Archive for the ‘Mentality’ tag
The Old -2 -The New!!!!!
The Old -2 -The New!!!!!
Current mood: content
Category: Life
♥ Well here is to a Old Year, and to a New One, well I see^^ it
like this we Out Grow our Cloths, and our Children grow, I believe
in order to get to the next Level, we most let go of the old Level!
weather be the Level of Mentality,or Attitudes & Behaviors,or People! and Grow Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this year I'm Bless! God is my Architect, he is defining me in to his Level of Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
were I know all alone I could not have don't it ,He is Great in Power.!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only He could change the circumstances in your Life!! We See^^ God like some
type of M.T.A machine, or our own personal Jeannie in the bottle, but we miss the hall Pic! the best Gift was Giving his Son Jesus Christ,! and Giving us Free Salvation,! some of us choose this Salvation,! and some of us don't,! but He is My Potter! and Architect,! He is writhing my Life Story,! I'm in His hands!!!
He is constructing my Life!! Re-arranging it!! to His Image! and Likeness!
I'm going to the Next Level in my Life!! weather all seems^^ uncertainty,!
and Like nothing makes seance, well all I could do is Trust in Him!!
and the Might of His Power!! he never Fail me! We Fail Him! Mans,& Fam, so call Friends could fail you,! but He never fails,!♥ I Love God for who He is, His Essence!♥ and Loving Grace!♥ He sheds upon Me everyday!♥ I Love U Jesus♥ xoxooxoxoxox ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥xoxoxox
I Love Him♥ I'm in Love with Jesus♥ his been Good to me! Not deserving! anything!
He gave it His all♥ Muahzzzzzzzzzzz♥♥♥♥♥I Luv U ♥♥♥Jesus♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ this year I Learn allot of things Positive, and also Negative about me, but the good thing is that in Christ you don't have to put up a Mask! or Front into something your! Naa you could B♥U all around Him!! cause He created U! He knows who you are! so yeah!!! I'm going to my Next Level in Him !!!!
I.m Learning,& Growing in Him! Only in Him!!!!!!!!Tata!!See^^ Ya
Next Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♥ :nyaj
Current mood: content
Category: Life
♥ Well here is to a Old Year, and to a New One, well I see^^ it
like this we Out Grow our Cloths, and our Children grow, I believe
in order to get to the next Level, we most let go of the old Level!
weather be the Level of Mentality,or Attitudes & Behaviors,or People! and Grow Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this year I'm Bless! God is my Architect, he is defining me in to his Level of Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
were I know all alone I could not have don't it ,He is Great in Power.!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only He could change the circumstances in your Life!! We See^^ God like some
type of M.T.A machine, or our own personal Jeannie in the bottle, but we miss the hall Pic! the best Gift was Giving his Son Jesus Christ,! and Giving us Free Salvation,! some of us choose this Salvation,! and some of us don't,! but He is My Potter! and Architect,! He is writhing my Life Story,! I'm in His hands!!!
He is constructing my Life!! Re-arranging it!! to His Image! and Likeness!
I'm going to the Next Level in my Life!! weather all seems^^ uncertainty,!
and Like nothing makes seance, well all I could do is Trust in Him!!
and the Might of His Power!! he never Fail me! We Fail Him! Mans,& Fam, so call Friends could fail you,! but He never fails,!♥ I Love God for who He is, His Essence!♥ and Loving Grace!♥ He sheds upon Me everyday!♥ I Love U Jesus♥ xoxooxoxoxox ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥xoxoxox
I Love Him♥ I'm in Love with Jesus♥ his been Good to me! Not deserving! anything!
He gave it His all♥ Muahzzzzzzzzzzz♥♥♥♥♥I Luv U ♥♥♥Jesus♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ this year I Learn allot of things Positive, and also Negative about me, but the good thing is that in Christ you don't have to put up a Mask! or Front into something your! Naa you could B♥U all around Him!! cause He created U! He knows who you are! so yeah!!! I'm going to my Next Level in Him !!!!
I.m Learning,& Growing in Him! Only in Him!!!!!!!!Tata!!See^^ Ya
Next Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♥ :nyaj
Barely hanging on.. barely.
