Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi friends
I wanted to write this eulogy to my ex. He is an alcoholic. We broke up about 3 months ago and now he is going out with another girl - another alcoholic. Tonight I just feel very sad and at a loss of words so I wanted to share this eulogy and if you need it you can write one for any person you miss.
Thank you and hugs to you all.

Friends and family,
It is with deep grief and sadness that I talk here... as you know, I spent most of year 2008 with ___. He was the love of my life and I miss him very much. I remember all our little games. I remember his smile and his hugs... our life together in love. All those nights in my flat, watching TV, kissing, cooking... we were always talking or sending messages... he was everything to me, my joy, my strength, my faith. I have to admit many times I hope I did not remember him.. this has been too painful.
I can go on and on for days and weeks and months as I have lately, replaying my fond memories with him. I will just say that I miss him, my boyfriend, my best friend. Life is just not the same one without him in my life. It will never be.

Hi all! I have many things that I need to change about myself but drinking is on the top of the list. Nice to meet you all, btw!

Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.

For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.

Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)

Hi All!
Last night my ADEXBF sent me a text message asking if I was still willing to do whatever it takes to allow him to go into inpatient rehab. I said yes. But then I saw him today and he is still talking about how he is getting his apartment with another sister (he is living with his sister now) and talking about his life going on without us.

So then immediately I feel again that the arguements were my fault that I pushed him to hard and that maybe he is right maybe we didnt work out because we didnt get along and blah blah blah. I really get locked into this fight with myself. Yes, before he started abusing his percs and oxy's we had a wonderful relationship and then it started going down the hill because of the pills and I know that but I cant stand this back and forth crap.

I try to tell myself that it is not my fault and that of course he is gonna tell his family we split because we couldnt get along because otherwise he would have to admit that he has a problem. I just hate this back and forth because it really makes me cry and mourn the loss of the love of my life over and over.

Is this normal? Sometimes I feel like he wants to reach out to me but he cant. He tries to say something and then says nevermind forget it. I just dont understand all of this.

He has been gone 2 weeks now and I really think it is starting to sink in with him because for the first time last night he called to see about the kids. I guess I just need to stop doubting myself and no that the person I fell in love with is there but is not in charge. Can anyone relate to what I am saying or having any insight to this??????

Hello All ... I'm new here, although I've been to the boards reading up on stuff for a while. I've finally come to the conclusion that my ex bf (brings tears to my eyes to even say "ex") has a much more serious drug problem than I had ever realized.

We were together for what would have been 2 years in October. I miss him. I had to set down some very serious boundaries which led to him having to leave our home, and then subsequently got him kicked out of the place he was staying after he left here.

I'm having such a hard time and hope that maybe some other ppl's experiences either with their own addiction or with family members' addiction can help me to understand, let go, find some hope ... ANYTHING.

When we first met, I knew he smoked pot - it's pretty common in our town and hard to find someone that doesn't ... and I guess I settled thinking he was young (he is younger than me) and he would grow out of it eventually. I know a lot of my friends went thru that stage and I talked to a lot of ppl about it including him and felt it was a passing phase. I have never used drugs and I admit I'm pretty naive when it comes to stuff like that .... i had a bf years ago who was using and selling drugs without me knowing ... just found out this year actually that he was dealing drugs!! Anyway ... that might give you an idea of how naive I am about it.

Anyway ... the first little while was so perfect ... we spent a lot of time together and talked about how we viewed life and commitment and marriage and children etc. I thought I'd finally found the love of my life ... and I sank into feeling safe and secure with him.

Then he started disappearing for days with friends - friends I didn't like but they were his. I started to feel insecure and also uncomfortable that he was getting high for days at a time. He said he didn't need to do it ...so he would stop. And things seemed to go back to normal for a while ...

Then life hit ... and it hit HARD. His family moved away, he got in trouble with the law for stealing beer from a local college, and I started to see him easily aggravated - he started breaking things, throwing things and yelling ... never at me ... but the anger bothered me. It's been getting worse since then ... and I'd talked to him about the drug use and he assured me he wasn't using drugs and had only and would only ever use pot ... nothing else.

Flash forward to a few months later while trying to help him get some stuff under control (he said he was ADD as a child) Doc prescribed Ritalin and it took me 3 months to finally get him to admit that he was snorting it (claiming every month to "lose" his prescription the first day he got it) ... he'd throw fits if I told him to show it to me ... or to leave it with me ... so I knew something was going on ... i figured he was selling it ... until his friend told me the truth.

He was hanging out with ppl that he told me were using heavy drugs, pills etc ... he was lying ALL the time and NEVER admitting it until caught red-handed ... same with stealing - $20 from my wallet here and there, stealing my bank card in the middle of the night and withdrawing money ... never admitting until I had proof and then the tears and apologies and begging me not to leave him.

