Drug Rehab Options Blog

My AW and I had our first Mediation appointment today. After 5 years of struggle I decided I can't save myself and save my marriage. She cried the whole time. It is so hard to fight the codependency. I feel like a sh*t when I look at her but after so many promises broken, family dysfunction, failed inpatient and outpatient events, trips to the ER to detox.....I'm done. Let me tell you, financially divorce is a loser...but a friend that has been through this once told me "who says money can't but happiness when your in a loveless and trustless marriage". She was so true. I know I'll struggle with the alimony and new singlehood, but I will persevere.

What I will have to work hard on is the feeling that I have abandoned her.....I know, it is irrational considering that she is the one that has abandoned herself and me and the boys. That is what makes US, the family, so sick in all this.

Is she sad for herself? Is she sad because of what she is losing? Or is she sad that she can't keep me from doing what I'm doing? Is she sad because she has lost the last bit of control over me?

The mediator told us that divorce is the second most painful experience that someone experiences just behind losing a loved one. He said it right after my AW told him she was an alcoholic that just relapsed. Not sure where he was going with that....

I'm down right now....it is a loss for me as well....but I am also a bit excited to start fresh and find the happy me I once was. My kids, 18 and 15, are passing through the stages of emotions but this is hard on them as well. I only hope I haven't waited too long to do this.

Well, just needed to blog....thanks for listening.

It's been a long time since I posted here. I now wish that I had resolved to do then what I have resolved to do now.

I think I'm absolutely insane given the number of chances I've given her and the times I've thought about doing this....or even started but then backed off. Somehow I couldn't just bring myself to it.

I hope this time I'll have the strength to carry through.

My AW and I have been married for 7 years. We have a 6 year old son with mild autism. When I met my wife, she had 7 years of sobriety and seemed very strong in her sobriety.... she could have alcohol in the house, be around people who were drinking... didn't phase her in the least.

That all changed 5 years ago when she started drinking. It's been a nightmare roller-coaster ride ever since then. My life savings are nearly exhausted..... my sanity is frayed and I won't even talk about my emotions.
Thank god my son has been spared alot of this.....as he doesn't fully understand whats going on with his mom... just that she acts crazy sometimes.

I tried putting her through rehab.... it failed miserably.

I tried Mediation with her..... it was a colossal waste.

I'm finally ready for divorce...I'm speaking to the lawyer on Thursday.

I'm scared as heck about the next few months of my life.....and about being a single parent of an autistic child.

I thought about staying....whether it would be easier to raise our son...even if she were still drinking..... but I know that's just a pipe-dream on my part. The simple fact of the matter is that the times she has been away (rehab, mental health evaluation).... life was MUCH easier in many ways....although it certainly was scary.

Some-one please tell me there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel!

It doesn't get easier. I made the decision to divorce mt AW and things are getting crazy. I'm at the end of a five year journey and I am confident in my decision to move on. Problem is my AW is not. I went out of town for business and she decided to tell my 15 year old son about it while I was gone! Never mind I had asked her for the past week while I was home that we both talk to him! I got home last night and she was drunk. I have an 18 year old son at college and he is trying to support his brother, focus on school and his life and she is dividing and playing the pity me card to two CHILDREN. It makes me mad and makes the time we will be together in this house unbearable while the divorce is being settled. I have a feeling the mediation we agreed on will blow up as well since she is being irrational.

Thanks for letting me vent!

I need help. My ah is divorcing me – in fact the mediation is Monday. But I don’t want the divorce. He says he can’t be married to me but wants to be with me and work things out.

He left Dec 31, 206. He drank our entire marriage, but I never realized the depth of his problem. I denied it. My family and friends told me. He drove the children drunk, and I defended him. He lost our money, had me support him for 6 years while he “ran” a business with his alcoholic brother – which never realized a profit. After 9 years, I cheated on him. He suspected; and I really didn’t hide it. His mother (very wealthy) hired a lawyer for him, got him an apartment and a psychiatrist, and he left me.
But he never filed. He got a DUI and called me to bail him out – a 5 hour drive away. I did. He did 3 days in detox and claimed to be clean. We never stopped our relationship. I took our 2 kids to his new place every weekend. We said we loved each other, but he never came back. He relapsed (he admitted later; I only suspected). This year, he actually started a rel campaign to pay attention to me, and I punished him by letting out all my resentment and anger. This lasted 3 months. Then, he was forced by his mother to leave the apartment and move into her house. He does not make enough to live on his own.

Then he filed in April. Drunk.
In May, he started AA, got a sponsor and has been sober since. He just finished his 4th step.
He says he loves me but that the hurt of my cheating – that I can never “be entirely his” is too much for him to remain married. He wants to start over.
I think that this divorce is the result of a decision he made while drinking. That itÂ’s a toxic decision. I have apologized. IÂ’m in al-anon. I have done my steps.
I have told him that I have sacrificed for him, but that I need him, now that heÂ’s sober, to trust me and try with me. We spend wonderful weekends together. Have dinner with the kids. Declare love. But at the end of the day, he wants his divorce.
And I can’t understand why? How can you say that you want to be with me, live with me, work it out – but want a divorce at the same time?

My AH asked me for a divorce, and told me we would share the same attorney, and go through mediation. That this is what's best for all involved.

I told him no thank you, I'm getting my own attorney. I'm mtg. w/ atty next week.

We are a gazillion miles apart in what we want....he wants to sell the house (we have no equity), move to separate apts., have 50/50 custody of the kids.

I want to keep the house for now (until the market improves), and the kids and I stay here, I want at least 2 years to get my business established (I will get another job as well).

I have been a stay-at-home Mom for 10 years, and believe I deserve to be supported and stay in the house.

He says I want to continue living off his "dime" and that I could forget it!

So...mediation seems completely out of the question. He says I have not done "my job" for many years! Says I don't cook for him, I pay no attention to him, the only thing I do is his laundry!!!

Hello???? How about raising two absolutely outstanding children??? Hello???? How about cleaning up and covering up for an alcoholic and all the messes that go with that???

I need to get my documentation together....I know. I really only have a few pictures I think of him passed out, and of his drug paraphenalia, and I'm sure I could get people to testify about his drinking.

This is really happening.....I've read all the stories on here.....and now I'm living it......

I am strong, but I need to be smart as well. I need some of your strength!!!!

Shivaya