Drug Rehab Options Blog

Only been married 1 1/2 years, but I have had it! AH disappears for days at a time every few months, and I just can't do it anymore. How do I make him leave? He is emotionally abusive, and lies all of the time. I can't trust him, and he won't get help. I have let him get away with going to a couple of AA meetings, but he just doesn't get it. You would think that 4 pancreatitis attacks would scare him enough to get help, but it hasn't. He has a real problem and he just doesn't see it. I pray that he will get help before it is too late, but it is just draining being in this relationship. I love him with all of my heart, but today is the nail in the coffin. He has been gone since Monday, "working" as he likes to call it. He was suppose to come home today, and hasn't. My mom was hospitalized again today and he hasn't even responded to my calls or texts to tell him. I have enough to deal with watching my mom die of cancer, I do not need his crap on top of it!!! Any advice is appreciated.

Hey Everyone!

Well, I'm approaching day 50 this Sunday and feeling proud about that. When I discovered SR, I didn't think I'd make it 2 weeks, and envied those who posted about their um-teenth day of sobriety. I thought to myself, "This is going to royally suck a*s, and be boring as he*l."

I was wrong. Totally wrong.

The new me barely misses alcohol. Certainly not the drunk part, but mostly the taste and the responsible cultural partaking in the consumption of a yummy glass of wine paired with the perfect meal.

The toast with champagne on New Year's Eve...
The sweet tang of Lemon Drops that only my sisters drank on my 30th birthday...
The homemade moonshine GIN my friends sipped on over x-mas...
The spiked eggnog! Sigh...

I really don't miss being drunk. And I don't miss being hung over. And most of all, I don't miss not remembering what the heck happened?! Or the fights with my fiance. I'm so grateful to be past all of that.

So, cheers (with my sparkling water!) to everyone who is in this with me. I wouldn't have been able to survive the first 2 weeks w/o SR.

Love and Hugs,
Hollyce

I just want to let you all know, that I'm still hanging in there...made it to day 8. My hubby is the one who said I should put "still doing great" in the title...lol.
He also says that he's proud of me, I'm proud of me too.
I'm telling myself, that I'm not quitting, I'm just cutting back and taking it a day at a time. Will I have some beer tomorrow? I don't know...Will I never have beer again? I don't know that answer to that either. All I know is that I'm not doing it right now and that tomorrow morning I will wake up the same way I did this morning...feeling pretty darn good!
I can't believe that I made it this long....would have had at least 3-4 drunk nights in by now...Gesh, that's about $40.
I love doing crafts and the past couple of days I have stopped by the craft store to buy some things for a new project that I just discovered...I ended spending some money on crafts instead of beer, now I have something to show for with no guilt.
Just wanted to share and say "I love you" guys!!!
:You_Rock_

XOXO

P.S. And yes, coming to this wonderful place has played the majority role in why I haven't drank for 8 DAYS!!!!
THANKS AGAIN!!!

I've come to understand/realize that the misery in my 2-year marriage was not because of his alcoholism (which he's been in recovery and not had a drink in over 5 months), but because of his abuse. He was never the type to scream or call me horrible names, nor to hit me. He was subtle, manipulative. My entire life has been run with guilt and manipulation. First by my mom, now by my stbXRAH.

I started to see something was seriously wrong back in November (about 3 months after he'd started AA). He was using everything and everyone in my life against me. I moved out, and about a week later I filed for divorce. Despite multiple times telling him that we both have issues we need to work through on our own before we could even consider reconsiling our marital issues, and telling him we need a break from each other (I've clearly said NO CONTACT until x date multiple times), he ALWAYS crosses that boundary. Always steps over the line.

He insists that we should not be getting a divorce. His excuse for crossing the line is he wants reasons, answers, goals. I've tried to explain, but everything falls out of my head when he and I talk (argue) - he's so good at making me crazy. I get off the phone feeling completely exhausted, confused, and most of the time don't remember what we even talked about. More than once he's told me I am chemically imbalanced and need mental help. But I know that's not true. My doctor sees me and knows I am not crazy.

However, I'm still in love with him. I still want him to want to change. He keeps saying, "I'm a changed man, but you haven't been around to see it" (accusing me that my moving out and filing is what's ruining our chance at a good marriage). He's always been all talk. I have no reason to start trusting his words now when his actions have never proven anything - with the exception that he stopped drinking.

He wants to meet with me tonight. He wants to talk. I'm scared because I don't know if I'll be able to hold my own. But I'm not sure I want to lose him. And I'm not sure I really want this divorce. Some days it seems so clear, then other days I just want to go home and believe it will all be ok.

I've tried to explain that his controlling measures and the way he acts like he "owns" me is abuse. And the way he talks to me is abuse. And he gets upset and says I'm crazy and that someone is filling my head full of ridiculous ideas. Is there a clear, healthy way to share the abuse concept with someone who is so clearly a verbal abuser (via guilt/ manipulation/ coersion/ etc) so they understand what they are really doing and how very wrong it is? Is there any hope that he can see the light? How can I explain this to him???

