Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hello everyone, It's me again! I'm taking a break from my emotional roller coaster right now. So I thought I would write.
This is my new scenario:
Husband wants to reconcile. He's going to AA meetings, I didn't think he was working the program but he is.
He's been sober 6 months. Before that it was 2 1/2 years.
I asked him to leave, turned around and asked him to come home 38 days later, the very next day asked him to leave again.
He still wants to reconcile. I'm torn.....again.
I love him, feel he is sincere about his recovery and really want my husband back.
My family thinks he is a loser and thinks I can do so much better. His family is hoping and praying we work it out. Encouraging him every step of the way to go to AA and stay sober.
So, now it feels like it doesn't even matter what is important to me. Now my family is controlling me.
I would take him back in a minute but my mom, dad, sister and even my kids (from previous marriage ages 23 & 14) They say they will disown me if I get back together with him.
What do I do now?:a108:

I've come to understand/realize that the misery in my 2-year marriage was not because of his alcoholism (which he's been in recovery and not had a drink in over 5 months), but because of his abuse. He was never the type to scream or call me horrible names, nor to hit me. He was subtle, manipulative. My entire life has been run with guilt and manipulation. First by my mom, now by my stbXRAH.

I started to see something was seriously wrong back in November (about 3 months after he'd started AA). He was using everything and everyone in my life against me. I moved out, and about a week later I filed for divorce. Despite multiple times telling him that we both have issues we need to work through on our own before we could even consider reconsiling our marital issues, and telling him we need a break from each other (I've clearly said NO CONTACT until x date multiple times), he ALWAYS crosses that boundary. Always steps over the line.

He insists that we should not be getting a divorce. His excuse for crossing the line is he wants reasons, answers, goals. I've tried to explain, but everything falls out of my head when he and I talk (argue) - he's so good at making me crazy. I get off the phone feeling completely exhausted, confused, and most of the time don't remember what we even talked about. More than once he's told me I am chemically imbalanced and need mental help. But I know that's not true. My doctor sees me and knows I am not crazy.

However, I'm still in love with him. I still want him to want to change. He keeps saying, "I'm a changed man, but you haven't been around to see it" (accusing me that my moving out and filing is what's ruining our chance at a good marriage). He's always been all talk. I have no reason to start trusting his words now when his actions have never proven anything - with the exception that he stopped drinking.

He wants to meet with me tonight. He wants to talk. I'm scared because I don't know if I'll be able to hold my own. But I'm not sure I want to lose him. And I'm not sure I really want this divorce. Some days it seems so clear, then other days I just want to go home and believe it will all be ok.

I've tried to explain that his controlling measures and the way he acts like he "owns" me is abuse. And the way he talks to me is abuse. And he gets upset and says I'm crazy and that someone is filling my head full of ridiculous ideas. Is there a clear, healthy way to share the abuse concept with someone who is so clearly a verbal abuser (via guilt/ manipulation/ coersion/ etc) so they understand what they are really doing and how very wrong it is? Is there any hope that he can see the light? How can I explain this to him???

I feel like if I just divorce him to get away, it wouldn't be "fair" because I was not clear enough with how he is abusive, since that would be my reason for divorce (and these feelings may be more imposed upon me by him and by my parents than myself, but I still feel them). He says he wants marriage counseling. He says he wants to know why I filed for divorce. And why I want time apart. And how it's supposed to help. But deep down I feel like he's just asking those questions so he can build up excuses to undermine those things and break me down further and make me come back without him really changing anything.

well, i called the apartment complex i am looking to move into, not expecting to get an apartment, but at least to be put on the waiting list because it can be hard to get an apartment there.

i called and the first time i was told i was on the waiting list but they didn't have any 1 bedrooms at the time. i called back and asked about 2 bedrooms also and was put on the list for that.

so, i then resided myself to the fact that i was staying put where i'm at and was okay with that. AH was nice this morning even though he drank last night and was charming (of course, it is like they have a sick sense when something is going on...grrr) i was reminded of the things i love about him. also, he stated again that he was going to set up marriage counseling with the pastor at the church he has been going to.

