Archive for the ‘Love Quot’ tag
it’s a new year -2009 :)
i want to thank you all for helping me get through some really tough stuff. i'm sure there will be much more to come.
i was literally hanging by a thread new years eve. my emotions and moods are all over the place. i know this and have to accept it and ride it out most of the time. thanks ago for reminding me that it doesn't have anything to do with progress.
new years day, it was like my body said enough. i sat around watching good movies in my jammies (excpet going to dinner at my parents) and gave myself the permission to do nothing.
it was then that i made a decision that this is a new year. i decided to just wipe the slate clean from last year. keep the good and get rid of the bad. it's a new year and a brand new start.
i'm determined and i also know without a doubt, without any uncertaintly at all, that i WILL NOT be in the same position at the end of next year. no matter what this is the year that things will change one way or another. i will be in a much better place at the end of next year and this is giving me hope and a better spirit.
AH hasn't drank again in two days and did spend new years eve with me. he says that he talked to a pastor at his church he is going to about counseling. i told him if he is serious i will go with him, but he has to do the work. in the meantime i am holding to my boundaries.
i honestly don't know how i feel about the counseling, because i really don't if the damage is repairable. i don't have the same feelings for him anymore. i love him, but am no loving "in love" with him -kwim? it hurst to acknowledge this, but it is true. he can't seem to understand how much damage is done and the effort and time it will take to repair it, if it is repairable.
anyway, WISHING ALL OF YOU THE VERY BEST IN 2009!!!!
i was literally hanging by a thread new years eve. my emotions and moods are all over the place. i know this and have to accept it and ride it out most of the time. thanks ago for reminding me that it doesn't have anything to do with progress.
new years day, it was like my body said enough. i sat around watching good movies in my jammies (excpet going to dinner at my parents) and gave myself the permission to do nothing.
it was then that i made a decision that this is a new year. i decided to just wipe the slate clean from last year. keep the good and get rid of the bad. it's a new year and a brand new start.
i'm determined and i also know without a doubt, without any uncertaintly at all, that i WILL NOT be in the same position at the end of next year. no matter what this is the year that things will change one way or another. i will be in a much better place at the end of next year and this is giving me hope and a better spirit.
AH hasn't drank again in two days and did spend new years eve with me. he says that he talked to a pastor at his church he is going to about counseling. i told him if he is serious i will go with him, but he has to do the work. in the meantime i am holding to my boundaries.
i honestly don't know how i feel about the counseling, because i really don't if the damage is repairable. i don't have the same feelings for him anymore. i love him, but am no loving "in love" with him -kwim? it hurst to acknowledge this, but it is true. he can't seem to understand how much damage is done and the effort and time it will take to repair it, if it is repairable.
anyway, WISHING ALL OF YOU THE VERY BEST IN 2009!!!!
Is it too late to save the marriage? (new here)
I've lurked on this site a few times but I've never posted. This seems like a good place to throw out a dilemma I'm having. (this may be long. sorry)
Married 7+ years with two young kids. H has been sober since Aug this year. In a nutshell, his last drinking episode was the last straw for me. My boundaries were VERY clear. He crossed the line, and I said "that's it, we are separating".
H says "I will stop drinking, forever".
I really wanted to separate, but this is not financially possible. It's a long story...... I'm in graduate school and have two preschoolers. H cannot afford to support two households - especially with the economy in the dump.
Here's my dilemma:
H says he is committed to "doing whatever it takes" to salvage the marriage". He is seeing a counselor (although she is not trained in addictions work) and he did some reading about A. He is trying to give me physical and emotional space. We have two young kids we both adore.
Problem is: after his last episode I completely checked-out of the relationship. My boundary was crossed and that was it. Even though I recognize all his good qualities, I cannot imagine ever being "in love" with him again. Is this because my trust in him is gone?
How do people reconcile after years of unhealthy enmeshment, finger pointing, anger, and resentment?
Oh, and I tried an Al-Anon group here. It was bad.
Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.
Married 7+ years with two young kids. H has been sober since Aug this year. In a nutshell, his last drinking episode was the last straw for me. My boundaries were VERY clear. He crossed the line, and I said "that's it, we are separating".
