Archive for the ‘Stresses’ tag
new here - don’t know the ROOT of my disordered eating
Hi - I came on this site for a different reason, but once seeing this section, I had a question of my own I have never been able to answer myself regarding my ED.
I have issues with food - I overeat, I binge, starve, overexercise, purge in different ways...sometimes I'm fine for weeks or months...but the point is I have issues. I am not under or overweight I look 'normal'. I have always loved food, I used to sneak chocolates when I was 6 years old and enjoy so much foods from my native country where I grew up!
Everyone says there's a reason for this issue just as other addictions - something I am trying to ignore, or a hole I'm trying to fill - there was damage or trauma somewhere along my path to where I am. BUT I HAD AND HAVE A GREAT LIFE! It's not perfect (I did come on here for something that has recently happened that has me under a great deal of stress), but I have a great family (dysfunctional like any other, but loving and caring!) I have never been abused or neglected in any relationships.
Any stresses in my life are internal - I am innately an anxious person who worries a lot and is insecure (since I was a toddler). I'm an underachiever. I'm a bit lost in the world and haven't found my footing or purpose. But I know my self worth and I respect myself. Despite my feeling 'not good enough', I know that I'm ok in this world.
SO WHY do I have these issues? There is nothing that sticks out to me that I'm trying to sedate, or hide from or 'fill' with food. It reminds me of my chiropractor insisting that I was in some kind of accident because my back so screwed up and me insisting that if I had been I would have known about it!
Any insight, maybe a different way of looking at this would be so helpful!
Thank you!
Liv
I have issues with food - I overeat, I binge, starve, overexercise, purge in different ways...sometimes I'm fine for weeks or months...but the point is I have issues. I am not under or overweight I look 'normal'. I have always loved food, I used to sneak chocolates when I was 6 years old and enjoy so much foods from my native country where I grew up!
Everyone says there's a reason for this issue just as other addictions - something I am trying to ignore, or a hole I'm trying to fill - there was damage or trauma somewhere along my path to where I am. BUT I HAD AND HAVE A GREAT LIFE! It's not perfect (I did come on here for something that has recently happened that has me under a great deal of stress), but I have a great family (dysfunctional like any other, but loving and caring!) I have never been abused or neglected in any relationships.
Any stresses in my life are internal - I am innately an anxious person who worries a lot and is insecure (since I was a toddler). I'm an underachiever. I'm a bit lost in the world and haven't found my footing or purpose. But I know my self worth and I respect myself. Despite my feeling 'not good enough', I know that I'm ok in this world.
SO WHY do I have these issues? There is nothing that sticks out to me that I'm trying to sedate, or hide from or 'fill' with food. It reminds me of my chiropractor insisting that I was in some kind of accident because my back so screwed up and me insisting that if I had been I would have known about it!
Any insight, maybe a different way of looking at this would be so helpful!
Thank you!
Liv
Hopeful
I'm so glad I found this site and I'm hopeful that here I can finally find the support I need to regain control of my life. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for far too long now, I'm not in denial about that. But up until the last few months (and especially the last week and a half) it hasn't crippled my life. Depression, overwhelming stress, guilt & worry have led me to lean on my crutch more and more. I'm not ready cry on anyone's shoulder and tell my FULL story just yet but after reading some of your stories, I'm hoping that soon I'll feel comfortable enough to do so. But because writing is an outlet for my stress, I'm going to share part of my story...
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
JFT Sept. 6th - Regular Meeting Attendance
September 6
The NA program gives us a new pattern of living. One of the basic elements of that new pattern is regular meeting attendance. For the newcomer, living clean is a brand-new experience. All that once was familiar is changed. The old people, places, and things that served as props on the stage of our lives are gone. New stresses appear, no longer masked or deadened by drugs. ThatÂ’s why we often suggest that newcomers attend a meeting every day. No matter what comes up, no matter how crazy the day gets, we know that our daily meeting awaits us. There, we can renew contact with other recovering addicts, people who know what weÂ’re going through because theyÂ’ve been through it themselves. No day needs to go by without the relief we get only from such fellowship.
As we mature in recovery, we get the same kinds of benefits from regular meeting attendance. Regardless of how long weÂ’ve been clean, we never stop being addicts. True, we probably wonÂ’t immediately start using mass quantities of drugs if we miss our meetings for a few days. But the more regularly we attend NA meetings, the more we reinforce our identity as recovering addicts. And each meeting helps put us that much further from becoming using addicts again.
Just for today: I will make a commitment to include regular meeting attendance as a part of my new pattern of living.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Regular meeting attendance
“We have learned from our group experience that those who keep coming to our meetings regularly stay clean.”
Basic Text, p. 9
––––=––––
––––=––––
The NA program gives us a new pattern of living. One of the basic elements of that new pattern is regular meeting attendance. For the newcomer, living clean is a brand-new experience. All that once was familiar is changed. The old people, places, and things that served as props on the stage of our lives are gone. New stresses appear, no longer masked or deadened by drugs. ThatÂ’s why we often suggest that newcomers attend a meeting every day. No matter what comes up, no matter how crazy the day gets, we know that our daily meeting awaits us. There, we can renew contact with other recovering addicts, people who know what weÂ’re going through because theyÂ’ve been through it themselves. No day needs to go by without the relief we get only from such fellowship.
As we mature in recovery, we get the same kinds of benefits from regular meeting attendance. Regardless of how long weÂ’ve been clean, we never stop being addicts. True, we probably wonÂ’t immediately start using mass quantities of drugs if we miss our meetings for a few days. But the more regularly we attend NA meetings, the more we reinforce our identity as recovering addicts. And each meeting helps put us that much further from becoming using addicts again.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will make a commitment to include regular meeting attendance as a part of my new pattern of living.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
