Archive for the ‘Messes’ tag
Addict sister invading home
Hey, I need some advice/support or just an ear.
I am in recovery, have less than a year clean but I am getting there. Due to my addiction I lost my apartment and moved back home with my family (im 25). They let me come back on the condition that I was sober and would not use. I have stayed sober and haven't used. My sister is a crystal meth addict
and lives with her BF.
But sometimes she comes here, and my parents let her stay for as long as she wants. But she only comes here when she has no more drugs, money or food. She abuses everyone, swearing and insulting us, can't make noise while she sleeps for days on end, she makes huge messes, steals stuff, then my parents give her money, food and new clothes. She then feels better after 4 or 5 days of giving everyone abuse then leaves. The whole time she abusive, my parents treat her like a princess.
She does drugs here in the home and my parents know it and still allow her to stay. Needless to say, she jeapordizes my sobriety and she is treated WAY different than me. If I were to do what she does I would be homeless. I have been homeless because of being hard to get along with, but they let her stat no matter what kind of drug induced abuse she throws at people. It makes me resent her and my parents. They think they don't enable her but obviously they do, meanwhile they treat me with near no respect even though I do my best to be a good person. I cant take it anymore!!!!! This makes me so mad, frustratrated and the chaos is overwhelming.
I am in recovery, have less than a year clean but I am getting there. Due to my addiction I lost my apartment and moved back home with my family (im 25). They let me come back on the condition that I was sober and would not use. I have stayed sober and haven't used. My sister is a crystal meth addict
and lives with her BF.
But sometimes she comes here, and my parents let her stay for as long as she wants. But she only comes here when she has no more drugs, money or food. She abuses everyone, swearing and insulting us, can't make noise while she sleeps for days on end, she makes huge messes, steals stuff, then my parents give her money, food and new clothes. She then feels better after 4 or 5 days of giving everyone abuse then leaves. The whole time she abusive, my parents treat her like a princess.
She does drugs here in the home and my parents know it and still allow her to stay. Needless to say, she jeapordizes my sobriety and she is treated WAY different than me. If I were to do what she does I would be homeless. I have been homeless because of being hard to get along with, but they let her stat no matter what kind of drug induced abuse she throws at people. It makes me resent her and my parents. They think they don't enable her but obviously they do, meanwhile they treat me with near no respect even though I do my best to be a good person. I cant take it anymore!!!!! This makes me so mad, frustratrated and the chaos is overwhelming.
Life without the pills makes me ANXIOUS!
So I?ve been on Subutex now for about 4 months. Started in Sept ?08 at 24mgs Suboxone and switched to Subutex after 1 wk because the naltrexone in the subs made me very sick to my stomach and gave me migraines. I?ve gone down to 20 mgs Subutex and I?m now working on cutting to 16mgs, where I will stay for awhile on maintenance. I don?t want to be on the subs for longer than I have too, but long enough that I can learn how to live life drug free, w/o being tempted to pick up ? which the subs REALLY help me with. Here?s the thing though..... ANXIETY!
I?ve never had a huge problem with anxiety, but I do have a hx of panic attacks during life changing events and times of extreme stress. I?ve always been able to control it w/o the use of meds (well benzos for recreation) When I started on the opiates (which turned out to be a nasty 2 yr + habit of what went from about 15-30 5 mg percs a day to 40 or so 50mg tramadol a day) it was somewhat to get rid of new found RLS which I was self medicating, but also just to deal with everyday life. My fiance who has DDD - 3 herniated disks, sciatica the works-- was taking oxy?s and also became addicted when he began abusing the meds. He is now on subs too but may need to eventually do pain mngmt due to his back pain. I knew once I came off everything I would need to learn to deal with ?feeling? again, but it?s been so much harder than I thought! Tramadol is a tricky thing...it does bind ?weakly? to the opiate receptors (mind you I was taking enough to seize a horse) but is also a partial SNRI and messes with serotonin re-uptake. My sub doc rx?ed 75 mg Effexor which I started about 2 wks ago - so far I don?t notice a difference, but I know it has a cumulative effect.
Even with the subs, Tramadol w/d was the worst kick/ pain I have ever felt in my life (of course I?ve w/d and tapered many times from either not having enough pills or getting fed up, etc.) I am SO much happier not on the pills, but I CANNOT for the life of me get my anxiety in check. I bless the subs for the help they are giving me, but what to do about this constant fear that I am going to fail...let alone die? Even the smallest problem turns into a dilemma and of course snowballs into full blown panic and terror. I can be 15 mins late to work and suddenly the world is going to end - and I mean the whole deal. Tunnel vision, tight chest, cold sweats, pangs of terror, light headedness, shakiness...all of it. How do other ppl coming off opiates deal with anxiety....w/o reaching for a handful of pills? I feel like I?ve been given the chance to learn the tools, but I just don?t think I will ever get there - will it ALWAYS be like this??? I don't want to feel like I'm going to have a heart attack each morning when I wake up anymore! I want to smile at the man I love and really be as happy as he makes me!!!