wouldn't you know, then my phone rang. message to call the apartment complex... i called, it was the very same woman i talked to before that had went out of her way and pulled strings so i could move in then months ago if i wanted. she said she had remembered me and our conversation adn that she could get me into a two bedroom now. it is more money, but i would have a place to store my stuff. i have absolutely no idea how i will manage to pay for it and morgage while the house is not sold and i still cannot see myself taking the furniture out of the house, it still seems so cold to me.

and, God forbid, what if i leave and the worst happens and somehow he does kill himself? how do i live with that? how do i live with the guilt if he gets worse and gets really sick or kills himself drinking and driving..anything - i just feel like i need to make sure he is okay all the time and protect him. i really struggle with abandoning him. i really do.

soo,,, i told her i would come look tomorrow. i just don't know if i can actually go through with signing the lease.

AH is drinking again tonight. i did not tell him i was looking at the place tomorrow, but i did ask him if he knew i was going to move out if he would stop. he asked no, how many times have you told me you would move out and you can't afford to do it anyway.

i really don't know if i'm ready or not. part of me thinks i am and part thinks i'm not. part of me thinks i have to and it is a really good idea...the other part thinks no, now you have to give this counseling a try. you owe it to him.

so, don't know what tomorrow will bring, except, that i will really be disappointed and defeated again, if, once again, i don't have the courage to do it.

Hi I am new and relapsed after approx 20 yrs of recovery.

I was bulimarexic before I got married. When I became pregnant and then married, I stopped cold turkey and never looked back. I guess I felt loved and a sense of responsibility to my baby and husband and self.

I got divorced - then a few relationships later, the last one to a demeaning addict, I ended up bulimic again.

This relationship ruined me on so many levels. I got counseling and went to Naranon but it hasnt stopped this rollercoaster of feeling like an unloveable failure.

The addict contacted one of my ex bfs who was abusive to me and decided it would be fun to terrorize me via emails and practical jokes. Part of the reason I ended the relationship is the immaturity of both of them.

I feel really bad about myself and feel hungry a lot. But even when i am not hungry i am angry at what a failure I am. i dont want to date or go out with friends anymore. After my marriage ended things got worse for me. I suffer from depression and anxiety but was doing well until I dated the addict. I started to get sick along with his illness. I had to get out of it.

I find myself angry so much now. I feel like a loser and useless and unloved. I wish I never got divorced seeing the kind of dating scene out there now. I dont even feel like trying anymore.

Counseling really didnt help - I tried but the two exes wouldnt stop harassing me and I felt more and more useless and hated. How could two adult men find joy in this? It worked. I wish they would leave me alone.

Please help me. I am so afraid.

My RAD received a seriously botched marriage proposal on NYE. After a cryptic message yesterday, she finally told us about it today and is still fuming. He handed her a ring, but then couldn't get the words out of his mouth without her prying them out. She said he's so codependent he needed her help with the proposal. She said every woman dreams about that moment and it really made her mad to have to do it herself.

She said no :D

I am so proud of her. She knows neither one of them is ready. That he couldn't get the words out told her he isn't anywhere near being ready. She doesn't know if his love for her is stronger than his fear of being alone. She doesn't know if she wants to be with one person right now, let alone the rest of her life. I told her being true to herself was the BEST way to start the new year.

I asked her if it was worse than the movie The Bachelor and she yelled yes, then laughed. Oh dear God I've always loved this daughter of mine and now I'm actually liking her again :)

Hello,
I am not sure if I just perpetually abuse alcohol or am an alcoholic, either way I want to stop.
I think it is linked to stress, I get stressed I drink, mind you sometimes I feel good so I drink, or tied so I drink.
I have done so many silly things while drunk. Is it the drink or just my stupidity released by the drink? It came close to ending my marriage eighteen months ago, and I got in fight over nothing a couple of days ago that could have ended my career.
Whatever, even after a bottle of wine I still want more and usually add another bottle of wine or some spirits.
I have stopped for 2 days, part of me still wants a drink and I have lost my appetite for food but no shakes.
I stopped for six months last year but started Sept again, this time!
Thanks for listening.
Thanks,
Rob