I feel like if I just divorce him to get away, it wouldn't be "fair" because I was not clear enough with how he is abusive, since that would be my reason for divorce (and these feelings may be more imposed upon me by him and by my parents than myself, but I still feel them). He says he wants marriage counseling. He says he wants to know why I filed for divorce. And why I want time apart. And how it's supposed to help. But deep down I feel like he's just asking those questions so he can build up excuses to undermine those things and break me down further and make me come back without him really changing anything.

*~*~*~*~*^As Bill Sees It^*~*~*~*~*

All or Nothing?

Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 per cent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride.
Hence, in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by very heavy setbacks. Our oldtime attitude of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.

GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Relationships

If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life.
-- Beyond Codependency

Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.

Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.

We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.

Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?

Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.

Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

I have cut back from 3-12 per day to 2-3 (my tapering plan so i dont flip out)- my job wouldnt allow that and i have 5 dependants on my income, and those are real numbers on the drinking. Beer only. I know I will go back if i dont stop. so i am going to pick a day to completely stop- in the next few days. i know this is boring, but thought i would share. you guys motivate me a lot. love to all... and seeing you winners on here really gets me going, thats from the heart.
D

I've started a new chapter in my life, a chapter that I hope is just the beginning to a really great book. My life hasn't always been easy. For so long, I have let the past and the present control me. I've lived in fear; I've lived with anxiety and panic; I've felt lonely and depressed; I've done things that I never thought were possible; and lastly....I've lost myself in others.
About a week and a half ago, I left my boyfriend. I fell so completely in love with him in no time and convinced myself that we would be together forever. I wanted to believe that so much. All of the little lies and all of the crazy things he did were okay because he loved me and those few "perfect moments" kept me going.
Well, our relationship lasted for just eight months and in that eight months, I had lost everything that was important in my life, including myself. And up until the end of last week, I didn't feel very good about moving on and looking forward. I was scared.
BUT.....a friend gave me the shove I needed. He challenged me to take a really good look at myself, a really good look at my life. Boy, I didn't like what I saw. I kept convincing myself that I was okay when really, I was so lost inside.
In just a short time, I must say that I have come a long way. You see, you can sit there and dream about what you want your life to be like or you can actually take the initiative, set goals and meet them so you can actually "live" the life you dream of. That's what I've decided to do.
I go to the gym daily....something that I kept promising my friend I would do but then always found excuses not to. Now I can see why he wanted me to go. I feel INCREDIBLE. I have so much energy and I just feel so confident. It's really nice. It also has reduced my cravings for coke.
I started eating right and have almost quit smoking. I've made plans with another close friend....she is going to take me hiking in about four months. I should be in pretty good shape by then and I've always dreamed about going hiking....so instead of dreaming about it, I'm making it my reality.
My whole point to this long blah, blah, blah is to tell you that you can do anything you "dream" of doing. This is YOUR life. Nobody can tell you how to live it.
If you're trying to quit drugs, think about why. Make a list of what the drugs do for you and then make a list of how they hurt you. I'm sure the "hurt" side far outweighs the good. Write down things you want out of your life. Stop thinking about what you've done wrong in the past and look at what you are going to do right in the future.
I've always been a present and past dweller. I had to see my ex the other day and I started crying and then something just hit me. If I kept crying, it was going to ruin "my" day. Nobody can make you feel something you don't allow. I wasn't going to allow him to keep hurting me. This was not my addiction anymore. This was not my problem and as much as I love him, I decided to completely let him go. And after, I felt such a weight lifted.
Everytime you choose good over bad, it gets easier. Everytime you say no to a substance, it gets easier the next time.
Sometimes we forget our true potential....we are so used to thinking negative and after a while, negative is the only thinking we have. We program our brains. We are what we think.
I'm so happy now that I have learned to let go. I never thought it was something I was capable of and because of that thinking, I kept using and I kept staying in an unhealthy relationship. Then one day, a friend told me that I "could" do it. I thought about it and realized he was right. I could do it if I really wanted to. And I did. I wanted my life back. I know you want your life back. Don't ever give up because one of those tries are gonna be the one that sets you free from your addiction....sets you free and gives you your life back.

Hugs

hello everyone it has been along time since I have written. My NOW EXH is still drikning and says he needs ME to help him stop for good. Why should I quit my jpb, move 1200 miles away from my dau and granddau if he is still drinking, I love him and always will why cant I just NOT pick up the phone when he calls and go on with life. It has been 2 years we have been seperated and divorce final for 6 months. I have tried in vain to help his parents help him, help myself and just live. any suggestions?

First posted in August and managed to stay sober until around mid -october but sort of lost it a bit - no mad binges, no crazy nights, just started again :02: Sooo, did that stupid min thing and decided that as it was xmas would carry on till new year.

Anyway am back again - day one sober, also day one cigarette free!! Doing well, and feeling good.

Hope everyone who remembers me is still ok.


love


cm xxxxx