Drug Rehab Options Blog

A couple of days ago my sister in law called and wanted to go out to dinner. I didn't want to go but new my husband wanted to go so I said yes. I couldn't believe I got dressed put make up on I stay in the house mostly only going out for food shopping. Don't want to talk about my son's death to anyone but the people here you all understand and I don't think the family does if they have not had any addiction problems. Well I am glad I went took my mind off of my problems and found out about everyone in the family and how they were doing. My husband's sister is griefing too over Jason. We met some other family their that were already eating they come out into hall to see me and my husband. They have a son on drugs. Just looking at Betty I could see the tears and she saw mine. She knew she could be in my place crying everyday over her son. We didn't say much but hello and hugged but I could see she was thinking that could have been me. Her son is on Methodone and so is his wife. I made it the whole time without any big crying and I am proud of myself for having self control.
Maybe I'll get out again sometime.
Love ya,
Maggie

Just want to wish you all a Happy New Year. I am glad this year is over nothing could be any worse than 08 and my son's death.
Just sitting remembering some little things my son would do like Yelling the the door Mum where are you! Mum what is their to eat. Mum would you p-l-e-a-s-e wash some clothes for me. I would always say I am not your maid and he would kiss me on the cheek and say you know you love me ma. He was right I did love him more than he knew. Now I set here wanting to see his face and hear his voice.
Love Ya,
Maggie

It was Christmas night my husband went to bed and Danny my son's boy want in bed too. Danny wan't feeling good and went to bed too. I was watching TV the Christmas tree was on. I was having problems with the lights on the bottom the the tree they kept going out I had to mess with the plug and they would come back on. So they went off again I said to myself I am not going to play with that plug again. A couple of seconds went by and they came back on. I didn't think to much about it and they went off again this time they came right back on this happened a couple of times then they stayed on.
I think my Jason didn' want to spend Christmas with out me either and I did ask him to send me a sign to tell me he was ok. I think this was the sign to me to say miss and love you mum.
Love ya,
Maggie:Xmasba

This will be the 1 st. Christmas with out my boy. My husband and I have been talking about him all day. We went for food today all we could say Jason liked this Jason liked that, he really could be eating if he were here. We give and get our Christmas Presents on Christmas eve we could hear him saying can I have mine now since he was grown we gave him clothes and money. He also got money from my mum (She died last year) and he got money from my sister. I hope to God he wasn't buying drugs with it. Last year I think he was clean. On Christmas day he and his son would allways go to my sister's with his gram for dinner.
Don't get me wrong I went through all the bad stuff to the stealing, lieing and all that goes with addiction. But he was my heart and I miss him so much I just pray that God picked death for him because things were not going to get any better to save him from himself. He loved his gram and pap so he is spending Christmas with them in heaven. I am trying to get my act together I have to live without him and I am trying.
I am not a drinker and I hate beer but a couple of days ago their was nothing to drink so I drank a beer the nexted day I drank another one everyday I drank 1 untill they were gone I know this has to stop reading how things can go from their. Since they are gone have no need for one I just needed a cold drink I will keep the soda in the frig.
I am not going to have a Happy Christmas this year but I hope everyone here does so Happy Holidays all!!!!
God Bless you
Maggie:Xmas2

My doctor put me on a antidepressent guess its takes time to work. Thanks for your help. Losing a child no matter the age is just hard I loved him no matter what he did my heart feels so empty. I pray I can overcome all of this.
Love ya,
Maggie:candle2:

My doctor put me on a antidepressent guess its takes time to work. Thanks for your help. Losing a child no matter the age is just hard I loved him no matter what he did my heart feels so empty. I pray I can overcome all of this.
Love ya,
Maggie:candle2:

Well here I set crying again missing and loving my son. Why can't I stop crying things will never change He is dead and will not be back.
The days pass and I can't see the future. So many things I have to do but still sit undone. Am I lazy and use this as a excuse. I can't sleep at night so I sleep during the day passing hours I should be doing things like cleaning washing clothers and should do Christmas shoping I do have little kids to buy for ( my sisters grandbabies) I ask God to help me. When will these feeling ease up on me. Thanks for leting me vent.
God Bless
Maggie:praying

