Archive for the ‘Tool’ tag
update on ” a beer by mistake”
Hello---Well I said I felt very vulnerable to a relapse and that is what I did.I decided just to have a couple of drinks....so here I am.* Now, do not beat me up, but the real turning point for me, the real change in my thinking came with the obsession that I would have to change my date.* Alot of people did not feel that way, but alot did, as did my sponsor, although she would not have forced me to do so.* I just could not get past this, I wish I would have....I just feel like I lost what was for me a critical part of my recovery.* The "time" had kept me from drinking once before.* And, oh yes, I have heard that "time is not a tool"Anyway the drink itself (from my original post), the obsessing about it, the consequence of changing my date, the building resentments around all of this was enough, I guess....I started thinking about drinking and eventually did.Now here I am on day one, yuck!!* On one hand, I could beat myself, obsess, resent.....but that would lead to more drinking.** On the other hand, I can strive to move on, face this one day at a time, work a good program and strengthen the things that may have been lacking in my program.I think that is what I need to do...focus on today, I can move on,* the good thing is that I feel like my "non-drinking" life is stronger than my "drinking" life, if that makes sense.Thanks for listening---Chris
My fav quotes from SR that helped me detach
I feel like I have made great gains since finding this place. So much wisdom and experience. Many, many words I needed to hear and perspectives I needed to see. I saved some of the ones that hit hardest and thought I would share them. Maybe others will benefit from reading them too.
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What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
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For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