H says "I will stop drinking, forever".
I really wanted to separate, but this is not financially possible. It's a long story...... I'm in graduate school and have two preschoolers. H cannot afford to support two households - especially with the economy in the dump.
Here's my dilemma:
H says he is committed to "doing whatever it takes" to salvage the marriage". He is seeing a counselor (although she is not trained in addictions work) and he did some reading about A. He is trying to give me physical and emotional space. We have two young kids we both adore.
Problem is: after his last episode I completely checked-out of the relationship. My boundary was crossed and that was it. Even though I recognize all his good qualities, I cannot imagine ever being "in love" with him again. Is this because my trust in him is gone?
How do people reconcile after years of unhealthy enmeshment, finger pointing, anger, and resentment?
Oh, and I tried an Al-Anon group here. It was bad.
Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.
A Touching Christmas Story
(I belong to a Christian Social Network and I ran across this story on the site and was so touched by it that I brought it here to share it with my SR family~~~~ Passion)
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.
I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.
Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old.
For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.
All parents unable to at tend that evening were welcome to come then.
Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.
Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.
As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".
The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.
A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.
For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"
And, I believe, He still is.
Amazed in His presence... .humbled by His love.
Again, HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS SEASON.
by Peacemaker :Xmaselfa
The "W" in Christmas
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.
I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.
Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old.
For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.
All parents unable to at tend that evening were welcome to come then.
Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.
Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.
As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".
The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.
A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.
For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"
And, I believe, He still is.
Amazed in His presence... .humbled by His love.
Again, HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS SEASON.
by Peacemaker :Xmaselfa
spirituality
The other night someone created a disturbance in a meeting and after the third time of being asked not to cross talk that person left the meeting. This left me with a question of spirituality. I understand that this is a difficult situation, I know that there is a pamphlet that outlines a general procedure for such events. I also know that our literature says (to paraphrase) that we should not let people walk on us due to our spirituality and that we should not enable a person by allowing them to act in such a manner. That's like the catch 22. One of the big things that always bothered me about some of the people involved in Christianity is the "hypo-Christian" only applying spirituality when it's convenient, the "Tho shalt not kill" unless of course someone really pisses you off or you don't care for their religious beliefs or the color of their skin. I'm not saying that anyone acted in an nonspiritual manner, I'm just wondering, if spirituality is the path to recovery and the ultimate goal for us is to walk that path, how can we reach that spiritual plane and still deal with life on life's terms? I don't know that anyone truly has the answer to this one I guess I am just looking for a starting point. I did in fact share during the meeting, questioning if spiritual principles would come into play in a situation like this. I think I might have offended my sponsor with what I shared. He shared after I did, almost in explanation, saying that he showed "unconditional love" it was just tough love. This is weighing on me heavily I honestly meant no offense. I guess in truth I said what I said to make people ponder the question as well. I don't know how spiritual that was either.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
External Validation
I had a great meeting today - we talked about "detaching with love."
One of our group members is really struggling with letting go of her son's addiction. Her life is a whirlwind of phone calls, court dates, hospital bills, custody hearings, etc... She takes a step away from the chaos only to be overcome with guilt and anguish for abandoning someone who needs her so much.
She said, crying, "When I try to take care of myself he tells me that I don't care about him, and I just can't stand for him to think that!"
But it was SO clear, to everyone there, to anyone looking at this woman, that she cares about her son with all her heart. She was willing to do anything to help him.
Yet, because he couldn't recognize her caring, she began to doubt it, herself.
I could see, in her struggle, many of my issues.
This nagging belief that if my addict didn't feel loved, it was because I was not being loving enough, not responding correctly, answering harshly. That my behavior was the problem.
I couldn't stand for my A to think that I was a bad, unloving person, because, for so long, I looked to him to tell me that I was good.
Recovery from codependency teaches me that "what other people think of me is none of my business".
I love that.
It is so freeing.
I know my intentions (most of the time!), and I no longer look to someone else to confirm or validate them for me.
Have a great night, everybody.
Thanks for letting me share!
