Archive for the ‘Many Things’ tag
A New Drink and Pill….
On top of a multi-Vitamin I have been drinking 100% pure grape juice and an extra 2000 mg's of vitamin C---I notice a difference.
Drinking robs us of many things we dont even think about.Vitamins.
38 days sober and counting.
Give it a try for yourself.
Drinking robs us of many things we dont even think about.Vitamins.
38 days sober and counting.
Give it a try for yourself.
Never Satisfied
Have you ever noticed how different the urge to drink alcohol is from other urges and how it is one of the few physical urges that is NEVER SATISFIED, no matter how much you try to satiate it?
I think that's one of the best things about giving up drinking - not being a slave to the urge. I know from my own experience there are many things I like - things I like to eat or do which bring a good deal of physical satisfaction. Sure, I will want to do these things again, over and over, but these activities are different from attempting to quench that horrible alcoholic thirst for more, more, more. The only way the urge was temporarily satisfied was by my feeding the thirst until I was physically unable to continue. Then upon regaining consciousness, there it was again: The Urge That Is NEVER SATISFIED.
For those who want to keep drinking or don't feel they are ready to give it up yet - listen and learn. You will never, ever satisfy this demon. Ever - and of that I am totally convinced. It feels great to be free for 23 days.
Classical
I think that's one of the best things about giving up drinking - not being a slave to the urge. I know from my own experience there are many things I like - things I like to eat or do which bring a good deal of physical satisfaction. Sure, I will want to do these things again, over and over, but these activities are different from attempting to quench that horrible alcoholic thirst for more, more, more. The only way the urge was temporarily satisfied was by my feeding the thirst until I was physically unable to continue. Then upon regaining consciousness, there it was again: The Urge That Is NEVER SATISFIED.
For those who want to keep drinking or don't feel they are ready to give it up yet - listen and learn. You will never, ever satisfy this demon. Ever - and of that I am totally convinced. It feels great to be free for 23 days.
Classical
the 2 Lists for New Years
Note: i did not write this. It came to my email today from a website called the Daily Om, written by Scott Blum. I share it because I like it. Hope you do, too. Happy New Year!
"I was fortunate to spend time with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life. Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year reminds me of one particular interaction we had.
"Now that you are becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself so you don't lose the momentum you have built."
"Like New Year's resolutions?" I asked.
"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's do that."
By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish laugh.
"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued. "The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second list on another sheet of paper."
That night I went home and spent several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.
The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.
"The first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps towards the life I want to lead."
"Let me see the second list," he said.
I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that really mattered.
"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and held out both of his hands.
I purposefully handed him the first list and held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page. After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.
"What did you do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.
Robert began to speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what you MUST do."
He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.
I opened it carefully, and found a single word floating in the middle of the white page:
"Love."
"I was fortunate to spend time with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life. Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year reminds me of one particular interaction we had.
"Now that you are becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself so you don't lose the momentum you have built."
"Like New Year's resolutions?" I asked.
"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's do that."
By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish laugh.
"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued. "The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second list on another sheet of paper."
That night I went home and spent several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.
The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.
"The first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps towards the life I want to lead."
"Let me see the second list," he said.
I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that really mattered.
"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and held out both of his hands.
I purposefully handed him the first list and held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page. After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.
"What did you do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.
Robert began to speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what you MUST do."
He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.
I opened it carefully, and found a single word floating in the middle of the white page:
"Love."
No More Back Paddling
Ok, guys this time i no is the time i'm done for good!
Went through the whole denial, depression, excuses, quitting for 2 months then going back, and then the trying to cut back thing. This time its never again and i'm going to start posting on here regularly now. Ive kicked my dope habit 4 months back and now this is the next thing to go. I'm tired of hiding my feelings behind a joint and a bottle and i'm tired of the shame and disappointment that comes along with it. I know this is the time because i've run out of excuses and have stupidly tried everything else hahah!
When ever i see alcohol around and i'm tempted to drink i'm just going to remind myself of how much shame my drinking has brought me and how horrible i felt at those times because i know alcohol and drugs will ruin me if i let them. There's way too many things i want and want to be in my life!
This is my day new day 4.
Thanks everyone for all your support so far! :)
PS.
The reason why i think i was able to quit smoking pot easier even though i was so, so, addicted was because it's not socially acceptable and once you quit you don't have to see it on tv, when you go out, and when your around your friends. That's one of the things that makes quitting drinking so hard.
Went through the whole denial, depression, excuses, quitting for 2 months then going back, and then the trying to cut back thing. This time its never again and i'm going to start posting on here regularly now. Ive kicked my dope habit 4 months back and now this is the next thing to go. I'm tired of hiding my feelings behind a joint and a bottle and i'm tired of the shame and disappointment that comes along with it. I know this is the time because i've run out of excuses and have stupidly tried everything else hahah!
When ever i see alcohol around and i'm tempted to drink i'm just going to remind myself of how much shame my drinking has brought me and how horrible i felt at those times because i know alcohol and drugs will ruin me if i let them. There's way too many things i want and want to be in my life!