My name is Maggie I am 61 years old I am retired. I worked 31 years at a state mental hospital. I have a husband we have been married 43years. I have 1 child his name is Jason he is 39. Since myself and husband were brought up poor we wanted everything for our son and he got anything he wanted. He finished high school and he wanted to be a chef so he went to school for it and did very well. The money was not that good so went to paint water towers. He fell and was hurt very bad. He was put on a lot of pain medication. After a while the doctor said he couldn't take all those medictions any more. So he started taking medication he got off the street. I told him this was not good but he said he new what he was doing. Well he did not know and got addicted to herion he didn't tell me or his dad but he got arrested and he had to tell. He went to rehab. came out went to the meeting and seem to be doing well. He hid his relasp from me and his dad. On Nov. 19th of this year we got a call from a girl he was with at the time saying Jason was dead. I was in shock didn't think I heard her right. Put my husband on the phone. When he put the phone down I know I heard right. My only child was DEAD. We rushed to her house the police were their and the amblance they told us he had died we ask How. They said we have to wait for the cornor to tell us. We tried to talk to the girl but she was just talking and talking and not saying anthing. Then we went home crying and beleaving it was a dream and we would wake up and everything would be ok. No so what we did do is go to the funeral home to arrange his funeral. People loved Jason 400 came to see him not one said anything of his drug use.
Now at the end of the day my boy died overdosed on drugs intead of having a happy long life. I have no heart now because I gave it all to him. It is all I can go to get out of bed in the morning. I never want to go outside but at times I have to go to the store for food. My husband and our family members are all walking around in a fog. I ask God every night why it should have been me I am old he had a lot of life left but not with drugs maybe God took him for a reason he did take him softly in his sleep. So if anyone reading this is a drug user don't think you know what you are taking because it my kill you so please try with all you have to stop.
I think of my son everyday missing and loving him.
Maggie

I haven't been on the forum for a week now because my ABF was hospitalized with cellulites and it got into his bloodstream...he has been in critical condition until yesterday....to top it off he had to go through the DT's....it's been a nightmare and tonight he was having problems again when I left the hospital...currently he has a raging staph infection that is affecting every organ including his brain....it can lead to meningitis and death
I will admit I have been there most of the week...his daughter came to see him twice for a few minutes....no emotions at all....said what bad timing this was for her to have her dad sick....I wanted to lose it on her but decided to let it go....what's the sense of trying to reach the unreachable...
I told everyone of his friends and family that I would see him through this but if after all this he returns to the bottle I am never going through this again....I would leave and just wait for his obituary in the paper...I hold no hope he will change and want no thanks from him for being with him while in a coma....I know our hospitals are understaffed as I work in the health system so I believe it's important that anyone in a vulnerable state have someone with them in case things go wrong.
Just tonight when I got there he was having great difficulty breathing and his tongue was severely swollen....the nurses were unaware and when I told them they rushed in with oxygen and a shot of steroid to reduce the swelling....his fever was mounting again as well...It was had to leave the hospital tonight but I am exhausted...
I know I may have slipped into my codependent role but I would have had way too much guilt walking away from this situation..

He is so much more than his addiction and God willing he will recover someday....his doctor plans on an intervention when he is better so we shall see...

Good Night all...Now I am going to say a prayer for him.

Peace

Maggie

Today I finally picked up the phone after getting call after call both at home and at work with the determination of telling him it was over and why. I told him that I could not continue with the way things were. That his alcoholism was too difficult to live with and I did not want to see my life look the same 5 years from now....that it had robbed me of who I am...what I need...how I feel...and that I was becoming just as sick as he and his daughter are...my addiction was in fixing them.. I said that he worries about his daughter dying from her addiction...well I worry he will too and there is not a thing I can do about it...but to let go and let life happen as it is meant to happen...

I got very emotional and said to him that I have been told over and over again not to lay anything more on him when trying to talk to him about how I feel...in other words suck it up because there is no room for your needs...your pain...your problems...now let's get back to my mess...

he started to cry and said he had no idea how deep this went...he said thank you for talking to me...I told him I tried so many times and it was seen as an added burden on his already burdened life.....and now that's it's too late he is willing to listen...

I left him crying on the phone but I am glad I said what needed to be said....even though I got emotional I feel I got some of my power back..

Thanks for letting me share

Maggie