Hi Guys,
I've been sort of a lurker (guest) on this forum and have read some pretty awesomely supportive posts and advice here. Seems like a great place. THis is my first post here, and I didn't want to put it in the newcomers forum because I think this is where i belong.
I once said definitely i would never touch a drug. By the time i was a freshman in high I was smoking weed every day almost. The next thing I really experimented with was hallucinogens: paper, shrooms mainly.
By the end of 11th grade, me and my "best friend" since we in 5th started doing coke. He was rich and his parents were druggies too, so we literally had no limit. I mean, take 10k out of the safe without questions, no limit. So senior year I was doing coke almost everyday. The weird thing about that is I never got addicted it to it. I'm sure to some degree, but it was all fun and games as far as I was concerned.
When I graduated, I graduated with honors, and got a scholarship to a nice university and everything was cool. I didn't do any hard drugs from mid-summer to the end of my first semester in college. nothing. Of course, I smoked a little weed in college or whatever.
When I came back for break I ran into the same old crowd, and got sucked in.. this time even worse. They had started smoking crack some months back. My mentality was, well I quit coke just like that why would this be any different. Well you know the rest of the story... it was. Long story short, I maxed out a credit card, flunked out of school, and had to move back home and get a job.
Then of course, it just got worse. My dealer literally lived 1 block away. Every free second I had I thought about it. And every free (and not free) dollar I had I spent on it. But, miraculously one day I just didn't want to do it anymore. It didn't make me feel like it used to. It made me paranoid, I was having chest pains after every hit. I basically thought I was going to die. I genuinely could not smoke it anymore, and I quit just like I did coke. Cold turkey. Of course I did it off an on, but at this point I haven't done that in almost a year.
Here's where the fun starts though. In the summer of '07 I discovered the "joys" of opiates. It was all OC at first. Eventually I did my first bump of Heroin and then that opened up a whole new "life" into drugs. I started just once a week maybe, and then 3 times a week, and it has recently escalated in the last 4 or so months into every day.
I prefer to snort it, maybe that's because I faint when I see a needle and couldn't imagine sticking any needle in myself. On average I do only about a 40 OC a day, but I mainly use it to cut with the H. So I guess the combination is my DOC.
Recently a lot of things I have been coming to a head. I haven't had the money to support my daily habit. I've pulled scams, I've stolen, I've pawned things that were mine. Anything when I don't have the money myself.
I can genuinely say I hate my life. 2 months ago I seriously considered suicide and had a hand full of pills in my mouth before I spit them out. Every day I wake up I feel hopeless, sick, worried about the future, depressed as hell.
I guess I'm what you would call a "functioning" addict. I have my own Internet business, which isn't doing so well anymore but not bad and definitely recoup-able. Just school loans and stuff have started to come down on me hard, hence having no money. I'm still be responsible and paying them because my gma co-signed them and I HAVE to, no questions asked.
In reality I have a pretty good future if I just apply myself. I've always over-achieved even in the midst of doing a lot of drugs. My parents and brother really have NO idea about my lifestyle. They don't ask questions, and I don't tell them.
I have one person who is my best friend who I use with. I've known him since 9th grade and he's been through it all, all the stages, right along with me. I know it sounds stupid but he's the only one I have to turn to, that truly understand what I'm feeling. We've always been there for each other in good and bad times.
Long story short. I'm sick of my life. I'm sick of going around in circles, kicking one drug only to find another. I need help. I need the support of people who have been there done that.
It's been 4 days since the last time I used. Today I can finally raise my head off the pillow for something other than to run to the bathroom. I'm completely cold turkey. No subs, no benzos, no sleep aid, not even immodium (how little it works). All I have is a half empty bottle of Aleve, and no money for anything else.
Now to make matters worse one of my dealers just called me and said he could "hook me up".. I know I am going to do it.. It just sucks 4 days of pure pain for nothing though. It just sucks. I don't know where to go from here.
I feel lost lost, alone, and every other emotion accept anything that has to do with happiness. I'm at the end of my rope. I know I can't keep living like this, but I don't know how to stop. AA or NA or detox any rehab is not really an option. I have too many responsibilities with my work to be gone for a week, or 30 days or whatever.
