Archive for the ‘Met’ tag
Am I in over My Head? I am lost a little…
I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
My boyfriend just relapsed. Am I handling this correctly?
I will try to keep this short as it has the potential to be very LONG. I have no experience with alcoholism in all my life until I met this man. I am 22 and he is 26. After kissing millions of frogs I finally found my prince. When I got with him I was very aware of his past with alcohol. He was two years sober.
Recently we began having problems, arguing and such. He started drinking, again. Doing coke, again. I will not sleep with him because I'm a virgin, and that is the cause of most of our fights. Now that he's drinking I am DEFINITELY not sleeping with him and I told him that. It is a devestation that no words exsist to describe. I have no idea what to do, no idea what to say, I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. He is deeply, deeply depressed and is on medication which was controlling it. I tell him that drinking while taking the medication is extremely dangerous as the medication alone is already messing with the chemicals in his brain. Throw drinks and coke in there and... it's painful to even think about it. I have cried myself to sleep and literally made myself sick over this. It is the worst feeling of absolute isolation and helplessness. He is not in denial. He is very aware of what he is doing and how it is effecting me and himself. He just can't stop. He is not an angry drunk, in fact, all he really does is get wasted, come home and pass out. It's almost like he is the same man, just sillier. He is not verbally abusive to me when he is drunk, nor physically.
For the most part I have been by his side at all times because he never used to drink while I was with him. For a while that was enough and he once went an entire five days without a drink. I thought I was seeing progress. Then he started to ask if he could take me home (I don't have a car). Whenever he asks to take me home I know it's because he wants to get drunk and doesn't want me to see him that way as I am a crying, hysterical mess every time I do. For the most part when he asks me to leave I refuse to go because in the past my presence has kept him from drinking, but that is obviously no longer the case. Over the last few days he has been sneaking out and getting drunk in his car while I was asleep and I would wake up to him wasted/passed out. This was my last straw, it is too hearwrenching. I cried/screamed at him, threw out all of his beer, told him to never talk to me again and stormed out. After a long night of googling I've come to the realization that these are the three absolute worst things one can do to an alcoholic. They were right. Last night he was worse then I've ever seen him.
I just have a few questions and I would apprechiate any answers, please.
1) When he first started drinking again he brought his old AA books over to my place and was reading them, he even said to me that he was thinking about going back to AA meetings. Was this the point that I should have really pushed him? Or is his just mentioning going to AA in jest not enough? Everything I've read has told me that he has to make the phone call on his own, make the decision on his own, take action on his own, but if he is reading AA books and talking about AA meetings isn't that a cry for help? Should I not have taken action just because HE wasn't the one making the call? This was all weeks ago. Am I too late? I will always agonize over not taking his keys the moment he said this and dragging him out to the car for the meeting. All I did was say, "You absolutely should go back to meetings. I'll go with you". He said that he likes the all male meetings, so I couldn't go. That was it. :(
2) I broke up with him even though he told me that was the one thing that would make everything worse, but I don't know what else to do. I told him that I cannot see him outside of work anymore (we work together) but that he was welcome to call me whenever he needed to and if he was ready to get sober I would be behind him 100%. Am I going about this correctly? Should I not even let him call me on the phone? I can't see him anymore as it is agony and I know I have to take care of myself but cutting off all contact COMPLETELY seems like abandonment. Plus, I kind of need to hear his voice everyday to calm the anxiety I feel for him every other second. To make sure he's alive, and not overdosing in a ditch somewhere.
All of the articles I've read say that in a relationship with an alcoholic it is important to leave them as they will never need to help themselves if they are having everything handed to them, but that seems so broad. What do they mean by leaving them? Do they mean dissapear from their lives completely i.e no phone calls, no interaction, no nothing? Or just set minimal boundaries, as I have?
I have no ******* idea what to do. No idea. I'm in agony. Please help.
Recently we began having problems, arguing and such. He started drinking, again. Doing coke, again. I will not sleep with him because I'm a virgin, and that is the cause of most of our fights. Now that he's drinking I am DEFINITELY not sleeping with him and I told him that. It is a devestation that no words exsist to describe. I have no idea what to do, no idea what to say, I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. He is deeply, deeply depressed and is on medication which was controlling it. I tell him that drinking while taking the medication is extremely dangerous as the medication alone is already messing with the chemicals in his brain. Throw drinks and coke in there and... it's painful to even think about it. I have cried myself to sleep and literally made myself sick over this. It is the worst feeling of absolute isolation and helplessness. He is not in denial. He is very aware of what he is doing and how it is effecting me and himself. He just can't stop. He is not an angry drunk, in fact, all he really does is get wasted, come home and pass out. It's almost like he is the same man, just sillier. He is not verbally abusive to me when he is drunk, nor physically.
