Archive for the ‘Memories’ tag
want my child to have better, but jealous…
Hi,
I'm an ACOA, perhaps not fully recovered, as I come face to face with my own worst memories, as I strive to be sure my child has a better life than I did, growing up. And he does. I'm an involved, engaged, caring parent, as is my husband, who is an alcoholic in recovery.
We've worked really hard to be sure our home could be as stable and loving as it could be. We're planning a big 5 year old birthday for our child, but the trouble is, I'm jealous. Jealous that our kid gets the love and attention from mommy and daddy that I didn't.
I find myself feeling so resentful that he has what I didn't get. When my parents forgot my birthday, largely ignored me, left me alone, and were so neglectful. We're really blessed with a great kid, who brings genuine smiles to us, and deserves a great life. But when I was that age, 4 going on 5, I had some really painful experiences, that still haunt me, and I haven't been able to let go of the hurt/anger. I'm working hard to be sure my child doesn't experience what I did. Which is making my jealous of my own child!
Has anyone ever felt this way? How did you cope? Please help!
I'm an ACOA, perhaps not fully recovered, as I come face to face with my own worst memories, as I strive to be sure my child has a better life than I did, growing up. And he does. I'm an involved, engaged, caring parent, as is my husband, who is an alcoholic in recovery.
We've worked really hard to be sure our home could be as stable and loving as it could be. We're planning a big 5 year old birthday for our child, but the trouble is, I'm jealous. Jealous that our kid gets the love and attention from mommy and daddy that I didn't.
I find myself feeling so resentful that he has what I didn't get. When my parents forgot my birthday, largely ignored me, left me alone, and were so neglectful. We're really blessed with a great kid, who brings genuine smiles to us, and deserves a great life. But when I was that age, 4 going on 5, I had some really painful experiences, that still haunt me, and I haven't been able to let go of the hurt/anger. I'm working hard to be sure my child doesn't experience what I did. Which is making my jealous of my own child!
Has anyone ever felt this way? How did you cope? Please help!
My Husband has characteristics of a meth user and I need your help/advice?
Hello!
Ok, where do I start? I have been married for 26 years and have 3 sons whom this is also affecting. He can be a wonderful husband, father, son, brother, friend etc. We are living on an emotional roller coaster and I am wanting to get off this ride!! I have been to many doctors, classes, support groups etc. I have been dealing with this forever!! There are so many memories (good and bad) and I am always hopeful that this too shall pass. My husband will have days of go go go and little sleep and then sleeps for days and boy look out if you wake him up! Also he really tries to crush your heart by saying such awful things and then he is as nice as pie. Just when I think things are getting better and life is going to return to normal (what I know to be normal) then poof the joy is gone. We may get a few things done around the house by him but then there are those days where the earth will fall apart around him and he would not even know it was going on. I am so unhappy, lonely, feeling ignored and I am capable of having a wonderful life and deserve it. I am a wonderful mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc. I have had my faults and have and will deal with them but nothing like what my husband is going through. I really want everything to be good but as I have read and learned I can only take care of myself and of course my children which they are growing up fast and I do not want this to happen to them. I need your help and advice as to how I can get out of this without loosing everything that I have earned and is still left?
Ok, where do I start? I have been married for 26 years and have 3 sons whom this is also affecting. He can be a wonderful husband, father, son, brother, friend etc. We are living on an emotional roller coaster and I am wanting to get off this ride!! I have been to many doctors, classes, support groups etc. I have been dealing with this forever!! There are so many memories (good and bad) and I am always hopeful that this too shall pass. My husband will have days of go go go and little sleep and then sleeps for days and boy look out if you wake him up! Also he really tries to crush your heart by saying such awful things and then he is as nice as pie. Just when I think things are getting better and life is going to return to normal (what I know to be normal) then poof the joy is gone. We may get a few things done around the house by him but then there are those days where the earth will fall apart around him and he would not even know it was going on. I am so unhappy, lonely, feeling ignored and I am capable of having a wonderful life and deserve it. I am a wonderful mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc. I have had my faults and have and will deal with them but nothing like what my husband is going through. I really want everything to be good but as I have read and learned I can only take care of myself and of course my children which they are growing up fast and I do not want this to happen to them. I need your help and advice as to how I can get out of this without loosing everything that I have earned and is still left?