-TC
One of our group members is really struggling with letting go of her son's addiction. Her life is a whirlwind of phone calls, court dates, hospital bills, custody hearings, etc... She takes a step away from the chaos only to be overcome with guilt and anguish for abandoning someone who needs her so much.
She said, crying, "When I try to take care of myself he tells me that I don't care about him, and I just can't stand for him to think that!"
But it was SO clear, to everyone there, to anyone looking at this woman, that she cares about her son with all her heart. She was willing to do anything to help him.
Yet, because he couldn't recognize her caring, she began to doubt it, herself.
I could see, in her struggle, many of my issues.
This nagging belief that if my addict didn't feel loved, it was because I was not being loving enough, not responding correctly, answering harshly. That my behavior was the problem.
I couldn't stand for my A to think that I was a bad, unloving person, because, for so long, I looked to him to tell me that I was good.
Recovery from codependency teaches me that "what other people think of me is none of my business".
I love that.
It is so freeing.
I know my intentions (most of the time!), and I no longer look to someone else to confirm or validate them for me.
Have a great night, everybody.
Thanks for letting me share!
-TC
Understanding How We Love
I've seen the types of love addressed on the site and the topic of whether it is harder to deal with a SO addict or a child addict and thought i would share this as it is something i have spiritually studied. There are different types of love - but not necessarily catagorized by who the person is that you are in a relationship with. some words are copied from others and some are my own.
Eros - Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, "I'm in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. In order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, eros simply evaporates. This is most romantice relationships but not all.
Philia - We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy. Eros love can become Philia love - when we become friends or partners more than lovers.
Agape - Unlike the previous two types of love, agape is not limited to being held hostage by its environment and someone's perception. The reason why agape can soar above these is because it is based upon the commitment of a decision. It entails the decision to proactively seek someone's well-being. Since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings. Eros and Philia can become Agape love and this is the type of love that I would catagorize that most parents feel towards their child - but not all. This is also the love that your HP has for you.
My humble opinion is that its not whether or not you deal with a SO, a child, a parent, a sibling, or a friend - its whether the love you have for that person is Agape. I've dealt with both SO and child - the child was harder for me because it is Agape love whereas the SO for me was Eros but this may not be the case for everyone.
Eros - Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, "I'm in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. In order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, eros simply evaporates. This is most romantice relationships but not all.
Philia - We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy. Eros love can become Philia love - when we become friends or partners more than lovers.
Agape - Unlike the previous two types of love, agape is not limited to being held hostage by its environment and someone's perception. The reason why agape can soar above these is because it is based upon the commitment of a decision. It entails the decision to proactively seek someone's well-being. Since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings. Eros and Philia can become Agape love and this is the type of love that I would catagorize that most parents feel towards their child - but not all. This is also the love that your HP has for you.
My humble opinion is that its not whether or not you deal with a SO, a child, a parent, a sibling, or a friend - its whether the love you have for that person is Agape. I've dealt with both SO and child - the child was harder for me because it is Agape love whereas the SO for me was Eros but this may not be the case for everyone.
New Here
Hello everyone. I have been lurking here for a while just wanting to see if I could see any similarities with anyone and their situations - it really shows me that I am not alone. I am married to a clinically depressed alcoholic. I am 31 and he is 37. We have been together for 14 years and married for 9. We have an 8 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I have always known that he had issues with depression and alcohol but I just kept hoping that he would eventually "get better". It has gotten very bad over the last year. For 13 years we had never seperated but have had 3 seperations this year - and this will be the last. I have filed for divorce. He is currently in a rehab facility (has been in detox twice and rehab twice as well). He is a kind, loving man with a huge heart and I will always love him - but I have finally realized that I am not "in love" with him anymore. I know that I can't go through any of this anymore and I am really trying to be strong. There are sooooo many things that have happened that I won't get into now. Both of his parents are alcoholics - his father has been sober for about 30 years but his mother is currently on her deathbed because of her excessive drinking - we have been told she has approx. one week left. He gets out of rehab tomorrow and I am scared to have to finally confront him as we have had no contact for 6 weeks now. He does know that I have filed for divorce but I don't think that he believes that I will really go through with it (and why would he - I have always let him back in before). I read so many stories where women say that they have been married to an alcoholic for 20, 30, 40 years and I don't want that to be me. In my heart I don't believe that this rollercoaster will ever end. I am so sad and letting go of the dream that I had for our family is the hardest of all for me right now. Well thanks for "listening" - and I thank all of you for sharing your stories - it really has helped me out a lot.
