Archive for the ‘Marathon’ tag
The day after Christmas got to me.
Hi,
I did great on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was apprehensive because this is the first time I ever had this much time off of work in my recovery, and you know what they say about idle hands...but I did fine on the day. Went to a marathon meeting. I think I did well because on those days I had planned how I was going to handle the situations. I knew what to expect.
Then yesterday, my brother invited me over for dinner, the day after Christmas. My whole extended family was there, about 25 of them. I'm well-known to be the shyest person by far in my mostly gregarious, loud, heavy-drinking, Irish family. It is also well-known that I usually have a couple of drinks and then become the "life of the party." Everyone always loved how silly and fun I was with a couple glasses of drinks in me. This was my first Christmas in recovery.
What the family didn't know was that I was usually loaded on pain pills too, and that the pills became an addiction for me. They have no idea that I'm in recovery. They tend to be judgmental of addicts, calling them "weak people" so I never shared about that with them. That, and I want to spare my son this information until he's a bit better.
Anyway, my brother had asked me to bring the wine, which I was fine to do, as I'm not tempted by wine, I hate it. So I brought the wine, and as soon as he uncorked it, he started on me. "Why not have some of the lovely wine you brought?" I tried to explain that I was fine with diet coke, was driving, etc...to no avail. He then poured me my old drink of choice, a rum and coke with lime, and placed it in front of me.
Why can't people respect other's choices? On top of all this, there was some conflict between me and my pill-addicted brother-in-law that was there, so I was already in an upset mood. And I was having trouble with my social anxiety, couldn't find a way to come out of the corner and mix. So I felt kind of set up. I did the only thing that I knew to do at this point in my early recovery.
I got up, said "I gotta go." And left. I got in my car and called a friend, picked him up, and drove to a meeting. We got there an hour early and helped set up. I didn't feel safe until I was in the room. I cried a lot after that. I felt like such a loser. Will I ever learn to deal with social situations clean? If I can't even deal with my family, how will I ever learn to deal with others? No wonder I can't get a sponsor or build a more comprehensive face-to-face network of clean women.
KJ
I did great on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was apprehensive because this is the first time I ever had this much time off of work in my recovery, and you know what they say about idle hands...but I did fine on the day. Went to a marathon meeting. I think I did well because on those days I had planned how I was going to handle the situations. I knew what to expect.
Then yesterday, my brother invited me over for dinner, the day after Christmas. My whole extended family was there, about 25 of them. I'm well-known to be the shyest person by far in my mostly gregarious, loud, heavy-drinking, Irish family. It is also well-known that I usually have a couple of drinks and then become the "life of the party." Everyone always loved how silly and fun I was with a couple glasses of drinks in me. This was my first Christmas in recovery.
What the family didn't know was that I was usually loaded on pain pills too, and that the pills became an addiction for me. They have no idea that I'm in recovery. They tend to be judgmental of addicts, calling them "weak people" so I never shared about that with them. That, and I want to spare my son this information until he's a bit better.
Anyway, my brother had asked me to bring the wine, which I was fine to do, as I'm not tempted by wine, I hate it. So I brought the wine, and as soon as he uncorked it, he started on me. "Why not have some of the lovely wine you brought?" I tried to explain that I was fine with diet coke, was driving, etc...to no avail. He then poured me my old drink of choice, a rum and coke with lime, and placed it in front of me.
Why can't people respect other's choices? On top of all this, there was some conflict between me and my pill-addicted brother-in-law that was there, so I was already in an upset mood. And I was having trouble with my social anxiety, couldn't find a way to come out of the corner and mix. So I felt kind of set up. I did the only thing that I knew to do at this point in my early recovery.
I got up, said "I gotta go." And left. I got in my car and called a friend, picked him up, and drove to a meeting. We got there an hour early and helped set up. I didn't feel safe until I was in the room. I cried a lot after that. I felt like such a loser. Will I ever learn to deal with social situations clean? If I can't even deal with my family, how will I ever learn to deal with others? No wonder I can't get a sponsor or build a more comprehensive face-to-face network of clean women.
KJ
Waiting for a payback on that good karma I sent out
Just feeling a bit overwhelmed. My dad is on hospice for end-stage cancer. It has spread to liver and lungs. He lives out of town and I don't get to spend time with him like I want to.....and that leads to those guilty feelings.
The company I work for is having financial difficulties, and I'm hoping they have enough to cover payroll this week. I've got several bills that are due and am pretty much on a paycheck-to-paycheck basis.
I have some horrible respiratory virus that has left my voice (when I have one at all) sounding something like my almost 13 year old son's.