The Recovery Tree
I sit here and admire the Christmas tree. A tree that reflects 29 years of our family..Some of the ornaments are "hand-me" downs from family members long past. It’s the "special decorations that I look for. Tiny little hands that made this one, for mom and dad. Not something I would buy, but one worth any price; from kids’s of Christmases past.
They are all in my heart. The lights shine bright as they "race" in their programmed sequence. I remember when they just shone so bright…all through the night…and who could ever for get the bubble lights… But time moves on … the tinsel laid with such care …except way in the back where "who sees there anyhow" . The garland of colors, to enhance but not to overpower…the tree grows fuller year-by-year, with ornaments and memories.
And the gifts so many… The kids swear they never saw the numbers like that abound…to hear them tell it there was but one gift as children they had to share…could it be that gift was Love?
This year has been special…So many gifts…So many Thank-you’s on the labels…The tree is so fine…so much joy in the heart and in the mind…
But in another corner of my mind I see the glimmer of another tree. Not quite so pretty…but so dear you see. It’s my own special Recovery Tree. A tree of which I would like to say that grows each year…but the truth be told, there were some years which it diminished in size and a couple years it almost went away altogether. Now the tinsel is somewhat different…for it came from the "less than "store…to remind me of what once was…The ornaments are strange too...For the reflections tend to be distorted…I have to look very deeply to see who’s there…you and me…and who’s that there? Someone from the past…or deep from a glass…Each one has to be looked at to fully appreciate - the mysteries held inside…My tree is bigger than the year of last, for takes twelve steps to circle it round…then …you can start again… Though the ornaments seem dim and tarnished…each one tells a story…a story of recovery and what it takes to make this for me…just for today.
But what makes this tree so special are the Gifts …so many…wrapped in gold and silver…of ribbons of such colors…and within in them are Hope…Faith…Love …Forgiveness …Fellowship…oh so many…and Serenity…that’s special…But wait there are no Labels!!!…Who’s to get what and how many??? I’ve been told and I know it’s true…these gifts are to be given...to be gotten…for as we give, we receive…now isn’t that a strange lot…But then the recovery tree is indeed…uncommon …
So this year …as years gone by in the past…I have two trees…both in my heart…so on Christmas morn. Join me in gathering round the trees…so warm… may even find a cup of hot cocoa or ice tea…depends on the weather…and we can welcome that special day…as we unwrap our presents…. and give presents toothers,together. May you have Love and Peace that passes this ones understanding….
would you like to take a second and share a few of your recovery presents?
:Xmasmc
They are all in my heart. The lights shine bright as they "race" in their programmed sequence. I remember when they just shone so bright…all through the night…and who could ever for get the bubble lights… But time moves on … the tinsel laid with such care …except way in the back where "who sees there anyhow" . The garland of colors, to enhance but not to overpower…the tree grows fuller year-by-year, with ornaments and memories.
And the gifts so many… The kids swear they never saw the numbers like that abound…to hear them tell it there was but one gift as children they had to share…could it be that gift was Love?
This year has been special…So many gifts…So many Thank-you’s on the labels…The tree is so fine…so much joy in the heart and in the mind…
But in another corner of my mind I see the glimmer of another tree. Not quite so pretty…but so dear you see. It’s my own special Recovery Tree. A tree of which I would like to say that grows each year…but the truth be told, there were some years which it diminished in size and a couple years it almost went away altogether. Now the tinsel is somewhat different…for it came from the "less than "store…to remind me of what once was…The ornaments are strange too...For the reflections tend to be distorted…I have to look very deeply to see who’s there…you and me…and who’s that there? Someone from the past…or deep from a glass…Each one has to be looked at to fully appreciate - the mysteries held inside…My tree is bigger than the year of last, for takes twelve steps to circle it round…then …you can start again… Though the ornaments seem dim and tarnished…each one tells a story…a story of recovery and what it takes to make this for me…just for today.
