Drug Rehab Options Blog

Osakis & All, I am reading the same book too. I am new to the concept of me being co-dependent, and it is hard to face. I keep thinking that it isn't true and how is a book going to make me better? My abf and I have been together for a little over two years. He has been addicted to meth and been in prison in his past, and when I met him he was trying to start over. Only two weeks after getting together, he unexpectedly had to go back to prison for 8 months due to error in computing his initial terms. So I stuck it out with him and once he was out, he moved in with my son and I. We have been living together ever since, and his two kids moved in with us too. After he soon got out of prison, he started drinking and it eventually became worse. Bf was arrested about 6 months ago and has been ordered to be in treatment, which he has and made it two months sober before beginning to drink again. In the mean time, CPS has taken the kids and they live with the grandparents and I have done everything that CPS has asked and have tried to make my bf "see the light" and see what it is doing to all of us. The thing that I have come to realize is that he only cares about himself, and I am so upset that I can't change that. That is the co-dependency talking I know, but I don't know how to get past this. We are financially unstable and I need him to keep living with me due to he is the only one with the income right now ( I lost my job a month ago and haven't been able to find work). I also don't want him to move out. My view and wants of the future are to be a family and he can't see that cause he only thinks about the here and now. He has said that he wants to move out and still stay together, but I am afraid once he's gone, he will really be gone. I know I shouldn't choose him over my son and I guess ultimately I am because I want and believe we can get the kids back and be a family again. I just don't know what to do without him or how to survive without him. I love him and he still loves me. We got into an argument last night, which has led him to pack a few of his things and leave to go stay at his mom's with his kids. I am at a loss. What am I suppose to do? Do I just let him have his time to be away from me or do I fight to get him back? WOW! I didn't mean to write a novel, but as you might have guessed I am new to this and haven't been able to talk to anyone who understands. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!:a108::c020:

So, my kids are not coming around. My daughter is very angry with me and if she does talk to me it's to tell me how much I have messed everything up and how screwed up I am. Tonight she was saying some stuff that really scared me. She is hurting so bad. She will not talk to me and when I called her Dad and told him what she said, of course he didn't say, "Let's support our daughter and you are correct she needs help." No, it was " let me get her side of this and then I will decide if I will support her getting professional help." You see, although he was the one who had two DUI's, lost his license twice, then switched to smoking pot... every day for the past 28 years that I have known him... with a small break or two in there when I caught him or confronted him.... I am the one who is screwed up. He doesn't have a problem, he just smoked "a little" to relax.

He doesn't believe in "all that crap"... you know, counselors, professional help, et. Makes me wonder if he has something to hide... is perhaps using again and so feel threatened or if it's just more the same old power play.

I know I have to do what's right for my kids. (17 and 14 years old) I know that it might mean that for the mean time they "hate" me even more than they do right now. BUT, I have to know they are safe. I have never tried to keep them away from their Dad. But his unwillingness to see how much they are struggling... Dad moved out in July... is nuts. My therapist is considering reporting him to Child protective Services. Thinks he is getting in the way of the kids being able to get the help they need. The whole thought of all that makes me sick... but, what else can I do. Daughter is afraid to go to counseling because that would be going against Dad, so she is making it sound like she is fine and I am nuts... but in the meantime she is getting into trouble in school, screaming at me, screaming at teachers, etc. How do I gain some control, make sure kids are safe and keep my sanity?!?!?!?

Drugs stink!!! Look what this has done to my life and what it's doing to my kids. Could he (exh) get any more selfish!!!!?!?!?!?

I need support tonight, big time.

It's 12:05 a.m. And the beginning of sober day 12. It feels like day two. This gets better when??? I wish I could fast forward. Thanks for all the support in getting me this far. Unfortunately, I've been avoiding AA meetings after the first few. I just kind of get the feeling that a number of the guys present are looking for opportunities to get laid by a nice, vulnerable woman. There are almost no women's meetings here! I've checked the booklets (I recieved two) thrice over and I think there is but a single one. Disappointing, but I'm doing it on my own and trying not to go nuts in the mean time. I'm rounding the bend to two weeks. It's such a tiny time span but seems so long! I am fortunate, I have twice been blocked by a :slomo:friend when I was trying to purchase alcohol while I was really upset. They just won't let me. So that's my support for now.:Flower111 And SR of course.

xabf and I argued badly and I told him to stop calling for good. so instead he wrote an e-mail and now apologizes only for screwing things up and says he could f up a train wreck etc and says something of truth about how he wanted to do something nice for me. (see below if you want to know what he did and what I did). Do I simply ignore him????! I'm guessing yes. It just seems so cruel.

what happened was he was putting up siding for me, I was helping. In the mean time we had many moments of arguing, and one very bad moment over the phone that sent me over the edge and I completed the siding on my own. A great feat, I felt, for me!! but it angered him. so much that he even enlisted his mom's opinion, and she agrees I was wrong. I denied him the satisfaction of finishing a job he worked so hard on. In my mind I decided I am never putting up with his abusive language again, I was done with him. so i guess i could ask myself what is different now, huh?