I?ve never had a huge problem with anxiety, but I do have a hx of panic attacks during life changing events and times of extreme stress. I?ve always been able to control it w/o the use of meds (well benzos for recreation) When I started on the opiates (which turned out to be a nasty 2 yr + habit of what went from about 15-30 5 mg percs a day to 40 or so 50mg tramadol a day) it was somewhat to get rid of new found RLS which I was self medicating, but also just to deal with everyday life. My fiance who has DDD - 3 herniated disks, sciatica the works-- was taking oxy?s and also became addicted when he began abusing the meds. He is now on subs too but may need to eventually do pain mngmt due to his back pain. I knew once I came off everything I would need to learn to deal with ?feeling? again, but it?s been so much harder than I thought! Tramadol is a tricky thing...it does bind ?weakly? to the opiate receptors (mind you I was taking enough to seize a horse) but is also a partial SNRI and messes with serotonin re-uptake. My sub doc rx?ed 75 mg Effexor which I started about 2 wks ago - so far I don?t notice a difference, but I know it has a cumulative effect.
Even with the subs, Tramadol w/d was the worst kick/ pain I have ever felt in my life (of course I?ve w/d and tapered many times from either not having enough pills or getting fed up, etc.) I am SO much happier not on the pills, but I CANNOT for the life of me get my anxiety in check. I bless the subs for the help they are giving me, but what to do about this constant fear that I am going to fail...let alone die? Even the smallest problem turns into a dilemma and of course snowballs into full blown panic and terror. I can be 15 mins late to work and suddenly the world is going to end - and I mean the whole deal. Tunnel vision, tight chest, cold sweats, pangs of terror, light headedness, shakiness...all of it. How do other ppl coming off opiates deal with anxiety....w/o reaching for a handful of pills? I feel like I?ve been given the chance to learn the tools, but I just don?t think I will ever get there - will it ALWAYS be like this??? I don't want to feel like I'm going to have a heart attack each morning when I wake up anymore! I want to smile at the man I love and really be as happy as he makes me!!!
my mind is playing tricks on me….
Sober four months today!!! YAY! Almost every night since right before thanksgiving i have some sort of stressfull dream where I drink..just a little. Last night It was a shot of whiskey and in my dream I was thinking " you will regret this " than of course I did and thought way to go looser four months down the drain...I wake up feeling weird...like all throughout the day I think " that WAS just a dream right? No way did I like black out going to some bar in the middle of the night and do one shot and come home and crawl into bed and wake up and wonder? I was a total blackout drinker and my past and all the what if's still haunt me...:a043:But it never fails..every single dream messes with my mind...messes with me good energy..makes me feel kinda weird and almost guilty and depressed..like even as I type this I know it was just a dream but why do I still feel so weird about it like it actually happened? anyone else have this happen?
sober period
Hey, I'm new to this forum.
I've had alcohol issues for some years now. I always drink friday, saturday and sunday, pretty much binge drinking, going on from the point where I wake up, untill I fall asleep. Then I will usually have a day in the middle of the week where I drink as well.
I manage to get through what I have to do so far, when it comes to school and stuff (I'm 21). But of course it's becoming a problem, otherwise I wouldn't have written here.
Like the other day I was very hungover on a monday, so I thought, the only way to get me through the day would be to take a drink. (I had a bottle of whiskey). Only, I ended up drinking the entire bottle throughout the day. I was hungover for days after that.
It was not the first time something like that happened.
Of course nobody knows about this stuff, and I feel ashamed of it and always promise myself that it won't happen again, wich it does, sooner or later.
Like I said, I have realised that it's becoming a problem, it really messes up my life. I can't focus on school properly because I'm tired or hungover so much of the time. I allso have panic-attacks and they become worse when I drink.
I was thinking that I would have a long sober period now, to get myself back together. I haven't had anything to drink in almost a week now, wich is a lot to me.
Anyway, I have nobody to talk to about this, so I just wanted to vent.
I've had alcohol issues for some years now. I always drink friday, saturday and sunday, pretty much binge drinking, going on from the point where I wake up, untill I fall asleep. Then I will usually have a day in the middle of the week where I drink as well.
I manage to get through what I have to do so far, when it comes to school and stuff (I'm 21). But of course it's becoming a problem, otherwise I wouldn't have written here.