But what makes this tree so special are the Gifts …so many…wrapped in gold and silver…of ribbons of such colors…and within in them are Hope…Faith…Love …Forgiveness …Fellowship…oh so many…and Serenity…that’s special…But wait there are no Labels!!!…Who’s to get what and how many??? I’ve been told and I know it’s true…these gifts are to be given...to be gotten…for as we give, we receive…now isn’t that a strange lot…But then the recovery tree is indeed…uncommon …
So this year …as years gone by in the past…I have two trees…both in my heart…so on Christmas morn. Join me in gathering round the trees…so warm… may even find a cup of hot cocoa or ice tea…depends on the weather…and we can welcome that special day…as we unwrap our presents…. and give presents toothers,together. May you have Love and Peace that passes this ones understanding….
would you like to take a second and share a few of your recovery presents?
:Xmasmc
How to Deal With Unforgiveness
You are reading the daily devotion from Dr. Charles Stanley.
READ | Matthew 6:9-15
Scripture clearly teaches that we are to forgive those who hurt us. So let’s identify practical ways to confront the matter of unforgiveness head-on. You may want to keep this list in your Bible or close by for easy review.
1. Take it seriously. Unforgiveness is a major issue that shouldn’t be casually dismissed.
2. Assume full responsibility. Don’t blame anyone else for your feelings or actions.
3. Confess it honestly. Be specific and direct with God about what you feel, and acknowledge that unforgiveness is sin. Don’t “soften” the matter or let yourself off the hook.
4. Lay down your anger. Unless you deal with your resentment, bitterness can re-enter your life later on.
5. Pray for the other person. This may feel impossible or unnatural, but do it anyway. Praying is a choice to act lovingly, regardless of how you are treated. This will impact your entire relationship.
6. Ask that individual to forgive you. If the other person knows that you’ve been harboring bitterness, you need to ask for his or her forgiveness.
7. Do something nice for that person. Let a loving gesture demonstrate your desire to restore the relationship.
8. Don’t allow Satan to throw you back into unforgiveness. Once the matter is resolved, watch out for stray thoughts that could stir up memories of how the other person hurt you.
This process isn’t easy, but it works. If you go through these steps every time you are hurt, God will truly work miracles in your relationships.
:Xmase
READ | Matthew 6:9-15
Scripture clearly teaches that we are to forgive those who hurt us. So let’s identify practical ways to confront the matter of unforgiveness head-on. You may want to keep this list in your Bible or close by for easy review.
1. Take it seriously. Unforgiveness is a major issue that shouldn’t be casually dismissed.
2. Assume full responsibility. Don’t blame anyone else for your feelings or actions.
3. Confess it honestly. Be specific and direct with God about what you feel, and acknowledge that unforgiveness is sin. Don’t “soften” the matter or let yourself off the hook.
4. Lay down your anger. Unless you deal with your resentment, bitterness can re-enter your life later on.
5. Pray for the other person. This may feel impossible or unnatural, but do it anyway. Praying is a choice to act lovingly, regardless of how you are treated. This will impact your entire relationship.
6. Ask that individual to forgive you. If the other person knows that you’ve been harboring bitterness, you need to ask for his or her forgiveness.
7. Do something nice for that person. Let a loving gesture demonstrate your desire to restore the relationship.
8. Don’t allow Satan to throw you back into unforgiveness. Once the matter is resolved, watch out for stray thoughts that could stir up memories of how the other person hurt you.
This process isn’t easy, but it works. If you go through these steps every time you are hurt, God will truly work miracles in your relationships.
:Xmase
What Christmas meant to me growing up
I want to share this for those in here who are in the midst of a relationship with an alcoholic who have children in their homes.
Both my parents were alcoholics. We didn't see my father much because he worked night shift most of my life. We saw him mostly on weekends and holidays.
Weekends and holidays came to mean mom and dad got drunk which usually meant fights. From the time I was very little, somewhere under 5, I knew mom and dad being around together meant drunkeness and anger. Now mom was drunk a whole lot of the time on other days, mind you but that was differnent. Mom drunk on her own was maulding and crying. Mom drunk and dad drunk together was a storm waiting to erupt.
My brothers and I talked about how the victim of the day would get chosen by dad when he was drunk. He always needed a target for his anger.
Most of the time it was mom and she frequently wore the bruises as evidence. Of course she never admitted those bruises were from dad's fists. I guess a polite charade went on and we kids didn't admit to knowing dad had hit her, that we heard it all.
