Archive for the ‘Mainstream’ tag
Is anyone here a comic book geek?
I love comics. Mostly, off the mainstream stuff- David Cooper, David Lapham, The Hernandez Bros., etc. I do love Terry Moore (Strangers in Paradise, Echo) and back was a big "Sandman" fan. Anyone else?
Time for Life
Have you ever considered how short our time on this earth really is? Yes, I know that there are situations and events that seem to stretch forever, particular those that are unpleasant and painful and those that are full of joy and promise. Nothing can change the span of time each person is allotted and the sooner one understands the value of time the more prosperous that person is.
Now that I have given up my old life; a life foolishly wasted in the pursuit of another drink, another woman and another moment of escape, I have come full circle to see the beauty of a life well lived without the crutches of the past and look forward to the challenges of life's new discoveries.
Life is that exceptional gift of learning and exploration. For years, I placed myself on the outside of the mainstream of life, believing in my self-manufactured pain that life had rejected me, when in fact I had rejected life. While I sought to relieve the pain of my circumstances, I willing chose again and again to move away from the life giving embrace of hope and closer and closer to the depths of despair.
And time moves on. Yesterday, I was but a boy, gazing out of my bedroom window gazing at a road that weaved its way to a future most unknown. Today, I am older and no less astonished at the possibilities that life offers freely as I travel new roads in this happy journey. Was it all a waste, all the missteps, all the pain, all of the experiences? No, it was my life and regrets serve nothing as I look for the beginning of another new day.
What did I learn; move away from despair and grasp the hope of tomorrow. There is time to live, if one truly wants its gifts.
Now that I have given up my old life; a life foolishly wasted in the pursuit of another drink, another woman and another moment of escape, I have come full circle to see the beauty of a life well lived without the crutches of the past and look forward to the challenges of life's new discoveries.
Life is that exceptional gift of learning and exploration. For years, I placed myself on the outside of the mainstream of life, believing in my self-manufactured pain that life had rejected me, when in fact I had rejected life. While I sought to relieve the pain of my circumstances, I willing chose again and again to move away from the life giving embrace of hope and closer and closer to the depths of despair.
And time moves on. Yesterday, I was but a boy, gazing out of my bedroom window gazing at a road that weaved its way to a future most unknown. Today, I am older and no less astonished at the possibilities that life offers freely as I travel new roads in this happy journey. Was it all a waste, all the missteps, all the pain, all of the experiences? No, it was my life and regrets serve nothing as I look for the beginning of another new day.
What did I learn; move away from despair and grasp the hope of tomorrow. There is time to live, if one truly wants its gifts.
I dont know how to deal with my mom
I am new here and have spent the morning reading through posts and decided that it would be therapeutic to make my own... as I can't find anyone who is in exactly the same situation :) I actually didn't go to work today because I needed a "mental health day"... meaning I have been pushing thoughts into the back of my head too long and they have started to come out whether I like it or not... so I am devoting today to thinking about things.
I had a pretty happy childhood, from what I can remember. My parents divorced when I was 5 because my dad was/is an alcoholic... and he was in halfway homes, rehab clinics, or gone for most of my life. I remember them fighting when I was really little, but honestly I don't have any anger towards him... although it might have been cool having him around.
My mom took care of me by herself for most of my life... she did a good job of providing for me. She is a very intelligent and creative woman and always encouraged my learning and creative endeavors. I was an only child and very spoiled with love and attention. I don't remember her ever drinking until I was in 6th grade.
I am not really sure what happened to her when I turned middle school age... but it started with her being on the internet all the time (this was when it first became "mainstream") and she would ignore me to go talk to her online friends... I remember literally begging for her to talk to me and she would just tell me to go find something else to do.
Then she fell in love with some guy on the internet and that ended badly and she started drinking... heavily. I don't think she's stopped since then. She seemed so angry at the world and she took it all out on me. She called me names, told me I worthless and didn't deserve any friends, forgot to pick me up places, drank with me in the car, etc. I remember yelling at her a lot because I didn't know how to deal with the situation. She would go out to bars at night and I'd be so worried she wouldn't come home that I would sit next to the door until her car pulled up in the driveway then run upstairs and pretend I had been asleep. I would also try to pour her vodka bottles down the sink and she would get angry and say "THE ALCOHOL WAS HERE BEFORE YOU!"
She ended up dating this guy (who eventually lived with us for a while) who turned out to like to look at naked dead people on the internet... he was a real creep. They would get angry and throw things at each other.
After that guy, she met her current husband. She really toned down the drinking when he came around, which I was very thankful for. I think she was finally "happy". That lasted for a while until HE started to drink nightly and she decided to join him. Now they drink every night together... they are both functional but I believe they are both alcoholics.
