Archive for the ‘Losers’ tag
What do I do?
Hello, I'd appreciate it if someone can give me some advice. This is long overdue.
My father is a pretty bad alcoholic, he is 45 years old and still married to my mother who is also 45 years old. I am a 22 year old male and I have 2 sisters. One is 20, the other is 25. To say the least... we are all pretty screwed up from are childhood. I'm suprised how "normal" we ended up but we all have difficulty trusting people.
My father has gotten so bad within the last 10 years that im finally getting concerned for his well-being. He use to have a rule that he would never drink before 12. Now he has crushed that rule and often we find him drinking a can of budweiser 9am in the morning. My father is the greatest guy in the world up until 3pm. He's funny, nice, and great guy to be around. That's part of the reason that I still love him. But that person is slowly fading away and i'm losing more and more respect for my dad. When he gets drunk he becomes the most annoying meanest person you have ever met in your life and its now 7 days a week. I'm sure alot of you know exactly what I am talking about.
Growing up my father was extremely hard on my sisters. He has never said one positive thing to them. He would called them sluts,whores,cunts,losers, even at the age of 13 and still goes on till this day. I'm suprised they still have anything to do with him, But for some reason I think his alcoholism has always made all of us strive for his attention even until this day. Anything that would hert them REALLY bad he would say. Yet everyone of us always forgive him.
My mother is the main reason I am on this forum. I am concerned for her health as well. She is the one who tries keeping the peace. She hides and denies stuff to keep are family looking good. My father is obsessed with my mother. If she is out past 5pm, he calls her phone ever 10 minutes. I cant remember the last time my mom was out of the house past 8pm alone. Because she knows when she gets home she's getting yelled at. She has taken the worst mental abuse out of all of us. Even know it seems like it doesn't effect her, i know it mentally drains her. She's dealt with his disease for 26 years and my mom does not deserve it. She is still a beautiful women with the greatest heart in the world, and she could honestly get any man she wanted. Yet she stays with my father who has made her feel like garbage for 26 years. Everytime she has tried leaving, the next day my "nice" dad begs for her forgiveness and says things will change. It's a vicious cycle that has never ended. He has never hit my mom. He's probably pushed her 3 times total which caused fist fights between me and my dad everytime.
On top of all this, I think if my mom ever left my dad he would commit suicide. That's how sick my father is. His world revolves around my mother. If she died my dad would be dead. Literally. It's a thought I have been fearing for the last couple years. I do not want to lose both my parents.
Now by now you guys are probably saying, wtf is wrong with this family lol. yeah, were pretty bad. Please keep reading.
Growing up I was the "golden child". Mainly because I played a sport (hockey) and I was very good at it. He planned on me making the family rich one day... alot to live up too eh? I never got cut down until i started reaching a competitive level. That's when I first realized my father was an alcoholic. On the way home from the games if I didn't score a goal or impress everyone at the game my father would cuss me out and tell me that I was going to be a loser and I should just quit the sport. Finally I turned 15 and my dad didn't have to drive home from games anymore, I was able to drive him with a permit. So I drove home hearing him scream in my ear every game. Finally at 17 I got to move away from home to play and I have only been back during the summers ever since. My dad still expects me to repay him for the level "HE" has gotten me at since he's the one who paid all the money for it. Yet he has never once said he was proud of me. But I do play for myself, not my father.
So thats are life in a short story lol. It's 20 times worst than what I have written here today and im sure alot of you can relate. I believe my father is going to die soon. I've asked him to quit drinking more than a few times or I would stop seeing him, he chose alcohol. My father is the most stubborn man ever, and I know in my heart I could NEVER get him to AA. I know he will drink himself to death. He use to be successful hard working man. He runs his own business that just went under, and he and my mom just filed for bankruptcy. He blew his back out and now he can barley work, so he sits at home all day and drinks while my mom works. His back has been herting for a year and its getting worst. I told him with all the alcohol it's never going to heal and doctors have told him the same thing. Yet he uses it as an excuse to why he drinks so much and he wont get surgery. My parents are going to lose their house pretty soon, they have NO money, NO retirement, no nothing.
I come back home every summer. But I have to live in an apartment because I cant live with my father. I'm in a situation right now where I am going to play over-sea's so I had to come home for 2 weeks. I had to see the way he treats my mom again and yet again, it started another fight between us. My little sister just moved back home with my parents (she moved out because of my dad) and just moved out again tonight. My older sister has her own house with her husband and kid.
I feel like I need to shut my dad out of my life, yet I always give in to his sober phone calls a few weeks down the road. My dad was my best friend growing up as a little kid and I guess thats the reason we still talk. I am mentally drained, and I cant even begin to imagine how my mother feels. I can see it in her face. I dont know what to do. My father is ruining are family and I am sick of it. He is the most negative person and all he does is drink.
But he is my father, and I am the type of person that would feel extremely ****** if I shut my dad out. What would any of you advise me to do? I've talked my dad while he was sober and he will not quit drinking. He knows he is an alcoholic and enjoys drinking and wont stop....I'm leaving next week, and my mom will be alone with him and it scares me. Every year i come back they both look worst and worst. Any advice?
My father is a pretty bad alcoholic, he is 45 years old and still married to my mother who is also 45 years old. I am a 22 year old male and I have 2 sisters. One is 20, the other is 25. To say the least... we are all pretty screwed up from are childhood. I'm suprised how "normal" we ended up but we all have difficulty trusting people.
My father has gotten so bad within the last 10 years that im finally getting concerned for his well-being. He use to have a rule that he would never drink before 12. Now he has crushed that rule and often we find him drinking a can of budweiser 9am in the morning. My father is the greatest guy in the world up until 3pm. He's funny, nice, and great guy to be around. That's part of the reason that I still love him. But that person is slowly fading away and i'm losing more and more respect for my dad. When he gets drunk he becomes the most annoying meanest person you have ever met in your life and its now 7 days a week. I'm sure alot of you know exactly what I am talking about.
Growing up my father was extremely hard on my sisters. He has never said one positive thing to them. He would called them sluts,whores,cunts,losers, even at the age of 13 and still goes on till this day. I'm suprised they still have anything to do with him, But for some reason I think his alcoholism has always made all of us strive for his attention even until this day. Anything that would hert them REALLY bad he would say. Yet everyone of us always forgive him.
My mother is the main reason I am on this forum. I am concerned for her health as well. She is the one who tries keeping the peace. She hides and denies stuff to keep are family looking good. My father is obsessed with my mother. If she is out past 5pm, he calls her phone ever 10 minutes. I cant remember the last time my mom was out of the house past 8pm alone. Because she knows when she gets home she's getting yelled at. She has taken the worst mental abuse out of all of us. Even know it seems like it doesn't effect her, i know it mentally drains her. She's dealt with his disease for 26 years and my mom does not deserve it. She is still a beautiful women with the greatest heart in the world, and she could honestly get any man she wanted. Yet she stays with my father who has made her feel like garbage for 26 years. Everytime she has tried leaving, the next day my "nice" dad begs for her forgiveness and says things will change. It's a vicious cycle that has never ended. He has never hit my mom. He's probably pushed her 3 times total which caused fist fights between me and my dad everytime.
On top of all this, I think if my mom ever left my dad he would commit suicide. That's how sick my father is. His world revolves around my mother. If she died my dad would be dead. Literally. It's a thought I have been fearing for the last couple years. I do not want to lose both my parents.
Now by now you guys are probably saying, wtf is wrong with this family lol. yeah, were pretty bad. Please keep reading.
Growing up I was the "golden child". Mainly because I played a sport (hockey) and I was very good at it. He planned on me making the family rich one day... alot to live up too eh? I never got cut down until i started reaching a competitive level. That's when I first realized my father was an alcoholic. On the way home from the games if I didn't score a goal or impress everyone at the game my father would cuss me out and tell me that I was going to be a loser and I should just quit the sport. Finally I turned 15 and my dad didn't have to drive home from games anymore, I was able to drive him with a permit. So I drove home hearing him scream in my ear every game. Finally at 17 I got to move away from home to play and I have only been back during the summers ever since. My dad still expects me to repay him for the level "HE" has gotten me at since he's the one who paid all the money for it. Yet he has never once said he was proud of me. But I do play for myself, not my father.
So thats are life in a short story lol. It's 20 times worst than what I have written here today and im sure alot of you can relate. I believe my father is going to die soon. I've asked him to quit drinking more than a few times or I would stop seeing him, he chose alcohol. My father is the most stubborn man ever, and I know in my heart I could NEVER get him to AA. I know he will drink himself to death. He use to be successful hard working man. He runs his own business that just went under, and he and my mom just filed for bankruptcy. He blew his back out and now he can barley work, so he sits at home all day and drinks while my mom works. His back has been herting for a year and its getting worst. I told him with all the alcohol it's never going to heal and doctors have told him the same thing. Yet he uses it as an excuse to why he drinks so much and he wont get surgery. My parents are going to lose their house pretty soon, they have NO money, NO retirement, no nothing.
I come back home every summer. But I have to live in an apartment because I cant live with my father. I'm in a situation right now where I am going to play over-sea's so I had to come home for 2 weeks. I had to see the way he treats my mom again and yet again, it started another fight between us. My little sister just moved back home with my parents (she moved out because of my dad) and just moved out again tonight. My older sister has her own house with her husband and kid.
I feel like I need to shut my dad out of my life, yet I always give in to his sober phone calls a few weeks down the road. My dad was my best friend growing up as a little kid and I guess thats the reason we still talk. I am mentally drained, and I cant even begin to imagine how my mother feels. I can see it in her face. I dont know what to do. My father is ruining are family and I am sick of it. He is the most negative person and all he does is drink.
But he is my father, and I am the type of person that would feel extremely ****** if I shut my dad out. What would any of you advise me to do? I've talked my dad while he was sober and he will not quit drinking. He knows he is an alcoholic and enjoys drinking and wont stop....I'm leaving next week, and my mom will be alone with him and it scares me. Every year i come back they both look worst and worst. Any advice?
Judge Judy in Regis this morning
Judge Judy was on Regis this morning. I usually don't watch Regis but I do, for some strange reason, love Judge Judy. One of the questions she was asked was if she thought women would ever stop picking losers or men that used them, giving them money and supporting them. She said it will never end until women get rid of that hormone that makes them think they are no one unless they are with someone, learn to be comfortable alone in their own skin and look for a partner that compliments them not uses them.
Thought that was pretty good and described the me I was for quite a few years.
Thought that was pretty good and described the me I was for quite a few years.
This is not AA-bashing, I swear
I'm not AA (or religion) bashing with this, I just have trouble with the basic beliefs of AA-
I haven't been to an AA meeting precisely because past step one, it requires faith in some god. You're welcome to believe what you want, of course, and I respect that most people don't agree with me--nor should they-- but personally I think people who believe in god have an electrical fire in their heads. Just my opinion. So how exactly am I supposed to participate in a program that attempts to to "restore us to sanity" by believing the insane? And since I haven't found any alternative programs around here, I'm basically doing this on my own, and chatting on the boards here.
I'm on day 3 now, longer than I have been sober in a year or so. I feel like *pooh* actually, I have so much anxiety. Yesterday was worse though-- occasionally when I drink I do other drugs as well, and yesterday I was kicking myself for deleting my dealer's phone number. Had to resist the urge to call using friends and see if they could hook me up, but I actually managed to get through it.
It's embarrassing to think about it: here I am, a pretty average, middle class college student (a bit older than average, but most people don't seem to notice) and to look at me you'd never know I'm a raging alcoholic who does coke and meth on occasion. I can hear my mom echoing in the back of my head "That stuff, beer, drugs, any of that, is for losers and if I catch you using it I'll turn you in to the police." Well, wouldn't she be proud? Someone told me I was going to need to tell my parents about my attempts at recovery, but honestly, after that, would you tell your parents? Ha!
