Archive for the ‘Relationship Problems’ tag
How can I support my boyfriend in recovery?
My boyfriend of almost 3 years is in recovery. He is/was a marijuana addict as well as a tobacco addict which is still hasn't given up. He has been sober for 1 month at this point. This has been a very difficult time for me as his partner. He has told me that he feels like he's been "a shell of a man" for his entire adult life. Numbing any and all of his feelings with marijuana. Now, it is as if he feels like he has to make up for lost time. Where he used to keep his feelings at bay by smoking pot, he now voices every one that comes into his head. Most of them being negative. And a lot of them, issues he has with me. Suddenly, he no longer loves me like he used to. He told me in the past that he wants to get married to me. He has now communicated that this is no longer the truth. This is all a huge shock for me. I was unaware that him and I had such major relationship problems. I was also unaware of how much and how often he was smoking. I knew he smoked somewhat regularly, but it never really bothered me. Now, it's as if my entire world has been turned upside down. I am happy that he quit but sad in the same respect. He is no longer the sweet, selfless person that I fell in love with. I want to help him and I want to be there for him. He just makes it really hard. He has so much anger now. We are seeing a therapist together. She tells me that I am supposed to try and not take the things he says to me personally. I really don't know how to do that. I am miserable. Can anyone offer me some words of advice. I am new to this forum.
Thanks,
Lindsay
Thanks,
Lindsay
Choice Theory
Choice Theory
The 1998 book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, is the primary text for all that is taught by The William Glasser Institute. Choice theory states that:
all we do is behave,
that almost all behavior is chosen, and
that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.
In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.
Choice theory, with the Seven Caring Habits, replaces external control psychology and the Seven Deadly Habits. External control, the present psychology of almost all people in the world, is destructive to relationships. When used, it will destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship and will result in a disconnection from each other. Being disconnected is the source of almost all human problems such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal abuse, to mention a few.
Relationships and our Habits
Seven Caring Habits Seven Deadly Habits
1. Supporting 1. Criticizing
2. Encouraging 2. Blaming
3. Listening 3. Complaining
4. Accepting 4. Nagging
5. Trusting 5. Threatening
6. Respecting 6. Punishing
7. Negotiating differences 7. Bribing, rewarding to control
The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory
The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
All we can give another person is information.
All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
All we do is behave.
All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.
The 1998 book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, is the primary text for all that is taught by The William Glasser Institute. Choice theory states that:
all we do is behave,
that almost all behavior is chosen, and
that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.
In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.
Choice theory, with the Seven Caring Habits, replaces external control psychology and the Seven Deadly Habits. External control, the present psychology of almost all people in the world, is destructive to relationships. When used, it will destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship and will result in a disconnection from each other. Being disconnected is the source of almost all human problems such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal abuse, to mention a few.
Relationships and our Habits
Seven Caring Habits Seven Deadly Habits
1. Supporting 1. Criticizing
2. Encouraging 2. Blaming
3. Listening 3. Complaining
4. Accepting 4. Nagging
5. Trusting 5. Threatening
6. Respecting 6. Punishing
7. Negotiating differences 7. Bribing, rewarding to control
The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory
The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
All we can give another person is information.
All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
All we do is behave.
All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.
