Archive for the ‘Sobriety’ tag
Freedom From Myself
In my battle of alcoholism, I wallowed, I sulked, I stewed. I was filled with anger and resentments and always had good reason to point and blame. I felt justified in my anger and felt as if the world had dealt me a bad hand. Why, me? Poor, me? I proudly stood beneath my self proclaimed dark cloud never thinking to step away from the shadow. My family was far from the Cleaver family. The sounds of yelling and screaming could easily be heard over the sounds of happiness and joy. Affection was the exception not the norm. Needles to say, I am a product of my environment, but aren't we all?
Divorced and coming from an abusive marriage, I packaged every ounce of dysfunction and pain and carried it with me everywhere I'd go. It was my baggage. I earned it by gawd and I wasn't letting it go. I suffered fear, anguish and guilt. My confidence was reduced to nil and I lost any amount of esteem I ever managed to conjure. I drifted into a deep depression and drank to escape the pain and the memories and the anger. Drinking never helped me to escape anything, but it surely kept me bound to my misfortune and helped intensify it. It took me years and years of suffering, in the same ole pattern, before figuring it out. How can that be? It is so obvious now, but I was blind to it then, puzzling.
My drinking escalated to the point of if I didn't stop, I would die. Death being a strong motivator, I took the steps I needed to stop drinking. What a battle I entered into. I knew nothing about sobriety, I was addicted and my main goal each day was to obtain alcohol and drink it. I achieved my goals daily, so to stop, was torture. I made it though, thank goodness and I'm eternally grateful to be free from the obsession of alcohol. Now that I am free, I do not enter into the idea of drinking again. I don't think I could make it back alive. Yes, I failed along the way, a few times, but when the dying part took front seat, I tried harder until I got it right. I wanted an easy way out. That is what I expected, easy. I wanted to will myself to stop and it would happen. I grew to understand that if you want or need something badly enough, it takes work, hard work, nothing comes easy. Why should trying to save my life be easy? It wasn't.
One thing I learned is you don't just declare to the world that you are quitting drinking and all is good and well. Drinking is merely a symptom of our problems. I grabbed onto a program and it helped me along the way. I did many things I didn't want to do. I fought and ridiculed it every stop. I pronounced their way stupid and voiced that their way would never help me. Why I put up such a fight? I really don't know. I guess it was in my nature. I reluctantly did what they said and surprise of all surprises, it worked.
I lived in fear before. Today, I live in hope. I believe that no matter what I will face the strength to get through lies ahead. It has worked for over 4 years, I don't know why it would change now? I have found my self esteem, my confidence and myself, my new self. Most importantly, I found my soul. I swear that it was shrouded by the darkness of alcoholism. Eliminating the booze has opened up a path to the light. I know peace and I know joy. Something I never thought possible. I was used to feeling negative emotions that positive ones never drifted my way. They couldn't get through. I wouldn't let them. Negative begets negative. It isn't a wonder that the dark cloud found its way directly over my head. The truth of the matter is, I conjured that cloud and neatly placed it above. Most of my pain was by my own hand. That is a harsh reality to accept, but once we do so, we can begin to heal.
What I have grown to understand is that we have to heal from within. Face our demons and rid ourselves from its grasp. Our past is a part of who we are, but many of us are directed by our past and can't move away from it. It can keep us tortured and wounded. We must move forward and sort through our past. It rids of us our resentments and anger. I still get angry, but I don't choose to pack it around with me long after the fact.. Why bother and who needs it?
These are a few things I've learned in my recovery. I am not the same person that I was years ago. I hope to continue to grow. The biggest thing I learned in Sobriety 101 is you just don't wake up sober one day and all is well. It takes work, lots and lots of work, real to the core kind of stuff. I was seeking freedom and the biggest lesson I had to learn was that I needed freedom from myself, my wounded self. That is how we find strength, move forward and grow emotionally and spiritually. Taking a good look in the mirror I see a different being. Before, I couldn't bare to look in the mirror. Today, I see a smiling face. Corny, I know, but I'm happy to be able to say that.
Divorced and coming from an abusive marriage, I packaged every ounce of dysfunction and pain and carried it with me everywhere I'd go. It was my baggage. I earned it by gawd and I wasn't letting it go. I suffered fear, anguish and guilt. My confidence was reduced to nil and I lost any amount of esteem I ever managed to conjure. I drifted into a deep depression and drank to escape the pain and the memories and the anger. Drinking never helped me to escape anything, but it surely kept me bound to my misfortune and helped intensify it. It took me years and years of suffering, in the same ole pattern, before figuring it out. How can that be? It is so obvious now, but I was blind to it then, puzzling.
