Drug Rehab Options Blog

I have recently separated (again...) from my alcoholic girlfriend - moved back to my hometown. She was not the only reason for this, work was finishing up and I missed my family, my mates and so on. What I want to know is this...

In retrospect, many of the things she said to me over the past few months have now made me think that she 100% wants to stop, but now cannot - as opposed to still *wanting* to drink. I say this after listening to the AA Big Book the other night and Bill W. talks about reaching the point where he DOES want to stop, but cannot - of course without the help of a higher power.

Prior to this last incident, she had been attending AA and was very proactive in starting her recovery. So it makes me wonder. Is she just feeding me more excuses or what? The last month or so she slipped about once a week, but a lot of this talk did not come immediately after the event - much later when we were just talking together.

Her mother is on the scene again, who is also an alcoholic. These two together are like the devil incarnate squared. I truly believe her mother does not help her situation at all. My girlfriend is also a double winner, very co-dependant - especially with her mother. And so, she does not want to *abandon* her.

Of course this could be an excuse (and sounds like one...) I know this isn't *really* mine to solve, but hers. It's just that if I can still be there as at least ONE person who is there to listen and offer encouragement, then I'd like to be. Then again, she could be full of sh*t and that really scares me. She had said a lot of things that nobody has prompted her to believe in the past and if it's all just another lie, then she's headed further away and not closer to recovery - from one extreme to another. Well, she IS still drinking as far as I know. So maybe I have my answer...

Any views on this? Obviously there is not definite answer, but some thoughts would help.

And I guess the proof IS in the pudding...

In 33 minutes I will be 204 days sober. That is the longest I have ever been sober in 10 years. I am on the 12th step. I am 27. That is a lot of numbers and I have a lot more in my head. The only number that keeps haunting me though at times in the number 1. It's such a lonely number. It's there...by itself. I used to be a 2 you know...well until 1 week ago when my girlfriend told me she had cheated on me and I become a 1 again while she just went from being a 2 with me to being a 2 with someone else.

Sorry if this is just complete rubbish but my head is just all over the place at the moment. Numbers going round in my head, a sick feeling in my stomach and the hope that I had inside me seems to have disappeared for a while. To make myself feel better I have still been emailing my ex. We are trying to still be friends...I am trying not to get angry. I have to stop mailing her though as I need to start getting over her. So guys...I will be messaging on here as much as I can. Decided that I need to turn things around and help other people if I can. It's only through taking the focus off myself I will be able to help other people. I am leaning on my higher power so much and I am so grateful for the support network I now have.

I have realised that the only time that I ever feel whole is when I am in meetings or when I am with my sponsor or AA people. When I am with friends sometimes I feel so apart from things. I sit there and I get the familiar feeling of being on the outside looking in. I feel like all my mates have all the answers and I have all the questions but noone is telling me anything. It's not their fault - they really are the most understanding bunch of friends I could ever hope for. They just don't seem to get me - or to reach me like other alcoholics can.

I know that I replaced that feeling that AA people gave me when I got into a relationship a few weeks ago. I got back with an ex and now she is my double ex I suppose! For the sake of making amends I got it out of the way pretty quickly. I am still angry though and that is something that I am working on everyday. Maybe I just wasn't ready and that's why the powers that be...or the power that be's as in my higher power...decided that it just couldn't work. Maybe the cheating on me was a test of my sobriety...maybe I just should stop thinking about it lol.

I guess from now on I just have to move forward. My plan is...90 days 90 meetings....make amends....move on...move upwards....keep leaning on my higher power and keep looking for people to help.

Prayers for strength for me will be appreciated. At my sisters for christmas and going home on Saturday. I just need to get through less than 48 hours before I can be in my own home again. I pray that a day at a time I will get there and I will feel peace once more. Instead of the empty scooped out feeling that I have right now.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year when it comes. If anyone needs me just PM me. It will help me so much if I can help someone else.

God Bless and love to you all. May angels of peace be with you.

Regards

Kirstie xxx

Hi guys, I thought I'd better check in, as I know some of you were a little concerned because I had a mates birthday & my birthday bbq party tonight.

Well I went, I had an absolute ball with my friends, my hubby & children, and I stayed sober. It was weird, Hubby almost never drinks, but I told him to go ahead and have a beer, I had to get used to it, so here was I with my ice cold coke, and him a beer, it was bizzar, a complete opposite to the norm (he always has the coke lol)

I didn't feel stressed, just weird. But I really enjoyed myself, I don't know how long it's been since I had a genuine smile on my face for so long, and even after we got home, the kids & I cranked the rock & roll music up and boogied together, what a hoot. I can't remember feeling this happy, it was like a life time ago.

I hope everyone else had a great day :)

My boyfriend and I haven't been together very long; our relationship and his sobriety happened at about the same time (August). In that short time, he has attended an inpatient rehab, is attending AA meetings, and is now living in a sober living home. Throughout all this, I've been supportive and given him space when he needed it and someone to talk to when he needed that. I told him from the start that I realize this is a huge thing, especially since he is 21 and feels he "should" drink because of his age. Throughout, I've told him that I realize this is, for all intents and purposes, him fighting for his life. That I in no way expect him to place me above that or to in any other way choose me over his sobriety.

It all went well, relatively speaking. But now he's telling me that he needs space, which I'd already told him I was fine giving him. After talking about it, he admitted that it is his house mates who are telling him he needs space, and he can't have a girlfriend in early sobriety, it just doesn't work. Is this true? I feel like I've been supportive and non judgmental. I think as a girlfriend of such a short relationship, I've been doing well with him. And he thought the same, until they told him that. Now he doesn't know what to think and feels overwhelmed with what they are telling him, what he wants, and what he needs to do. He has mentioned not liking feeling so emotional about all of this because it makes him want to "escape". So I backed off, because I assume stress isn't a good thing for him.