~Danilee
~Danilee
Parenting a 29 year old
I have a 29 year old who is extremely introverted, stubborn, alcoholic, and manipulative. He has recently gone to a 12 step, 30 day center and has one week left. He is only on step four while the program goal is to do the first 8 by next week. He does not introduce himself as "Hi, I'm x and I'm and alcoholic" and he doesn't say the prayers. The staff tell me he isn't ready to come back home and I agree. He has no life, just a two room dark apartment, a dead end part-time job, a dog, alcohol, and a computer gaming/ internet escapism. He has nothing to come back to. I own the apartment and he hasn't been paying rent (long story and that free ride is at an end). This coming Tuesday night his mother and I go to the center to meet with him and the staff. He does not know but they are going to recommend an extended 30 days and we are going to tell him he has nowhere to come home to. If he refuses and he won't we will ask where he would like us to drop off his stuff and his dog. I am having a hard time preparing for this "tough love" and I am probably getting ulcers. I am having eating problems and high anxiety again. I quit smoking 3 weeks ago and that isn't helping me achieve any remote level of serenity. Oh well, thanks for the ramble and please say prayers for us all.
Weird question:
I've been out of the program for about 3 months now. Drinking every single day. I'd LOVE to stop but I cannot for the life of me put together even one day.
Today I was walking my dog (big great dane... my only friend) and ran into a few guys who are in the program and always were very supportive to me. They were siding a house in my neighborhood and all came over to say hi and see how I was doing. I didn't lie- I told them I was drinking again.
They all said I should try to make one meeting a week even if I am still drinking. They said it's nobody's business how I run my program, and if I want to hit one meeting a week to get at least one sober day I am more than welcome to sit in at a meeting. Now I realize I am a self-conscious person and I don't want people to judge me because I am still drinking... but here's the question: can I really just go to AA when I have the motivation to do so? Some days I hate drinking all day and others I really love it. Some days I fantasize about not drinking, other days I wake up and crack a beer. Most days I hate having to drink but don't know any other way.
I hate giving AA friends false hope that I have stopped, so I don't go to meetings anymore. I HATE letting other people down. I really love AA people and I don't enjoy their disdain when I tell them I drank again.
Is 1-2 meetings a week something that is OK for someone who is struggling and hasn't really made up their mind that they NEED to stop for good? Or am I better off staying away from AA until I am ready to stop for good?
I realize I may face some "tough love" responses but I am looking for objective opinions on my particular situation more than anything else.
Have a great day everyone!!!
Today I was walking my dog (big great dane... my only friend) and ran into a few guys who are in the program and always were very supportive to me. They were siding a house in my neighborhood and all came over to say hi and see how I was doing. I didn't lie- I told them I was drinking again.
They all said I should try to make one meeting a week even if I am still drinking. They said it's nobody's business how I run my program, and if I want to hit one meeting a week to get at least one sober day I am more than welcome to sit in at a meeting. Now I realize I am a self-conscious person and I don't want people to judge me because I am still drinking... but here's the question: can I really just go to AA when I have the motivation to do so? Some days I hate drinking all day and others I really love it. Some days I fantasize about not drinking, other days I wake up and crack a beer. Most days I hate having to drink but don't know any other way.
I hate giving AA friends false hope that I have stopped, so I don't go to meetings anymore. I HATE letting other people down. I really love AA people and I don't enjoy their disdain when I tell them I drank again.
Is 1-2 meetings a week something that is OK for someone who is struggling and hasn't really made up their mind that they NEED to stop for good? Or am I better off staying away from AA until I am ready to stop for good?
I realize I may face some "tough love" responses but I am looking for objective opinions on my particular situation more than anything else.
Have a great day everyone!!!