I broke up with my boyfriend. We were close to talking marriage, etc. I realized he had a problem, he said he sometimes has a problem. I dumped him hard, broke contact off completely, I went to a shrink and I am continuing this. He is now seeing a psychiatrist and opened up to me and told me about his abuse as a child, every possible kind. He is getting help. We aren't seeing each other until the Spring. We both have hope, but I don't know if I am just being niave about this. He wants to change, he has told all of his family and friends that he is an alcoholic and he is not drinking now. I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting in a few minutes. We write letters in postal mail only to communicate now. My therapist says I could wait for him, but I might resent him. There is a lot of hurt, I don't know I guess I'll go to this meeting and see what it is all about. Thanks.

Ok, I know this is a strange question. I'm talking physical abuse. He's never hit me at all. There has been plenty of other abuse; I live with an alcoholic. Lately I've been standing up for myself, just a little. You can tell he's bitter. Very bitter. So much so that I've backed off a bit. He talks a lot about hurting me, as a joke.

I plan on leaving, he doesn't know. When I get a place I don't intend on telling him where I'm going. Just leaving on one of his "nights out"; he has them regularly. Over the past few weeks I've had a few friends who have told me not to tell him where I'm going because "something seems off" with him.

He's been blaming my daughter for the breakdown of our marriage (last year he blamed the cat) and I'm worried about her so I have been thinking if I don't find a place in the next week or so, she needs to get out of here. He's been progressively mean with her.

It's strange. He's done nothing, yet he's giving everyone this "vibe". I'm choosing not to ignore it, just in case. Is it just me? Or does anyone else feel that their alcoholic if pushed could become violent or even deadly? I would think it was just me if others (who I said nothing to) didn't bring up some of the same stuff. Should I be scared or just careful?

I would like to know about your feelings about infidelity and how alcohol influences it or if it is simply a character issue.

I'm divorced now. I go to Alanon to help me. However, I still have this burning question. Is infidelity something that is OK with alcoholics?

I tend to think it's a combination of bad character and alcohol.

My ex drank during our 30 + years of marriage. In the beginning 1-2 6 packs of beer daily, then the last 15 years or so, 1 - 2 bottles of wine daily and then in addition to this, more recently, a generous glass of cognac every night!

I never knew about alcoholism. There wasn't any drinking in my family when I grew up....other problems, but there was never alcohol in the house!

Now my ex is with his "buddy" of 20 years. It's a relationship I never knew about! Looking back, now I see what a charming liar he was. He had to be in control and could get away with it with his charm. He also held, and still holds, a rather good job. I guess you could say, he was a great actor and compulsive liar.

When I accidently found out about his "buddy" our marriage was over.

He has had a DWI three years ago....was forced to go for detox...but after that, still drank....but had it under better control....

Again, did I marry a man without character right from the beginning or did the alcohol change him????

I know, forget about him, move on....I am, but I still would like to hear from you about this question.....

THANKS

I would like to know from others about their experiences with infidelity.

My ex drank everyday in our 30+ marriage. (a 6 pack or two in the beginning of our marriage and the last 15 years at least a bottle of wine a night and then also a glass of schnaps or cognac)

He held, and still holds, a very good job and could put on the front of an outgoing, happy man (to the outsdie world). He was different at home. Always complaining about something. I knew he was moody, but never suspected that he had a "buddy", as he called his girlfriend.

I could deal with his behavior until I found out about the "buddy" of +20 years. I never knew about her He was such a chronic liar. He was a great actor. (My ex needed to be "on the road" often bec. of his job.)

Is infidelity something that is OK with alcoholics? I think it is a combination of bad character and alcohol.

I go to Alanon and it has helped me, but I still wonder.. did I simply marry a person without character or did the alcohol change his values?????

Thank you!