Anyway, my problem is this... I am still very angry about what she put me through and I am more angry at the fact that she acts like she doesn't remember any of it. And while she isn't mean or violent towards me when she drinks now, I still CAN NOT be around her while she is the SLIGHTEST bit drunk without all those feelings coming back. I can't even speak to her on the phone if I can tell she has been drinking. She is trying to be so nice to me now but I can't bring myself to forgive her while she is still drinking. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BABY
I just want the mother back that I had before all this happened...
I am 24 and have graduated college and moved across the country (mostly to rid myself of old haunts)-- I moved over 2 years ago and my mom hasn't made a real effort to come and see me. She keeps blaming it on money but she has had more than enough time to save. I have gone home to visit her twice... both times were just a flood of bad memories and they didn't go well. She feels like she is better now and shouldn't have to put up with me being angry at her having a few drinks.
It's time for me to start making plans for the holidays and I am not sure what to do. I miss her but I don't think I am ready to deal with her yet... I think I am still in the beginning of the healing process. I don't know how to explain that to her without her getting upset? Regardless of how angry I seem, I don't think I could cut her out of my life completely. She is the only person in the world who loves me unconditionally. I just know that if I go home it won't go well.. it just sets me back in the healing process. Also, its sort of "her turn" to come see me.
Last time I went to visit her, my "step dad" poured vodka down my mom's throat all night and then he took my boyfriend out on the porch and told my boyfriend what a horrible person I was. I don't ever want to see him again in my life. Who does that? It was the first time I had ever brought a guy home and that's how they act!
I just don't know what to do. I feel guilty for not wanting to go home.
I had a pretty happy childhood, from what I can remember. My parents divorced when I was 5 because my dad was/is an alcoholic... and he was in halfway homes, rehab clinics, or gone for most of my life. I remember them fighting when I was really little, but honestly I don't have any anger towards him... although it might have been cool having him around.
My mom took care of me by herself for most of my life... she did a good job of providing for me. She is a very intelligent and creative woman and always encouraged my learning and creative endeavors. I was an only child and very spoiled with love and attention. I don't remember her ever drinking until I was in 6th grade.
I am not really sure what happened to her when I turned middle school age... but it started with her being on the internet all the time (this was when it first became "mainstream") and she would ignore me to go talk to her online friends... I remember literally begging for her to talk to me and she would just tell me to go find something else to do.
Then she fell in love with some guy on the internet and that ended badly and she started drinking... heavily. I don't think she's stopped since then. She seemed so angry at the world and she took it all out on me. She called me names, told me I worthless and didn't deserve any friends, forgot to pick me up places, drank with me in the car, etc. I remember yelling at her a lot because I didn't know how to deal with the situation. She would go out to bars at night and I'd be so worried she wouldn't come home that I would sit next to the door until her car pulled up in the driveway then run upstairs and pretend I had been asleep. I would also try to pour her vodka bottles down the sink and she would get angry and say "THE ALCOHOL WAS HERE BEFORE YOU!"
She ended up dating this guy (who eventually lived with us for a while) who turned out to like to look at naked dead people on the internet... he was a real creep. They would get angry and throw things at each other.
After that guy, she met her current husband. She really toned down the drinking when he came around, which I was very thankful for. I think she was finally "happy". That lasted for a while until HE started to drink nightly and she decided to join him. Now they drink every night together... they are both functional but I believe they are both alcoholics.
Anyway, my problem is this... I am still very angry about what she put me through and I am more angry at the fact that she acts like she doesn't remember any of it. And while she isn't mean or violent towards me when she drinks now, I still CAN NOT be around her while she is the SLIGHTEST bit drunk without all those feelings coming back. I can't even speak to her on the phone if I can tell she has been drinking. She is trying to be so nice to me now but I can't bring myself to forgive her while she is still drinking. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BABY
I just want the mother back that I had before all this happened...
I am 24 and have graduated college and moved across the country (mostly to rid myself of old haunts)-- I moved over 2 years ago and my mom hasn't made a real effort to come and see me. She keeps blaming it on money but she has had more than enough time to save. I have gone home to visit her twice... both times were just a flood of bad memories and they didn't go well. She feels like she is better now and shouldn't have to put up with me being angry at her having a few drinks.
It's time for me to start making plans for the holidays and I am not sure what to do. I miss her but I don't think I am ready to deal with her yet... I think I am still in the beginning of the healing process. I don't know how to explain that to her without her getting upset? Regardless of how angry I seem, I don't think I could cut her out of my life completely. She is the only person in the world who loves me unconditionally. I just know that if I go home it won't go well.. it just sets me back in the healing process. Also, its sort of "her turn" to come see me.
Last time I went to visit her, my "step dad" poured vodka down my mom's throat all night and then he took my boyfriend out on the porch and told my boyfriend what a horrible person I was. I don't ever want to see him again in my life. Who does that? It was the first time I had ever brought a guy home and that's how they act!
I just don't know what to do. I feel guilty for not wanting to go home.