This is my day new day 4.
Thanks everyone for all your support so far! :)
PS.
The reason why i think i was able to quit smoking pot easier even though i was so, so, addicted was because it's not socially acceptable and once you quit you don't have to see it on tv, when you go out, and when your around your friends. That's one of the things that makes quitting drinking so hard.
The Good and the not so Good
I have not used this forum before though I have been around SR for a while now.
I am very confused and hurt at present and not sure what to do or how to separate all the emotions.
Some Background, sorry about the length.
I have been in recovery for over 3 ½ years and am a member of NA, I work the program to the best of my ability and have recently been making amends. As I do this I notice that I am going through a transformation not unlike a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Its wonderful a new life is opening up for me, but as I am going through this I am also letting many old things go, some of them don?t want to go, there are mostly the auto or bio-chemical habits and before I can think I am living them and in a few cases acting on them but so far not in any way I cannot put right quickly.
Externally I am also experience many things. I am about to loose my drivers licence for six months because of too many speeding tickets. I was out of work for 3 months, something that has never happened to me before. I ran out of money quickly as I had been using all my spare money to pay of the huge debts I brought into recovery with me, so I went and saw a financial counsellor and he sorted out a stay of my mortgage until January and the two credit cards I have left plus a few other bills. I also started a new job three weeks ago only to discover late last week that the amount the agency had said I was to be paid is $15,000 less than my employer is actually offering and the job agency has now closed down! You got the idea the list goes on, but its highly likely I will loose the house and will have to find another job.
The other thing is that in July this year I confronted my daughter about her behaviour (she is a disease not unlike mine in many ways) and she vanished from my life as did my ex who has been a friend until now, recently I have been talking to my ex again and she says I terroised my daughter. I was panicky at the time and wvery worried and have explained all that in detail, but I think the terrorised thing is stuff coming up from when I was using.
My sponsor says to give her space and I have, but it hurts not to talk to her, not to have contact, not even on my birthday and this Christmas I will spend with friends but without family.
Any sugestions would be welcomed, even the kick up the bum type.
Kevin
I am very confused and hurt at present and not sure what to do or how to separate all the emotions.
Some Background, sorry about the length.
I have been in recovery for over 3 ½ years and am a member of NA, I work the program to the best of my ability and have recently been making amends. As I do this I notice that I am going through a transformation not unlike a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Its wonderful a new life is opening up for me, but as I am going through this I am also letting many old things go, some of them don?t want to go, there are mostly the auto or bio-chemical habits and before I can think I am living them and in a few cases acting on them but so far not in any way I cannot put right quickly.
Externally I am also experience many things. I am about to loose my drivers licence for six months because of too many speeding tickets. I was out of work for 3 months, something that has never happened to me before. I ran out of money quickly as I had been using all my spare money to pay of the huge debts I brought into recovery with me, so I went and saw a financial counsellor and he sorted out a stay of my mortgage until January and the two credit cards I have left plus a few other bills. I also started a new job three weeks ago only to discover late last week that the amount the agency had said I was to be paid is $15,000 less than my employer is actually offering and the job agency has now closed down! You got the idea the list goes on, but its highly likely I will loose the house and will have to find another job.
The other thing is that in July this year I confronted my daughter about her behaviour (she is a disease not unlike mine in many ways) and she vanished from my life as did my ex who has been a friend until now, recently I have been talking to my ex again and she says I terroised my daughter. I was panicky at the time and wvery worried and have explained all that in detail, but I think the terrorised thing is stuff coming up from when I was using.
My sponsor says to give her space and I have, but it hurts not to talk to her, not to have contact, not even on my birthday and this Christmas I will spend with friends but without family.
Any sugestions would be welcomed, even the kick up the bum type.
Kevin
Feelings Realized
Yes actual feelings realized, it happens all the time I am sure to normal people. I have been sober about 50 some days now. I have real feelings of all kinds every single day now and actually choose to act upon them. Today when we were at the doctor with our little one year old girl she had to get her 1 year shots. This was the first time I have been present for this activity as I was drunk the previous 10 months of her life (the first 10 of her life) therefore I was not around as we all know how that goes. Sorry got off track a little here, what happened was I found it very hurtful and shocking seeing my little girl have these shots and have so much pain, she was of course crying as one would expect, but the part that got me was I saw here little hand shaking like trembling in a way that I knew this was really hurting her. This process was completed rather quickly and I scooped her up and held her until she stopped crying.
Now here is the tricky part once we got back into the car and began to head our of the doctors building, I found myself yelling and cursing at my fiancé about something as simple as one style of sippy cups leaking. I was stating ?why in the ?F? don?t we just throw all these away they leak on her or on everything else around her?. What was further unique about this is the fact that I identified and admitted it in the same moment. I was feeling hurt and afraid for my little girl and was very emotional, thus I took it out in anger at someone else. I apologized and explained how and what I was really feeling.