I honestly dont even know why i wrote all this. I feel like nothings ever going to change. I've got to day 4 about 16 times now. I'm sick of this life. Its a living hell that I have no control over.
Anyway thanks for listening.. its a hella long post so i dont blame u if you didn't read it.
hopefully see you guys around,
Bryan
I've been sort of a lurker (guest) on this forum and have read some pretty awesomely supportive posts and advice here. Seems like a great place. THis is my first post here, and I didn't want to put it in the newcomers forum because I think this is where i belong.
I once said definitely i would never touch a drug. By the time i was a freshman in high I was smoking weed every day almost. The next thing I really experimented with was hallucinogens: paper, shrooms mainly.
By the end of 11th grade, me and my "best friend" since we in 5th started doing coke. He was rich and his parents were druggies too, so we literally had no limit. I mean, take 10k out of the safe without questions, no limit. So senior year I was doing coke almost everyday. The weird thing about that is I never got addicted it to it. I'm sure to some degree, but it was all fun and games as far as I was concerned.
When I graduated, I graduated with honors, and got a scholarship to a nice university and everything was cool. I didn't do any hard drugs from mid-summer to the end of my first semester in college. nothing. Of course, I smoked a little weed in college or whatever.
When I came back for break I ran into the same old crowd, and got sucked in.. this time even worse. They had started smoking crack some months back. My mentality was, well I quit coke just like that why would this be any different. Well you know the rest of the story... it was. Long story short, I maxed out a credit card, flunked out of school, and had to move back home and get a job.
Then of course, it just got worse. My dealer literally lived 1 block away. Every free second I had I thought about it. And every free (and not free) dollar I had I spent on it. But, miraculously one day I just didn't want to do it anymore. It didn't make me feel like it used to. It made me paranoid, I was having chest pains after every hit. I basically thought I was going to die. I genuinely could not smoke it anymore, and I quit just like I did coke. Cold turkey. Of course I did it off an on, but at this point I haven't done that in almost a year.
Here's where the fun starts though. In the summer of '07 I discovered the "joys" of opiates. It was all OC at first. Eventually I did my first bump of Heroin and then that opened up a whole new "life" into drugs. I started just once a week maybe, and then 3 times a week, and it has recently escalated in the last 4 or so months into every day.
I prefer to snort it, maybe that's because I faint when I see a needle and couldn't imagine sticking any needle in myself. On average I do only about a 40 OC a day, but I mainly use it to cut with the H. So I guess the combination is my DOC.
Recently a lot of things I have been coming to a head. I haven't had the money to support my daily habit. I've pulled scams, I've stolen, I've pawned things that were mine. Anything when I don't have the money myself.
I can genuinely say I hate my life. 2 months ago I seriously considered suicide and had a hand full of pills in my mouth before I spit them out. Every day I wake up I feel hopeless, sick, worried about the future, depressed as hell.
I guess I'm what you would call a "functioning" addict. I have my own Internet business, which isn't doing so well anymore but not bad and definitely recoup-able. Just school loans and stuff have started to come down on me hard, hence having no money. I'm still be responsible and paying them because my gma co-signed them and I HAVE to, no questions asked.
In reality I have a pretty good future if I just apply myself. I've always over-achieved even in the midst of doing a lot of drugs. My parents and brother really have NO idea about my lifestyle. They don't ask questions, and I don't tell them.
I have one person who is my best friend who I use with. I've known him since 9th grade and he's been through it all, all the stages, right along with me. I know it sounds stupid but he's the only one I have to turn to, that truly understand what I'm feeling. We've always been there for each other in good and bad times.
Long story short. I'm sick of my life. I'm sick of going around in circles, kicking one drug only to find another. I need help. I need the support of people who have been there done that.
It's been 4 days since the last time I used. Today I can finally raise my head off the pillow for something other than to run to the bathroom. I'm completely cold turkey. No subs, no benzos, no sleep aid, not even immodium (how little it works). All I have is a half empty bottle of Aleve, and no money for anything else.
Now to make matters worse one of my dealers just called me and said he could "hook me up".. I know I am going to do it.. It just sucks 4 days of pure pain for nothing though. It just sucks. I don't know where to go from here.