For the most part I have been by his side at all times because he never used to drink while I was with him. For a while that was enough and he once went an entire five days without a drink. I thought I was seeing progress. Then he started to ask if he could take me home (I don't have a car). Whenever he asks to take me home I know it's because he wants to get drunk and doesn't want me to see him that way as I am a crying, hysterical mess every time I do. For the most part when he asks me to leave I refuse to go because in the past my presence has kept him from drinking, but that is obviously no longer the case. Over the last few days he has been sneaking out and getting drunk in his car while I was asleep and I would wake up to him wasted/passed out. This was my last straw, it is too hearwrenching. I cried/screamed at him, threw out all of his beer, told him to never talk to me again and stormed out. After a long night of googling I've come to the realization that these are the three absolute worst things one can do to an alcoholic. They were right. Last night he was worse then I've ever seen him.
I just have a few questions and I would apprechiate any answers, please.
1) When he first started drinking again he brought his old AA books over to my place and was reading them, he even said to me that he was thinking about going back to AA meetings. Was this the point that I should have really pushed him? Or is his just mentioning going to AA in jest not enough? Everything I've read has told me that he has to make the phone call on his own, make the decision on his own, take action on his own, but if he is reading AA books and talking about AA meetings isn't that a cry for help? Should I not have taken action just because HE wasn't the one making the call? This was all weeks ago. Am I too late? I will always agonize over not taking his keys the moment he said this and dragging him out to the car for the meeting. All I did was say, "You absolutely should go back to meetings. I'll go with you". He said that he likes the all male meetings, so I couldn't go. That was it. :(
2) I broke up with him even though he told me that was the one thing that would make everything worse, but I don't know what else to do. I told him that I cannot see him outside of work anymore (we work together) but that he was welcome to call me whenever he needed to and if he was ready to get sober I would be behind him 100%. Am I going about this correctly? Should I not even let him call me on the phone? I can't see him anymore as it is agony and I know I have to take care of myself but cutting off all contact COMPLETELY seems like abandonment. Plus, I kind of need to hear his voice everyday to calm the anxiety I feel for him every other second. To make sure he's alive, and not overdosing in a ditch somewhere.
All of the articles I've read say that in a relationship with an alcoholic it is important to leave them as they will never need to help themselves if they are having everything handed to them, but that seems so broad. What do they mean by leaving them? Do they mean dissapear from their lives completely i.e no phone calls, no interaction, no nothing? Or just set minimal boundaries, as I have?
I have no ******* idea what to do. No idea. I'm in agony. Please help.
I just want to say…..
Here it is. A new year. A new beginning so to speak. Resolutions are good and all. But for me. A new year is like wiping the slate clean. I always feel so much more hopeful at the turn of a year.
Even though any day is the best day to give yourself another chance. And everyday theres always hope.
A new year just seems a little more like a newer beginning.
2007 was the worst year I have ever had in my addiction. For the first time in a 20 year addiction. I almost lost all hope, the will to even try, my life at my own hand.
2008 wasnt perfect. But it was so much better. I can say I had alot more high points than low ones.
And by high points I mean good moments in life.
I have learned so much in the time I have been here at SR.
I have learned alot about myself, my addiction, my recovery, and compassion for others.
I have learned that it is possible to heal.
But most of all I learned that perfect strangers can and will stand by someone in need no matter what.
I have shared my ugliest and my best here with all of you.
And everytime...I found support, understanding, forgiving, love, tough love..unconditional acceptance from people who have never met me face to face.
And alot of times even others here that are going through so much themselves, Always take the time to show they care.
Finding this site is one of the best things that could ever have happened to me.
You all have helped me grow. You have helped me want to keep fighting.
None of you will ever really know how much every one of you mean to me. From the newcomer who reminds me where I came from. To the oldtimers who remind me what it is that I am fighting for.
And everyone in between who reminds me this is a process and we arent perfect.
Thank you all of you. I have never been so serious as I am right now when I say.
You are my family. I care a whole lot about you. And I literally owe my life to you.
Thanks for being here and always having my back.
I know I am a tough person to deal with sometimes. Not as much as I was when I first came here. LOL..I am sure some of you can remember what that was like.
But you accepted me with open arms and always forgave.
And this is not only with me I see this happen with. It is everyone who comes here.
This place really is amazing.
Happy New Year everyone.
Heres to new beginnings and another year of winning this fight.
Even though any day is the best day to give yourself another chance. And everyday theres always hope.
A new year just seems a little more like a newer beginning.
2007 was the worst year I have ever had in my addiction. For the first time in a 20 year addiction. I almost lost all hope, the will to even try, my life at my own hand.
2008 wasnt perfect. But it was so much better. I can say I had alot more high points than low ones.
And by high points I mean good moments in life.
I have learned so much in the time I have been here at SR.
I have learned alot about myself, my addiction, my recovery, and compassion for others.
I have learned that it is possible to heal.
But most of all I learned that perfect strangers can and will stand by someone in need no matter what.
I have shared my ugliest and my best here with all of you.
And everytime...I found support, understanding, forgiving, love, tough love..unconditional acceptance from people who have never met me face to face.
And alot of times even others here that are going through so much themselves, Always take the time to show they care.
Finding this site is one of the best things that could ever have happened to me.
You all have helped me grow. You have helped me want to keep fighting.
None of you will ever really know how much every one of you mean to me. From the newcomer who reminds me where I came from. To the oldtimers who remind me what it is that I am fighting for.
And everyone in between who reminds me this is a process and we arent perfect.
Thank you all of you. I have never been so serious as I am right now when I say.
You are my family. I care a whole lot about you. And I literally owe my life to you.
Thanks for being here and always having my back.
I know I am a tough person to deal with sometimes. Not as much as I was when I first came here. LOL..I am sure some of you can remember what that was like.
But you accepted me with open arms and always forgave.
And this is not only with me I see this happen with. It is everyone who comes here.
This place really is amazing.
Happy New Year everyone.
Heres to new beginnings and another year of winning this fight.
A Christmas Tale And A Wish For You
With all my heart I hope your dreams are met and goals fulfilled this holiday season and in the new year...
Guess i was just as addicted as he was!
Hello too all..this forum has helped me SOOOO much! So thankful i found you guys. I have lived with an alcholic..weed addicted..porn addicted boyfriend for the past four years!! His many addictions i would take so personal..it was chocking the life out of me!! I have been chocked by him when he was angry with me..this was during a few months sobriety..he was just as horrible when not drinking!!! No..i would say..WORSE!!! My daughter and son lived with us as well as his daughter on the weekends. I met him when i was32...he was 41! i wanted to help him quit drinking so desperatly..he had a problem with alchol since the age of 13..i didnt realize how much alchol had a strong hold on him!! I thought i was strong enough..i can help fix him!!! How blind and foolish can you get! So..with encouragement from me..he made an attempt to quit..for about 8 months..but oohh the anger and rage..it broke my heart..and the kids as well.(my daughter was 6..my son13, his daughter 11). His addiction to porn was horrible during this time..always leering at women..making sexual comments..couldnt focus during conversations if an attractive woman passed by..would practially veer off the road just too stare..would send me out to the store or on an errand so that he could be alone with the internet..I tried to tell myself lets get passed the alchol addiction first..it tore at my self esteem..made me feel invisable..was so hard. His family said i was the best think to happen to him..they felt like with me by his side he would be ready to give up the alchol addiction. He never attempted to lay it aside at any other time they could remembereven though thats what they had prayed and longed for..HIS SOBRIETY!!! When angry he would say..how can you complain..look what ive given up for YOU!!!! I realize it has too truley be what he wants for himself!! Im sure he will see that one day..it really cant be us wanting it for them..not with any addiction! anyways..i would take a shower in the morning and walk into the room to him masterbating..taking care of his own business i guess..and was so caught up in porn..he couldnt keep an erection without it!!! I was attractive..all his friends commented about how lucky he was too have me in his life..i enjoyed sex..and wasnt being satisfied by him due to his porn addiction. He would want me too watch it with him..i just couldnt do it! Didnt enjoy it because i already know the affect and hold it had on him!! He was much more satisfied with the high from porn than real contact with a real woman!! I was so foolish to have stayed so long in misery..but i was so in love with his mom and dad who cared for me and showered me with love and kindness like i had never known..and i came to love his daughter as my own!! aND she felt the same toward me. He had 3 failed marriages due to alchol...so its no suprise we ended up not making it..He replaced alchol with weed after the eight months sobriety...and i knew it wouldnt be long before alchol became a part of the picture again! One night i tried to talk to him about the porn and weed..told him i cant live this way..was causing me too much hurt to live this way..he became angry..came towards me..and punched me in the face! I FELT blood run down my face..our daughters stepped in the room..they looked so afraid...i was in shock that he would do something so horrible. But now i look back..it was bound to happen sooner or later. It started out with pushing me around..then holding me against the wall..chocking me several times...now why should this be any different!!! I left him within a few days..i let his daughter know i was leaving..left his mom a good bye letter!! i grieved the loss of failing his family because they had so many hopes tied up in him finally settling down and being sober and happy!!! HE started calling me and appoligizing..promising he had seen the light..this will never happen again..he knew he had to change..blah blah blah...i bought into it..(oohh how niave i was)...went back a couple weeks later...within a month he was drinking..smoking dope..and looking at porn at work instead of home!!! I stayed a few more years of him being smoked up..drunk and making promises of a better tommorow! That hope for a better life with him never came. His daughter and i were so close..she was and is very precious to me!!! As well as his mom and dad..though i miss them..i realized i need to take care of me and my sanity so that my daughter and son have me present with them. That wasnt living..THAT WAS SLOWLY DYING!!! I have too much love and care and heart to let someone rob it from me!!! I was just wasting it on the wrong person!! i care for him..i have love for him..and yes it still hurts..but i will survive..HEY..if i can survive the hell ive went thru for the past four years..I CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING!!! wE CANT SET THEM FREE..They are sick..not hopeless..but sick none the less!!! hes got to get to were i am on his own..sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! people tried too tell me..WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM!! You can do better..what are you thinking?????? But it didnt matter what they saw and what they wanted for me..i had to wake up to it all myself!!! And thank god i did!! Never knew i could be so hurt and feel such hopelessness and shame..for sOOO long..but ive learned the hard way!! You know what..so must he!!! Now its time to take care of me!!! Thanks too you guys..im getting stronger by the day!!! Bless you all...and..MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
The Bike Ride
Hey all... just read this and although the book I read it in was not a recovery book (and they did not have an author posted), this fits into my recovery so nicely... and it sounds an awful lot like something Dr. Paul O. would say (the author of "Acceptance Was the Answer" in the back of the Big Book, as well as "There's More to Quitting Drinking than Quitting Drinking" and "You Can't Make Me Angry:"
The Bike Ride
At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.
But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places (my emphasis), but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.
And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my Higher Power.
And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"
Paraphrased from the book "The Soul Purpose" by Dr. M.T. Morter
The Bike Ride
At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.
But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places (my emphasis), but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.
And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my Higher Power.
And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"
Paraphrased from the book "The Soul Purpose" by Dr. M.T. Morter
Fill him in or let it go?
Met ABF back several months back - he was sober at the time - we dated, not serious, fell out of touch. during that time he started drinking - when I came back into the picture he was in a bad way for well over a month....was not at all the person I knew from months prior......during that time, I was mostly around as a friend....and he is now almost 2 months sober.
He recalls very little of the time he was drinking......just a vague recollection of bits and pieces of things from about a 6 week period....nothing is complete or in order, and HUGE chunks are missing.
During this time, he said some really sweet things, but also said and did some disturbing things. And told some whopper lies. Lots of them.
Sometimes now when we talk something he said/did during that time comes up and he seems shocked that he said/did these things. And mostly, in comparison, they are the minor things. He will initially ask - did that really happen? But he knows I am telling the truth.
So....question now is....do I tell him some of the more disturbing things he said/did.....so he realizes exactly how bad he was (and how much I went through sticking by his side).....or do I just keep it to myself. Would it benefit him in any way to know? I personally don't feel the need to dump it on him, I took it for what it was then and can easily let it go on my end...but I do wonder if it would be beneficial to him....or do more harm than good?
He recalls very little of the time he was drinking......just a vague recollection of bits and pieces of things from about a 6 week period....nothing is complete or in order, and HUGE chunks are missing.
During this time, he said some really sweet things, but also said and did some disturbing things. And told some whopper lies. Lots of them.
Sometimes now when we talk something he said/did during that time comes up and he seems shocked that he said/did these things. And mostly, in comparison, they are the minor things. He will initially ask - did that really happen? But he knows I am telling the truth.
So....question now is....do I tell him some of the more disturbing things he said/did.....so he realizes exactly how bad he was (and how much I went through sticking by his side).....or do I just keep it to myself. Would it benefit him in any way to know? I personally don't feel the need to dump it on him, I took it for what it was then and can easily let it go on my end...but I do wonder if it would be beneficial to him....or do more harm than good?
Have i lost the plot?
Yesterday i found saw a message on my husbands facebook from a woman he used to work with in a different town saying that she was looking forward to seeing him on the weekend.
So i asked him what he is up to at the weekend and he tells me that he is going to stay at a male friends house in this town Saturday night. When i push a little more and ask who else is going to be there he tells me that there is a Xmas party at the womens house and he is going to that and his friend is putting him up after (it is a couple of hours drive home).
Now i have completely lost it. I dont understand why he didnt tell me that this was happening. I dont understand why he firstly just said he was staying at a friends house and didnt volunteer anymore information until i queried it at which point he probably knew that i had seen the facebook. I dont understand why he didnt ask if i would like to come....i have never met any of these friends of his that he texts and talks to on facebook all the time. Furthermore, i dont understand why the party invitation wasnt extended to me....they all know he is married.
While i sometimes go and see my women friends on my own and this alone time with girlfriends is important to me i would never go to a party without inviting him along. If i was having a party i would never invite a person without extending the invitation to their partner.
3 months ago he went to an overnight party there with my blessing and now i cant help wondering if something changed as before that he didnt really socialise with people from his old work & now he is texting & msn'ing with them a lot.
When i tried to talk to him about it he just said that he wanted to go on his own and it was not about me. He says if it is going to cause this much fuss he just wont go....seems he would rather not go than take me along.
But all i can think is that he is either:
a) ashamed of me....he always keeps me away from people he knows and has never introduced me to them.
b) or that he has developed some kind of feelings for this woman (or maybe someone else who is part of the social circle)
c) something happened at the overnight party 3 mths ago.
I am completely in bits about it. I cant stop crying. He says that it is me being ridiculous & insecure.
Have i lost the plot? I really need someone to tell me because i cant think straight anymore.
Thanks Ev
So i asked him what he is up to at the weekend and he tells me that he is going to stay at a male friends house in this town Saturday night. When i push a little more and ask who else is going to be there he tells me that there is a Xmas party at the womens house and he is going to that and his friend is putting him up after (it is a couple of hours drive home).
Now i have completely lost it. I dont understand why he didnt tell me that this was happening. I dont understand why he firstly just said he was staying at a friends house and didnt volunteer anymore information until i queried it at which point he probably knew that i had seen the facebook. I dont understand why he didnt ask if i would like to come....i have never met any of these friends of his that he texts and talks to on facebook all the time. Furthermore, i dont understand why the party invitation wasnt extended to me....they all know he is married.
While i sometimes go and see my women friends on my own and this alone time with girlfriends is important to me i would never go to a party without inviting him along. If i was having a party i would never invite a person without extending the invitation to their partner.
3 months ago he went to an overnight party there with my blessing and now i cant help wondering if something changed as before that he didnt really socialise with people from his old work & now he is texting & msn'ing with them a lot.
When i tried to talk to him about it he just said that he wanted to go on his own and it was not about me. He says if it is going to cause this much fuss he just wont go....seems he would rather not go than take me along.
But all i can think is that he is either:
a) ashamed of me....he always keeps me away from people he knows and has never introduced me to them.
b) or that he has developed some kind of feelings for this woman (or maybe someone else who is part of the social circle)
c) something happened at the overnight party 3 mths ago.
I am completely in bits about it. I cant stop crying. He says that it is me being ridiculous & insecure.
Have i lost the plot? I really need someone to tell me because i cant think straight anymore.
Thanks Ev
Life is not fair - and I’m really bummed today!
Well, after doing all the things I need to do for me while living w/my AH, life is still not working to my advantage. I am at a complete and total loss, and I am so depressed right now.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
never liked going to bars or nightclubs.
Before I met her, I never stepped inside a bar deliberately, yeah a friend needed to get something at one but never hung out at one nor did I ever goto a nightclub.. 22 in NYC.. I have no desire to go "clubbing". but I would like going to the opera, see broadway plays etc.
I like westchester (kinda suburbs, wealthy area of NY) where I could not stand the "excitement" of the city, hate going on subways or just the whole "nightlife", I prefer going to dinner.
I saw something about the city on tv today, made me want to go there during the day. I been to the city multiple times, once during the night with the "healthy" guys for pizza, good experience.
I don't know what your opinion of New Yorkers are but alot of us hardly goto the city on a weekly basis. each bourough has a different personality. I know alot of individuals who work in the city yet live in the outer boroughs.
is it just me or does anyone else share this opinion?
I like westchester (kinda suburbs, wealthy area of NY) where I could not stand the "excitement" of the city, hate going on subways or just the whole "nightlife", I prefer going to dinner.
I saw something about the city on tv today, made me want to go there during the day. I been to the city multiple times, once during the night with the "healthy" guys for pizza, good experience.
I don't know what your opinion of New Yorkers are but alot of us hardly goto the city on a weekly basis. each bourough has a different personality. I know alot of individuals who work in the city yet live in the outer boroughs.
is it just me or does anyone else share this opinion?