But I'm just wondering if this is true? I don't want to do anything to jeopardize his sobriety. But at the same time, he's told me he's trying to "fight" the guys' and house leaders' suggestions about me and now he's starting to wonder if they are right. I guess I'm just wondering if I should take his/their advice and end it or stick by him anyway? He's doing great, and I was prepared to stick by him, but not if it's going to be bad for him. I thought having a non-addicted supporter would help, but am I wrong? I just want to do the right thing by him.

:shiny
To all my great SR mates , old and new
if i am "time challenged " please forgive, and accept alate wish LOL

HUGX
Leigh

i am having an awful day. and i don't want to keep having this awful life.

no more violence, no more pain, no more..:a043:...people in my life. i just can't take it anymore. i swear to God i'll go crazy if i don't start over.

i come here everyday, write a thread and erase the words.

i am making my own birthday party today. over here we do it in the weekend after sometimes. did the whole thing. called my family but they aren't coming of course. why did i ask? so we're two people in the party, and i just asked my boyfriend to leave for good. he's packing. i can't guaranty he won't ever hit me again, because i can't guaranty i won't shout at him and push him. i know i'm gonna stop him, cuz none of us has a dollar for a cab. sometimes i wonder why i keep wanting to live, just because i deserve a great life!

lol..the word pity party so applies...hahaha, got to laugh mates. :bday8

i know i'm still gonna have fun today, i always manage to do that. sometimes i dream i am courageous and that saves the day.

Day 20 was a pretty indifferent day ... i didnt really get the urge to drink but i felt like i needed to be in that environment again, but by better judgement i declined the invitations to go to oktoberfest with my mates.I dont think im really ready to put myself in situations like that just yet , it could be a test after i reach my 28 day goal. Thanx to all the ppl that gave me support in my last post it was a really ruff day n u guys really helped pull me thru. Im kind of anxious about next week in sittin down with my mum n sister to talk bout the full extent of my problem.. theyve always thought i had a problem with alcohol but they dont even know the half of it. My mate has asked me to join him in goin to church but im not a very religous person( no offence to those that r ) i see that hes tryin to help me fill the void with some spirituality but im not too sure. thanx guys once again for your support and if theres anyway i can help any of u pls dont hesitate to contact or even add me as a friend .... after all even tho were fighting our own battles but were all fighting the same war



peace out >

Robbie

I went to my first NA meeting the night before last.

I introduced myself and then shut up, but to be acknowledged by people, and people who I don’t have to lie to or hide who I am from lifted the usual weight I feel from me, but replaced it with another weight: Realisation of what I am and –worse- the reasons why.

After the meeting two of the women arranged to meet me to go to a womenÂ’s group which was on last night. I set off to catch the train, but I was running late and just generally pranging about the entire thing and then I saw a mate who kept on at me to come to the pub. I wanted to go to the meeting, but I went to the pub and drank myself in to oblivion.

My mates who use donÂ’t want to really hear about my plight to stay clean and my sober mates donÂ’t understand, or want to hear me talk about gear.

I hate not being able to speak to my mates because it makes me so damn lonely, yet when I find somewhere where people do understand it is suddenly too much and I canÂ’t speak, and IÂ’m frantically searching for the nearest exit.

I donÂ’t know whether to go to the next meeting or not. Anyone else felt anything like this? HowÂ’d you guys handle it?

Hi guys,
I'm new here and after a bit of advice. About 6 weeks ago I kicked out my meth addicted partner - involving police etc..the works. Mainly to make him realise that I just couldn't cope with his use anymore - or even the initial detoxing he actually embarked on. It was just so emotionally taxing that I thought involving the police would have the desired effect. THankfully this was the kick up the butt my partner needed and has been off meth ever since.

The sobering up process has beenup and down but a few weeks agot hings were getting so much better! He started to "feel" again and started to feel the love again - which sparked a lot of emotion. We have had some good times together - spending a few weekends together (I have not let him move back in with me), which were fanatastic. The problem now is that I am not sure if I will fully trust him. I love him to bits - which is the reaosn I put in so much effort to provide love and support from afar while he chose to get clean. BUT, the trust issue is still there. He is proud of the fact that he has already been exposed to his mates that do it and has easily said no to it. Although this is good for his self esteem, it worries me to no end as I know MANY addicts wouldn't stand a chance if it were offered to them while recoverying. I know he hasn't relapsed - due to the dramatic changes in his demeanor, but I couldn't say for sure if he hasn't at least lapsed and had SOME during this time. This could completely be my lack of trust - and that is currently the trouble I face.

How can I approach this subject with my partner without him feeling deflated at my lack of trust? I could just carry on keeping our relationship at a slow pace and have patience, which is probably the angle I will take. I know this is my issue and that I need to focus on myself getting over this. I know that I will not go back to how htings were until I feel completely comfortable that he has kicked his habit...but I guess I also have to accept that it may happen again...the hardest part of all.....loving an addict...

Any suggestions? Anyone out there also dealing with partner who is a recovering addict?

Hi SR family Ive made it PHEW!!! wipes brow wasnt easy but Ive got here lol
Sorry I havent being posting much being a sober mum to my children is busy but rewarding work!
hope everyone is fine think of my mates here even tho I dont post
luvs:ghug3:bday8:Valdog: