I just needed to write and put it out there...
Missed you guys...
For Those that Hurt Today
I woke up this morning, Thanksgiving, and thought about all those people out there that are hurting today. Addicts and non-addicts alike. People who have lost their homes, their families, their dreams and even their hope. The ones that are in pain daily, but experience just a little bit more today because they are alone, because Thanksgivings past hold such warm memories of family and food and happiness, and they realize what they have lost. The ones that face today, without someone they love, a spouse or child, as they go through the motions and pretend happiness as they glance longingly at that empty place.
I stopped and prayed for those people this morning. I felt a longing to reach out and comfort them. But I know that I am helpless to change their lives.
But there is one thing I can do, I can pray. I can hold those people in my heart today, think of them, and because of those thoughts, appreciate how truely bessed I am in my life.
As each of you celebrate this day, please pause for a moment, and say a prayer for all of those who hurt today.
Happy Thanksgiving
B
I stopped and prayed for those people this morning. I felt a longing to reach out and comfort them. But I know that I am helpless to change their lives.
But there is one thing I can do, I can pray. I can hold those people in my heart today, think of them, and because of those thoughts, appreciate how truely bessed I am in my life.
As each of you celebrate this day, please pause for a moment, and say a prayer for all of those who hurt today.
Happy Thanksgiving
B
Changing
IÂ’m spending the weekend working on my thinking. On Friday I was feeling the alcoholic thoughts creeping in. Those obsessive thoughts. The I want something-something thoughts. I didnÂ’t have a slap in the face urge but that distant, faded longing for just one beer showed up.
It all seems to start with the if I had only thoughts. Done this, not done that. Then I start avoiding people, to be alone (I was a secret drinker). I can actually feel myself turning into someone else. That drunk man.
So, I changed the routine. Mentally and physically. I used to drink alone and itÂ’s one of my triggers. Just because I work alone doesnÂ’t mean I have to be alone. So I went to the library, grabbed a book and struck up a conversation with a perfect stranger.
This is Sunday morning, I have a new friend, a new avatar (IÂ’ll be changing that real soon:)) and IÂ’m 43 days sober:).
IÂ’m ready to start regular meetings, get there no matter what.
IÂ’m ready for a sponsor. I have one in mind if he will have me.
I donÂ’t think IÂ’m turning into someone else, IÂ’m just getting well.
I want everyone to be well
Ed
It all seems to start with the if I had only thoughts. Done this, not done that. Then I start avoiding people, to be alone (I was a secret drinker). I can actually feel myself turning into someone else. That drunk man.
So, I changed the routine. Mentally and physically. I used to drink alone and itÂ’s one of my triggers. Just because I work alone doesnÂ’t mean I have to be alone. So I went to the library, grabbed a book and struck up a conversation with a perfect stranger.
This is Sunday morning, I have a new friend, a new avatar (IÂ’ll be changing that real soon:)) and IÂ’m 43 days sober:).
IÂ’m ready to start regular meetings, get there no matter what.
IÂ’m ready for a sponsor. I have one in mind if he will have me.
I donÂ’t think IÂ’m turning into someone else, IÂ’m just getting well.
I want everyone to be well
Ed
A few things that may be helpful to those struggling to understand
Are you wondering when the pain stops?
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
Letting Go
To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To 'let go' is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To 'let go' is not to enable.
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To 'let go' is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To 'let go' is not to try to change or blame another,
It's to make the most of myself.
To 'let go' is not to 'care for',
but to 'care about'.
To 'let go' is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To 'let go' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To 'let go' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To 'let go' is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To 'let go' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To 'let go' is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To 'let go' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To 'let go' is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To 'let go' is to fear less,
and to love more.
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
Letting Go
To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To 'let go' is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To 'let go' is not to enable.
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To 'let go' is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To 'let go' is not to try to change or blame another,
It's to make the most of myself.
To 'let go' is not to 'care for',
but to 'care about'.
To 'let go' is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To 'let go' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To 'let go' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To 'let go' is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To 'let go' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To 'let go' is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To 'let go' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To 'let go' is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To 'let go' is to fear less,
and to love more.
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Three Months without XABF Update
Hello all. Some of you will remember me.
I kicked xabf out on June 27th so it's right at the 3 month point and I wanted to just stop in and let everyone know that I'm doing amazingly better now that some time has passed. Don't get me wrong - I STILL have moments of great sorrow and longing and will cry but those tears come few and far between.