I helped him stay out of jail twice ... both times with promises that he'd change, get therapy etc .... all this time i thought we were dealing with depression ... but more and more I'm thinking with the stealing and lying and disappearing for days, that it must be drugs. He always blamed me ... told me he wanted to get away from my nagging etc. I was the reason he was getting mad - he didn't get mad like this around anyone else ... but then he'd also tell me that "everyone else knows how i am" from time to time.

I tried everything, begging, pleading, reasoning, bargaining, crying, yelling, threatening ... nothing worked. He would not/could not hold a job more than a week ... always some reason why he didn't like it ... or he'd "get sick" and get let go within the first week. I encouraged him to go on social assistance and go back to school ... the only reason I got any rent from him was because i made him have the rent signed over to me ... i still paid for groceries, his clothes etc ...

The straw that broke the camel's back was moving to a new place ... agreeing to take him with me ... and him lying to me about his check and spending it all in town at his friends' house and leaving me to cover his portion of rent. I was almost evicted ... not a good impression to leave with a new landlord.

At that point he had to move out ... and continued to lie ... told me he was cut off social assistance while he was actually still collecting it on our old address and i was struggling to figure out how to pay his part of the rent!

I called and had his social assistance cut off after informing them that he was no longer living with me. He was furious with me and HATES me ... says now he's had to do things that he didn't want to do just to survive (I'm sure he's selling drugs). His family - even though they know what I've been thru with him and have been thru the same, have been completely snowed by him ... they are calling me a crazy stalker and painting me as this sick person who was controlling his every move. He has been advised to seek a psychiatric evaluation and told me "see what you did to me? you drove me crazy and now I have to have a psych eval" *sigh* He doesn't know that his family ASKED ME to have him COMMITTED!!! And I'm so angry that they are now blaming me for all of this when they looked to me to do all the leg-work to get help for him ...

I have been scouring the internet for ways to reach him, love him thru this ... and found out just last week that he has a new girlfriend ... this completely tore my heart out ... it hurts so bad that after all I've done for him he would just go replace me so quickly. I love him so much and this is the ultimate betrayal ... I feel like he never loved me at all ...

I've lost a lot to be with him and try to help him ... and I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and shame for times when I lost my temper and made things escalate rather than keeping my cool and trying to communicate with him ... but my level of resentment just grew and grew ... I did so much for US and it seemed that he did less and less ... and all I did was try to love him.

Is there ANY hope that we can ever survive this? Is there a chance he'll finally get his stuff together and one day see what he's done to us?

I'm so confused .... I know I need to help myself and take care of myself right now ... but I'd sure like to hear about similar situations ... I'd LOVE to hear that in time, we might be able to mend this and get back what we had ...

Right now he's hanging out with ppl that are heavy drug users ... I think he's selling drugs for the person who he was staying with ... and I'm sure this girlfriend accepts and encourages his drug use and that is why he's with her ... but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Could sure use some help ....

I am 38 years old.I have been a alcoholic since i was 15.Through high school i drank and all i wanted to do was fight.I eneterd the milatary in 1993 to run from trouble caused from my fighting.No branch would accept me execpt the Navy.Needless to say i found a interest and became a Navy Seal.While i was in the Teams i was married and had a son.Needless to say i killed that marriage due to drinking and pure hatred towards life.When i got out i came home to Texas and my problems that i ran from were here waiting for me.Problem lies in the fact i could fight much better and drink twice as much.The years have gone by now and alot has happened.Lost another marriage in 1999 and a very sucessful company because of my meaness and druken state.In 2001 I met a woman that is the only love of my life.I have never cared for another this way.Family,friends past girlfriends Etc..She is very sucessful and her and i started a company again.I have lost her and the company in Bankruptsy....I drank my life away!This is my life in a very small Nutshell.IAm i doomed for the remainder of my life????Completely Lost.

Alright Ladies;

I am posting this here because I need some female insight on this issue...