My drinking escalated to the point of if I didn't stop, I would die. Death being a strong motivator, I took the steps I needed to stop drinking. What a battle I entered into. I knew nothing about sobriety, I was addicted and my main goal each day was to obtain alcohol and drink it. I achieved my goals daily, so to stop, was torture. I made it though, thank goodness and I'm eternally grateful to be free from the obsession of alcohol. Now that I am free, I do not enter into the idea of drinking again. I don't think I could make it back alive. Yes, I failed along the way, a few times, but when the dying part took front seat, I tried harder until I got it right. I wanted an easy way out. That is what I expected, easy. I wanted to will myself to stop and it would happen. I grew to understand that if you want or need something badly enough, it takes work, hard work, nothing comes easy. Why should trying to save my life be easy? It wasn't.
One thing I learned is you don't just declare to the world that you are quitting drinking and all is good and well. Drinking is merely a symptom of our problems. I grabbed onto a program and it helped me along the way. I did many things I didn't want to do. I fought and ridiculed it every stop. I pronounced their way stupid and voiced that their way would never help me. Why I put up such a fight? I really don't know. I guess it was in my nature. I reluctantly did what they said and surprise of all surprises, it worked.
I lived in fear before. Today, I live in hope. I believe that no matter what I will face the strength to get through lies ahead. It has worked for over 4 years, I don't know why it would change now? I have found my self esteem, my confidence and myself, my new self. Most importantly, I found my soul. I swear that it was shrouded by the darkness of alcoholism. Eliminating the booze has opened up a path to the light. I know peace and I know joy. Something I never thought possible. I was used to feeling negative emotions that positive ones never drifted my way. They couldn't get through. I wouldn't let them. Negative begets negative. It isn't a wonder that the dark cloud found its way directly over my head. The truth of the matter is, I conjured that cloud and neatly placed it above. Most of my pain was by my own hand. That is a harsh reality to accept, but once we do so, we can begin to heal.
What I have grown to understand is that we have to heal from within. Face our demons and rid ourselves from its grasp. Our past is a part of who we are, but many of us are directed by our past and can't move away from it. It can keep us tortured and wounded. We must move forward and sort through our past. It rids of us our resentments and anger. I still get angry, but I don't choose to pack it around with me long after the fact.. Why bother and who needs it?
These are a few things I've learned in my recovery. I am not the same person that I was years ago. I hope to continue to grow. The biggest thing I learned in Sobriety 101 is you just don't wake up sober one day and all is well. It takes work, lots and lots of work, real to the core kind of stuff. I was seeking freedom and the biggest lesson I had to learn was that I needed freedom from myself, my wounded self. That is how we find strength, move forward and grow emotionally and spiritually. Taking a good look in the mirror I see a different being. Before, I couldn't bare to look in the mirror. Today, I see a smiling face. Corny, I know, but I'm happy to be able to say that.
New here and new to sobriety
I am on day 11 after many attempts but this one feels like it could be the real thing. I have been a solitary drinker of wine for years and the quantity had crept up and just was taking over my life in a way that was not good. After trying many different groups (AA, RR, Smart Recovery, Moderation Management) and just not connecting with any of them I finally asked my very loving partner to try to brainstorm a solution with me.. and we did this together 12 days ago so now I have 11 days with no alcohol and just hope this is the beginning of a sober forever.
I love the support of women in my life and look forward to this forum. I would love advice from any of you about what worked and did not work in your early weeks and months. I am also curious about what to expect the changes to be in my life - physical, mental etc. Already I feel physically so much better and my awareness of how ever-present the world of wine has been in my life is really startling. I love passing up the wine articles in the newspaper, the wine list at restaurants, etc. What clutter that has been.
Thank you also for having been here for me already. I have been reading this forum without joining for several months. I have already been supported by this group.
kindbird
I love the support of women in my life and look forward to this forum. I would love advice from any of you about what worked and did not work in your early weeks and months. I am also curious about what to expect the changes to be in my life - physical, mental etc. Already I feel physically so much better and my awareness of how ever-present the world of wine has been in my life is really startling. I love passing up the wine articles in the newspaper, the wine list at restaurants, etc. What clutter that has been.
Thank you also for having been here for me already. I have been reading this forum without joining for several months. I have already been supported by this group.
kindbird
What changes when you quit?
Hi,
I am 11 days into no drinking after many tries. This one feels good, like it might be the end to a long pain in the neck part of my life - drinking. I want to find out from those who have quit how your body and mind changed in the early weeks or months after you quit drinking. I was a regular wine drinker (3-4 glasses most days). So far my body feels so much better, and I am very aware of how many times each day I get triggers in my mind that in the past would have been "time for a glass of wine" triggers.
Would love to hear from others about how their body and mind changed in the early months of sobriety.
So good to be here - have been reading on this forum for several months and just joined. Thank you all for having been here all along - reading your discussions has been helpful in getting me this far.
KindBird
I am 11 days into no drinking after many tries. This one feels good, like it might be the end to a long pain in the neck part of my life - drinking. I want to find out from those who have quit how your body and mind changed in the early weeks or months after you quit drinking. I was a regular wine drinker (3-4 glasses most days). So far my body feels so much better, and I am very aware of how many times each day I get triggers in my mind that in the past would have been "time for a glass of wine" triggers.
Would love to hear from others about how their body and mind changed in the early months of sobriety.
So good to be here - have been reading on this forum for several months and just joined. Thank you all for having been here all along - reading your discussions has been helpful in getting me this far.
KindBird
Long time no sober.. I’m back, bigger and drunker than before
My first attempt at sobriety was around a year ago.. I made it 100 days. After that I slowly got worse and worse and drank more and more. I graduated from a few benders a week to everyday. Also changed from wine to hard stuff. It's been a wild ride. but I am here again which I believe is a good sign. So I'm raising my cup of coffee and cheering day 1 of many.!
My REAL Day 1 is TODAY
I have 44 Days without alcohol, but ZERO days of true sobriety and freedom from addiction.
Today will be my real Day 1.
No more chemicals.
True sobriety.
I have been fooling myself and others and this cannot go on anymore. I have continued to remain addicted to nicotine through the use of a daily nicotine patch. I have continued to smoke pot, and I have continued to take the Tylenol with codeine pills that we have in the house.
No more.
Today is Day 1.
Today will be my real Day 1.
No more chemicals.
True sobriety.
I have been fooling myself and others and this cannot go on anymore. I have continued to remain addicted to nicotine through the use of a daily nicotine patch. I have continued to smoke pot, and I have continued to take the Tylenol with codeine pills that we have in the house.
No more.
Today is Day 1.
looking up at a mountain
hello
i'm giving sobriety yet another go.
i'm a binge drinker. fortunately i'm in a job which makes it impossible for me to drink during the week, but boy do i make up for it at the weekend.
as per usual i'm being driven on by self loathing and guilt. it's very hard to live with myself when i feel this way, yet i know that when this feeling wears off the desire to drink again will return. why oh why do i continue to push
the self destruct button when i have pretty good life and loving family?
i'd like to give this forum a go. i've already found many helpful posts.
best wishes to you all.
i'm giving sobriety yet another go.
i'm a binge drinker. fortunately i'm in a job which makes it impossible for me to drink during the week, but boy do i make up for it at the weekend.
as per usual i'm being driven on by self loathing and guilt. it's very hard to live with myself when i feel this way, yet i know that when this feeling wears off the desire to drink again will return. why oh why do i continue to push
the self destruct button when i have pretty good life and loving family?
i'd like to give this forum a go. i've already found many helpful posts.
best wishes to you all.
Newcomer to the Sobriety Recovery Community
My clean date is 9/20/95. I have become the person who I would have laughed at 13 years ago and yet am extremely gratefull to God and the Principles found in the 12 Steps. I am a firm believer the whole experience one looks to experience from the Steps is to be of service to God and others.
i am looking to exchange experiences and opions with others who have God as a central part of their lives which is why Im here.....
i am looking to exchange experiences and opions with others who have God as a central part of their lives which is why Im here.....
Would you catch me if I fell?
I'm back as my over a month of sobriety was broken in a big way. I started out at a bar at 10am and finally arrived back home at 8am the next day. Much lighter in the wallet and severely depressed.
I need to make many changes in my life that may or may not include relocating to get some help.
Right now, I am just down on myself and hope some reflection will help me eventually snap out of it.
I need to make many changes in my life that may or may not include relocating to get some help.
Right now, I am just down on myself and hope some reflection will help me eventually snap out of it.
Day 10 and need advise
I decided 10 days ago that for my health and well being that I have to stop this insanity. I am trying very hard to get off the pity pot and do what needs to be done and forget feeling sorry for me. It is not easy to do I will tell you that.
Life can be so difficult at times to deal with, but I guess that is life and we are the only ones who can change it for ourselves.
I have a question, sobriety is the most important thing i know. what do we do about the stuff in our life we have no control of, people who keep hurting us, whether on purpose or not. What do I do when I know in my mind and heart that I need to get away from this person, but I dont seem to be able to at this point, mentally and physically. I have dreams of living by myself with my dogs happily, sober...but I dont' seem to be able to get off my butt and make things happen. Depression, anxiety, insecurity...how do we move from this and live. Leaving financial security when I do not even have employment right now. I have no place to live with my dogs other then here. Should I just do it, or do I concentrate on my sobriety and get stronger, will I get stronger ,or will I stay in this horrible rut. Every day I live with a husband who is distant and uncaring towards me. I have to deal with his ex wife who somehow found out bout my alcoholism and is tormenting me about it on the computer. I have so many issues of distrust and hurt from my husband, his daughter and his ex that I can never seem to get over. I would like advise on what I should do..take the leap and just go, and pray for th best that i stay above water or do I sit and plan,all the while hurting inside more and more...and how do i motivate my head and heart to get out of the mental rut I am in. I hope I am making some sense in what I am saying
Thanks for any remarks or thoughts on this.
Life can be so difficult at times to deal with, but I guess that is life and we are the only ones who can change it for ourselves.
I have a question, sobriety is the most important thing i know. what do we do about the stuff in our life we have no control of, people who keep hurting us, whether on purpose or not. What do I do when I know in my mind and heart that I need to get away from this person, but I dont seem to be able to at this point, mentally and physically. I have dreams of living by myself with my dogs happily, sober...but I dont' seem to be able to get off my butt and make things happen. Depression, anxiety, insecurity...how do we move from this and live. Leaving financial security when I do not even have employment right now. I have no place to live with my dogs other then here. Should I just do it, or do I concentrate on my sobriety and get stronger, will I get stronger ,or will I stay in this horrible rut. Every day I live with a husband who is distant and uncaring towards me. I have to deal with his ex wife who somehow found out bout my alcoholism and is tormenting me about it on the computer. I have so many issues of distrust and hurt from my husband, his daughter and his ex that I can never seem to get over. I would like advise on what I should do..take the leap and just go, and pray for th best that i stay above water or do I sit and plan,all the while hurting inside more and more...and how do i motivate my head and heart to get out of the mental rut I am in. I hope I am making some sense in what I am saying
Thanks for any remarks or thoughts on this.
I Can’t Stop
I just can't stop guys. I am in a pattern right now where I drink every other day. I am to the point where I can't imagine my nights without drinking. It's like I have nothing else to do. I like working out, but I drink instread. I like AA meetings but I don't go, I drink instead. I don't know what my problem is. I really don't. I swear, if I could go to a 90 rehab center I would go. I feel like the familiarity of my life influences me to drink.
I really have isolated myself. I used to be very active and have many freinds. Now I come home, eat dinner, and then start drinking. I don't even get hungover anymore. I'm drinking over a half of a fifth of strong liquor and smoking and I don't even feel bad the next day. Or, maybe I do feel bad, I'm just used to it. I need to stop. Check my old posts. I have been at good points with sobriety before but they were all short lived.
I have gone through custody battle with my ex regarding my son and I think the sadness may contribute as well. I just don't know where to start or how to stop.
WILL SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE... I love the forum and there are so many good people here that had to be where I am. I just can't stop drinking...
I really have isolated myself. I used to be very active and have many freinds. Now I come home, eat dinner, and then start drinking. I don't even get hungover anymore. I'm drinking over a half of a fifth of strong liquor and smoking and I don't even feel bad the next day. Or, maybe I do feel bad, I'm just used to it. I need to stop. Check my old posts. I have been at good points with sobriety before but they were all short lived.
I have gone through custody battle with my ex regarding my son and I think the sadness may contribute as well. I just don't know where to start or how to stop.
WILL SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE... I love the forum and there are so many good people here that had to be where I am. I just can't stop drinking...