My life is so much different without him. I miss the good times we had together and I miss him occasionally. I still pass him on the road every now and then but I don't even look his way. He has moved in with another woman and yes that was almost like a punch in the gut when I heard about it but I keep reminding myself what pain he can cause someone and how I'm glad it's not me on the receiving end anymore.
During the past three months there were times when he would call me, text me or even stop by unexpectedly but I resisted. I knew in my heart our relationship would NEVER be the same and there was way too much water under the bridge for me to forgive and forget.
My close friends and family have been a Godsend and I even threw a party for everyone and called it a "Thank you for being my friend/Drama Free Party". Everyone that knew my xabf understood the importance of NO DRAMA b/c while with him - it was always drama. It was a good time for all and I told everyone how much they meant to me and thanked them for being there for me thru this time.
I will say that I don't regret walking away from him but in my mind it was still the hardest thing I have ever done. He is the only man that I even considered marrying since my divorce 8 years ago. I really really thought he was the "one" only to have my eyes opened by a manipulative, fake alcoholic crack user.
And I'll be honest - I'm still in the angry phase at times. Sometimes I wish him only the worst life has to offer but I'm working on wishing him nothing one way or the other. It's called INDIFFERENCE and I SO want to get there.
Many, many thanks to this board - for if it wasn't for this place and being able to see that I was not crazy and alone - I'm not sure what I would have done.
I want to share a quote that I have adopted for myself: "But if you look at me closely-you will see it in my eyes- this girl will ALWAYS find her way."
I kicked xabf out on June 27th so it's right at the 3 month point and I wanted to just stop in and let everyone know that I'm doing amazingly better now that some time has passed. Don't get me wrong - I STILL have moments of great sorrow and longing and will cry but those tears come few and far between.
My life is so much different without him. I miss the good times we had together and I miss him occasionally. I still pass him on the road every now and then but I don't even look his way. He has moved in with another woman and yes that was almost like a punch in the gut when I heard about it but I keep reminding myself what pain he can cause someone and how I'm glad it's not me on the receiving end anymore.
During the past three months there were times when he would call me, text me or even stop by unexpectedly but I resisted. I knew in my heart our relationship would NEVER be the same and there was way too much water under the bridge for me to forgive and forget.
My close friends and family have been a Godsend and I even threw a party for everyone and called it a "Thank you for being my friend/Drama Free Party". Everyone that knew my xabf understood the importance of NO DRAMA b/c while with him - it was always drama. It was a good time for all and I told everyone how much they meant to me and thanked them for being there for me thru this time.
I will say that I don't regret walking away from him but in my mind it was still the hardest thing I have ever done. He is the only man that I even considered marrying since my divorce 8 years ago. I really really thought he was the "one" only to have my eyes opened by a manipulative, fake alcoholic crack user.
And I'll be honest - I'm still in the angry phase at times. Sometimes I wish him only the worst life has to offer but I'm working on wishing him nothing one way or the other. It's called INDIFFERENCE and I SO want to get there.
Many, many thanks to this board - for if it wasn't for this place and being able to see that I was not crazy and alone - I'm not sure what I would have done.
I want to share a quote that I have adopted for myself: "But if you look at me closely-you will see it in my eyes- this girl will ALWAYS find her way."
Language of Letting Go - Sept. 25 - Peace With The Past
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past.
--Agathon
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.
I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past.
--Agathon
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.
I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Lonely at home
For those of you who separated from their A, did you find it lonely at first living alone?
I have been having terrible bouts of loneliness. It is really sharp at night as I fix myself dinner, change into my evening clothes, and watch television. The silence is so....loud. I feel a longing for my husband, who I have been missing.
Sometimes, with everything that has been going on and everything that I have been through, I try to pretend that I don't miss him. I try to shrug it off and say, "yeah, I'm fine." Still, I miss him something terrible. Prayer, meditation, recovery reading, talking on the phone...nothing seems to ease it.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I know there is no going back to him, and maybe this is why it is so hard. Do anyone else go through this?
I need some support and hugs today.
Thanks.
I have been having terrible bouts of loneliness. It is really sharp at night as I fix myself dinner, change into my evening clothes, and watch television. The silence is so....loud. I feel a longing for my husband, who I have been missing.
Sometimes, with everything that has been going on and everything that I have been through, I try to pretend that I don't miss him. I try to shrug it off and say, "yeah, I'm fine." Still, I miss him something terrible. Prayer, meditation, recovery reading, talking on the phone...nothing seems to ease it.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I know there is no going back to him, and maybe this is why it is so hard. Do anyone else go through this?
I need some support and hugs today.
Thanks.
