Drug Rehab Options Blog

:nyxSo once again it has been a few weeks since I last posted. Maybe a little longer, not quite sure. The last time I wrote to you, I let you know that instead of being an effected other, an enabler and a major co-dependent, I was writing to you as an addict.
About nine months ago, I fell in love with a drug addict. His DOC was painkillers. When I met him, he was on the suboxone program. He abused the suboxone, would run out early and use in between refills. Somehow, his doctor kept giving him more chances. I think he really wanted to see him succeed.
Well, in September, I couldn?t handle the addiction anymore. The obsessing and constantly worrying if he was going to kill himself was literally killing me. I ended up trying to kill myself. That was a huge wake up for me?..but?.obviously not a strong enough wake up.
The end of October we found an adorable house to rent together. Approximately a week after moving in, he asked to go buy some cocaine. My thought was, hey, go ahead. As long as I know what you are doing. Then I made the dumb mistake of asking to try it. That was all it took. I ended up getting very addicted to cocaine. I fell very far behind on all of my bills, our relationship was going down the drain, I pawned all of my beautiful jewelry, I lost myself and to top it off??I lost the most important person in my life. I lost my daughter. And to think, I even stayed with him after to try to get him clean?.STILL!!!
Well, with the help of a very special friend on SR, my family and my very understanding ex-husband, I?ve turned around and am heading in the right direction again.
By taking some very good advice, I was able to stop using cocaine. I never thought I would be able to but I?m realizing that I?m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
I FINALLY left my addict boyfriend. I think that was harder than anything. I loved him so much and still do but I also realize with the help of my therapist, family and friends that my love for him was more of an addiction. So?.because of that, I have to treat him like a recovering addict would treat drugs?..stay FAR AWAY!!!!! I have no contact with him now and everyday is getting better.
What I am most excited about is that I have my beautiful little girl back. I?m still learning again to be the Mom that I once was. It is going to take time to rebuild our relationship and for her to trust me completely?..to trust that I will be there for her.
And now, I?ve joined a gym and am looking to not just get clean from drugs but to improve my overall mental and physical well being. I have so much life to look forward to and I don?t want to wait around to find it just passed me by.
So, I know this was quite lengthy but I just wanted to update you all and say thank you so much for your endless support, your encouragement and your wisdom. I am so grateful that I stumbled on this site back in July. I have found so much good advice, met great friends and learned a lot about addiction.
Well, part of being healthy is getting a good night?s sleep so I am headed to bed. Thanks again everyone! Talk soon 

Hugs,

Of course it seems I spend way too much time on this site! It is now my home away from home. haha My daughter told me she is moving out and can't live like this anymore. She is 10 weeks pregnant and is 20yrs old. My ah is so mean to her. I am not happy about her situation and last thing I wanted was for her to move out. But for her sanity and the health of she and the baby, maybe it is the best move. I will miss her so much. She has been not only my daughter, but a wonderful friend. She makes me laugh when I want to cry and I will miss her so much. I hope to follow her out that door very soon.. Why does he have to tear us apart this way? I guess misery does love company!

Most of you know of my forever drawn out drama with me and my sons AF and my UBER dysfunctional family. I have had it!!! i have decided to move to another state, about 2 states away (9 hrs) to start over and attempt to have a "normal" life for me and my son.

My sons father has Never really been involved in his life. only at times when he though he could talk me back into the bedroom...

I have full legal and physical custody of our son. so do i have to tell him or get his permission to move to another state.??

just wondering.. dont want him pulling anything last minute that would hinder me from moving.

I know i Should tell him and his family.. but they have put about 1% of effort into my sons life since he was born. THey dont deserve it and i dont know that my son would even notice.
I dont know.. i am very resentful to all of them as they continue to support my ex and his ever flourishing addiction.. then again a part of me wants to tell him to see if he cares enough to say/do anything to see his son while he can.
i am not moving until May. as soon as my son gets out of school we are gone. I am going up there this weekend to look for jobs and housing. i have good friends who already live there that will be supportive for me and my son.
i dont know. .. i should be nice and tell them. they dont deserve nice.. its always been me doing all the frickin work for both parties.. i am sick of it.
idk......

Hey everyone,

It's been awhile since I finally broke up with my RAB. It was tough but I finally managed to see the light six months ago with SoberRecovery and moved on with my life. We both agreed to continue to be friends and he ended up moving a couple hours away, which definitely helped with the healing process for me.

As much as I didn't want to be his friend on Facebook, I eventually gave in, accepted him as a friend and was able to see what he had been up to. It was really hard to see how he had easily moved on with his life while I was still coping. We kept in touch for a couple months before he started acting differently and I stopped hearing from him for awhile. Eventually, he sent me a horrible email in response to mine that was just asking how he was doing. I was just angry and never responded back. Yesterday, I get a notification someone had tagged him in photos, which I opened up and was surprised by. Well, he's with a new girl, he's drunk in the photos (we all know when our man is drunk), and there are a couple of pictures where he's holding a beer.