Then there's the same old stuff with AH (no further explanation needed since y'all have been there)
It seems like I should be able to do something, ANYTHING to change my world, but right now I am so stuck with no energy to do much more than the bare minimum. It's like trying to run a marathon under water.
I'm trying to come up with some concrete things to do that will change things. I need small steps. I've been trying to get in a warm bath at least 2-3 nights a week, am working on eating a healthier diet, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night. All of those things have been great in taking care of me, but haven't done a darn thing to change my situation.
I have talked with an attorney, made that first step, and am just wondering if filing now is the best idea, given all the other garbology in my life. Thanks for listening, and any thoughts are appreciated. sometimes it's much clearer from the outside than it is in the midst of it.
The company I work for is having financial difficulties, and I'm hoping they have enough to cover payroll this week. I've got several bills that are due and am pretty much on a paycheck-to-paycheck basis.
I have some horrible respiratory virus that has left my voice (when I have one at all) sounding something like my almost 13 year old son's.
Then there's the same old stuff with AH (no further explanation needed since y'all have been there)
It seems like I should be able to do something, ANYTHING to change my world, but right now I am so stuck with no energy to do much more than the bare minimum. It's like trying to run a marathon under water.
I'm trying to come up with some concrete things to do that will change things. I need small steps. I've been trying to get in a warm bath at least 2-3 nights a week, am working on eating a healthier diet, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night. All of those things have been great in taking care of me, but haven't done a darn thing to change my situation.
I have talked with an attorney, made that first step, and am just wondering if filing now is the best idea, given all the other garbology in my life. Thanks for listening, and any thoughts are appreciated. sometimes it's much clearer from the outside than it is in the midst of it.
Questions about behavior
Hello I will try and make this short. My ex boyfriend (kicked him out last week) has been addicted to percocet and oxycotin for over a year now (back injury) he had a prior problem with crack. Looking back now the only reason he was able to get off the crack was because he started with the pills. Ok so today I want to present the signs and see if you all feel that he has another problem. A few months ago he began hanging out with this turd and at first he said that he wasnt gonna hang out with him because he was bad news. Then I find out from the ex's friend that he was hanging with this guy and was calling around trying to score herion for this turd(ya right). He has changed since being on the pills but these last few months he has gotten worse. He keeps saying he is gonna get help with the pills but he never does anything to move in that direction. I have noticed mood swings one day he is up then for like a week he is down. I found him on the toilet with a rolled up dollar bill in one hand and a mag in the other startled to see me there. He started hiding his pills in a man bag that never left his side. I did get a chance to look through it a couple of times and always was horrified at how many pills he had taken. But never found anything else. Somedays I would come home from work and he would sweating like he had run a marathon and ALL the laundry in the house was done. One day he was talking on his cell phone and he got off had just woke up and didnt brush his teeth change his clothes or nothing just up and went saying and he had to go he was going to his mothers house (ok he hates her doesnt visit her) knew that was a lie right away. Then I called him about an hour later and he didnt answer then he called back and said he was at that turds house "looking at a car". Well I found out later he went there to score because I saw a text message that said he bought something for 40 bucks a bag and spent 80 bucks. Later I found out that he took money from the rent to pay for it and thats what made me kick him out. Now he is telling EVERYONE including our children that he left because me and him couldnt get along. So I have been second guessing myself and wondering if he really is using something other then his pills or is it more. I talked with him the other night and he was saying that we are over he still loved me and would always care for me but that it was over he didnt want to try and fix it. I was heart broken because I told him that if he could get help that that would SOLVE our problems. This man used to be a family man and did everything for us and loved us very much. He has been gone for a week and he makes plans with the kids and then ends up breaking them saying he is gonna look at an apartment. Ok he has no job, I have the car, he has no money except the little bit that he is making from selling part of his scripts and now he acting like he is gonna be better without his family like he is gonna have a great pad, a great life blah blah. He even told me the other day (he is 5 months out of back surgery) he has never felt this great before and that he was doing GREAT!!! Ok while me and the kids are totally heart broken over this man he says he is not ok but GREAT!! I dont even know who this person is anymore. And I still am in shock that he stole money from the rent. I asked him where that money was and he said he bought groceries. Ok there was none. For the last few weeks it has seemed like he has had bronchotis but I see that that is a symptom of crack use. He had that regularly when he was abusing before. He just isnt right anymore. What happens now? Am I going out of my mind? Am I making this up? Does anyone here know or can answer these questions.
Swift feet, Nogard!
Our thoughts are with you as you run the marathon today! What an awesome achievement, and I do mean awesome. :You_Rock_
Please let us know how it went!!!! :bounce
Please let us know how it went!!!! :bounce