I feel lost lost, alone, and every other emotion accept anything that has to do with happiness. I'm at the end of my rope. I know I can't keep living like this, but I don't know how to stop. AA or NA or detox any rehab is not really an option. I have too many responsibilities with my work to be gone for a week, or 30 days or whatever.
I honestly dont even know why i wrote all this. I feel like nothings ever going to change. I've got to day 4 about 16 times now. I'm sick of this life. Its a living hell that I have no control over.
Anyway thanks for listening.. its a hella long post so i dont blame u if you didn't read it.
hopefully see you guys around,
Bryan
Struggling to deal with feelings
Long story short - my b/f and I broke up three years ago. He is an addict/alkie, but I was his: body, heart and soul.
With and without drugs, we had the best times and we just "fit" together. Let's just say, we have to be apart. It's the best thing for all concerned. He is the father of my child, will always be in my life and I will always love him.
Basically, I felt horrible, I wanted to die, but instead I drank and took painkillers for three years. Which I am now trying to stop. But it is really hurting. It is like we just broke up.
I can see myself coping with everyday life again, the stresses and stuff, but this emotional stuff from so long ago has just come up and smacked me so hard. I'm one second away from crying all the time.
Having the mentality of a two year old, I want someone to say something magical that is going to take all my pain away!!!
With and without drugs, we had the best times and we just "fit" together. Let's just say, we have to be apart. It's the best thing for all concerned. He is the father of my child, will always be in my life and I will always love him.
Basically, I felt horrible, I wanted to die, but instead I drank and took painkillers for three years. Which I am now trying to stop. But it is really hurting. It is like we just broke up.
I can see myself coping with everyday life again, the stresses and stuff, but this emotional stuff from so long ago has just come up and smacked me so hard. I'm one second away from crying all the time.
Having the mentality of a two year old, I want someone to say something magical that is going to take all my pain away!!!
Here I am
I thought I would just jump in to say hello. I don't have much to say, I'm not looking for a lot, I have been drinking. I do want to stop, I want to forget about the past and move on. I haven't been committed enough recently. I don't want to hide anymore either. I'm not in the worst of spots, my six months off really did help with my mentality with alcohol, but I am no fool. I've been lucky, and I know things could get bad for me. Besides, I don't want to drink anymore. I just don't feel good, it's just a bad mix for me. So here I am for now, sober and trying to get my spirits and momentum back up so I can try again.
alcoholic behavior?
I'm new to this so I was wondering what others have experieneced to a degree with their alcoholic associate.
in regards to lieing, manipulation, coldness, social behavior.
my Alcoholic associate, whenever we go out, she would call her friends to hang out with us. even to dinner, I tell her I like my alone time with her yet it doesnt effect her and she still does what she want.
she says im socially ignorant, I don't know how the world works. I have the mentality of a 15 year old.
*something happened recently with Associate and just decided to talk on here so I don't call or txt msg her and look desperate.
It's funny because I'm the one who is looking for help yet shes the one with the addiction.
in regards to lieing, manipulation, coldness, social behavior.
my Alcoholic associate, whenever we go out, she would call her friends to hang out with us. even to dinner, I tell her I like my alone time with her yet it doesnt effect her and she still does what she want.
she says im socially ignorant, I don't know how the world works. I have the mentality of a 15 year old.
*something happened recently with Associate and just decided to talk on here so I don't call or txt msg her and look desperate.
It's funny because I'm the one who is looking for help yet shes the one with the addiction.
Strange attitudes about money?
As someone who grew up in an alcoholic household where money was always in short supply (though alcohol never was.....you do the math) I recently realized that I have some strange attitudes about money, and people who have it.
Money's something my parents always complained they didn't have enough of, and yet anyone who DID have enough was stuck-up, snotty, self-centered, etc.
I was raised to know that if I ever turned into one of THOSE people, I would be seen as an outsider. So I've spent much of my life with my own self-imposed glass ceiling, sabotaging myself whenever it looked like I was going to be able to live comfortably.
Am I alone in this? Is it the alcohol, the poverty mentality, or both? Anybody live through this and overcome it?
t.i.a.