Now, it's been awhile since I've had to deal with all this stuff and I just need some confirmation because I'm not sure which route to go. He's only been sober since March and I know he shouldn't be dating or obviously drinking. As a friend, I am concerned he's going to ruin everything around him again. Do I email him that I am concerned and he can call if he wants to talk about some of the stress in his life? Or do I just look the other way and hope for the best? I don't want to walk down the codependancy road again but I'm not sure if this counts.

The more I type, the more I realize I might know the answer but I would still love to hear your opinion.

Thanks :)

I am a newcomer to this website, I have spent the last two weeks in the Substance Abuse Forums. I have detoxed from my DOC and am moving on but I have an awful case of Insomnia. I have asked for suggestions from everyone and have tried them all but nothing has worked. I just wanted to see if anyone here may have something that I haven't done. Here's what I've tried: exercise, meditation, drinking milk before bed, valerian root, melatonin, advil pm, tylenol pm, trazadone, buspar and lunesta. I've also done some deep breathing exercises my psych. told me to do, put on classical music, reading, bathes, showers. I think I am helpless until it passes but I just wanted to try. I have not slept for more than 2 hours a night for the last 13 nights and I am starting to go crazy!! Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks

This is my 7th winter since moving from Southern CA to Central WI. I must say I am not dreading it as much. I honestly think it is because of this program.

In the past I claimed to have SAD's. I honestly think now it was OWD's. (Opiate withdrawal Disorder.) I think my depression (at least most of it was self induced)

I cannot change people, places or things. Winter is a thing. A seasonal thing.

I don't know what is changing in me, but whatever it is, it is a huge blessing! Yesterday I bought a new scarf and a new winter coat and some new jeans and two new sweaters.

I know this sounds dumb, but I plan on embracing the season this year! Now remind me of these statements in February or March. LOL

I am kinda looking forward to seeing the white stuff this year!

I posted something in the substance abusers forum but I think I should move it here. can someone tell me how to do that?

It's two weeks into my exercise routine. I'm amazed at how quickly I can change. Routine is everything! I feel I must do something each day. It take me but a few seconds to decide and out the door I go. Where did I get so much energy? I feel addicted to moving. I went from doing nothing to doing everything. Wow, what happened? It's "routine" again! Even if you fake a routine, to begin with, it will eventually stick. That tells me that each one of us can become exactly what we choose.

Let's say, for example, I wanted to become a super hero. I would exercise and do as a super hero does, with the exception to using super powers of course. All super heroes exercise! I'll listen to some super hero music while walking around and exercising and jogging and jumping and stuff. I should slim down in no time.

You may laugh but this is exactly how changes are made. By anchoring a routine. At first, the routine is foreign to us. But then, after repeating the cycle, the pattern becomes a part of us. This is exactly how I got trapped into drinking. This process (routine) is so powerful that it takes countless lives each year. Why not use it to our advantage?

My routine is to have an adventure each day. It may be walking, running, cycling, or hiking. I try to video or photograph nature and places I visit. Today, while cycling, I found a pond with many ducks. I found a bench and sat down. They must have been conditioned because they all swam towards me. After seeing I had no food they swam away, they weren't happy. Tomorrow I'll take them bread and film my interaction with them. I am so looking forward to the adventure. I'm addicted now and sure I'll find something to do each day.

Prayers

my ex and i broke up when i found out he was still doing coke, and was dealing with hi being an alcoholic (counseling, Al Anon). we had been having problems because he was always flaky and wasted- affecting our sex life. He would also not spend time with me but come over late (like 1-2 am after work/drinking etc) and I felt like he used me because it was convenient to his job- so he could walk and not take the train and save an hour of time. I also lived near the bar and friends. He didnÂ’t have a phone (bad sign) and I wouldnÂ’t hear from him til the evening some nights, and just felt like he didnÂ’t care or that he called when he had nothing better to do. even when he was working, I just felt like, he used to call at work when it was slow, why isnÂ’t he calling now when its slow?. I was always just thinking he wouldnÂ’t call and it was a bummer so when he did call I gave him an earful. Sometimes I would look for him, and his boss would call me and vice versa to track him down. First he said he would change because he wanted to be with me but when I made it clear he would have to actively be working on it, he said hed think about it. day three I asked him if he thought about it (all these times I had to ask him in the morning before work and then felt bad but it was the only time I knew he was atleast somewhat sober)- he said he hadnÂ’t thought about it. (These were the saddest nights we were together, as I knew it was ending and I was even more depressed and completely and utterly devastated and broken hearted. ) I told him I couldnÂ’t be with someone who did cocaine and as I sobbed and I asked If he understood, which he said he didnÂ’t, I told him why. he said there were a million reasons it wouldnt work- and seemed to have broken up with me when we talked. we have been together off and on 8 years- and he is the only one i have "been" with. he says he cant give me or promise me what i want and isnt going to make promises to. But the truth is that I was a ****** girlfriend- never happy with him when he was trying his best, and always giving a hard time about everything he was doing- even when it didnÂ’t involve drinking because I would find away to make it about drinking. I just didnÂ’t know how unhappy I was with myself, and watching him destroy his life, when I knew at one time this is not the life he wanted, is painful. he has a lot of health problems I worry about, too. I know its his decision but I stll have guilt about knowing I hurt him when he was trying his hardest and trying to be a good boyfriend.