Our Family Court Judge yesterday ordered supervised visits to continue, even after I filed that my husband has looked intoxicated/high at times, not knowing if it's his pills (prescribed) making him that way, abusing them, or other drugs. I stopped visits back on 8-3-08, when he didn't produce a copy of a drug test he said his Dr. surprisingly gave him. When I asked him about the test, he said it was good.
I asked if I could see it because I questioned his sobriety. He said yes he would show it to me, but never did show up with it. I gave him two weeks to show me. So I stopped visits.

Today he showed up in court with copies of some tests One looked like a drug store test. I saw the title said One Step Drug Test. I was shocked. I looked at my lawyer and said "this isn't a drug test!" He said "no it isn't." He had written 8-3 on it. The other one I don't know what it was, couldn't read it, but again it wasn't a Dr ordered lab test. Neither one was a lab, ordered by a Dr., with his name on it...nothing.

So we go back to court on Oct 27, while his medical records are checked. In the mean time, I have to supervise visits on Saturday, and I have to find someone to be here when he arrives to be a witness if he looks intoxicated/high or not. I actually feel like I need someone with me to supervise the visit. I don't trust him. I'm scared he's going to do something to hurt me, or son. I believe he would hurt me before he would our son. But now I have to be extra protective of us both. I was always worried about son, but now I'm worried about him hurting me after the dirty things he has done, the lies he's told...etc.

He doesn't like that I took him to court last year, I got custody of our son. He doesn't like that he has to have supervised visits. He doesn't like paying child support. I'm afraid he is going to hurt me, or lie on me, I think he's on a vengence mode, he's not the kind that would learn his lesson, and stay sober to see his son more.

Please pray that I can have someone here today, Saturday at 4:00pm when he arrives. Please God help, because I don't know who to ask.

There is also a Wed. visit, another guy supervises that visit, but he's only showed up 6 times since Dec. So I supervised those visits he didn't show up to. I was surprised today when the judge asked him again if he could supervise the Wed. visits. We'll see if he shows up.

I need all of your faithful prayers. These are scary trials I don't like, but I will remain honest, truthful, and steadfast.

Blessings,
NH7

My fiance has just left rehab after a 30 program. I talked to one of his many therapists and he was able to give him advice and me advice on getting married and how long we should wait. I think this whole time my fiance is telling me I can't wait to marry you that he is being honest and I still believe he was being honest. Then I talk to his parents and his whole family is very secretive but of course he doesn't see that. His parents I feel are now trying to distance us and he says his sobriety comes first and I know this. I am the one who got him into rehab and I know all of this but his therapist or one of them rather told him that he may need to distance himself a little from me. I just feel that I need support and he needs it but they wont let me give him any. I feel like he's torn between loving me and being controlled by his family and his therapist saying that about us. I understand he needs a little space from me but I would think that he'd need it from them as well. He is living with his sister and Moved a state over to be with him because he couldn't go back to his hometown and it was advised not to. His sister has a list for him to do everyday and I understand he needs rules but I need him and he needs me and we're both really confused right now so I told him I would go back home for a few weeks and just give him space. We're still together and I love him and give him support over the phone. We are both torn and in a hard situation and his therapist told him he needed to be selfish for a while and I want what's best for me but I can't have a nervous breakdown in the mean time. Then I really couldn't support him if I wasn't sane. I pray and pray and I set up all these meetings we could go to and his sister is just not having it. I hated to say pick them or me but I let it slip anyway and he said he couldn't choose because he loves me and still needs me but he doesn't want to relapse and so he needs his family too. I understand that I really do but when is there time for me and does it get easier someone please please help.

I have been contemplating going to Al-Anon meetings because I want to be able to understand the addiction, yet I'm torn because by doing so somehow it seems likes I would be putting my focus on his addictions and thinking more about him then I need to.

Just the thought of going to Al-Anon terrifies me. The feelings I have right now are just to raw, and I'm still to emotional, yet I know I need to be able to understand the how's, the whys and learn to take the steps forward that I need to for myself.

In the mean time on the surface it looks like I'm doing okay but inside I'm falling apart. I'm going to work every day, taking care of my personal business as needed and I find that every other day I tend to break down and second guess myself. I'm trying to learn to let go, but it's so difficult when you still love the alcoholic.

I have ordered the book Co-Dependent no more and should receive it on Monday.

I have also emailed the HR manager asking for our Employee Assistance Program phone number. I know limited counseling is available through them.

Okay...I have a confession. Jules just ruined her rep by being a softie and we love it. But I've been a pretty happy little camper here so far. Honestly though, since Tuesday my mood has been in the toilet. I don't want to drink, haven't had any major cravings, nothing I couldn't handle at least but my attitude is rotten and I don't like it. :c001:

I'm getting all twisted up about stupid stuff. I'm becoming one of "those" people. You know the ones: negative things coming out of my mouth, groaning when the phone rings, flipping the bird to bad drivers, feeling "icky" on the inside. I keep trying to laugh it off but inside I'm like WTF? Kathleen. What is wrong with you? I am not like this. Well, we all get in our little moods but this has lasted about 4 days and it's just not like me to be such a crabby b*tch 24/7.

So I was wondering....can we have a seance here or something? To drive out my negative emotions. They surely must be coming from the devil. An exorcism? ;) Seriously I would like some advise. I know it will pass. I know don't drink but what to do in the mean time if anything? Just be patient and ride it out? Or is some way I can head this off at the pass. I don't like being such a grumpy angry person all the time. :wtf2