Archive for the ‘Mommy’ tag
Out on bail and wants to see his son
My ex was released from jail yesterday, on bail. He called and wanted to see his son. I let him. Our son was stoked. This morning I explained to our son that ?daddy comes and goes, but mommy will always be here for you.?
He mentioned being in jail in front of his son. His son?s eyes got big as saucers and he said ?you were in JAIL???? The kid is too smart. I just told him, before his dad could answer, ?Yes, your daddy made some really bad choices and he had to go to jail. Hopefully he makes good choices now.?
To be honest, I see no change in him, and doubt he will stay clean for long. He is not going to attend any treatment program. He refuses to attend meetings. He is starting to make contact with his old party scene friends. He is so very cocky and acts a lot like a three year old himself. I?m so very sad for him. It's just a matter of time. And he knows it. There is no commitment to remaining clean and sober in his heart. He doesn't seem to care.
He will be gone again soon. And that is fine with me. He is supposed to be getting some govt assistance and food stamps so I am really hoping he gives the food stamps to me. That way I can spend our food money on Christmas presents.
I feel sufficiently detached and I am just going to deal with the situation on a day by day basis. Like I said. He will be back in jail soon. I am sure of it.
I wish my son didn?t know about jail. I wanted my son to have a life that is as ?normal? as possible. And that is not normal. I hope he doesn?t tell the teachers at preschool.
He mentioned being in jail in front of his son. His son?s eyes got big as saucers and he said ?you were in JAIL???? The kid is too smart. I just told him, before his dad could answer, ?Yes, your daddy made some really bad choices and he had to go to jail. Hopefully he makes good choices now.?
To be honest, I see no change in him, and doubt he will stay clean for long. He is not going to attend any treatment program. He refuses to attend meetings. He is starting to make contact with his old party scene friends. He is so very cocky and acts a lot like a three year old himself. I?m so very sad for him. It's just a matter of time. And he knows it. There is no commitment to remaining clean and sober in his heart. He doesn't seem to care.
He will be gone again soon. And that is fine with me. He is supposed to be getting some govt assistance and food stamps so I am really hoping he gives the food stamps to me. That way I can spend our food money on Christmas presents.
I feel sufficiently detached and I am just going to deal with the situation on a day by day basis. Like I said. He will be back in jail soon. I am sure of it.
I wish my son didn?t know about jail. I wanted my son to have a life that is as ?normal? as possible. And that is not normal. I hope he doesn?t tell the teachers at preschool.
Thankful and sad
This is going to be long.
In my home it was wonderful and full of love, joy. My daughter spent a couple of hours making these cute cupcakes with edible turkeys on them. I think cupcakes have replaced Big Macs as her comfort food :)
When it was time to pray she was chomping at the bit and asked to say it this year. That took us all by surprise because she's straddled the line between being an atheist/deist for most of her 21 years. Her prayer was so beautiful we all had tears in our eyes and fought actually crying.
The sad part is because of my mom. She and my 46 year old sister have always been codies, though there's no substance abuse. My sister has been married 4 times, has two beautiful boys, and is probably mentally ill. She's always refused therapy because nothing is ever her issue. She has no friends any more. She manipulates and lies to get whatever she wants and this has going on for about 26 years if not longer. Recently she has run into what probably is her first brick wall. My mom is dedicated to trying to fix it.
My mom hasn't come to see her granddaughter yet (my RAD) after that nasty wreck. She kept saying she was trying but there's been one excuse after another. We insisted on buying her a plane ticket but then she found another excuse. My daughter really wants to see my mom and tell her about this damned addiction. At this point I'm not sure that's a good idea.
My mom and I have never really been close, she was never a mommy to me. Thankfully many of my family members saw it from the start and actually talked with me about it when I was younger. It was liberating and helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That doesn't stop the sadness though. The relationship I have spent years working at with my mom is almost gone. We don't talk about my sister because she's in denial, 70 years old, and it's too much drama for me. In other words, we don't talk about much at all because my sister is her addiction.
I'm using every recovery tool I have towards letting go. I'm going to regular sessions with my therapist and finally cried about it Wednesday. We were talking and all of a sudden I felt it, told him "oh crap here it comes!" I didn't know there was so much pain inside me about my mom. 44 years of it.
This morning I read something: Conflict precedes clarity.
I have my daughter back for today and never had my mom.
I needed to release some pain today about this and am grateful to have a safe place to do it. Thank you SR.
In my home it was wonderful and full of love, joy. My daughter spent a couple of hours making these cute cupcakes with edible turkeys on them. I think cupcakes have replaced Big Macs as her comfort food :)
When it was time to pray she was chomping at the bit and asked to say it this year. That took us all by surprise because she's straddled the line between being an atheist/deist for most of her 21 years. Her prayer was so beautiful we all had tears in our eyes and fought actually crying.
The sad part is because of my mom. She and my 46 year old sister have always been codies, though there's no substance abuse. My sister has been married 4 times, has two beautiful boys, and is probably mentally ill. She's always refused therapy because nothing is ever her issue. She has no friends any more. She manipulates and lies to get whatever she wants and this has going on for about 26 years if not longer. Recently she has run into what probably is her first brick wall. My mom is dedicated to trying to fix it.
My mom hasn't come to see her granddaughter yet (my RAD) after that nasty wreck. She kept saying she was trying but there's been one excuse after another. We insisted on buying her a plane ticket but then she found another excuse. My daughter really wants to see my mom and tell her about this damned addiction. At this point I'm not sure that's a good idea.
My mom and I have never really been close, she was never a mommy to me. Thankfully many of my family members saw it from the start and actually talked with me about it when I was younger. It was liberating and helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That doesn't stop the sadness though. The relationship I have spent years working at with my mom is almost gone. We don't talk about my sister because she's in denial, 70 years old, and it's too much drama for me. In other words, we don't talk about much at all because my sister is her addiction.
I'm using every recovery tool I have towards letting go. I'm going to regular sessions with my therapist and finally cried about it Wednesday. We were talking and all of a sudden I felt it, told him "oh crap here it comes!" I didn't know there was so much pain inside me about my mom. 44 years of it.
This morning I read something: Conflict precedes clarity.
I have my daughter back for today and never had my mom.
I needed to release some pain today about this and am grateful to have a safe place to do it. Thank you SR.
Need Advice
Hi everyone, Supposedly my AD will be entering rehab this afternoon. (3rd time--as you all know that last time in Aug/Sept she broke her ankle and came home after only 18 days)
How do I try to explain her absence to my 6yr old grand-daughter....in the past during jail & 2 rehabs we told her that her mommy was in school, a special school that she couldn't come home at nite. However I find it very difficult to keep this up as the 6yo is in school now and wonders why she can't see her Mommy at nite or weekends. After all, the 6yo can come home.
These little ones feelings are what break my heart.
Chris
How do I try to explain her absence to my 6yr old grand-daughter....in the past during jail & 2 rehabs we told her that her mommy was in school, a special school that she couldn't come home at nite. However I find it very difficult to keep this up as the 6yo is in school now and wonders why she can't see her Mommy at nite or weekends. After all, the 6yo can come home.
These little ones feelings are what break my heart.
Chris
I went to an AA meeting with rah
Wow......is all I can say. This meeting was the most hard core meeting I have been to. I've only been to a few with my best friend and a few with dh. At first I thought the guy was a dope and a jerk.......then I realized holy shat he's hard. I love the brutal approach.
This speaker poured his heart out and let the timid one's there know that this isn't some place where your mommy is going to hold your hand and that the meetings where they hug you and say "I'm so glad you made it back" were a crock of shat.
In the real world you don't have "yes men", you have YOU to listen to. If you want to recover then you follow these rules if you don't then there's the door.
Even I had an awakening! Codependancy teaches me me me and AA teaches learn to respect others, honesty, acceptance and admit when you've wronged. There is no reason not to use it in every day life.
I can't wait to go again. I don't want to get in rah's recovery so I let him know that I enjoyed the brutalness and I felt it would help me to understand him and also understand my own shortcoming and faults.
He said he had no problem with it. I wish I could have shared it with all of you. It was amazing.
Of course I won't go to anymore but this particular one. I think I needed that kick in the arse today. I felt empowered today. It gave me new tools to understand dh.
So for today it was a great day. We had time together and included each other in our own recovery.
I did cry when they all held hands and took a moment of silence for those who still suffer and for those who have lost their lives.
With my best friend passing a few years ago I thought it very kind for them to remember those who lost the battle and those who have not found serenity yet. It touched my steel heart.
So far........rah is doing great. He is following the steps of AA. It's amazing the work he is putting into this daily. Today was a great sober a great non codependant day for me and a wonderful day with daddy for the kids.
Dh is on his first outting with ds at his school doing a scavenger hunt. It's the first time I've let them venture out together to play. They both deserve it and you should have seen them both glowing. I'm happy. :)
This speaker poured his heart out and let the timid one's there know that this isn't some place where your mommy is going to hold your hand and that the meetings where they hug you and say "I'm so glad you made it back" were a crock of shat.
In the real world you don't have "yes men", you have YOU to listen to. If you want to recover then you follow these rules if you don't then there's the door.
Even I had an awakening! Codependancy teaches me me me and AA teaches learn to respect others, honesty, acceptance and admit when you've wronged. There is no reason not to use it in every day life.
I can't wait to go again. I don't want to get in rah's recovery so I let him know that I enjoyed the brutalness and I felt it would help me to understand him and also understand my own shortcoming and faults.
He said he had no problem with it. I wish I could have shared it with all of you. It was amazing.
Of course I won't go to anymore but this particular one. I think I needed that kick in the arse today. I felt empowered today. It gave me new tools to understand dh.
So for today it was a great day. We had time together and included each other in our own recovery.
I did cry when they all held hands and took a moment of silence for those who still suffer and for those who have lost their lives.
With my best friend passing a few years ago I thought it very kind for them to remember those who lost the battle and those who have not found serenity yet. It touched my steel heart.
So far........rah is doing great. He is following the steps of AA. It's amazing the work he is putting into this daily. Today was a great sober a great non codependant day for me and a wonderful day with daddy for the kids.
Dh is on his first outting with ds at his school doing a scavenger hunt. It's the first time I've let them venture out together to play. They both deserve it and you should have seen them both glowing. I'm happy. :)
What drugs have done…
After consoling my 8 yr old adopted daughter (husband's biological grandaughter) for the umteenth time about her addict mother, I find myself reduced to tears. She is now blaming "forgetting her homework" every day for a week on "mommy". She is in advanced classes, but this is from her regular teacher. This has happened off and on for a few months now. The "mommy" card. She loves us but she misses mommy. She receives counseling but does not bring this up to her counselor. We were in touch with mommy when she was in jail in Sept. and October. Mommy chose not to ask for rehab and was released on community control. We made the mistake of letting Savannah write and receive letters from mommy. In hindsight it was a bad idea. We have never tried to exclude mommy, just that she needs to do the next right thing and she didn't do it. No idea where mommy is now since Oct. 14th release.
I am just feeling very sad and I know I am the adult here but it gets to me once and awhile. We feel like she is playing us at times. We get even more angry at mommy and we know that does no good. I hate this d**n disease and I hate what it has done to the lives of these children. Drugs are the downfall of society, I believe that. Our social system cannot support all the children of drug users, there are too many of them. We have never been able to and we never will, no matter who is president. I hate drugs and what these drugs have caused, I am so mad I could spit and much than that. I hate this disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am just feeling very sad and I know I am the adult here but it gets to me once and awhile. We feel like she is playing us at times. We get even more angry at mommy and we know that does no good. I hate this d**n disease and I hate what it has done to the lives of these children. Drugs are the downfall of society, I believe that. Our social system cannot support all the children of drug users, there are too many of them. We have never been able to and we never will, no matter who is president. I hate drugs and what these drugs have caused, I am so mad I could spit and much than that. I hate this disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Update
I believe my daughter is using again. We all know the signs; missing money, unexplained one minute phone calls to an unknown number, avoiding seeing me and when she does she avoids the direct eye contact, not looking bright and perky, etc. etc. She called last night and wants me to take her to Family Independence Agency so that she can get help paying the rent and her bills. Says not to tell the boyfriend because he might not understand. Also I know that in the last two weeks she had made $800, enough to pay her bills, pay for her hair, tanning, cigarettes, etc. Yet she says that she spent most of it on stupid stuff. She is coming over today because she wants to figure out what to do. She will be surprised when mommy does not have the answers she is looking for-as in a bailout. Sorry, no money here honey. The one thing that I know is that we gave her a way to stay clean this summer when we helped with rehab. She has the tools. So no guilt here. She will say we are her parents and we should help her out. We will say we are helping by letting her figure out her life by herself. And on it goes:) Hugs, Marle
Soarin’s sober for 2 weeks
Been sober 2 weeks today YAY!! I barely stayed clean for 2 days before let alone 2 weeks. It hasn't been easy but honestly it isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I have a LONG way to go but if I can go 2 weeks, I can go another 2 right? I am aware this is a lifelong journey but at least I have stepped on the path now. Introducing myself back into the world in somewhat interesting. Many people I've known for years have just met me for the first time "in the raw". My kids have a clear-headed mommy now. It seems to be workin out.
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venting
I'm on day 5, and my husband is driving me crazy. This is the longest I've been in w/o a drink in 3 years. I thought he'd be happy for me, but it almost feels like he wants me to drink. He's a drinker himself, albeit not as bad as me. I don't mind him drinking 1 or 2 in front of me, but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to wait a week or two?
I guess I should have started by saying this is only my second post. I woke up the other day and felt so miserable that I could hardly pour a bowl of cereal for my daughter. That was it for me. I was sick of doing it, waiting for the hang over to wear off, only to drink again and feel even worse the next day. Then I started to worry about my health, and my daughter is getting to an age where she's going to start to remembering things. I don't want her memories to be watching mommy make a drink in the kitchen 5-6 times a night. God I feel like horrible mother. This is really hard to type and I feel so ashamed.
So, about my husband, it's hard to make him understand that this is serious to me. I'm sorry if I'm not as "laid back" as I normally am, but to me this is life changing.
If anyone else has been through this, I would really like to hear your story.
I guess I should have started by saying this is only my second post. I woke up the other day and felt so miserable that I could hardly pour a bowl of cereal for my daughter. That was it for me. I was sick of doing it, waiting for the hang over to wear off, only to drink again and feel even worse the next day. Then I started to worry about my health, and my daughter is getting to an age where she's going to start to remembering things. I don't want her memories to be watching mommy make a drink in the kitchen 5-6 times a night. God I feel like horrible mother. This is really hard to type and I feel so ashamed.
So, about my husband, it's hard to make him understand that this is serious to me. I'm sorry if I'm not as "laid back" as I normally am, but to me this is life changing.
If anyone else has been through this, I would really like to hear your story.
Obsessed Friend
I've been in recovery for 3 years. One of the things I have let go of is perfection and doing first things first. I was laid off a couple months ago and have been looking for a job. During this time I have picked up my friend's daughter from school, which is right around the corner from me. I picked her daughter up one day and had been doing laundry at home. There was a basket of folded laundry in my living room. The next day I was applying for jobs online and picked up her daughter again. She came to my house to get her daughter and saw the basket of laundry sitting there and used a shaming voice about my laundry still sitting there. One day her daughter asked to spend the night with my daughter when she came to pick her up. She started telling her daughter no because mommy would be lonely. I felt sick to my stomach. Her daughter was having problems with friends and now it was making sense whey her daughter was acting out. Things have gotten worse since then, so I have backed off from picking her daughter up from school and contacting her. She and her husband are separated and she would talk about him terribly. I thought it was him until she started this stuff with me. Now I can see why he doesn't want to be with her. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to be her friend anymore because her behavior is so intrusive and controlling. If she doesn't get her way with someone, she blows her stack. Does anyone have experience with this? I am starting to think it's best to sever the friendship.
My Lovely Wife
As most everyone might initially feel, I can't believe I'm having to do this. But, I don't know what to do...
I found out about a month and a half ago that my wife is an alcoholic. We have been together for 14 years, and married for over 9. We have two beautiful young children.
After I first learned (after a trip to the hospital), she promised that it had just started and she learned her lesson. That the kids and I were too important to risk. I believed her and cancelled the appointment with the counselor. I thought things were ok. We had always been social drinkers, and I quit drinking all together to show solidarity.
Tonight when I came home from work, I could tell she was very intoxicated. I was floored. She denied it until I finally got it out of her. I did my best to protect the kids from seeing it. Telling them mommy didn't feel well and was going to bed.
During our conversation, she was of course completely irrational and said she wasn't crazy and would not go get help. She kept saying she didn't want to be here any more...I know exactly what she meant. She has never said such a thing. I am terrified for her safety and that of my children. I'm fairly certain she has driven with them while intoxicated.
Her mother was an alcoholic and died from cirrosis (sp?) of the liver several years ago. She too hid it very well from my wife's father. I had hoped that would be enough to keep her from becoming one. When her mother died, it tore her apart. Why can't she see that it will do the same to our children.
She is a stay at home mother, I am a business professional. We are both educated people, and know very well the dangers of alcohol. I always thought alcohol addiction was for the weak. Clearly, it truly is a disease.
I hope when she sobers up tomorrow she will agree to get help. I wrote her a letter explaining my fears and how I would love and support her no matter what. But, I have to protect my children. My job is very demanding and takes a lot of my time and energy. I'm not sure how I can keep and eye on her and pay the bills. Finances have been a huge strain the past couple of years. But, I'm confident we can get out from underneath of them. She says that is her issue that causes her to drink.
I could say a ton more, but I'm tired and have been crying all night.
Any show of support or ideas would be helpful.
Best,
formychildren
I found out about a month and a half ago that my wife is an alcoholic. We have been together for 14 years, and married for over 9. We have two beautiful young children.
After I first learned (after a trip to the hospital), she promised that it had just started and she learned her lesson. That the kids and I were too important to risk. I believed her and cancelled the appointment with the counselor. I thought things were ok. We had always been social drinkers, and I quit drinking all together to show solidarity.
Tonight when I came home from work, I could tell she was very intoxicated. I was floored. She denied it until I finally got it out of her. I did my best to protect the kids from seeing it. Telling them mommy didn't feel well and was going to bed.
During our conversation, she was of course completely irrational and said she wasn't crazy and would not go get help. She kept saying she didn't want to be here any more...I know exactly what she meant. She has never said such a thing. I am terrified for her safety and that of my children. I'm fairly certain she has driven with them while intoxicated.
Her mother was an alcoholic and died from cirrosis (sp?) of the liver several years ago. She too hid it very well from my wife's father. I had hoped that would be enough to keep her from becoming one. When her mother died, it tore her apart. Why can't she see that it will do the same to our children.
She is a stay at home mother, I am a business professional. We are both educated people, and know very well the dangers of alcohol. I always thought alcohol addiction was for the weak. Clearly, it truly is a disease.
I hope when she sobers up tomorrow she will agree to get help. I wrote her a letter explaining my fears and how I would love and support her no matter what. But, I have to protect my children. My job is very demanding and takes a lot of my time and energy. I'm not sure how I can keep and eye on her and pay the bills. Finances have been a huge strain the past couple of years. But, I'm confident we can get out from underneath of them. She says that is her issue that causes her to drink.
I could say a ton more, but I'm tired and have been crying all night.
Any show of support or ideas would be helpful.
Best,
formychildren
