Drug Rehab Options Blog

This is my first visit to this site. Ok here is my story. I have known the father of my 21 year old daughter since we both were 15 years old. He has had a heroin addiction for over 20 years. He and I rekindled our relationship 3 yrs. ago after he promised me he was no longer using or selling drugs. Needless to say to my dismay and surprse that was a LIE. Why I didnt run for the hills I dont know. I guess I thought I could help him, but that has proven to be too big of a task for me. Since that wonderful declaration he made to me he has stolen a lot of money from me and our daughter. In the summer of 2007 he took off to rehab for 45 days. He has declared he is and has been clean for a year. I am having a real hard time believing him and I dont know what to do. I don't feel he has nor is he being totally honest with me. He has been working on his job since June of 08 and I have NEVER seen a paystub. I know he works because I drive him there, but every Friday he comes home with between $20-60, and some lame excuse as to why he doesn't have more. Two weeks in a row he said his employer made all the occupants of the truck he was riding in (not driving) pay for a ticket. Then a few months ago it was they had to pay for uniforms (I haven'[t seen the uniforms yet). It is always a reason he has so little to contribute to the household. Now, his hours have been cut at work and he hasn't worked since 12/9/08 and all he can manage to do is sleep or jump up and run out the door with one of the neighbors. And for reasons that are so unclear to me he doesnt get my anger and disgust. I am getting so fed up with him. I am at the point where I don't like him if that makes since. If it were not for the fact that he has no where to go I would throw him out. I love him and I am still in love with him, but I struggle daily to maintain that level of love. He is very lazy and doesn't appear to be concerned about being a provider for himself or the household. He wants to get married, but I am NOT going to marry him until I KNOW he is truly clean. I so desparately want to trust him but his words and actions dont add up. I am so sorry to be long, but I needed to sound off. I feel trapped in his mess while my dreams, wants, and desires are put on hold. Is there anyway I could get him tested for drug use? His mother told me I could get something from a drugstore, but I am not sure how true that is. Am I being too watchful and critical? Am I being to overbearing? He says I have control issues and dont want him to have friends, but my issue is I am very cautious of me and his choice of friends (by appearance only) look just as shady as he does. I want to trust him, but I see don't see where he deserves such trust nor can I see where to begin to mend my broken heart to trust him again.

today at 5:30. He has taken the first step in his process to deal with his alcoholism. My question is... how should I treat this? Do I act proud...supportive....detached....uncaring. I am at a loss. I am not saying I am staying..but not sure if I am going. Kind of in limbo but how do you support someone you do love in trying to get help? No matter what happens with us - I want a healthy life for him.

My boyfriend of almost 3 years is in recovery. He is/was a marijuana addict as well as a tobacco addict which is still hasn't given up. He has been sober for 1 month at this point. This has been a very difficult time for me as his partner. He has told me that he feels like he's been "a shell of a man" for his entire adult life. Numbing any and all of his feelings with marijuana. Now, it is as if he feels like he has to make up for lost time. Where he used to keep his feelings at bay by smoking pot, he now voices every one that comes into his head. Most of them being negative. And a lot of them, issues he has with me. Suddenly, he no longer loves me like he used to. He told me in the past that he wants to get married to me. He has now communicated that this is no longer the truth. This is all a huge shock for me. I was unaware that him and I had such major relationship problems. I was also unaware of how much and how often he was smoking. I knew he smoked somewhat regularly, but it never really bothered me. Now, it's as if my entire world has been turned upside down. I am happy that he quit but sad in the same respect. He is no longer the sweet, selfless person that I fell in love with. I want to help him and I want to be there for him. He just makes it really hard. He has so much anger now. We are seeing a therapist together. She tells me that I am supposed to try and not take the things he says to me personally. I really don't know how to do that. I am miserable. Can anyone offer me some words of advice. I am new to this forum.

Thanks,
Lindsay