Like the other day I was very hungover on a monday, so I thought, the only way to get me through the day would be to take a drink. (I had a bottle of whiskey). Only, I ended up drinking the entire bottle throughout the day. I was hungover for days after that.
It was not the first time something like that happened.
Of course nobody knows about this stuff, and I feel ashamed of it and always promise myself that it won't happen again, wich it does, sooner or later.
Like I said, I have realised that it's becoming a problem, it really messes up my life. I can't focus on school properly because I'm tired or hungover so much of the time. I allso have panic-attacks and they become worse when I drink.
I was thinking that I would have a long sober period now, to get myself back together. I haven't had anything to drink in almost a week now, wich is a lot to me.
Anyway, I have nobody to talk to about this, so I just wanted to vent.
My lack of worry is starting to worry me
My AD called me thursday from the HIV clinic. She had been waiting for almost 3 hours and was looking for any excuse to leave and go get some crack down the block from there. She asked if I would please take her to her appointments like I used to, because she knows she won't leave then. I said I would think about it, and told her how much it messes up my head to see her the way she looks and lives now, so I'm not really kean on taking her.
She left her last appointment before ever seeing the doctors or nurse, so she really needed to stay for this one; she had not been taking her current meds consistently and I know what that means, and I wonder if she's even got any meds left. She also of course told me she is constantly vomitting (so what else is new? She knows that's what happens when she messes around with her meds and her viral load goes up. )
Her phone died (also nothing new) and I never got to find out what happened, or whether she stayed for the appointment, or what her 'numbers' are (T4 & viral load), etc.
So I'm noticing that I am pretty OK with it - in spite of the fact that my doctor who I saw this week reinforced to me that my AD is "probably going to die if she doesn't get clean very soon" (which I wonder what he thought was the point of telling me that).
So now, at almost 4 am, I am starting to wonder if my failure to freak out is somehow going to jinx things, and I'll be broadsided by another crisis or some really bad news.... You guys know what I mean? As if worry were some majic charm that wards off actual worrisome events in the real world. Superstition. Or maybe I'm just not used to be in this detached state of mind.... :codiepolice
She left her last appointment before ever seeing the doctors or nurse, so she really needed to stay for this one; she had not been taking her current meds consistently and I know what that means, and I wonder if she's even got any meds left. She also of course told me she is constantly vomitting (so what else is new? She knows that's what happens when she messes around with her meds and her viral load goes up. )
Her phone died (also nothing new) and I never got to find out what happened, or whether she stayed for the appointment, or what her 'numbers' are (T4 & viral load), etc.
So I'm noticing that I am pretty OK with it - in spite of the fact that my doctor who I saw this week reinforced to me that my AD is "probably going to die if she doesn't get clean very soon" (which I wonder what he thought was the point of telling me that).
So now, at almost 4 am, I am starting to wonder if my failure to freak out is somehow going to jinx things, and I'll be broadsided by another crisis or some really bad news.... You guys know what I mean? As if worry were some majic charm that wards off actual worrisome events in the real world. Superstition. Or maybe I'm just not used to be in this detached state of mind.... :codiepolice
hello
hi. im samii. i was wondering how much is too much? i have recently asked to see someone about alchohol intake. but i feel i may just be making a fuss. basically i have some mental health problems and am not allowed to start psychotherapy until i stop drinking so wanted some help.
basically, i have drunk heavilly but not every night for three years. then for the last 9 months i have drunk every night bare very few. id say 6 drinks a night, but have just polished off a bottle of vodca and a bottle of wine in three days so sometimes it is higher. also sometimes use valium or the equivilent, or paracetamol along with alcohol.
i just feel i should be able to help myself but i have tried to cut down and it has not helped. drinking messes my head up and makes me low and more likely to self harm or worse, v suicidal at times. and my meds (depression) wont work while drinking... but i still dont wanna stop because i feel drinking is the only thing i look forward to. but the sensible side of me sees this is a problem. im stuck. am i making a fuss over nothing? its not like im drinking all day every day. its just evenings and it varies in intensity. was it ok for me to have sought help or am i being dramatic? sorry loads of unnecessary info there and lots of questions. just needed to vent. everything is so weird at the moment. thanks for listening
basically, i have drunk heavilly but not every night for three years. then for the last 9 months i have drunk every night bare very few. id say 6 drinks a night, but have just polished off a bottle of vodca and a bottle of wine in three days so sometimes it is higher. also sometimes use valium or the equivilent, or paracetamol along with alcohol.
i just feel i should be able to help myself but i have tried to cut down and it has not helped. drinking messes my head up and makes me low and more likely to self harm or worse, v suicidal at times. and my meds (depression) wont work while drinking... but i still dont wanna stop because i feel drinking is the only thing i look forward to. but the sensible side of me sees this is a problem. im stuck. am i making a fuss over nothing? its not like im drinking all day every day. its just evenings and it varies in intensity. was it ok for me to have sought help or am i being dramatic? sorry loads of unnecessary info there and lots of questions. just needed to vent. everything is so weird at the moment. thanks for listening
New here, Tired of drinking.
