Drug Rehab Options Blog

Haven't been here for a while as my stepfather took a turn for the worse and I had to help take care of him as his dementia became worse and he couldn't walk (to much for my 70 year old mother). We finally got him into a Hospice, but he died within six hours of being there. I miss him very much. So everything was on the backburner, until now. Update:

I finally confronted my AH. I now know that the male friend's house that he flopped at and "played cards" all night belongs to his single insurance agent. And it is her house that he has been fixing up. I told him everything I knew and he acted like he was all innocent with "I only slept on her couch". Hello????? I told him that she can have him, but he said he loved me (bull) and didn't want a divorce (but I do). He refuses to show me his credit card statements (spending more then $1000 a month at bar???? or buying her stuff??? And that's the amount I know about) and I wonder what else he bought her besides drinks. I haven't slept with him in two nights. He continues to text her and stands by the story that he slept on her couch and refuses marriage counseling and says we need to communicate more (he talks and I listen and comply is his definition). I told him he was a sick man and I've had enough. I've actually yelled at him (something I never did) and shake with anger. I'm a nervous wreak because I had to take care of a funeral and make other arrangements while knowing all of this. And it makes me sick that he is so smug and arrogant and ticked off that I confronted him. I can't believe that I've been shopping for cloths at the Salvation Army, clipping coupons, lugging our garbage, etc, etc, etc, just so he can be Mr. Goodtime and buy drinks for HER (he says it was all for him, bull).:c004: He even went so far as to get money out of the kid's bank accounts to pay for their Christmas gifts (said it was HIS money anyway). And the furniture he bought from an old couple belonged to HER parents!!!

Did my talking to him about all of this keep him from her and the bar: You all can guess the answer is no. He was out again the first chance he could get.

Part of me says what if he is telling the truth about not sleeping with her? There was another couple there, but they probably left after the cards (lie here too?) But it is obvious (he says he can talk to her and not me) he is having an emotional affair with her AT LEAST. Oh, and he met her at the bar and she is a heavy drinker too. They deserve each other. I guess I have a lot of stuff to take to the lawyer now. I know that he can get the cell phone records and bank account info etc, etc. I have enough for a retainer now and with my mother's help I can get by and will make an appointment to see the lawyer. Things will move fast then because now I have a concrete place to go. I've told the kids and they are actually glad and the oldest one knew something was going on (AH shows my ten year old a photo of his bartender he entered into the hottest bartender contest).

Hello all,

I am new here, and I have a question which I am sure has been asked before. I tried searching the forum, but I really did not have much luck. If you have any links to threads which have dealt with this topic, if you could re-post them for a girl who has very little computer knowledge it would be much appreciated.

My male friend, who was nearly 200 days sober has recently begun drinking again. He hasn't brought it up with me yet, but I suspect he will, and I want to know how to handle it. The last thing I want to do is to say something to make it worse.

I think I should (if HE brings it up):
- suggest he return to his AA and NA meetings
- tell him I love him and support him
- tell him I'm saddened by his decisions, but I will help him in his sobriety in which ever ways I can

Does this sound sufficient? Is there anything else I can say to help this young man?

Ok, so I guess me contacting him after 10 days of no contact was more of a booboo then I had imagined it would be. He text me today to tell me how much he loves me, how hurt he has been over the last 4 months and it went on and on. Yes, I did text him back. I said it wouldn't work out between us, because just yesterday he left me e-mail which seemed to me seething with anger towards me. He said he would go to counseling and that he wants to be with me. I told him no, it's too late for that at this point and that I was sorry for contacting him because it has caused too much pain and I have shed enough tears over this S@(#.. I also said that I can't change yesterday, but I can make sure that he has no more of my tomorrows. He then asked me if I was having relationships with anyone since he has been gone. I told him the truth, that I can't imagine at this point that I can enter into an intimate relationship with anyone (albeit I have a male friend, but we just talk) He then asked me if he can call me to talk about this. I said no, I can't afford to talk to you right now. (emotionally) I was crying terribly by time the texting was done.

I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.

This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.

1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.

I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..

Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.

I just wanted to say hello to all. I look forward to meeting all of you. I am on here so I can help support two of my friends who are recovering alcoholics. I would love any tips or advice on how I can better support them. My female friend has been sober for a yr and my male friend is in a rehab center and he is almost at his 161 days sober. I am so very proud of both of them for taking the first step towards sobriety. Please introduce urself and lets talk. Thank you!

I went to another meeting tonight with my friend and it was for gay and lesbian alcoholics and addicts. It was better than the last meeting but I did fade into the background as my hot male friend collected numbers at the end from the most attractive men in the room. Same thing happened at yesterday's meeting and it was for anyone. I usually don't get noticed anyway, I'm not what you'd call "pretty" and I've been reminded of it my whole life, but it still wasn't the note I wanted to leave a meeting on- feeling unimportant and ignored. I got a 24 hour chip, which is cool- but I'm at 48 hours now.

I did something that feel ashamed of. I went out with some friends on the weekend and had a few drinks...to many. I called a male friend and didn't talk to him very appropiate, plus left him a message. I haven't heard back from him....I am so ashamed of myself. I tried to call yesterday but he did not pick up. I dearly want to tell apoligize to him and hope he will forgive me.

I am not sure he is very angry at me and am not sure if I should wait a couple more days and go over and apoligize or stop tomorrow.

I am just sick with myself over my actions, have asked my HP for forgiveness, slept 2 hours at a time lastnight just waking up so ashamed.

I am scared to see him, he might just tell me to hit the road and don't come back.

Rose