I am 21 and have almost a year clean from cocaine... I still drink occasionally but it is not causing a problem for me. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who lives with my mom and I am trying VERY VERY hard to work on establishing a relationship back with her so that I can be a full time mother to her, but my mother is not allowing that to happen. I got out of rehab 2 days before my daughter turned 3 and moved back home so that I could be with her every day and try and get that mother/daughter bond back. Before I had gone to rehab my daughter, mother and I did not have a very good relationship, obviously because I was too busy doing my own thing, I gave my daughter to my mom about 3 months before she turned 2 and went out and did my own thing. Yes I know that was a wise decision on my part by not putting her in the bad situations she would have been in if she had stayed with me. But it ruined my relationship with my little girl. She is the love of my life and I want nothing more then to be the mother that she deserves for me to be. My mom decided while I was living in a half-way house that my daughter could come visit me about once a week after I had been there for about 2 months. Then my mom sprung on me that my step-dad wanted me to move back home. Which was great...but when I did move back home they wanted to control my every move and tell me what to do...so I moved out about a month and a half ago. Since I have moved out my mom has been very hesitant to let me see my daughter especially to have her over night and stuff like that and it is KILLING me inside... I miss my little girl dearly and I can't stand to only get to talk to her on the phone and when I do she asks me when I'm coming home.

I don't really know where I'm going with this but I realllllllly would like to hear what some of you think about this situation.....THANK YOU

--Kaia

Hi all.

I didn't see a thread for stories about why we started drinking in the first place, so I thought I'd try to tell my story. I know the melodrama of other people's lives can be much less interesting to the audience than it is to the storyteller, so skim or just skip most of it if you feel like it. This is more for my benefit than anyone else's.

Anyway.

I've always been HIGHLY critical of myself. I've always felt myself to be inferior to most of the people I meet, even though I hide it with an outgoing personality and a somewhat false "everything fine" public face. Even as far back as kindergarten, I can clearly remember how I constantly compared myself to other people and felt insecure. So, from my birth, I was already a strong candidate for problem drinking.

3 things tipped me over the edge:

1.) Playing football was the great love of my life. I played in high school, and I played 3 seasons of semi-pro. It was, and sort of continues to be, a huge part of my identity. Before my 2nd year of semi-pro ball, I worked out harder than I've ever worked out in my life. Between college classes and my part-time job, I spent most of my time either in a gym or on a track. It was the one thing that gave me purpose. I lined up at CB in the season opener, and on the very play, I lost a few steps on my WR and gave up a long TD. I was devastated. It was such a small moment, but I haven't stopped thinking about it for the last 4 years. I poured so much time and effort into being a better football player, and I completely failed my first test. Like I said, it was a small moment, but I can't think of many times where I've felt lower. I was never the same player after that.

2.) In high school, I met a girl named Courtney. She was deeply religious, and I wasn't. Still, we became friends, and eventually I developed some serious feelings for her. To this day (6-7 years later), she's still the only person outside of my family that I've ever truly loved. Because of the differences in our beliefs, and because we never had any real romantic chemistry, we stayed "just friends" for several years. I missed several promising opportunities to meet other women, simply because I was still carrying a torch for this perfect person I was never meant to be with. Eventually, I think I did the right thing. I told her how I felt, and because she didn't feel the same way, I didn't feel like it was fair to keep spending time with her. Like I said, I think it was the right thing to do, but losing that friendship hurt. It left a void, one that I haven't really filled. Later, during college, I actually met a woman who I seemed to truly click with. We talked for 30 minutes, just the two of us, about life, art, spirituality, and all kinds of things. I never followed up on it. It was a cycle that would repeat itself several times. Even though I had said goodbye to my first real love, I still couldn't help comparing all these women to her. So, I basically isolated myself from them.

2.) After college, I took a job that required me to drive co-workers to various locations. I still don't remember what happened, but one day I apparently caused a serious auto accident. (I was totally sober at the time. The one thing I'll say for myself when it comes to my drinking is that I've never caused violence or put anyone in danger while under the influence.) I escaped with a few cuts and bruises, but my co-worker was out of work for weeks. The guilt I felt after that accident is still very, very raw, and it's been one of the main reasons why I continue to drink.

Summary, for anyone who's been skimming:

I binge drink. I don't drink in the mornings, I don't drink on the job, and I've never driven drunk. I do a good job of hiding my problem. I typically come home from work, get completely hammered, and get lost in whatever emotions bubble to the surface. Sometimes it's guilt over a car accident I caused, sometimes it's shame over my failures and shortcomings as a former athlete, sometimes it's regret over possible relationships I never pursued due to my insecurity, and sometimes it's sadness brought on by the fading memory of the one person I've ever truly loved. Regardless of the emotion, it's been all about living in the past. For me, that's the main drive. The future scares me, because I've never believed in myself enough to be able to envision one in which I'm happy and successful. Even painful memories are more comfortable to me than thoughts about the future, because at least I know what my memories hold.

I want to stop living in the past, though. Based on some of the friendships I've made in the last year or two, and the positive reinforcement I've received as a result, I do think I have some good qualities- even if I haven't the slightest clue what they are. I want to find out what I have to offer to the world, and I can't do that as long as I'm a binge drinker.