Sometimes I try to look inside from the outside. If that makes any sense. When I do I see that I do have a drinking problem. I am always drinking. I try to tell myself that I drink because I'm bored and drinking to make life fun but truth be told I have a problem. I drink because I'm a drunk and reallyh doing this to mask my depression. I was a big drug head in college, I did it all....a lot of it all....pot, shrooms, pills, meth, coke. I havent done drugs in 2 years. I don't think my drug past has anything to do with my current problem but I mention it because I was always an "enhancement smoker". I'm happy to be off the drugs but I feel like I am an "enhancement drinker". I traded one devil for the next.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm on this forum or what I expect to get from this. My old roomate came here with his drinking issues and he said it was very helpful.
In the last 2 years I have gone to bed sober maybe 15 times. I drink everyday. From the minute I get home from work until I fall asleep. Beer usually dosent cut it but if I'm drinking beer, i'll drink 20 without thinking twice. My drink is cheap bourban, I'll drink a fifth a night....and want more It seems like alot but anymore I don't even count the drinks.
I work 8-5 in a cube, I find that sometime in the afternoon around 3 or so I just think about the booze in my fridge or what happy hour I'm going to hit.
This messes with my work life, I'm always late and hungover at work. I drink cheap booze but I drink enough that I'd like to not spend so much money.
I've tried taking days off but then I just can't sleep so I wind up drink 6-7 nightcaps so I can sleep.
I've looked into AA but I don't think its for me. They meet 1.8 miles from my apartment and have 3 meetings a day. I've read through the 12 steps and to many of them involve god. I'm an agnostic so I don't see how I could take the steps seriously. I would hope they would help me anyways, I just can't quite get myself to go. I don't want to stand in front of strangers and talk about this stuff. I guess thats why I'm here.
I wish I could just drink on the weekends with my friends, thats what normal people do. I would be happy if I could just drink socially and stop being a drunk. Is this possible?
I'm not exactly sure why I'm on this forum or what I expect to get from this. My old roomate came here with his drinking issues and he said it was very helpful.
In the last 2 years I have gone to bed sober maybe 15 times. I drink everyday. From the minute I get home from work until I fall asleep. Beer usually dosent cut it but if I'm drinking beer, i'll drink 20 without thinking twice. My drink is cheap bourban, I'll drink a fifth a night....and want more It seems like alot but anymore I don't even count the drinks.
I work 8-5 in a cube, I find that sometime in the afternoon around 3 or so I just think about the booze in my fridge or what happy hour I'm going to hit.
This messes with my work life, I'm always late and hungover at work. I drink cheap booze but I drink enough that I'd like to not spend so much money.
I've tried taking days off but then I just can't sleep so I wind up drink 6-7 nightcaps so I can sleep.
I've looked into AA but I don't think its for me. They meet 1.8 miles from my apartment and have 3 meetings a day. I've read through the 12 steps and to many of them involve god. I'm an agnostic so I don't see how I could take the steps seriously. I would hope they would help me anyways, I just can't quite get myself to go. I don't want to stand in front of strangers and talk about this stuff. I guess thats why I'm here.
I wish I could just drink on the weekends with my friends, thats what normal people do. I would be happy if I could just drink socially and stop being a drunk. Is this possible?
I don’t know what to do.
I have my own struggles in staying sober but I'm on the road to recovery. One of the things that I have to do is stay away from my family members because every time I visit my family, I have an uncle who continuously tries to get me pulled into a relapse.
So I have been avoiding family.
Also, my mom has been on a week long drug binge and I can't bear to watch it. So I recently decided not to visit for a while for my own well being. It is breaking me inside watching my mom destroy herself.
But 30 minutes ago, my mom called me freaking out (I can tell by her shaky voice that she was using for the last few days) and she wants me to drive 30 miles to the families house to take her to the doctor to get her blood pressure medicine. However, that is putting me back in a dangerous environment and not only that, but it messes with my own emotional health by being around the family.
However, I feel very selfish and like a bad daughter if I don't go but I am wondering how she was able to stay drugged up all week and is now unable to get to a doctor when she needs to go.