THINKING OUT LOUD: open to all help, and suggestions
hi all
it's day 5 for me today, in progress. I punch out in an hour and then i pick up my daughter and have here overnhight.
now my addict self had some ideas. it wanted to get off work early. but I am simply going to stay. it wants me to leave early or on time, and then get some stuff on the way home and then smoke it.
my addict self wants it all. it wants both. it wants for me to have a nice fullfilling and wonderful life, and it also wants me to want what it wants. another hit.
the problem is that i can't jhave both. they don't work out together. with one in my life the other is excluded. they do not intersect. they are seperate.
so my good hearted part of me says "well of course i want to have a fullfilling life, where i am kind to others and helpful to others and helpful to the planet and productive in some way and full of love".
and then I say...."too bad for all of you...i just want one more"
and ji don't want to let go. i just don't want to let go
today I keep noticing myself falling back into thinkibng about usihng, planning to use, wanting to use. wanting to include using into the plans that i have for the night.
i'm noticing this, but i'm still at work so that is great. i could have punched out and went off to the dealer hours ago. but i have stayed here at work so that is good.
I am focusing on recovery. i am trying to focus on recovery. i haven't had a chance to go to a meeting. I will try to hook up with a recovering person after work, but there won't be much time. I could take my daughter to a meeting (she's 7), but i would rather not have to put her in the position of tolerating that.
i left a message with my sponsor. he is driving with recovering people to go on a rafting trip for the weekend a few states away. he hasn't called back.
I haven't tried jto call anyone else...i do have a couple other numbers
so i came here and i have gotten some good connection
i'm grateful for the people who shared in the threads that i have recently read
I have to face this head on, that I don't want to give up this drug. despite that my "left brain thinking" knows that it will only bring me darkness and death, my addict thinking wants more. it wants one more. it says only anotyer 40 dollars. it says what the heck, have a little fun (even though it isn't any fun)
so i have to try and play out the tape. iu have to stay focused. i have to keep focusing on my one goal in life right now. my goal to stay clean. to get anothyer day clean. to be clean today. to stay clean today.
all right ... thanks for listening
it's day 5 for me today, in progress. I punch out in an hour and then i pick up my daughter and have here overnhight.
now my addict self had some ideas. it wanted to get off work early. but I am simply going to stay. it wants me to leave early or on time, and then get some stuff on the way home and then smoke it.
my addict self wants it all. it wants both. it wants for me to have a nice fullfilling and wonderful life, and it also wants me to want what it wants. another hit.
the problem is that i can't jhave both. they don't work out together. with one in my life the other is excluded. they do not intersect. they are seperate.
so my good hearted part of me says "well of course i want to have a fullfilling life, where i am kind to others and helpful to others and helpful to the planet and productive in some way and full of love".
and then I say...."too bad for all of you...i just want one more"
and ji don't want to let go. i just don't want to let go
today I keep noticing myself falling back into thinkibng about usihng, planning to use, wanting to use. wanting to include using into the plans that i have for the night.
i'm noticing this, but i'm still at work so that is great. i could have punched out and went off to the dealer hours ago. but i have stayed here at work so that is good.
I am focusing on recovery. i am trying to focus on recovery. i haven't had a chance to go to a meeting. I will try to hook up with a recovering person after work, but there won't be much time. I could take my daughter to a meeting (she's 7), but i would rather not have to put her in the position of tolerating that.
i left a message with my sponsor. he is driving with recovering people to go on a rafting trip for the weekend a few states away. he hasn't called back.
I haven't tried jto call anyone else...i do have a couple other numbers
so i came here and i have gotten some good connection
i'm grateful for the people who shared in the threads that i have recently read
I have to face this head on, that I don't want to give up this drug. despite that my "left brain thinking" knows that it will only bring me darkness and death, my addict thinking wants more. it wants one more. it says only anotyer 40 dollars. it says what the heck, have a little fun (even though it isn't any fun)
so i have to try and play out the tape. iu have to stay focused. i have to keep focusing on my one goal in life right now. my goal to stay clean. to get anothyer day clean. to be clean today. to stay clean today.
all right ... thanks for listening