GL
Money's something my parents always complained they didn't have enough of, and yet anyone who DID have enough was stuck-up, snotty, self-centered, etc.
I was raised to know that if I ever turned into one of THOSE people, I would be seen as an outsider. So I've spent much of my life with my own self-imposed glass ceiling, sabotaging myself whenever it looked like I was going to be able to live comfortably.
Am I alone in this? Is it the alcohol, the poverty mentality, or both? Anybody live through this and overcome it?
t.i.a.
GL
Feeling empty..random thoughts
Hey all,
Last nite at work, my aide and I was sitting at the nurse's station and talking about the plans for her wedding next year. I felt very happy for her as we discussed her colors, dress, and all the specifics. I also shared with her what I wanted my colors to be and so on. It brought a smile to my face. But at the same time, I felt extremely sad and empty. I want to marry one of these days. Self pity again!! When will I ever get over this "woe is me" mentality? It has been about a week since the breakup with xabf. Peaceful for the most part.
I was thinking about my friends that i basically stopped contact with during my so called relationship. Any suggestions how I can start establishing a relationship with them, again? I feel compelled to apologize to them.
I can't believe how much I lost my identity in this relationship.
Thank you for listening.
Last nite at work, my aide and I was sitting at the nurse's station and talking about the plans for her wedding next year. I felt very happy for her as we discussed her colors, dress, and all the specifics. I also shared with her what I wanted my colors to be and so on. It brought a smile to my face. But at the same time, I felt extremely sad and empty. I want to marry one of these days. Self pity again!! When will I ever get over this "woe is me" mentality? It has been about a week since the breakup with xabf. Peaceful for the most part.
I was thinking about my friends that i basically stopped contact with during my so called relationship. Any suggestions how I can start establishing a relationship with them, again? I feel compelled to apologize to them.
I can't believe how much I lost my identity in this relationship.
Thank you for listening.
Trying again…
I can have terrific fun when I drink. I'm funny to others too, but sometimes I go into autopilot and become this terrible person. I get very annoying and just out of reach and I can't remember a thing when I wake up. People also sometimes laugh at that but for me it's dreadful not knowing what I did and said.
I have friends who say "you became the other person". Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Blackouts are indeed terrible!
WIthdrawals are also terrible. I become very socially anxious, can't write or do anything in front of other people when I have "hangovers". I think it's withdrawals coz it's different for me than my friends.
So I just lay for two-three days doing nothing until I can function again. Then I drink again the next weekend. And the next. And the next...
I've decided I can't drink. I live for it. It's been the highlight of my life for so many years. But I'm beginning to loose respect for myself and I can't help but wonder my life would be so much better without it. But I always go back to the old way of thinking. "Just this once, not tomorrow.." Sometimes I succeed, mostly not though.
Sometimes I drink succesfully, others I'm in a rage of some freakin' kind. And my reputation is suffering. I live in a small country, small community and we have a real drink mentality here. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I want something more out of life...I don't like what I've become.
Oh yeah, I just started a university education. I know if I keep drinking I'm not gonna succeed...
So I've decided to give it a go, once more. Starting on antabuse and hoping for the best :)
Wish me luck and pray for me please!:c017:
I have friends who say "you became the other person". Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Blackouts are indeed terrible!
WIthdrawals are also terrible. I become very socially anxious, can't write or do anything in front of other people when I have "hangovers". I think it's withdrawals coz it's different for me than my friends.
So I just lay for two-three days doing nothing until I can function again. Then I drink again the next weekend. And the next. And the next...
I've decided I can't drink. I live for it. It's been the highlight of my life for so many years. But I'm beginning to loose respect for myself and I can't help but wonder my life would be so much better without it. But I always go back to the old way of thinking. "Just this once, not tomorrow.." Sometimes I succeed, mostly not though.
Sometimes I drink succesfully, others I'm in a rage of some freakin' kind. And my reputation is suffering. I live in a small country, small community and we have a real drink mentality here. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I want something more out of life...I don't like what I've become.
Oh yeah, I just started a university education. I know if I keep drinking I'm not gonna succeed...
So I've decided to give it a go, once more. Starting on antabuse and hoping for the best :)
Wish me luck and pray for me please!:c017:
