Archive for the ‘Lot On My Mind’ tag
i need someone to talk to who doesn’t know me
:sorry I have had a lot on my mind lately, but is stuff i feel like I would get in trouble for if i had to admit it to someone who knew me. I know that sounds silly - but think of it like someone with a closet problem. I'm 27 years old and I have made some very bad decisions. I see a therapist less frequently as things appear to be getting better and more stable. I'm on anti-depressants and have family history of depression. I also have family history of alcoholism.
I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I know that is exactly the problem for most people - they wouldn't say they are when they are. I don't drink very often anymore, maybe once every month or two. Sometimes when I do it prompts me to keep going until I am drunk. I guess that sounds normal but in retrospect I have made some very bad decisions that wind up with me doing something very wrong once I'm drunk. I'm not talking about anything violent or harmful to people but I lack all judgement when it comes to anything and steal or vandalize things. When I look back, there was no reason for it. I don't know why I did it.
How can I solve the problem if I don't know what it is? How can I find the reasons for my actions when I just don't know why I made them? I am scared that I will never be able to fix the problem and live a normal happy life. I'm scared of making mistakes forever.
I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I know that is exactly the problem for most people - they wouldn't say they are when they are. I don't drink very often anymore, maybe once every month or two. Sometimes when I do it prompts me to keep going until I am drunk. I guess that sounds normal but in retrospect I have made some very bad decisions that wind up with me doing something very wrong once I'm drunk. I'm not talking about anything violent or harmful to people but I lack all judgement when it comes to anything and steal or vandalize things. When I look back, there was no reason for it. I don't know why I did it.
How can I solve the problem if I don't know what it is? How can I find the reasons for my actions when I just don't know why I made them? I am scared that I will never be able to fix the problem and live a normal happy life. I'm scared of making mistakes forever.
Harder than I ever thought…
Hey Gang... I'm so glad I've found this site. I've been in the background for a month or so reading other peoples stories and the support I've seen is truly encouraging.
I am what I think would be refered to as a binge drinker. Now, my binges consist of probably 8-10 bottles of beer and, on occasion, a few shots. That may not seem like much in the grand scheme of drinking problems but its my inability to stop at just one or two that is problematic.
In addition to the inability to quit after a couple, the urge to drink is overwhelming after the 2nd or 3rd day after my last "binge". It's that urge or cumpulsion that concerns me the most.
In the last 2 years I haven't gone more than 3 days without getting drunk. I've tried but my mind always comes up with some reason why it's okay. This week I actually asked my Mother to stay with me so I had someone to be accountable to... so I could go a whole week without drinking. That worked great!...
... Until last night. I'm so dissappointed in myself for caving in. I had a lot on my mind after work and I just couldn't face coming home to my empty house again.
It's like just when I think I'm "over the hump" something snaps and in an instant I'll have convinced myself that it's okay to drink... and the next thing I know I'm sitting at the bar ready to drink the night away.
I'm not really sure what my intention is with this little confession... I guess I just thought if anyone would understand where I'm at... you all would. My father (who thinks of me as his drinkin buddy) seems to think I'm over reacting.
The fact is I'm tired of getting drunk all the time.
Thanks for listening.
~ LG1 in the Poconos
I am what I think would be refered to as a binge drinker. Now, my binges consist of probably 8-10 bottles of beer and, on occasion, a few shots. That may not seem like much in the grand scheme of drinking problems but its my inability to stop at just one or two that is problematic.
In addition to the inability to quit after a couple, the urge to drink is overwhelming after the 2nd or 3rd day after my last "binge". It's that urge or cumpulsion that concerns me the most.
In the last 2 years I haven't gone more than 3 days without getting drunk. I've tried but my mind always comes up with some reason why it's okay. This week I actually asked my Mother to stay with me so I had someone to be accountable to... so I could go a whole week without drinking. That worked great!...
... Until last night. I'm so dissappointed in myself for caving in. I had a lot on my mind after work and I just couldn't face coming home to my empty house again.
It's like just when I think I'm "over the hump" something snaps and in an instant I'll have convinced myself that it's okay to drink... and the next thing I know I'm sitting at the bar ready to drink the night away.
I'm not really sure what my intention is with this little confession... I guess I just thought if anyone would understand where I'm at... you all would. My father (who thinks of me as his drinkin buddy) seems to think I'm over reacting.
The fact is I'm tired of getting drunk all the time.
Thanks for listening.
~ LG1 in the Poconos