I can't be around my family without risking my own recovery but I feel like such a horrible person for not going. I mean, this is my mom. :( I don't know what to do.
So I have been avoiding family.
Also, my mom has been on a week long drug binge and I can't bear to watch it. So I recently decided not to visit for a while for my own well being. It is breaking me inside watching my mom destroy herself.
But 30 minutes ago, my mom called me freaking out (I can tell by her shaky voice that she was using for the last few days) and she wants me to drive 30 miles to the families house to take her to the doctor to get her blood pressure medicine. However, that is putting me back in a dangerous environment and not only that, but it messes with my own emotional health by being around the family.
However, I feel very selfish and like a bad daughter if I don't go but I am wondering how she was able to stay drugged up all week and is now unable to get to a doctor when she needs to go.
I can't be around my family without risking my own recovery but I feel like such a horrible person for not going. I mean, this is my mom. :( I don't know what to do.
Is it crazy to divorce but still allow possibility of reconciliation?
I am in the process of divorcing AH--papers not filed yet, but lawyer hired. He's stopped drinking and has told me that he wants to work on his recovery but needs to know that the possibility of reconciliation with me exists. I always told him, when he was drinking, that if he could get and stay sober for a year and be involved in a recovery program that I would consider reconciling. Now that he's not drinking, he seems to be clinging to that possibility for dear life. He seems to accept that he can not change my mind on the divorce, but right now, it's like he's telling himself that it's really just a separation because he's going to do all the right things and we'll be back together again in a year's time. I don't mind this really, because I do want him back if he does live up to his promises, but on the other hand, I feel kind of like a fool sometimes for not just cutting the cord more fully--I mean, soon he will be my ex legally. I do feel good knowing that if he messes up this time, it will be much easier to be rid of him because I'll no longer be legally bound to him, and not being legally bound to his financial problems will be nice too. I guess my question is, is it OK for me to give him this hope, or is that maybe an impediment to his recovery? He's stated before that he feels as addicted to me as he is to booze. Someone replied to an old thread of mine once that you don't have to be married to someone to be supportive of their recovery, and that you could always reconcile down the line if the AH turns it around, and I suppose that's the path I'm taking. It just feels weird to be divorcing someone, yet also agreeing with them that all hope is not lost for the relationship.
Vent re: anger and disgust toward my A
My AH is out of the house for a week now. I set the boundaries, he busted them by drinking and becoming violent, I enforced the boundaries, and he is out of the house. He has made a few attempts in the past week to manipulate me, but I have been unwavering in my demands that he go to AA, get a sponsor and work a program before I will even consider anything. I have been completely unsympathetic to his plight (he has been living at the homeless shelter due to no friends - only drug contacts). His mother, on the other hand, is the consummate enabler. He has been lying to her, manipulating her, and using her all his life. I firmly believe her enabling was a significant contributing factor leading to his multiple incarcerations. And now she is doing it again! He is a grown man, for crying out loud! Let him live with his own messes. She has been bringing him to her house in the afternoons because, poor him, he has no place to go during the day, he has to walk around all day. SO THE HECK WHAT!!! HE CHOSE THIS. LET HIM WALK HIS BUTT DOWN TO THE AA MEETING!!!! She is letting him stay at her house tonight, and is probably going to ultimately let him move into her house. I am so mad and so disgusted!!!! At her....at him. How shameless and selfish can you be to use and manipulate your own mother for your own selfish comfort!!! You made the choices that put you in a homeless shelter, LIVE WITH IT!!!! DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE BETTER!!!! DON'T USE SOMEBODY, MUCH LESS YOUR OWN MOTHER!!!! I know she is "letting" him use her, but for love of freaking God, HAVE YOU NO SHAME???? Just who is this man I married?? I am angry. I am completely disgusted. If I could, I would rip his throat out with my bare hands, that is how angry I am!!! (This is an example of my inability to deal with these feelings)(take heart, I have as of yet taken no actions and spoken no words) He has completely destroyed whatever respect I ever had for him. How does a person deal with having these feelings toward another person? Toward my own spouse, who I knew to the depths of my soul that I loved with all my heart???? At this point, he repulses me!! I am completely and utterly disgusted, and I just don't know how to process/work through these feelings. I cannot get stuck here!
I know that all of you have been through so much, no doubt this included. Please lend me your wisdom, experience, and advice. I could use more to mentally chew on right now than these despicable emotions and rage that are dominating my thoughts at this time.
Much thanks!
I know that all of you have been through so much, no doubt this included. Please lend me your wisdom, experience, and advice. I could use more to mentally chew on right now than these despicable emotions and rage that are dominating my thoughts at this time.
Much thanks!