Thanks for listening to me babble.
I haven't been to an AA meeting precisely because past step one, it requires faith in some god. You're welcome to believe what you want, of course, and I respect that most people don't agree with me--nor should they-- but personally I think people who believe in god have an electrical fire in their heads. Just my opinion. So how exactly am I supposed to participate in a program that attempts to to "restore us to sanity" by believing the insane? And since I haven't found any alternative programs around here, I'm basically doing this on my own, and chatting on the boards here.
I'm on day 3 now, longer than I have been sober in a year or so. I feel like *pooh* actually, I have so much anxiety. Yesterday was worse though-- occasionally when I drink I do other drugs as well, and yesterday I was kicking myself for deleting my dealer's phone number. Had to resist the urge to call using friends and see if they could hook me up, but I actually managed to get through it.
It's embarrassing to think about it: here I am, a pretty average, middle class college student (a bit older than average, but most people don't seem to notice) and to look at me you'd never know I'm a raging alcoholic who does coke and meth on occasion. I can hear my mom echoing in the back of my head "That stuff, beer, drugs, any of that, is for losers and if I catch you using it I'll turn you in to the police." Well, wouldn't she be proud? Someone told me I was going to need to tell my parents about my attempts at recovery, but honestly, after that, would you tell your parents? Ha!
Thanks for listening to me babble.
I have to ask why
When I hear about how someone life is turned upside down by another individuals bad habits being with drugs or alcohol... In my mind the one and only question that screams for me to ask is "WHY" are you subjecting yourself to a life of agony ?
My problem is I attract the losers and the dysfunctional women and find myself getting getting angry when I realize "I did it again".
What I don't understand is people staying involved with destructive behaviour that will pretty much guarantee nothing but chaos, drama not to mention their health will deteorate due to the stress. Lets not forget the children... what about them ?
Why would any man or woman want to subject their children to this kind of enviroment ?
Don't people realize that they are pretty muchsealing their childrens faith to a life of dysfuctionality... don't the children deserve a better life, a chance ?
How can someone sacrifice their security and well being because someone else is on a self destructive path and wants to take down as many casualties with as they can...
WHY ???
My problem is I attract the losers and the dysfunctional women and find myself getting getting angry when I realize "I did it again".
What I don't understand is people staying involved with destructive behaviour that will pretty much guarantee nothing but chaos, drama not to mention their health will deteorate due to the stress. Lets not forget the children... what about them ?
Why would any man or woman want to subject their children to this kind of enviroment ?
Don't people realize that they are pretty muchsealing their childrens faith to a life of dysfuctionality... don't the children deserve a better life, a chance ?
How can someone sacrifice their security and well being because someone else is on a self destructive path and wants to take down as many casualties with as they can...
WHY ???
I need support!! I quit using but mate hasn’t! HELP!
I am new in recovery in every aspect. I decided to get sober(in a drug court. Didn't have a choice at first. Got put into a jail program and it opened my eyes!!) And the beginning was easy. Only one problem, really, my boyfriend whom I live with and who supports me, decided to stay using. I am having a very hard time. I have relapsed twice due to eeping myself in this situation. I tried saying me or the dope, at first he just lied. Then i realized he wasn't gonna quit. So i tried just ignoring it. I tried so hard. But he gets what he wants reguardless so he'd push me into arguing so i would just leave, he'd be popular for a moment, then he wanted me back. So I went back, Tons of promises, continued sneaking around, lying more, hanging with same losers, it just sucks. But I can't seem to leave him behind. We have been together for almost 2 years. We met about 2 yrs ago through a friend and his wife of 27yrs had just died. He was so lost. I fell right into it. He owns his own company and i used 2 work 4 him. I have no car or home, he has 2 homes and 3 cars. I fell in love with the idea he really loved me back. anyways, i am tired. I know what I need to do. Just need to hear it, maybe make some friends,too, if i'm lucky.