Then of course there were the other times when the vicitm of the day was me or one of my brothers. I don't remember how old I was the first time I was the victim but I suspect it was before I was 10. I don't remember what mom did those times one of us kids were beaten. I have blocked the memories to this day and I'm now almost 54.
I do clearly remember the last time my father hit me. It was Christmas eve and I was 13. He hit me so hard I was unconsicous for a brief period of time. When I came to, Dad was standing over me, ready to hit me again yelling at me about faking being knocked out. I somehow pushed him out of my way when I stood and told him I would call the cops if he came near me, touched me again. I remember the look of shock on his face too. He believed me. He never did hit me again.
Anyway the point of all this rambling story is that from as early as I can remember, Christmas meant drunkenness, fighting, violence, and tears. I have no happy childhood memories of opening presents. I have no memories of a happy family gathering for a shared dinner and Christmas joy (although my older brother tells me they did happen). For me Christmas (and every other holiday for that matter) will always be associated with drunkeness and anger.
Your children see more than you give them credit for. Children are little sponges absorbing everything around them. Even if you don't have the violence in your homes that was in mine, your children are learning from you and your A everyday. They are storing away every incident. They are, underneath it all, wondering what they did wrong, how they caused it. I know I did.
I am now building happier Christmas memories and have been for many years. I love this season of giving and love. But underneath it all, the young girl who hated holidays is still there inside me, hating Christmas because of what it was like back then. Those experiences run awfully deep.
Both my parents were alcoholics. We didn't see my father much because he worked night shift most of my life. We saw him mostly on weekends and holidays.
Weekends and holidays came to mean mom and dad got drunk which usually meant fights. From the time I was very little, somewhere under 5, I knew mom and dad being around together meant drunkeness and anger. Now mom was drunk a whole lot of the time on other days, mind you but that was differnent. Mom drunk on her own was maulding and crying. Mom drunk and dad drunk together was a storm waiting to erupt.
My brothers and I talked about how the victim of the day would get chosen by dad when he was drunk. He always needed a target for his anger.
Most of the time it was mom and she frequently wore the bruises as evidence. Of course she never admitted those bruises were from dad's fists. I guess a polite charade went on and we kids didn't admit to knowing dad had hit her, that we heard it all.
Then of course there were the other times when the vicitm of the day was me or one of my brothers. I don't remember how old I was the first time I was the victim but I suspect it was before I was 10. I don't remember what mom did those times one of us kids were beaten. I have blocked the memories to this day and I'm now almost 54.
I do clearly remember the last time my father hit me. It was Christmas eve and I was 13. He hit me so hard I was unconsicous for a brief period of time. When I came to, Dad was standing over me, ready to hit me again yelling at me about faking being knocked out. I somehow pushed him out of my way when I stood and told him I would call the cops if he came near me, touched me again. I remember the look of shock on his face too. He believed me. He never did hit me again.
Anyway the point of all this rambling story is that from as early as I can remember, Christmas meant drunkenness, fighting, violence, and tears. I have no happy childhood memories of opening presents. I have no memories of a happy family gathering for a shared dinner and Christmas joy (although my older brother tells me they did happen). For me Christmas (and every other holiday for that matter) will always be associated with drunkeness and anger.
Your children see more than you give them credit for. Children are little sponges absorbing everything around them. Even if you don't have the violence in your homes that was in mine, your children are learning from you and your A everyday. They are storing away every incident. They are, underneath it all, wondering what they did wrong, how they caused it. I know I did.
I am now building happier Christmas memories and have been for many years. I love this season of giving and love. But underneath it all, the young girl who hated holidays is still there inside me, hating Christmas because of what it was like back then. Those experiences run awfully deep.
The Good & The Bad.
I am one week sober (go me!!) and I have discovered both good and bad
BAD
I can taste it (alcohol) on my mouth
I randomly keep thinking 'wouldn't mind a glass of that'
I am so flat, boring, unhappy, unexcited.
I go to bed early, actually I try and sleep/be in bed as much as I can
My anxiety is a million times worse
I no longer go on daily walks with my partner and son
I have put on weight
I eat loads of crap food, mainly chocolate or bread.