After we broke up, he kept trying to talk to me. I remained no contact. ¾ times we did see each other, within a week of breaking up, then a month later and then a month after that, we would still have physical intimacy and then cuddle. I finally gave in to his attempts at friendship- and although he was still late to meet me, and although he insisted on watching a movie at my house because he wanted to watch a movie with or without me…. when I asked if we could go on walk in a park nearby (where we also had one of our best dates) he said “that’s dating stuff and we don’t do it anymore” it was probably the meanest thing hed ever said- and he was actually doing it to be honest and nice with me. but it broke my heart. I asked him if wed ever get back together, and he said he didn’t know. he said im needier than most girls when i asked if it would work with someone else. It made me feel horrible, because it was true. He didn’t understand why we couldn’t be friends, and I told him It just made me sad. And it makes me sad that he didn’t view me as a girlfriend or have the same feelings for me. He said we were both equally sad just for different reasons (for him he was losing my friendship). Yet later that night we watched juno, said I love you a million times, were physical, and cuddled all night and morning. But in the morning I told him NO CONTACT.

He still did, I still gave in, we saw each other for the last time (we went to see a band play a reunion show) without him sleeping overÂ… he gave me a rose, but we parted ways at the end of the night. He hugged me but ofcourse was going to the bar. He told me to stop by but I didnÂ’t. but it still felt reassuring that he wanted to see me and I felt like he still had feelings for me. The next day he text messaged me, and finally I changed my phone number. Mostly so I wouldnÂ’t call him. He came into my work once, but as soon as I saw him coming close to me I went to the back where he couldnÂ’t reach me.

I was caught partying (very very uncharacteristic of me) by his twin brother, ex girlfriend we are mutually friends with, and best friend. I am not sure if it was that or what, but he emailed to ask if we could do lunch. I told him I wish we could, but I wasn’t there yet. He wrote back that he understood, that if I changed my mind to let him know, that he just wanted to do an innocent lunch. (its not innocent for me, as im still in love with him). I didn’t respond. He wrote me again and said, either way I hope I see you soon. I didn’t respond, a few days later, on a social networking site, he changed his emoticon from nostalgic (from when we broke up) to “mellow” and it now says at the top of his page “he is content with it”. I assumed he meant us, and it HURTS that he is okay and will probably move on like a normal person.
I saw a concert he was at recently, and he did not approach me after we briefly made eye contact. He is finally respecting my boundaries, but it hurts because the truth is I want him to be in love with me as I am still in love with him.

I am in graduate school, I work, I cook a lot, I play in a band, I draw, I have an active social life, I go to counseling, I go to alanon and coda, I have a sponsor. I am on medication but I am still obsessed and cry.

I cry that we can not be together, I cry for the guilt I had, I cry he doesnÂ’t feel the same way, I cry because crazily I still want him to make effort even when I tell him not to, I cry because I donÂ’t think I can move on ( I never have in the past), I cry because I have to since I cant be with him, I cry when I think about him finding a girl that treats him better who he loves or has more fun with. Lastly, I cry because I have cut off our communication lines and feel like he is going to move on as a result while I havenÂ’t. I cry daily (I should probably increase my meds, ha).


My friends and everyone say to “let go” but I do not know HOW. if i had i wouldve done it close to 8 years ago. I don’t feel completely confident that he is not the one for me, i believe we had true love and unmatched chemistry. i have to remind myself daily that it doesn’t matter how he feels about me because it wont work. But it’s hard, I still have feelings of jealousy and even more, I want him to still feel the same way about me. its not that I want him to hurt, its just that it makes me sad that he can move on easily where I don’t know how. And sad because I feel rejected by the love of my life who at one time felt the same way about me and doesn’t now.

Thank you for any responses and taking time to read this! I am most appreciative.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Denial

Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial.

Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.

Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.

Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.

The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.

God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.