Of course this kept me thinking for some time today as I was forced to wonder how often I have done this with so many things and the past and would just suppress them at the time and completely bury them later with drugs and alcohol. I spent the rest of the day with our little girl as she has a cold and should not be spreading that wealth at daycare, and to be honest I wanted to be next to her the rest of the day.
JT
Now here is the tricky part once we got back into the car and began to head our of the doctors building, I found myself yelling and cursing at my fiancé about something as simple as one style of sippy cups leaking. I was stating ?why in the ?F? don?t we just throw all these away they leak on her or on everything else around her?. What was further unique about this is the fact that I identified and admitted it in the same moment. I was feeling hurt and afraid for my little girl and was very emotional, thus I took it out in anger at someone else. I apologized and explained how and what I was really feeling.
Of course this kept me thinking for some time today as I was forced to wonder how often I have done this with so many things and the past and would just suppress them at the time and completely bury them later with drugs and alcohol. I spent the rest of the day with our little girl as she has a cold and should not be spreading that wealth at daycare, and to be honest I wanted to be next to her the rest of the day.
JT
Yeeehaaa, Made it to two weeks……
Hiya guys, I am so thrilled, it is two weeks sober for me today, something I have never achieved apart from once of the two times I detoxed in the facility.
Thankyou all so very much for contributing to this site, and to my posts personally, you have all made the world of difference to my recovery & detox, I can't put into words how much your information, advice, support, experiences and up lifting words have made for me !!!:You_Rock_
I have achieved so much in the last two weeks, and I've done so many things I would have never done if I was still drinking, I feel very happy and fulfilled, the best thing is I see my family smile so much more, and my own smile is such a happy one, right from deep, from a place I haven't been in touch with for so long. I want to hold on to that place within me and never let go..... I am living.
Have a great day everyone, you are all amazing :Val004:
Thankyou all so very much for contributing to this site, and to my posts personally, you have all made the world of difference to my recovery & detox, I can't put into words how much your information, advice, support, experiences and up lifting words have made for me !!!:You_Rock_
I have achieved so much in the last two weeks, and I've done so many things I would have never done if I was still drinking, I feel very happy and fulfilled, the best thing is I see my family smile so much more, and my own smile is such a happy one, right from deep, from a place I haven't been in touch with for so long. I want to hold on to that place within me and never let go..... I am living.
Have a great day everyone, you are all amazing :Val004:
Feeling down and out
Well here I set crying again missing and loving my son. Why can't I stop crying things will never change He is dead and will not be back.
The days pass and I can't see the future. So many things I have to do but still sit undone. Am I lazy and use this as a excuse. I can't sleep at night so I sleep during the day passing hours I should be doing things like cleaning washing clothers and should do Christmas shoping I do have little kids to buy for ( my sisters grandbabies) I ask God to help me. When will these feeling ease up on me. Thanks for leting me vent.
God Bless
Maggie:praying
The days pass and I can't see the future. So many things I have to do but still sit undone. Am I lazy and use this as a excuse. I can't sleep at night so I sleep during the day passing hours I should be doing things like cleaning washing clothers and should do Christmas shoping I do have little kids to buy for ( my sisters grandbabies) I ask God to help me. When will these feeling ease up on me. Thanks for leting me vent.
God Bless
Maggie:praying
Need advice dating another alnon
OK, I am divorced this December 18th. I have been dating this girl for about a month till we started having communication issues. When I ask her to clearify something that can mean more than one thing she tells me it is a common sense question and will not go any further. One example would be she wanted to take it real slow. To me that could mean many things. After about a half hour of not getting anywhere I had to come up with all the scenarios that real slow could describe. What she met turn out to be something totally different that I took it. She is real adiment about me not understanding her common sense questions and refuses to go any farther. Now my take is run as fast as I can this relationship is doomed, I know she would not be up for counseling.
From this can you see I am wrong wanting her to be more clear?
From this can you see I am wrong wanting her to be more clear?
Group Conscience
I went to my second group conscience yesterday. There were so many things that we needed to address. The craziest was that the secretary had taken it upon herself to shorten and rephrase drastically some parts of the spoken literature. I couldn't get with that. I'm so glad that I spoke out.
It turned out that everyone agreed with me and couldn't wait to vote that she read stuff as written. In fact, they voted that we change positions, and that she not be secretary any more. So thank goodness, this fruitcake is not affecting the home group as much after this month. I am so relieved. I was starting to think I was the crazy one. Turns out everyone was fed up and just waiting for someone to start talking about it. Why did it have to be me, with the least clean time in the group?
KJ
It turned out that everyone agreed with me and couldn't wait to vote that she read stuff as written. In fact, they voted that we change positions, and that she not be secretary any more. So thank goodness, this fruitcake is not affecting the home group as much after this month. I am so relieved. I was starting to think I was the crazy one. Turns out everyone was fed up and just waiting for someone to start talking about it. Why did it have to be me, with the least clean time in the group?
KJ