I want alcohol so bad, it's hard to explain, seriously I could so easily pour a glass
I think a lot about when I will be able to drink alcohol again
I have irrational thoughts that I don't have a problem, I am making this up, so I can drink
More & more memories come back of things that happened, times I couldn't walk, times I fell down stairs, the time my partner put a whole btl of vodka down the sink, times I have embarrassed myself.
GOOD
I have never ever been proud of myself, I cannot believe I am actually doing this.
I sleep better.
I am not hungover.
My mood is consistent, well consistently flat - so not sure it's a good thing, but I least I don't go crashing down - I am there already LOL!
My partner is so happy, much happier than me about this, I guess it's changed his life, he can come home to a mopey, yet normal person.
Sorry I'd love to make my "GOOD" list longer - but I am not going to sugar coat it. It's hard.
I have noticed myself getting more depressed day by day. I have made a dr's app for Thursday - because I am starting to get to the point where I am cancelling everything (more so than usual, I always avoid things) and I just want to live in my PJ's and be in bed.
Anyone else got a good & bad list to share?
:ghug2
BAD
I can taste it (alcohol) on my mouth
I randomly keep thinking 'wouldn't mind a glass of that'
I am so flat, boring, unhappy, unexcited.
I go to bed early, actually I try and sleep/be in bed as much as I can
My anxiety is a million times worse
I no longer go on daily walks with my partner and son
I have put on weight
I eat loads of crap food, mainly chocolate or bread.
I want alcohol so bad, it's hard to explain, seriously I could so easily pour a glass
I think a lot about when I will be able to drink alcohol again
I have irrational thoughts that I don't have a problem, I am making this up, so I can drink
More & more memories come back of things that happened, times I couldn't walk, times I fell down stairs, the time my partner put a whole btl of vodka down the sink, times I have embarrassed myself.
GOOD
I have never ever been proud of myself, I cannot believe I am actually doing this.
I sleep better.
I am not hungover.
My mood is consistent, well consistently flat - so not sure it's a good thing, but I least I don't go crashing down - I am there already LOL!
My partner is so happy, much happier than me about this, I guess it's changed his life, he can come home to a mopey, yet normal person.
Sorry I'd love to make my "GOOD" list longer - but I am not going to sugar coat it. It's hard.
I have noticed myself getting more depressed day by day. I have made a dr's app for Thursday - because I am starting to get to the point where I am cancelling everything (more so than usual, I always avoid things) and I just want to live in my PJ's and be in bed.
Anyone else got a good & bad list to share?
:ghug2
Leaping out Update
First let me thank each and every one of you - You are so very special to my heart - Spent the first nite at my rent house Thanksgiving nite and haven't looked back.
I made that frightening leap of that cliff that keeps so bound in fear and holds us back for so long . . . As I took that big jump, I opened my eyes and began to feel the thoughts, prayers and encouragement of all my wonderful recovery family with me and my fear disappeared.
As I knew I would suddenly hit the ground with a crushing blow; but I landed in the softness and safety of my God's hands. And I have been at peace every moment since.
Yes, There have been moments of tears, twinges of memories and little times hints of the future that will be sad - but no regrets. I know I am exactly where my God wants me to be.
And I thank everyone of you for helping me walk this path of recovery, grow in my relationship with the God of my understanding and gather the strength, courage and wisdom I need to be living Happy, Joyous and Free One Day at a Time.
May each of you have that in your lives forever,
Love & HUGS to all,
Rita
:ghug
I made that frightening leap of that cliff that keeps so bound in fear and holds us back for so long . . . As I took that big jump, I opened my eyes and began to feel the thoughts, prayers and encouragement of all my wonderful recovery family with me and my fear disappeared.
As I knew I would suddenly hit the ground with a crushing blow; but I landed in the softness and safety of my God's hands. And I have been at peace every moment since.
Yes, There have been moments of tears, twinges of memories and little times hints of the future that will be sad - but no regrets. I know I am exactly where my God wants me to be.
And I thank everyone of you for helping me walk this path of recovery, grow in my relationship with the God of my understanding and gather the strength, courage and wisdom I need to be living Happy, Joyous and Free One Day at a Time.
May each of you have that in your lives forever,
Love & HUGS to all,
Rita
:ghug
Can someone help me??
Last night was hell. I knew I couldn't drink because of taking Antabuse. I had a very busy day of head & house cleaning and thought with only a couple days sobriety I could wear myself out physically to finally be able to sleep. Laid in that bed and my mind was spinning and my body couldn't relax. Couldn't focus even on one thought except what a waste my life has amounted to. Self loathing and memories (many of them) of being a failure and not being able to follow through with continuity in my life. The broken relationships and the time lost from boozing it up --- everything negative ran ramped in my mind. I don't know if I'll ever feel good about myself when I can't even face myself in the mirror -- really seeing me. I know the facades and wear them well but inside I am screaming!!! The pretty face that used to turn heads is now hard to even lift and look someone in the eye. I want this to get better but it seems like a nightmare that will never go away. I know you've felt this way too. Please share with me some of your thoughts and experiences so I feel "This Too Shall Pass"....
Another thing.... I just started on this website -- found it by accident. I'm having a hard time navigating through this thing!!! Is there anyone who can give me some step by step directions??? Am I allowed to post my e-mail address and get a someone's phone #??? Probably not. If you can help please let me know! Thanks!:skillet
Another thing.... I just started on this website -- found it by accident. I'm having a hard time navigating through this thing!!! Is there anyone who can give me some step by step directions??? Am I allowed to post my e-mail address and get a someone's phone #??? Probably not. If you can help please let me know! Thanks!:skillet
venting
I'm on day 5, and my husband is driving me crazy. This is the longest I've been in w/o a drink in 3 years. I thought he'd be happy for me, but it almost feels like he wants me to drink. He's a drinker himself, albeit not as bad as me. I don't mind him drinking 1 or 2 in front of me, but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to wait a week or two?
I guess I should have started by saying this is only my second post. I woke up the other day and felt so miserable that I could hardly pour a bowl of cereal for my daughter. That was it for me. I was sick of doing it, waiting for the hang over to wear off, only to drink again and feel even worse the next day. Then I started to worry about my health, and my daughter is getting to an age where she's going to start to remembering things. I don't want her memories to be watching mommy make a drink in the kitchen 5-6 times a night. God I feel like horrible mother. This is really hard to type and I feel so ashamed.
So, about my husband, it's hard to make him understand that this is serious to me. I'm sorry if I'm not as "laid back" as I normally am, but to me this is life changing.
If anyone else has been through this, I would really like to hear your story.
I guess I should have started by saying this is only my second post. I woke up the other day and felt so miserable that I could hardly pour a bowl of cereal for my daughter. That was it for me. I was sick of doing it, waiting for the hang over to wear off, only to drink again and feel even worse the next day. Then I started to worry about my health, and my daughter is getting to an age where she's going to start to remembering things. I don't want her memories to be watching mommy make a drink in the kitchen 5-6 times a night. God I feel like horrible mother. This is really hard to type and I feel so ashamed.
So, about my husband, it's hard to make him understand that this is serious to me. I'm sorry if I'm not as "laid back" as I normally am, but to me this is life changing.
If anyone else has been through this, I would really like to hear your story.
Daily Gratitude Journal
Tuesday November 4, 2008
As taken from my back pocket.
1. Life - Still Selfish :)
2. God - Yesterday's touch left me speechless
3. My Wife
4. Patio - Sunshine, Cool Breeze this Morning with Boz in my Lap
5. Hot Starbucks Coffee and a Cigarette
6. Sobriety
7. Job
8. Memories
9. The Remnants of a Good Mind
10. A Very Good Book!
Remember to not be a party to drama today; it only breeds discontent. Yes, Coffee and a Cig take precedence in the Morning; I wouldn't be a good Alky if they didn't.
As taken from my back pocket.
1. Life - Still Selfish :)
2. God - Yesterday's touch left me speechless
3. My Wife
4. Patio - Sunshine, Cool Breeze this Morning with Boz in my Lap
5. Hot Starbucks Coffee and a Cigarette
6. Sobriety
7. Job
8. Memories
9. The Remnants of a Good Mind
10. A Very Good Book!
Remember to not be a party to drama today; it only breeds discontent. Yes, Coffee and a Cig take precedence in the Morning; I wouldn't be a good Alky if they didn't.
